Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Today's News and Quotes

Today's news encompasses dumb criminals, lucky people and animals, and some random quotes from my favorite quote site. The things that people are willing to do these days....

- An idiot criminal broke into an apartment in Brooklyn came back to the scene of the crime because he left his wallet behind and it just so happened that the apartment's occupant returned as the guy was trying to break back in for his property. The police picked him up as he was shoving the stolen money under the door in exchange for his wallet. Dumbass.

- Apparently, some people haven't gotten the memo that joking in the airport about having a weapon in your suitcase can get you in a ton of trouble. The German man and his wife were refused entry on the plane even after it was discovered that the mysterious cylinders were from umbrellas.

- How did he pull this off? Some guy in Brisbane robbed a service station (successfully, I might add) with a florecent light bulb. Did he come up with this with a cartoon thought bubble over his head, taking the bulb out and committing the robbery with it? Unbelievable that he actually got away with it.

- This one I'm actually on the fence about. A man in New Jersey was arrested for having a display of porn, a naked Barbie doll, and a thong on a platter in his car in a rest area. The reason I'm not 100% against the criminal is because I don't freak out that children will see this stuff. He claims that he was in the process of moving, but because it looked like he had this stuff on display, he was kind of asking to get in trouble. It's one thing to have it in your car and you forgot to cover up a video, but it's another thing to have a virtual shrine to porn in there. Why are they looking in his car anyway? Mind your own business.

- A woman who planted a dead rat in some restaurant and tried to extort the place for $500,000 is facing one felony count of extortion. It was discovered that the rat was 1) a lab animal and 2) had been microwaved (the restaurant in question didn't use microwaves in their cooking process).

- A woman smacked her boyfriend with a toilet seat because he wouldn't stop using drugs. They're both in trouble, but I hazard a guess that she is not in near as much trouble as her cocaine smoking beau.

- A 77-year-old grandmother pinned down a fox that attacked her and held it down until help arrived. She's recovering from her injuries, but I just thought it was really cool that she stood her ground with the rabid animal. My grandmother would've been 77 in February, and I could've seen her doing this.

- Talk about lucky: A koala was hit by a car and carried for seven miles in the grille and managed to survive. That's one tough koala.

To finish this out, I'm including some Overheard in New York quotes that either had great titles, or were ones I could really relate to (it'll make sense in the end, I promise).

New York Is Like a Performance Art Installation That Never Closes
Crazy guy eating in deli: You know, 200 years ago, people wouldn't be able to get anything they wanted from this place... They'd have to go hunt for food.
Clerk, pretending to be amused: Oh, really?
Crazy guy eating in deli (really excited): And you know what?! There used to be cats screaming all night long until the Chinese food places came around (laughs to himself) but not anymore!

--27th & 6th

Overheard by: Karl
via Overheard in New York, Jul 15, 2008
Wasn't She the Deaf and Blind Girl with the Miracle Worker?
Little boy to mother: Mom, have you ever heard of Anne Frank?
Little boy: You know, she was this holocaust victim who lived in an attic and wrote this diary?
Mother: I mean, I've read about the holocaust, but I don't know any specific authors.

--Smith & Sackett, Carroll Gardens

Overheard by: David
via Overheard in New York, Jul 15, 2008
Army Recruiter: We've Got Your Dream Job

Male student #1: It's not easy.
Male student #2: Nothing is easy. (pause) Some things are simple.
Male student #1: Oh, sure.
Male student #2: But nothing is easy. (pause) I have no idea where I'm going.

--NYU Campus

Overheard by: zelda

via Overheard in New York, Jul 15, 2008
It's a Vicious Cycle
Hipster guy: I am always so embittered.
Hipster girl: I know, and I hate it.

--13th & 2nd

Overheard by: Slammy
via Overheard in New York, Jul 14, 2008
I Tried Them Once, But I Kept Getting Stuck to the Fridge
Not-so-chubby girl: Dude, I'm so fat.
Ordinary girl: No you're not. You just got a little belly.
Not-so-chubby girl: Yeah...I wish I had fat magnets so I could put them in my bra. It would suck up all my fat and make me go up a cup size.
Ordinary girl: Wow. And I always thought plastic surgery was the only option.

via Overheard in New York, Jul 14, 2008

I can relate best to the third and fourth ones because I seem to hate everything lately (and I can't stand it anymore), and I have had those spacey conversations where you have no idea what you're trying to say and really need someone to help you stop.

I've got a special post coming up later about a philosophy I came up with last year that really needs to be spread. Later, gators.

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