Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Delayed, but Still News-worthy-ish

Sorry I've been gone for so long. After my anniversary, I got a call from one of my sisters asking for a place to stay for a couple of days for orientation. I immediately said "yes" so that I could force my husband's hand and make him actually help me clean the house (it looks better, but we can still do more). I have six other siblings (I am the 2nd eldest, and the oldest girl) and we haven't had that many of us graduate high school. My older brother (the one my dad thinks is retarded) graduated on time and had to fight to get out of LD classes (that my second step-mother had him enrolled in) to take his Proficiency test (which he passed!). I was the second one to graduate with a pretty good (3.5) average from a competitive private school. Three of my siblings ended up dropping out of school, and the two boys got GEDs while the girl spent 10 years going to "internet school" and only managed to graduate by having everyone else help her with her online finals. 6of7 (because a Borg name seems to be the mood I'm in today) is the first sibling to graduate high school since me (and that was 12 years ago), and she is going to be attending Ohio State with me (of all people). We ended up talking all night when she came to our place and just as I was getting ready to go to bed, the power went out in a thunderstorm (and I stayed relatively calm because I wasn't by myself in the house).

Other than finding out that this sister and I have a lot more in common than we knew (and we both agree that my father, now to be called Daddy Douchebag [thanks, sis!] has been going around trying to start trouble), I've been trying to not freak out that I'm going to have the baby early.

Now that I've (sort of) updated on why I haven't really posted anything, let's get on with the news.

- The police in Washington were able to find a couple of knuckleheaded robbers as they were found asleep on the stolen loot. There was even a "breadcrumb trail" of stolen bags and pillows leading to their sleep spot. I think it goes without saying that alcohol was involved (but they say it anyway). At least there are pictures!

- To steal a line from Animal House: "Being 13, in love, and stupid is no way to go through life, girl." This child ran away from home with her boyfriend and, after being arrested stole the police van as the driver had to stop for directions. This is one 13-year-old who won't be remanded to her parents.

- An example of how a small thing can become huge: A man stripped to his underwear and took off running from the police after a routine traffic stop. He was spotted later in the day with clothing on, but he finally gave himself up when he tried to swim away and got tired. You're license was suspended (and you had misdemeanor drug charges), and now you may have felony alluding charges. Moron.

- These guys deserve jail: Two men have been sentenced after setting a passed-out friend's crotch on fire as a prank. I'm pretty sure second degree burns on testicles is absolutely hilarious. This is why there should be an IQ test to be allowed to drink.

- A Connecticut woman, recently fired, tried to get her boss' electricity cut off by using a friend's computer to set it up. The plan failed when the boss was called to confirm that he wanted his electricity off. Maybe there was a reason you got fired...

- This just sounds like something from a Cheech and Chong movie, doesn't it? A man was arrested for smoking pot in an ice cream truck. He claimed he was off-duty and waiting to pick his kids up from daycare. Along with the pot, he had also been drinking (no!) and was promptly arrested.

- An Indiana pastor broke his wrist when his motorcycle got away from him during service. I don't know what he was trying to convey with the motorcycle, but I'll bet he won't be doing that again.

- And just for fun, here's a link to a McDonald's contest finalist who spent 12 years in jail for robbing a McDonald's and is now trying to win their new Big Mac jingle. Also, a "mystic normalator" might be just what I need (with the same results as Agnes).

That's it for today. Since I'm going to be at work for awhile longer, I'll actually get something done (for once). Peace! I'm out!


David Dust said...

I'm so glad you got to hang with your sister. She sounds ALMOST as cool as you.

Having your balls on fire doesn't sound like fun. I peed on an electric fence when I was a kid - I wonder if the pain is similar.

Did I just overshare?...


SailorAlphaCentauri said...

Oh Holy Hell, that's funny! The next time I run into a guy who's done something that results in fire-crotchdom, I'll let you know.

For being a kid that I barely knew, I'm surprised to see we are so much alike.