...can I say it's over now?

I feel like Jamie Lee Curtis in Halloween when she thinks the danger is over...when Michael Myers sits up in the background. My hope is that Time Warner will stay down this time.

My husband went to the Time Warner office to hash out all of the problems we had been having. He found out that we were considered a "business" by some of the operators because having both of our names on the bill used up too much space for the personal account line [I never changed my last name when I got married, so I had to add him to show that he does have the right to discuss the bills with them]. They acknowledge that they screwed everything up, but that there would be a problem in getting the check back because the technician would've taken it directly to the bank (which is why I do not regret writing "Extortion" in the memo). He ended up having to call in to a higher-level person when he got home, because our bill cycle apparently cycled today, so now the part of the bill that wasn't past due is past due...but we'll be fine as long as we pay it by the beginning of next month (giving us the chance to stabilize our finances).

In the phone call that he made when he got home, we found out that the supervisor that he spoke to Tuesday [he had called the independent contractor's customer service when we got our disconnect door-hanger] is going to be in a hell of a lot of trouble, because he blatantly lied to us when he said that our contact with him would stop all collection proceedings. The woman on the phone was also the most sympathetic to our situation (and, I think we actually did get an apology out of it; my husband insisted upon it) and was even concerned about the financial hardship the check could cause us [I had finally acquiesced on the whole getting-the-check-back issue this morning because I don't want to pay the stop-check fee and I'm sick of the stress]. He filed a formal complaint about this whole issue, which the woman said will ensure that higher level people will have to look at what transpired (so for all of the people who treated us like sh*tty deadbeats...look out!).

The result of all of this was a baby scare (the child stopped its regular movement for a few hours and I panicked, but the movement resumed eventually and I was able to relax), my husband had to be the diplomat and apologized to the technician because, as he put it, the guy was just doing his job [and while I agree with that assessment, I was serious when I said I was going to stab him if he came in my house], and we are no longer getting the highest level of high-speed internet [saving us $10/month] and we are no longer going to get that waste-of-money channel guide that we never read anyway [$4.95/month]. When the woman told my husband that we would be getting a $6.95 late charge [it's gone up over the years], he told her that after Macy's shenanigans, this charge is nothing.

*For those who have not had the joy of a Macy's card, there is an automatic $28 late fee if you are even one day late on your card payment. Fortunately, I have not been late, but I've had to run out to the store to make the payment because they will charge you a $10 processing fee if you do it over the phone, and the payment will still be two days late if you do it on the day it's due. All this over a $5 payment [it's almost completely paid off; the only one of my three store cards in that arena (like Macy's has stuff I want to buy; the last thing I got was a watch)].

Things should finally settle down now (I hope). But hear this now, if anything happens to my baby as a result of this sh*t, I am burning that new building of theirs to the ground.

P.S. As much as people know Halloween (I'm about as old as that movie), the film I had seen a ton of times is Prom Night. It's Halloween, but with a revenge angle that is actually deserved. The remake has nothing to do with the original, and I like it even if it is a bit cheesy.

Unhinged

There are some articles that I wanted to post today, but I feel like I'm falling apart today. The culmination of not having anywhere near enough money to pay rent coupled with an inability to focus on work for more than five minutes and just generally feeling like crap has taken its toll. I'd go home if we didn't desperately need the money, so I'm stuck here until I get off work to go home and spend time with someone I'm pissed off with [He gave me milk that expired today when I'm so sensitive that I can't drink milk that's more than a week old. His reasoning? "It hadn't expired, yet."] and I have a friend from church who just lost her mother a few days ago that I'm going to try to call...but how do I console someone in their time of need when my typical sayings no longer mean anything to me (i.e. "Everything happens for a reason")? I'm going to call her and, hopefully, be a good listener, because I'm going to be useless in any other capacity.

Useless. That's an interesting word.

The music I'm listening to right now is not really depressing, but it's upsetting me anyway (which would make you think I'd stop listening to it, but the songs that really get to me are coming up, and I'm trying to avoid them right now). So I mess with my own head when I'm already unbalanced. Yeah, I do that sometimes.

I think I'm going to take a break in our "nap" room (we actually have one of those along with a lactation room because, let's face it, we have a lot of women who work here). I think I need some time to crash a little so that I can put myself back together without people asking me if anything's wrong. I really don't need that right now (so I'm posting instead because...?).

Besides, I really want to post about the idiots who robbed a bank with thongs on their faces. As depressed as I am today, I still find that funny (but since I don't know if I'll laugh or cry, I'm going for my break).

I feel sicky, oh so sicky...

...I feel sicky, and icky and blah, and I envy anyone who isn't sick today (la la la la la, la la, la la la).

In the grand tradition of throwing bad after good, I'm feeling like hell after finally making some progress towards my grad school applications. I get these really bad stomach pains that are intermittent and, at times, truly unbearable. It is the one thing that I can't handle; given the choice for a migraine-level headache (as I don't have migraines because I only exhibit some of the symptoms) and the stomach pains, I'd rather have the headache. Even the risk of vomiting [which is something that terrifies me to no end...choking on it a long time ago exacerbated the problem] is something that I'd prefer over these damn pains. I've been to doctors for this a number of times and nobody can figure out what is wrong with me. It's not ulcers, it's not gall stones and, after my last trip to the emergency room, it's not a "female problem" (even though, honestly, I have no idea why they thought it was), but it is usually attributed to a build up of gas that doesn't exit out of the two "normal" exit points, but rather tries to find its way out through a 'pocket' right above my stomach as if to breech the skin. It's unpleasant, misery-inducing, and is going to make this weekend completely and utterly terrible.

I'm going to the 2007 Festival of Cartoon Art this weekend, which looks to be a lot of fun (as well as educational, and building brownie points towards getting into grad school) but it requires that I miss a day of work (bummer) and that I be somewhere at 8am on Friday and Saturday (which actually sucks). I'm going to be doing this and going to a Halloween party on Friday, I still need to study for the GRE, and I need make more progress towards completing my grad school proposal write-ups. All this, and only one day off before I have my reading group on Monday. My house is a perennial mess, my husband has been minimally helpful (which is a step up from his usual, I-work-therefore-I-do-nothing-at-home position), and my clinical depression isn't getting better. Being sick just makes it so that eating is an adventure in culinary avoidance, and the distension that this causes makes it look like I've gained a considerable amount of weight.

In short, life sucks.

And, to top it all off, I feel incredibly guilty for complaining because there are so many people who have it worse that I can possibly imagine.

I don't know what my point was. I guess it was to let off some steam. I just hope I'm well enough to eat a little bit more than miso by Friday, or alcohol will be completely out of the question. Later.

I'm Much More Stressed Out Than I Thought

The following is a "note" from my Facebook page that I wrote yesterday about feeling stressed out. After re-reading this, I realized that I was much more upset than I thought.

I'm using this opportunity to vent a little, because I'm trying to do so much in preparation of applying to grad school...and things are feeling more out of control than they really are these days.

I spent this summer talking to professors at OSU about doing a PhD studying strong women in comics (primarily Wonder Woman, Sailor Moon, and how they either reflect or influence their respective societies) and I've discovered that there are other people as crazy as I am who think that this is a good idea [imagine that]. I've been trying to get myself to write the follow-up e-mails to everyone I spoke with as well as the two professors I still need to contact, but I keep freaking out about it and other things in life get in the way.

I've also signed up for a reading group where we're studying Jewish Graphic Novels in the hopes that I will be able to come up with better ideas for my own topic of choice (and get free copies of books like "Maus" in the process). I'm also hoping to sign up for a comic book conference that is meeting at the end of the month, where I can see Alison Bechdel [Dykes to Watch Out For and "Fun Home"] and other artists and get exposed to so many other works that exist in the genre. [Don't ask me why I read a lesbian comic: I read four of them and one that is of gay men, which may be my latent bisexuality coming out or that they are just very compelling stories.]

Add to this that I have been studying to take the GRE [You know; that test I didn't have to take for my MLIS degree] and I'm facing the dilemma that I can no longer do math [Which just sucks!] and that my vocabulary is too limited to do well on most of the verbal portion of the exam. I've also been trying to teach myself how to read Japanese and I've learned 36 hiragana and katakana characters...but I may have to stop until after the applications for grad school are turned in so that I can spend more of my time on what I need to get into school.

I'm still trying to hold down my current job, my husband has been sick for more than a week (which has resulted in me sleeping on the couch for the past six days), and my choir rehearsal schedule got shifted to Wednesdays (which isn't too much of an inconvenience because I usually call home [Cleveland] on those evenings, but it just added to the stress ball that has formed in my back). And to top it all off, my heart hasn't been happy with me and beats hard for no reason at random [I'm going to tell a doctor about that today] and I still have to deal with grief from my grandmother about not giving her great-grandchildren [as if I'm doing this on purpose].

So, in short, I'm really effin' stressed out right now (and, honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way).

So how are you all doing?

Later (because I feel a little better now).

Update: I forgot to mention that I have to earn a second Masters degree before I can even begin to work on my PhD...because the library masters is considered a "professional" degree and not an "academic" one. Fun, huh?

I wasn't feeling too sociable yesterday and really didn't want to go to choir rehearsal because my crappy moods are like the Lasso of Truth times ten: I have a difficult time holding my tongue on everything. If truth serum was this effective, more people would be in trouble.

To not go into it too much, I was majorly pissed that I had to purchase block cheese for the chili dinner the choir had just to find out that someone else bought bagged cheese [Which was something that I was told was "unhealthy" because of the extra additives put in the cheese to keep it from sticking.] and just said some things that showed how much I dislike most things that people like.

And, apparently, I looked very exhausted from the moment I got home from work until I went to sleep on the couch (again).

My husband wouldn't go to the doctor because he was feeling better before I went to rehearsal, but funny enough he was sick again by the time I got home.

I think I've been sleeping on the couch for over a week now, and it stinks!

It is Banned Books Week, so get out there and read something! Also, happy belated Music Lovers Day (it was yesterday).

I wish a person could call in "bitch" the way you call in sick for work.
"I'm sorry, I won't be in today. I came down with a case of total bitch, and I don't want to infect anyone else with my shitty attitude."

And if I actually got sick time, that'd be a very viable (and truthful) situation.

I'm tired, crabby, and prone to bouts of crying or fits of rage, and I'm nowhere near PMS, so I'm logging off.

Enjoy the day & get your hands on a good banned book! ;-)

Silence...until conditions change

I'm feeling very combative today, so I'm not really going to do any posting of substance until this mood passes. It's a carry-over of a bad mood that started (I think) on Sunday where I dealt with too many people driving under the speed limit, and made my illness [a fever & nausea] worse than it was because I missed getting my prescription thanks to these 'Sunday Drivers'.

I've been getting less sleep than ever before. Soon, I won't get any sleep at all.

Anyway, I'm going to listen to the adage of "If you can't say anything nice..." and not post anything until I either a) feel less like I want to pick a fight with the world by talking about hot-button issues [No, not politics (not those kind of issues), but reading material and the like] or b) find something else to talk about entirely.

Maybe I'll find something on the web to post about. Or not. But, until then, bye for now.

Damnit, I'm tired

Tomorrow is my birthday. It will be officially the first day of the last year that I can declare myself to be in my late 20s. I won't be like other people (t.v. people, mostly) who pretend to be young when they're not; I'll embrace 30 when the time comes. I'll have to; I teased my older brother when he turned 30 last year, so I'll expect the sentiment to be returned in kind. I just wish I weren't so tired all the time.

I've developed some very odd insomnia where I can't get to bed before 4 a.m. most nights of the week. Something always happens where I'm up too late, whether it's because I'm not feeling well, getting caught up in a book or computer game that I had no business starting, or because I'm doing the household chores and finances. I end up waking up at the precise moment I should be on the road to work and spend the rest of the day trying not to pass out. What's more, I'm trying to lose as much weight in a month as possible so that I can get on a new rollercoaster on opening weekend of Cedar Point [The money for the ride is going to the Fireside Red Cross, so I'm just hoping that I don't go all the way up to Sandusky for nothing], and proper sleep is needed for a better shot at losing weight.

It's not just the lack of sleep, it's the stress of doing a talent show in front of my company on Tuesday (which has me freaking out), and needing to look for a job that is full-time and will pay well. And after that two-day scare where I was a complete danger to myself after doing the taxes, I'm doing what I can to stem the outflow of money so that we may be able to save and do the things we want to do this summer.

Since I'm way behind on a project I'm working on here, I'm going to go back to it. At least this post has done one thing; helped me to feel a little less upset about everything.

Money...and stress

I had originally planned on posting in this blog a missive on the current state of my finances, but I ended up moving the whole damn thing to ebloggy. I fell asleep around 6 a.m. and I have too many things to do...and bills are piling up. It's bad enough that we owe the equivalent of 2/3 of a paycheck in taxes, but our cable/internet/phone may have been cut off because we owe Time Warner as well. I've got to stay late for a charity event meeting, stop off at the library, make dinner before I run off to the Historical society to train for 2 hours for a volunteer effort that I'm doing on Friday afternoon, and then I've got to get home and work on cleaning the house before I can even think about getting some sleep.

I don't even have time to exercise. This situation is exacerbating my depression and has led me to be concerned that I'm going to end up doing something terrible if I don't just ruin my health and run myself into the ground.