Thursday, January 1, 2009
Happy New Year!
It's 2009. Boy am I glad 2008 is over. I hope everyone will have a blessed new year full of love, success, and hapiness.
For me, 2009 marks a turning point for how I'm going to handle the way I deal with loss. I had to make my peace with '08, and I found a way: Every year, I say goodbye to all those who passed away. I see the closing of the year as marking when a person is left in the past; they are no longer here to experience things and see the future, so while I can try to imagine what they would think of things, it helps me to accept that they are only in my heart. For my issue with my grandmother's death, I found a (somewhat macabre) connection that makes me feel just a tiny bit better. My grandmother and my daughter are connected by 2008. Grandma managed to make it six days into the new year, and I didn't even know that my first child was [finally] on the way. They were both here at the same time, but didn't know of each other. The important thing (to me) is that there was a time when they were part of my life, and it's the only connection I have. I can't focus anymore on how much it hurts, or how difficult it is to see the aftermath of my family's collapse, but this has given me something that will help me to start moving forward. I will do my best to help them, but I won't sacrifice my husband and daughter's welfare. And Devi loves her family (she really likes people), so I'm building that bridge up so that they know that I'm always going to be there for them.
2008 brought me some good things as well: My daughter, acceptance into graduate school, a fellowship & a scholarship, self-esteem, and a reconnection with old friends. My baby was dedicated, I survived my first quarter of grad school, and I worked on an abstract for my first academic conference as a possible participant [Long-freaking-shot]. I spent so much time in anguish and sorrow in '08 that I almost missed all the good parts. I met awesome friends on my blog (but I keep on not putting up photos; sorry!) and I got to air out all my grievances and share my joy. I even have a follower. I got to see the first black president get elected...I can't think of much else.
Anyway, I was supposed to be drugged up by now (long story, was supposed to be posted in '08 but my computer hated me, so it'll get posted later but have the time it was started and not when finished), but I want to say, again, Happy New Year.
Okay, I'm done with this happy crap. I've got to get back to being me. Where are some videos of people falling down...
"If you're going to fall down, you've got to get up"
Enjoy '09! I'm out!