News, Glorious News!

I'm doing this entry while on hold with the financial aid office. My hope is that I'll get through before they close their office at 4 (it's 3:47 now) so that I can get some answers to why I was sent two sets of paperwork. I have to get confirmation that I don't need to send in the paperwork from the first set because this university is known for its idiotic red tape...

Update: I got through and only one of the forms was absolutely necessary, but I was able to get my questions answered quickly (3:52) and before the office closed for the day.

Anyway, today's news has some stupid criminals, interesting animal stories, and even Paris Hilton made the page today. Let's get this rolling, shall we?

- A woman in Florida was arrested for assaulting her husband with a frozen lasagna meal. Unfortunately, he apparently had an outstanding warrant and was also hauled off to the clink, but after having dropped a frozen brick of lasagna on my foot, she deserved to go to jail.

- Some jewel thieves were thwarted in their getaway when bystanders noticed their still-running car and turned it off and took the keys out to prevent them from driving away. They even put barriers around the car in case they had a spare set of keys. Needless to say, all three criminals were caught. Way to go, bystanders!

- I've had bad experiences at McDonalds and almost beat the crap out of a counter girl, but even I have shown better restraint than the guy who tore the shirt off of the drive-thru employee in a brawl because he believed his order was wrong and/or the wrong price (he argued both points with the guy). This guy got jailed because he was the aggressor, even though he claimed the employee struck first. Don't mess with fast food workers; they usually don't have anything to lose.

- And speaking of more people with anger-management issues, a 30-year-old landlord plowed a Hummer through a home because the tenants were late on their rent. Not exactly the best way to handle the situation...it's time to take a time-out and calm way the hell down before you blow a gasket.

- Some 25-year-old moron was clocked going 80 mph and blamed his speed and his drifting (he drove on the wrong side of the road) on text messaging (oh, and he was drunk, too). What made this article stand out so much is the featured comment where someone got angry that people said that banning texting while driving was unfair to the deaf community. This commenter's outrage fit the situation to a "t".

- Here's yet another (useless) tip to criminals; when you steal some rare coins from someone, make sure they're not the person you're giving them to at the bank the next day. You know, know the occupation of your victim so that you can avoid getting caught by them. Duh.

- Some 20-something woman thought that robbing a 71-year-old and his wheelchair-bound friend was a good idea and learned very quickly that she was wrong when the man chased her ass down and held her there with the wheelchaired friend until the police arrived. Better yet, just don't rob anyone. Pack it in, toots, because you suck.

- Now for something completely different, a set of goats snuck past the security on an NYC bridge. These "weapons of grass destruction" (not my pun, I swear!) were hired to eat the poison ivy and weeds off of a monument and managed to escape and go ABRIDGE (that's mine; sorry) for awhile.

- And an 111-year-old turtle has mated with a younger turtle for the first time in decades. He had no interest in mating due to a tumor on his genitals, but once that was removed he became the mack daddy to three turtles. Play on, player. Play on.

- And, finally, Paris Hilton made a video response to McCain's commercial slamming Obama as a celebrity with no leadership qualities. She credit's the old guy for saying she's ready to run the country and she even has her own solution for the oil crisis. The only irritating thing about this article is that McCain's spokesperson takes this opportunity to say that Paris has a better oil plan than Obama because she fused both of their plans together...but the spokesperson essentially says that she's following McCain's plan. Whatever.

To lighten the mood, I'm including a religious comic that fuses the church with Ghostbusters with humorous results. Since I want to get some work done today, I'm done for the this edition of the news.

And now that I can get a temporary disability permit to park in the non-blue spots due to being pregnant, finding a spot in the morning is going to be great. Now if I could only stay focused on work for more than five minutes....