Late-night News

I really should be asleep, but I wanted to post these stories that I read today before I forgot about them. I had a meeting that ran over and I had to proofread an article that will be published in a scientific journal in September, so work had to come first (I feel like I got something done, so yay!).

- For anyone in a wheelchair, take this as a warning that you can get a ticket for drinking and wheelchairing.

- With all apologies to Mr. Rogers: "Don't you be mine, please don't be mine, don't you be my neighbor. Don't you be, with crossbow aimed at me, please don't you be my neighbor." Seriously, don't shoot your neighbor over what kind of dog breed your neighbor has. It's not worth the jail time (and it forces me to make musical messes to describe it).

- Yesterday, they were closing the gates of Hell. Today, God is selling cocaine near a church. When God has to turn to drug dealing, we are all screwed!

- And Dino, I'm sorry but I've got to steal another line from "Pennies from Heaven."
You'll find your arestees falling
all over jail
Be sure that your dumb inmates
receive no bail

- Forget Cops, I want to be on this 70-year-old-woman's crew as she followed a criminal who tried to rob her and made sure he got arrested. You go, girl!

- I wonder if the criminals in Britain are all this stupid? This brain-damaged specimen is caught, on camera stealing (what I believe is) a GPS system from a bait car, six weeks after getting out of jail for the same exact thing. I don't know who was worse, this guy or the one who stole a necklace and tried it on in front of the camera.

Now moving on to celebrity news and other non-criminal behavior pieces.

- Someone needs to tell Christie Brinkley that continually dredging up your husband's affair wins you no fans. I know he cheated on you, but to make the other woman come to court and to constantly flout it to the press doesn't make people want to support your side. It just makes you seem bitter.

- I'm happy that the Velvet Teddy Bear is getting married. I hope for all the best for him and his new bride.

- Paris wants everyone to believe that she didn't try to get a dog just for a photo shoot. Yeah, right. Whatever.

- Poor Heather Locklear has checked into a psycological treatment center. And unlike Kirsten Dunst, who allegedly checked into rehab for depression, this is actually plausible. I hope she gets better soon.

- To counter the dangerous underwear story, we have a tale of a woman's sports bra saving her from being stranded in the German Alps.

- Rounding out this late-night snack of a post is news about Anne Hathaway's ex getting his bail set at $21 million for bilking numerous investors out of money. Apparently, she Got Smart enough to leave before the damn on this blundering fool broke.