Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Quick! 30cc of News, Stat!

I'm going to try to do this as quickly as possible because I want to eventually go home, but here is another post of quirky news stories. Before I begin, I wanted to mention my husband's dilemma with the church council meeting. We have been without a pastor for more than a year and while we have a good substitute, we are on the search for someone to be a more permanent replacement. He's on the committee and he thinks they may have found the right pastor for the church (it's a baptist church that is involved with the university and has done so for more than 100 years) but their dilemma is that he may possibly be gay and if they take him, it will get the church disfellowshipped (thrown out of their organization) and put funding in jeopardy). This man has done a lot of outreach with youth and could possibly be the right person to get us more involved with the university community and bring more growth to our church, but the committee is worried because it could be a huge gamble that could cause a rift in the church...but he may be worth it. Since I can't really know anything about the process and I know more than I should, they're going to pray about it and hope that God will tell them if this is the way they should go.

Anyway, here's the news.

- A nude intruder fell for a police trap as he was flushed out of a swimming pool and ended up in a bed of nettles. The cops found him by following the screams (ouch!).

- Proving that there's no honor among thieves, a man who stole a truck was carjacked while sitting outside of a convenience store. When the truck ran out of gas, the carjacker demanded that the thief get out of the truck and push. Needless to say, the thief took off and called the police(!) who caught the carjacker after a chase and a crash.

- From the WTF files, a woman who had just gotten busted in Britain for ripping off the tax system for over 900 grand in child tax credits claimed that a voodoo curse had made her do it and that this very same curse caused one of her children's fingers to fall off and she presented the fingers to the court as proof. Yikes.

- A turtle led to the discovery of a pot field in a forest. This turtle has been followed for a few years and when the researcher went out to look for him, she discovered the pot plants. Man, if you can't trust a turtle, who can you trust?

- In a two-for-one, here are two tales of how not to use 911. The first is the guy who called 911 because Subway forgot to put sauce on his sandwich and the follow up was that a man called to say that a slot machine stole his money. Both of this lugnuts are in Florida (what is going on down there?) and both have been arrested.

And now for the random rest:

- They have now gotten into the business of cloning dogs in South Korea. The first person to benefit from this is some loony American woman who thinks that the clones of her dog will be great service pets, even though "clone" does not mean that they will do the exact same things as her original dog did (who probably did it because of years of loving her and not some DNA programming thing).

- A farmer, annoyed by his neighbors who seem to act as if they didn't just buy homes next a farm, erected a three-car fence in his yard. His neighbors said they loved viewing his fields and animals but hated the flies and mosquitoes, they bitched when he was baling his fields because they didn't like the dust, and when he offered to split the cost of a fence they declined because they liked looking at his farm. He just wanted to remind them that they are living in a farm community. They need to STFU and deal with it.

- Policewomen in Germany will be getting bullet-proof bras which isn't as crazy as it sounds when you consider the damage that could be inflicted by underwire.

- And, last but not least, I really hope Morgan Freeman will be alright after his car accident.

After this past weekend, I have found a Pearls Before Swine comic that I can really relate to, as I would sometimes like a refund for calls I didn't enjoy.

Well, let's hope that my husband's committee get the answers they need. I'm out.


David Dust said...

The pastor "may possibly be gay"? How did they come to this conclusion? Is he just really queeny? Did someone spot him at the local gay bar?

If he is the right person for the job, they should offer him the job.

I don't see how your church can be thrown out if they hire a paster who "might" be gay - especially if he is qualified.

I am curious to see how this plays out...


SailorAlphaCentauri said...

Well, the committee suspects that he's homosexual because he's unmarried, has no children, and is requesting housing for two. Also, he's written quite a few papers on Latino Queer Theology...so there's some speculation that he might be gay.

Unfortunately, we have seen churches disfellowshipped for just saying that they are "welcoming and affirming" to gays, which is why our church has never officially said that we are welcoming and affirming, but we won't throw anyone out if we find out they are gay. These church groups are really irritating that way.

My husband has said that if this is the right person for our church, he will fight to get him, so I'm also on the edge of my seat on that one as well.

David Dust said...

Yeah, I would imagine if he's knowledgeable about Latino Queer Theology, then he's a big 'ole queen.

This is why I don't "do" religion - it is so inherently homophobic. What ever happened to "do unto others"?

I hope that big, queer, shacking-up, homosextical SINNER gets the job! (with no negative reprocussions to your congregation, of course). Honey, there's nothing like a Papi to stir things up!!!


P.S. - FYI: When you use the term "homosexual", it makes us sound like a disease (besides, that term is SO 1979). I prefer "perverted cornholer" myself...

Or maybe "filthy swordswallower"? But then again, "Rectum Ranger" has a certain je ne sais quoi.


SailorAlphaCentauri said...

Considering that "cornholing" has become a popular pastime for college students around here (it's the dumbest name for beanbag toss out there because that's not what Ithink when I hear "cornholing"), your choice of phraseology is duly noted.

Besides, I think I slipped into academic mode when I used the term homosexual. I took a class in January where we covered black studies, white studies, women's studies, queer theory, pacific islander studies, and disability studies...and we tended to be very technical when we talked about everything.

David Dust said...

So - does that mean we've settled on "Rectum Rangers"?...

SailorAlphaCentauri said...

That'll work for me (lol)!