Highlights of "Overheard"

Since I just realized I'm much farther behind on my work that I thought, I'm going to try to cut back on the amount of time I spend doing non-work things at work. These were the Overheard in New York postings that I found hilarious and will post for your amusement.

Today It's a Lolly. Tomorrow It's a BMW

(waiting in line)
Four-year-old kid: Mommy, I really want a lollipop!
Mom: Uhuh, move up here honey.
Kid: Mom! Just give in, I want a lollipop, okay?
(mother ignores him)
Kid: Just give in, it's okay, I want one. It's okay to give in, mom.
(pause)
Kid: Mom, this isn't going to work for me! I want a lollipop!
Random guy in line: Resist!

--Associated Supermarkets, Bleecker & LaGuardia

Overheard by: CaitlinisNewHere

via Overheard in New York, Jul 28, 2008
See How Easy It Is Finding Someone to Tell You What to Do?

Ditzy blonde: I know you'll think this is stupid, but I was thinking of going to a life coach. A life coach or a really good psychic.
Brunette friend: You know what? I do think it's stupid. Here, I'll be your life coach: Fuck psychics, and go get a job. Oh, and don't get fired this time. You're fixed now.

--Metro North-Harlem

via Overheard in New York, Jul 28, 2008
Every Artist Has His Own Medium
Drunk black guy #1: That's when I started cooking with weed. The Jamaicans told me you can cook with it.
Drunk black guy #2: Yeah?
Drunk black guy #1: I made chicken soup with that shit. I had soupy chicken weed. I was high as fuck.
Drunk black guy #2: Yeah?
Drunk black woman: You ever had weed fishcakes? Weed fishcakes. I make that shit.
Drunk black guy #2: Fishcakes?
Drunk black woman: And pork fried weed.
Drunk black guy #1: I want to come to your parties. You creative.

--4 Train

Overheard by: Unrelenting Monkey
via Overheard in New York, Jul 28, 2008
Bear in Mind, I've Seen That Video Of You and the Other Girl
Mom: We should call up doctor Katz* so he can check you up, figure out your measurements and percentiles.
Kid: I like it when I pee in the cup!
Mom: Oh, do you?
Kid (as they exit the train): Yeah. Do you like the cup mommy? Do you? Do you?

--1 Train

Overheard by: RG
via Overheard in New York, Jul 27, 2008
I've Moonwalked on Water
Driver: So if I had to choose an age to die, I'd choose 24.
Van mate: Oh, you'd one-up Jesus.
Driver: Man, I've been one-upping Jesus my whole life. That's all I do.

--West Side Highway
via Overheard in New York, Jul 28, 2008
You Let Me Smoke Your Weed and I Let You Stare at My Boobs?
Girl: When I found out he was all about sex, the crush was all over.
Dude: Oh, come on. I'm sure he's more mature now.
Girl: Why are you trying to pawn me off on all these guys? I mean, come on, sex is not cool.
Dude: Why are we friends?

--Cafe Esperanto
via Overheard in New York, Jul 28, 2008
Now You Have to Schlep Out to Queens for That Sort of Entertainment
Chick: So what are the most dangerous places in New York these days?
Dude #1: I don't know. Hell's Kitchen used to be the worst.
Dude #2: What about Harlem?
Dude #1: I guess Harlem's still bad, but it's not like it used to be where everybody would be waiting around to stab lost white people.


--1 Train

Overheard by: Alex Remnick
via Overheard in New York, Jul 27, 2008
And Then We'd Have a Reason to Drink
Hipster dude: Hey, wanna know the best way to not get carded at restaurants?
Hipster chick: Offer blowjobs?
Hipster dude: Naw, we could kidnap a kid, train it to call us mommy and daddy, and bring it with us everywhere when we wanna drink.

--7th & Bleecker
via Overheard in New York, Jul 27, 2008
I'm Just Gonna Pop Out for a Cigarette

Long Island lady #1: Okay. I get what he's doing now. I'm moving on to the landscapes. Join me when you're done.
Long Island lady #2 (still entranced): Um. Yes. Yes, I'm done too.

--Nude Room, Gustave Courbet Exhibit, Metropolitan Museum of Art

Overheard by: Colleen

via Overheard in New York, Jul 28, 2008
And I've Completely Committed to the Role

ER doctor to bloody man with legs strapped to gurney: So, what's going on here?
Patient: I'm a drunk.

--Bellevue Emergency Treatment Room

Overheard by: judith currin

via Overheard in New York, Jul 28, 2008