A lot of these are rather dirty (nasty, really) and I think some can quibble with the last one, but I think my favorite of this bunch is the "Hag Recruiting" one with "Glass Slipper" being a close second [some can say I chose the "intellectual" type, but I don't act ignorant around him].
He'll Give Me a Glass Slipper. I'll Think It's a Hat. We'll Laugh and Laugh
Black girl #1: I wanna date a white boy. One that looks like a skater.
Black girl #2: No, not me. I want an intellectual, so I could act all ignorant around him and he'd still love me.
--158th & St Nicks
Overheard by: jay r.
via Overheard in New York, Jun 23, 2008
Love Is Nothing Fancy, Sweetie
Girlfriend: And ya know what? Just fuck you, okay? If that's what you think, fuck you!
(Boyfriend sneezes)
Girlfriend: Bless you.
Boyfriend: Thank you.
Girlfriend: Awwwww... that's the nicest conversation we've ever had!
--Central Park
via Overheard in New York, Jun 23, 2008
When My Fingers Have That Problem You Call It a Crime
Teen girl on cell: Yeah, I have a problem keeping my fingers out of my vagina.
Guy friend (to her back): Wow. You have never been hotter.
--Madison Square Garden
via Overheard in New York, Jun 23, 2008
Martin Luther: Really?
Loud teenage guidette: He doesn't date!
Ugly teenage guidette: Yeah, he's gay or something. I heard---yeah.
Loud teenage guidette: No, no, he's protestant---like religious. They worship this Chinese guy...
Ugly teenage guidette: Oh, I heard about that! They don't date?
Loud teenage guidette: They don't date white people.
--Starbucks
via Overheard in New York, Jun 23, 2008
But It Was Her Deathbed Request!
College student #1: Yeah, I pissed on her, but she was old.
College student #2: It doesn't matter! You fuckin' pissed on a girl!
College student #1: But she was old!
College student #2: Old... young... It doesn't matter! You pissed on a bitch!
--Canal St & Church St
Overheard by: Kenny Gay
via Overheard in New York, Jun 23, 2008
And Thus, the Backwards Cowgirl Was Born
Girl: What do you want me to do? I can do anything, that's why I get acting jobs.
Boy: I can't think of anything.
Girl: I can do anything; I can do anything you want me to do and I can do it well.
--69th St
Headline by: Moon
Runners-Up:
· "And Yet, You're Not on Your Knees..." - Katie Darling
· "Before You Pick Up the Hooker, Have a Plan" - CV
· "Kim Possible Breaks Out the Dirty Talk" - john
· "Like Getting Me a Drink Menu?" - phox
· "Looks Like I Just Might Finally Get My Roof Fixed" - engsci
· "Portrait Of the Densest Boy on Earth" - samson
· "Sally's Gaydar Works Again!" - Sara Irene
· "Save It for the Next Election, Hillary" - NR
· "What Does a Girl Have to Do to Become a Fag Hag Around Here?" - rudy valahan
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
via Overheard in New York, Jun 23, 2008
How Children Learn to Stop Giving Warnings
Small child: I'm going to bite you, mom!
Mom: No, wait till we get off the train.
--1 Train
via Overheard in New York, Jun 23, 2008
After Experimenting, Goldilocks Finds a Religion That's Just Right
Guy #1: Y'know, I really just need to get it through her head that there's nothing wrong with waking up naked in a Jewish synagogue.
Guy #2: Yeah... I feel that, man.
Guy #1: I mean, now that it's happened more than once, she really needs to realize that it's okay.
--NYU Gallatin Elevator
via Overheard in New York, Jun 23, 2008
So Many Possible "Jam" and "Spread" Jokes--The Mind Reels
JAP #1: I hate boys who won't kiss you after you go down on them.
JAP #2: Yeah, I know. But I don't kiss boys after they go down on me.
JAP #1: That's awful! If he can handle it, you should too.
JAP #2: But it's so bitter! I'm just saying: if they sold a jam the flavor of my vagina, I would not buy it.
--27th & 5th
via Overheard in New York, Jun 22, 2008
Hag Recruiting Starts With an Attack on the Candidate's Self-Esteem
Flamboyant NYU guy: Oh my gosh! I haven't seen you in so long!
Ditzy NYU girl: I know, right? Oh my god!
Flamboyant NYU guy: This is, like, so weird! I was just thinking about you!
Ditzy NYU girl: Aw, cute! When?
Flamboyant NYU guy: I was all alone at home on Friday night and feeling really depressed and then I realized you probably didn't have any plans either! That made me feel better!
Ditzy NYU girl: Hah... Wait, what?
--W. 4th & Greene St
Overheard by: jon
via Overheard in New York, Jun 22, 2008
According to the Best-Seller How to Be Fat and Live in New York
Skinny girl: I may see if she can drive me to Target later.
Friend: She has a car?
Skinny girl: Yeah, it's the only way to be fat and live in New York.
--Williamsburg
via Overheard in New York, Jun 22, 2008
2 comments:
New Yorkers are messed up...
:)
I know, right? But I love them anyway.
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