"I'm Victory-Challenged!"

That lovely line was from today's SinFest webcomic. I have a lot of days when I feel like a loser, but now I have a new term for it and I'm excited.

I'm going to soldier on with the rest of my interesting/random articles and try not to be too uninteresting (:-P), so let's get started.

- A burglar was thwarted by a worker with a cell phone that he pretended was a gun. The robber was trying to steal a dirt bike and the worker sat on him until help arrived. When asked what kind of weapon it was he said "Oh, it's just a cell phone", and the worker laughed, and the firemen laughed, and the burglar died a little inside (line courtesy of Family Guy).

- Do bank robbers not drive anymore? This guy was caught after hailing a cab after a bank heist. He had gotten a bag of cash with a dye pack which, of course, exploded and got on his clothes. Someone noticed that he got a cab after dropping the dough, and they tracked him to his house. Wow.

- This is proof that criminals do not watch Cops after all: A man borrowed someone's car to buy crack, and then stole the car. He promised to come back and split the crack with the car owner, so naturally she called the cops when the car wasn't returned. This was covered on an episode of Cops; everyone goes to jail in these scenarios. This is why drugs are bad: They make you stupid.

- Whoops! NYC cops tackle the wrong guy in a chase. The super was chasing a criminal who called out to the cops that someone was trying to kill him. The super got tackled (in pjs, no less) and the criminal almost got away.

- When you're leaving jail and you are offered clothes, take them. Don't assume that they are stolen (really?) and opt to go naked instead. You'll just end up right back where you began; in jail. Dumbass.

- I'll admit that I've had heated arguments in the car before, but nothing that would drive me to jump out of a moving car just to get away from the fight.

- You deserve jail time if you are caught speeding 22 times in 45 days. There's no reason to think that the cameras won't catch your stupid behind constantly speeding (topping out at 92 mph), so why the rush?

- Drew Carey was feemin' for some pizza from home, but I think having 45 pizzas shipped from Parma to L.A. is a bit much. Antionio's is good, but not that good.

- Some kid golfers got a little sex ed with their lunch when a group of strippers showed up to the clubhouse. The timing was bad, and some of the kids had uncomfortable questions for their parents, but nobody went completely naked in front of the tots.

- On a more serious topic, the NBC show "To Catch A Predator" settled with a woman who claimed that the show caused her brother to kill himself. The decedent was the Dallas prosecutor who had police show up to his house because he failed to show up to the sting. Considering that most of the cases that the show covered have been in limbo or thrown out, I know they were happy to settle this one and move on.

- I'm going to close this one out with a comic from the strip Curtis, acknowledging the groundbreaking work that both Obama and Hilliary did this election year. I have actually met the artist, so I might get around to telling that story (but I want to send him another e-mail to let him know what I've been up to lately).

My head is getting a little foggy, so I'm glad to be done for today. Stay hydrated in the heat, everyone.