Thursday, August 7, 2008

"Overheard" Gems

I found quite a few OiNY quotes today that cracked me up. I wish I had known the second one when everyone was trying to "save" me as a college freshman, but I wasn't ready to be quite that nasty at the time. Remember, the language can get dicey at times...and I even got in some "water sports" quotes, so this is going to be interesting. Have fun.

When I'm Still Too Hungover to Care About the Customers

Foreign guy: And listen, this coffee, it's for my friend. And he doesn't want it black, but he doesn't want too much milk in it. Can you handle that, my friend?
Cashier: We don't put milk in your coffee, sir.
Foreign guy: What? My friend needs milk!
Cashier: You put the milk in yourself, sir. It's right over there.
Foreign guy: He also wants Equal. No sugar. My friend, my friend, do you think you can handle that?
Cashier: The sugar is right over there.
Foreign guy: I need a cup for this milk and sugar because I don't know how much my friend wants.
Cashier: I have to start working the morning shift.

--Starbucks, 40th & Lexington

Overheard by: clp

via Overheard in New York, Aug 7, 2008
None of My Relationships Are Any of Your Business

Man reciting gospel on a train: And you, sir, have you accepted Jesus into your life?
Passenger: A long time ago, baby. Now fuck off.

--1 Train

via Overheard in New York, Aug 7, 2008
I Participated in the Cosmetics Counter Sit-Ins at Greensboro
Old woman: Did you happen to notice if the dancers were wearing nail polish?
Teen girl: No. I'm sorry, I didn't.
Old woman: I imagine an art form such as this stifles the dancers' individual expression. I know some days I feel watermelon pink... and no one can stop me!

--Front Row, NYC Ballet, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Gina Sophia
via Overheard in New York, Aug 7, 2008
Wait!....Can I Have Your Broken Shoe?
Crazy bag lady in Burger King crown: Oh look, you broke your shoe, and you're pregnant.
Hugely pregnant woman: Yes.
Crazy bag lady in Burger King crown: Well bitch, just go to the ATM, get $20, and get a new pair of shoes. White folks got all the money.
Hugely pregnant woman: (silence)
Crazy bag lady in Burger King crown: You know what? God broke your shoe. He broke it cause you hate black people.
Hugely pregnant woman: Umm, this is my stop.

--2 Train

Overheard by: courtney
via Overheard in New York, Aug 7, 2008
I Could Fetch Better Than That Any Day of the Week
Hipster girl (after playing with a stranger's dog and its tennis ball): Bye, dog! Awww.
Hipster dude in fedora: Pfft. Dog thinks it's so fucking smart.

--Atlantic & Smith, Brooklyn
via Overheard in New York, Aug 7, 2008
Wednesday One-Liners Want You to Know About the Size of Their Bank Accounts
Yuppie on cell (trying to be discreet): Hey mom. Are you busy? Could you Google Maps me? I'm on Houston and West Broadway. Yeah, I didn't want to ask anyone for directions and make a fool of myself. Although I'm pretty sure I just did, because half of this coffee shop is looking at me now.

--W Houston

Overheard by: Let's face it, we were all new at one point.

40-something yuppie woman: And then I realized that my biggest problem in life is that most of the time I'm incredibly happy, but I'm not aware of how happy I am.

--81st & Madison

Yuppie dad to seven-year-old daughter: Now when you start buying iPods, that's when you're going to want to have a Visa card.

--Stanton & Christie

Overheard by: Ross

Three-year-old yuppie spawn: Noooooooooooo! I don't want Pad Thai! I want sushi!

--Dice Thai, Prospect Park

Overheard by: I'll take sushi too but you're payin', kid

via Overheard in New York, Aug 6, 2008
Mellow Yellow Wednesday One-Liners
Latina: I don't care what a guy says, I'm not gonna let him piss on me.

--Vesey Street & Broadway

Overheard by: Sam

Giggling four-year-old boy: Yeah, and there was a sign and it said, "Caution: someone peed here!"

--Waverly & W 11th

Bimbo: And he was like, "Sarah, you pissed the bed" and I was like, "Whaaaaat?" and he was like, "Sarah, get up, you pissed the fucking bed!"

--Theater District

Overheard by: Paul

Girl on cell: Alright, fine, but if you pee on me again, we're done!

--C Train

Overheard by: Laura

Guy, in disbelief: You mean you've never been pissed on before?!

--14th & Broadway

Overheard by: Josh

Girl: Would it be considered indecent exposure if I peed in the sink?

--Lyceum Theatre

Girl to friend: Her?! She totally splashes her urine.

--34th & 8th

Overheard by: Ellen

via Overheard in New York, Aug 6, 2008

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