News All Over The Place

Before I begin with a complaint about today's news (it feels like I've been complaining about it lately), I just had my doctor's visit today and everything seems to be doing well. The baby's heart-rate is at a strong 130, and while I haven't gained any weight in two weeks, my measurements seem okay, but I'm having a third ultrasound to check for the baby's size. Apparently, growth size is a problem for children of asthmatic mothers (and the bad air is the reason why I spent the weekend feeling like crap). It's hard to be excited about this experience when I just feel overwhelmed and sad all the time. And the baby shower e-vite has netted a better response than expected (so far I have two no's for people who are or will be out of state, and two maybes) because I expected to either not hear from anybody or get all no's. There's no good way to write a plural of no without it being wrong, so I'm stuck using the apostrophe.

Today's stories go all over the place. There are some dumb criminals, interesting celebrity stories, and some head-scratcher stories.

And may I suggest a song to get you into a better mood? It's "Last Time" by Gnarls Barkley from their St. Elsewhere album. It is one of those songs that I have to get up and dance to every time I hear it. Which is a problem when you work in the land of cubicles where the walls don't go all the way up to hide what you're doing, but the baby likes it and it makes me feel a lot better while it's on, so I say give it a shot.

Anyway, on with the news.

- Some criminals just can't catch a break! A Los Angeles burglar ran into a mess of trouble while trying to get away from the cops. He was jumping fences and was prevented by a dog to go any further, another dog chased him, and then he smacked his face into the edge of a roof. Man, it sucks to be you (ha ha!). This article has video, so enjoy the bonus.

- Another hapless criminal got what was coming to him when he robbed a pizza place and got knocked the hell out by a 17-year-old employee. Sometimes its not smart to smack angry people, or they will free the beast all over you.

- What a way to start your first day on the job: A police officer, fresh out of the academy and on his first day on the job, had his squad car wrecked within the first 29 minutes on the job. A drug head hit his car, and the poor guy was heartbroken. It would be funny if it weren't so sad.

- This one will get away, but that's alright: A bear broke into an electronics store, but was scared away when he set off an alarm in a nearby restaurant. This sounds like it should be the start of a joke, but I'm tapped out at the moment.

- I sometimes wonder if anyone checks before they send bills: A dog got a $142 phone bill from Verizon Wireless because he had the same name as a customer on the other side of the country. Just because the dog has a credit card (seriously) doesn't mean he also has a cell phone. Now about that American Express....

- From the gross files comes this tale of rats the size of softballs (eww) invading homes in Florida from the yard of an abandoned house. I don't even want to imagine seeing something like that. At all.

- A man who refuses sewage service may be facing jail time. He doesn't want to receive any public utilities and is willing to go to court over being forced to tap into the sewage system. Whatever floats your boat, gramps.

- In the spirit of the traveling gnome, a woman's ceramic dog has been returned with photos from his trip. She thought the dog "was lost and gone forever" (sorry Clementine), but someone decided that it needed a trip because the weather in Oregon was too rainy. I wish someone would take me on a trip.

- My celebrities will get combined because I feel like it (I guess). Have you seen Helen Mirren lately? I mean look at that body! I try not to think about how she's never had children, but I was never going to have a body like that even if I never became a mother. Besides, missing out on motherhood is her loss. Now if I can get myself to buy that, we'd be set. But in sad news, Natalie Cole has been diagnosed with Hepatitis C. I really wish her the best as this disease most likely was the result of her earlier years of drug abuse.

That's it for today. Tomorrow's my eighth wedding anniversary, but I'll probably post something during my usual time (@ work, of course). Since I seem to be an unwitting member of the church of Murphy, the gift I ordered online won't get here until Friday and I won't be able to find that damn book he said he wanted when I go to the mall today. Oh well, have a good one everybody.