It's been a few years, and I've been a bit busy.
I have been working on my PhD, and I managed to pass my Candidacy exams last May (2015). I also have faced illness and now am a Type II Diabetic. I've also run out of funding for school because I've taken too many hours to finish this degree, so I've launched a fundraising page in order to raise money to pay for school. I did not ask for the amount I would really need for finishing school, but I've asked for some under the hope that I can successfully petition for more hours and finish my degree.
Since this is my second petition, there is the possibility that I will not be successful.
All I ask for is prayers if you are the praying type. If you can donate even a small amount, I would be forever grateful, but I won't be upset if you cannot or choose not to help out. How can I be mad? I probably don't even know you, and you don't know me from a hole in the wall.
Anyway, I can't guarantee that I will write a ton of things on my blog, as finishing my degree is my top priority, but I'll try to keep you, gentle reader, in the loop.
On the positive side of things, I have managed to get two jobs that will help out a lot. One is as a tutor and the other is a graduate assistantship appointment that will help with tuition (which is great news, if the person is accurate in their information).
If nothing else, advice for those going into college at any level: Be your own advocate for financial aid! Keep on top of things. Keep track of your hours and any time you contact your financial aid office, write down what they tell you and make sure to get that person's name. You are your best hope of keeping yourself eligible for aid.
Take care, everyone. :-)
Showing posts with label update. Show all posts
Showing posts with label update. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 16, 2016
Monday, June 10, 2013
Just Some Thoughts...
Hi everyone. It's been awhile, and since I am usually a bit verbose or wordy with my posts, I'll try to keep it short. It's really late and I should be asleep, but that has been hard to come by of late. I am currently getting through my reading list for my candidacy exams, and I'm battling self-doubt. When the fall semester begins, I'll be in my sixth year of graduate school (wow!). It's been a wild ride, but I have to keep myself focused in order to finish my PhD.
As for D, she's is such a vibrant, smart, and tall little girl. I'll have to find the time to put up a picture of her, because she's grown so much over the years. She just finished preschool and she will be in kindergarten in the fall. Thinking about her caused me to think of something that may make me stand out as a bit weird. Most people (parents, mostly) tell people who are having their first child to treasure the moments with them because they grow up so fast. Some people lament missing big milestones in the child's life. I didn't, and I still don't. Yes, I missed a milestone or two with D when she was a baby because I was in school, but it didn't bother me all that much because everything, and I mean everything that I've experienced with her has made me excited for what will happen next in her life. I'm very excited to see her grow up, but I'm not as hung up on when she was a baby and all that. I think this may make me a bit different from other moms, but that's just how it is for me. I don't really miss those days of when she was a baby. I'm just looking ahead & looking forward to seeing what she will become. I think it's weird for me simply because I desperately want to hold onto the things from my past (despite my inability to do so), so I'm not sure what that says about me. I think it's just a different way of seeing things; I didn't really get hung up on my wedding because I thought that the rest of the marriage was far more important and interesting, and I don't get sentimental about when my little girl was born.
Now if I can carry that attitude into my studies, I'd probably be in great shape.
I miss writing this blog, and as much as I'd love to resume my former posting pace, that's probably not going to happen. I say I'll try to post more regularly, but we see how that goes. Let's just keep it casual and see how it goes.
Oh, before I forget: My paper proposal was accepted for the Comic Arts Conference at San Diego's Comic-con! I'm going to have a chance to try out my dissertation topic in front of an audience, so I'm really excited about this. I gave up two conferences this year in order to focus on my studies, so I am not passing this up. However, my big hurdle is that I've got to raise funds in order to go. If I do opt for an online fundraising site, I'll link to it here as well.
I'm going to stop writing before I get into updates about relatives I'd rather forget about. If you are familiar with what I've said in the past, you have an idea to whom I am referring.
...and what is the deal with the spam? I just had to clear out ~200 posts that were just nonsense. And they need to stop saying that I should link my posts to Google+. Are they crazy?! I leave names out on purpose so that people won't find me. Wow.
Monday, December 3, 2012
Wow. I need to spruce up the place...
Hi everyone,
The first two images are from her first day of school, and the third was the end of the day after the first day of school. I can't believe she's so big at only four years old. My uncle tells me all the time that she looks like my mom, and that makes me happy. It still hurts that my mom and grandma are gone (and that the world turned to shit after their deaths), but I get up and move forward everyday because that's what I have to do. I have to finish this degree for my daughter. I just have to believe that I can do this.
I am in the midst of working on my candidacy exams, so my posts will again be few and far between (I'm reeeeeaaaaly sorry!), but I wanted to just drop a line and let people know what's going on these days.
I have most of my committee together at this point (3 of 4 people needed) and I am working on my reading list (which is what I should be doing right this minute). The first semester at my University ends tomorrow, but I finished my teaching duties today. I had a great group of students, and I hope that they all got something out of the class. Teaching is no longer the nightmare it once was, but it takes time away from my work, so the balance is very tough. I also did a paper at a conference that was held in town (and I think it was my best presentation to date), and someone approached me about publishing it, but I think I waited too long and I may have missed my opportunity. I will get in touch with them this week because it's worth a shot. I have to stop being afraid of things and move forward, so wish me luck in this and all my other endeavors.
I also applied to the PCA/ACA conference in Washington DC this coming year, and was floored when the paper was accepted within 30 minutes. Normally, this would be a happy occasion, but with my exams, it's just extra work. So, I'm going to write the paper over winter break [It's time to break out the Kristeva] so that I'm not worrying about it in March when the conference takes place.
My little girl is now in preschool!
Well, I have to get back to work. If I can, I'll post more. If I ever find the spare time, I need to update the page because there are some digital cobwebs that needs to be cleared. I may also post some other things from time to time (i.e. reviews, manga discussions, etc.), so just know that I miss you all and hope that everything is well for you. And for those of you on the East Coast, you have been in my thoughts and prayers ever since Superstorm Sandy, so keep you head up and know that I am hoping for the best for all of you.
Take care, everyone.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Got to Keep It Brief
I've been very busy trying to finish my Master's thesis, so my posts have all but dried up. I'm teaching a class which is going okay (last quarter was better, but these aren't bad students), but I have to balance that with taking two classes that require 25 page papers at the end of the quarter as well as defending my thesis on February 25. I'm a bit stressed out, so keep me in your thoughts as I try to get through all of this in one piece.
On the home front, hubby lost his job in August, futzed around until he up and found a new job in November that required he work full time for six weeks until his training was over, and now he is working part time (mostly on the days I would normally study all day). Devi has really grown and changed over the last few months. She's already 3 feet tall (at two years old!) and she's an amazing little girl. I just wish she had more opportunities to play with other children, so I'll have to work that out.
I've not been the most fun person to be around of late, so this is an apology for everyone that has to put up with me. I hope to have my Master's done so that I can FINALLY be a PhD student. It's bad enough that I was accepted into the program last year, but that I haven't been able to graduate due to the thesis and the foreign language exam really isn't cool. That, and it is screwing me up with the Feds over my student loans, but more on that later (maybe).
To make amends, I have pictures we took from Devi's second birthday session. If I have some spare time, I'd like to put up her birthday party pictures, but that will have to wait. Good night and I will see you when I see you.
P.S. Before I forget, I will be doing a conference in San Antonio, TX in April, so I have to finish all of this stuff to qualify for funding for my trip. Yay.
On the home front, hubby lost his job in August, futzed around until he up and found a new job in November that required he work full time for six weeks until his training was over, and now he is working part time (mostly on the days I would normally study all day). Devi has really grown and changed over the last few months. She's already 3 feet tall (at two years old!) and she's an amazing little girl. I just wish she had more opportunities to play with other children, so I'll have to work that out.
I've not been the most fun person to be around of late, so this is an apology for everyone that has to put up with me. I hope to have my Master's done so that I can FINALLY be a PhD student. It's bad enough that I was accepted into the program last year, but that I haven't been able to graduate due to the thesis and the foreign language exam really isn't cool. That, and it is screwing me up with the Feds over my student loans, but more on that later (maybe).
To make amends, I have pictures we took from Devi's second birthday session. If I have some spare time, I'd like to put up her birthday party pictures, but that will have to wait. Good night and I will see you when I see you.
P.S. Before I forget, I will be doing a conference in San Antonio, TX in April, so I have to finish all of this stuff to qualify for funding for my trip. Yay.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Not Dead, Just Busy
Although it's been so many months that I doubt anybody is reading this anymore, I just wanted to put up a quick post to show that I'm not dead, I'm just incredibly busy. I will be teaching a new course in the fall (we're still on quarters until 2012, so "fall" doesn't begin until late September), and I have been trying to work on my thesis, which was supposed to be done by next month, but is looking unlikely. The drama with my family has been holding steady for awhile (I'll get into that later, if at all), and Devi's vocabulary has been exploding by leaps and bounds.
I am hoping to get into something a little more semi-regular, but I have to keep in mind that I should not vent about my students out of fear that someone will try to get me fired, again (long story; stupid student said I wrote things online that I have found do not exist, and while it made me look bad to my teaching advisor, nobody else in my department cared). I should also look to use my blog as a way to talk about my work (which will help me in processing what it is that I do) as well as to vent a little about the seemingly never-ending drama about my life.
I won't make promises, but I hope to have less venting in the future. It doesn't make me feel any better to write this out [But I will go on record that I still hold firm on my opinions of certain family members. They can't go to hell fast enough. Okay, done.], and I'm sure that people don't want to read about this anymore.
So, I apologize for complaining, and I apologize for abandoning my blog for my almost equally infrequent use of twitter.* I hope to get back on track, and I hope to revamp my page to look a little different (but don't get your hopes up).
Devi's birthday is coming up soon, so I've got to get the planning underway. I will put up pictures from that party as soon as possible.
It's too late to be posting, so I'm signing off. See ya.
*My twitter account is set to private, so if you don't have an account or cannot log into yours because of the twitter pop-up window, I apologize.
I am hoping to get into something a little more semi-regular, but I have to keep in mind that I should not vent about my students out of fear that someone will try to get me fired, again (long story; stupid student said I wrote things online that I have found do not exist, and while it made me look bad to my teaching advisor, nobody else in my department cared). I should also look to use my blog as a way to talk about my work (which will help me in processing what it is that I do) as well as to vent a little about the seemingly never-ending drama about my life.
I won't make promises, but I hope to have less venting in the future. It doesn't make me feel any better to write this out [But I will go on record that I still hold firm on my opinions of certain family members. They can't go to hell fast enough. Okay, done.], and I'm sure that people don't want to read about this anymore.
So, I apologize for complaining, and I apologize for abandoning my blog for my almost equally infrequent use of twitter.* I hope to get back on track, and I hope to revamp my page to look a little different (but don't get your hopes up).
Devi's birthday is coming up soon, so I've got to get the planning underway. I will put up pictures from that party as soon as possible.
It's too late to be posting, so I'm signing off. See ya.
*My twitter account is set to private, so if you don't have an account or cannot log into yours because of the twitter pop-up window, I apologize.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Workin' in a (thesis) Coal Mine...
It's the second week of Spring Quarter, and I just wanted to touch base here while I had a few minutes (time I really don't have) to talk about things.
I managed to get through last quarter with my head intact. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of reading my online evaluation scores the day before the new quarter began, and I was slaughtered by my students. Since these things are now online, only half of the class bothered to do the evaluations, and I had at least one student give me straight 1s. The rating system is from 1 to 5 with 1 being the worst score you can receive. However, my department also makes students fill out a more comprehensive evaluation form where they actually have to answer questions with words and not filling out the bubbles on a Scantron sheet, and those have been more fruitful. I had one student say my instructions were never clear, and another student said that my instructions were very clear. I am going to go over everything with my teaching advisor soon, but I'm already making changes to my teaching style that I think will improve things.
My uncle went back home for a little while, and I had to go pick him up on what would have been my mother's birthday, so we went to the cemetery to pay everyone over there a visit. I left some flowers (and don't ask me where I got them) and I also went to see a kid who I've been kind of visiting since the 1980s. [He was born in '79 but died in '87, and he used to be in a crypt on the other side of my family's crypt wall until a new crypt was built in 2008. Unfortunately for his family, I found out why he was moved. He apparently had a sister born in '78 who died in '08, and I feel very sorry for them because they've now lost both kids.] And since my daughter was with us, she got to visit with her Gram-Gram and everyone else who departed before she was born. I then decided to go look at some crypts that are in the sides of hills there and fell on my butt running up to look in one (forgetting that I wouldn't be able to see squat, since it's mostly in the ground). I finally got to see what some of the family mausoleums look like, and I think people who buy them today are getting ripped off a little, because the old ones can hold up to eight people (even though the ones I could see into weren't full), and the ones I've seen online only hold six, but are much larger buildings.
What? The goth in me has always been fascinated by cemeteries, so this shouldn't be a surprise to anyone that I went looking for interesting things in a historic cemetery.
Anyway, I've been working on my Master's thesis bibliographies lately and I'm trying to get that done tonight before my meeting with my committee chair. I'm a little afraid for this meeting because, for our previous meetings, I had to turn in my bibliographies a week in advance. This time, she didn't assign that expectation, and I'm still trying to cobble one together. Except that I'm supposed to turn in two of those things this time around. It's been a challenge because a) My thesis has shifted from looking at sound and emotive effects in manga to studying online forums (and I'm not thrilled about this at all) and b) I've not been sleeping well, and this is affecting my performance and ability to work.
It also doesn't help that I gave a mini-presentation on my work Friday and had the attendees tell me that I need to find a way to bring the thesis back to what I really want to do, and since my chair wasn't there to hear this, I'm worried about the fact that what happened there has gotten back to her somehow. Great.
Anyway, I've got to get back to my research. I just wanted to stop in and say hi, and I've also got to remind myself to not get into it with a certain webcomic writer because it's a battle with no point. I made a comment on Twitter about how I was sick of reading said artist's posts about this artist's love for a certain brand of technology and it turned into a mini-war of sorts between the artist and myself. And when I had calmed down enough to try and explain my position, said artist blew me off as if it was stupid of me to think what this person said was in any way arrogant or insulting. Honestly, I've had better debates with inanimate objects than this. All I should have done was stop reading the webcomic, which I only tolerated because of moments of brilliant hilarity, but those brief moments just aren't worth it anymore. That, and because I have to keep visiting said comic's Twitter page to see the responses to me, because I never receive them (since I do not follow this person), I've wasted way too much time when I know I won't get in the last word, and I'm running the risk of getting flamed by this artist's followers. I'd prefer to work on getting to the PhD phase of my studies than engage in this kind of conversation, so thanks but no thanks.
Hopefully, I'll get some sleep tonight before my office hours begin. I'd rather not be up all night doing this bibliography work. Goodnight, everyone.
I managed to get through last quarter with my head intact. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of reading my online evaluation scores the day before the new quarter began, and I was slaughtered by my students. Since these things are now online, only half of the class bothered to do the evaluations, and I had at least one student give me straight 1s. The rating system is from 1 to 5 with 1 being the worst score you can receive. However, my department also makes students fill out a more comprehensive evaluation form where they actually have to answer questions with words and not filling out the bubbles on a Scantron sheet, and those have been more fruitful. I had one student say my instructions were never clear, and another student said that my instructions were very clear. I am going to go over everything with my teaching advisor soon, but I'm already making changes to my teaching style that I think will improve things.
My uncle went back home for a little while, and I had to go pick him up on what would have been my mother's birthday, so we went to the cemetery to pay everyone over there a visit. I left some flowers (and don't ask me where I got them) and I also went to see a kid who I've been kind of visiting since the 1980s. [He was born in '79 but died in '87, and he used to be in a crypt on the other side of my family's crypt wall until a new crypt was built in 2008. Unfortunately for his family, I found out why he was moved. He apparently had a sister born in '78 who died in '08, and I feel very sorry for them because they've now lost both kids.] And since my daughter was with us, she got to visit with her Gram-Gram and everyone else who departed before she was born. I then decided to go look at some crypts that are in the sides of hills there and fell on my butt running up to look in one (forgetting that I wouldn't be able to see squat, since it's mostly in the ground). I finally got to see what some of the family mausoleums look like, and I think people who buy them today are getting ripped off a little, because the old ones can hold up to eight people (even though the ones I could see into weren't full), and the ones I've seen online only hold six, but are much larger buildings.
What? The goth in me has always been fascinated by cemeteries, so this shouldn't be a surprise to anyone that I went looking for interesting things in a historic cemetery.
Anyway, I've been working on my Master's thesis bibliographies lately and I'm trying to get that done tonight before my meeting with my committee chair. I'm a little afraid for this meeting because, for our previous meetings, I had to turn in my bibliographies a week in advance. This time, she didn't assign that expectation, and I'm still trying to cobble one together. Except that I'm supposed to turn in two of those things this time around. It's been a challenge because a) My thesis has shifted from looking at sound and emotive effects in manga to studying online forums (and I'm not thrilled about this at all) and b) I've not been sleeping well, and this is affecting my performance and ability to work.
It also doesn't help that I gave a mini-presentation on my work Friday and had the attendees tell me that I need to find a way to bring the thesis back to what I really want to do, and since my chair wasn't there to hear this, I'm worried about the fact that what happened there has gotten back to her somehow. Great.
Anyway, I've got to get back to my research. I just wanted to stop in and say hi, and I've also got to remind myself to not get into it with a certain webcomic writer because it's a battle with no point. I made a comment on Twitter about how I was sick of reading said artist's posts about this artist's love for a certain brand of technology and it turned into a mini-war of sorts between the artist and myself. And when I had calmed down enough to try and explain my position, said artist blew me off as if it was stupid of me to think what this person said was in any way arrogant or insulting. Honestly, I've had better debates with inanimate objects than this. All I should have done was stop reading the webcomic, which I only tolerated because of moments of brilliant hilarity, but those brief moments just aren't worth it anymore. That, and because I have to keep visiting said comic's Twitter page to see the responses to me, because I never receive them (since I do not follow this person), I've wasted way too much time when I know I won't get in the last word, and I'm running the risk of getting flamed by this artist's followers. I'd prefer to work on getting to the PhD phase of my studies than engage in this kind of conversation, so thanks but no thanks.
Hopefully, I'll get some sleep tonight before my office hours begin. I'd rather not be up all night doing this bibliography work. Goodnight, everyone.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
News and Whatnot
Hi everyone,
I have been very, very busy lately, and this includes the announcement that I wanted to make that I alluded to on Twitter.
I am teaching 29 students, and last Wednesday was hell! They watched Tim Wise's film "On White Privilege" on Monday, and half of the class was offended by what he had to say, and the other half of the class was offended by the statements from the first half. Let's just say, when I came home that day and said "I want a cigarette," I wasn't kidding. That was stressful.
Sticking to more positive news, I have an announcement: I am officially a PhD student pending the completion of my Master's Thesis. What that means is: If I can get my shit together and finish my thesis, I can actually call myself a PhD student, instead of the generic "grad student" label I tend to use now. Am I excited? I should be, but it's hard to celebrate when your childhood home was almost sold out from under you by your aunt in collusion with my father-in-law (and the sale was only halted because my husband told my f-i-l that as heir to half of my mother's part of the house, I refused to sell).
I'm supposed to do a term paper for my graduate school class, I need to make significant progress on my thesis paper, and I have to get through teaching my course without murdering any of my students (which is harder on some days than others). I'm hella stressed because my husband has no job, didn't qualify for unemployment, and spent 1 1/2 months lying about it. The saga continues, so instead of boring everyone with the continuous exploits of my douchebag f-i-l, raging bitch of an aunt, or the genuine sorrow I feel about everything else, I'm going to just cap this with some much-anticipated pictures.
Enjoy!
I have been very, very busy lately, and this includes the announcement that I wanted to make that I alluded to on Twitter.
I am teaching 29 students, and last Wednesday was hell! They watched Tim Wise's film "On White Privilege" on Monday, and half of the class was offended by what he had to say, and the other half of the class was offended by the statements from the first half. Let's just say, when I came home that day and said "I want a cigarette," I wasn't kidding. That was stressful.
Sticking to more positive news, I have an announcement: I am officially a PhD student pending the completion of my Master's Thesis. What that means is: If I can get my shit together and finish my thesis, I can actually call myself a PhD student, instead of the generic "grad student" label I tend to use now. Am I excited? I should be, but it's hard to celebrate when your childhood home was almost sold out from under you by your aunt in collusion with my father-in-law (and the sale was only halted because my husband told my f-i-l that as heir to half of my mother's part of the house, I refused to sell).
I'm supposed to do a term paper for my graduate school class, I need to make significant progress on my thesis paper, and I have to get through teaching my course without murdering any of my students (which is harder on some days than others). I'm hella stressed because my husband has no job, didn't qualify for unemployment, and spent 1 1/2 months lying about it. The saga continues, so instead of boring everyone with the continuous exploits of my douchebag f-i-l, raging bitch of an aunt, or the genuine sorrow I feel about everything else, I'm going to just cap this with some much-anticipated pictures.
Enjoy!
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Happy New Year (And All That Remains)
Hi everyone,
Before I get into the follow-up to my...ordeal, I just wanted to get the pleasantries out of the way. Happy New Year, everyone.
*********************************
The funeral for my mother did something that made me re-think some things, and reconfirmed others. All my mother wanted in life was for God to come through for her, and to know that she was loved. The religious headmaster of my old high school called the funeral home to find out if I could use some help in paying for the funeral. When I said that I could, he told me he'd call back after making some calls. He then called back an hour later to say "I just got $3,000 together, and if you need more, you have my number." I was dumbstruck. My little church got $1,400 together and some of the members were going to make sure that my mother had a nice funeral no matter what (which made my husband cry!). Fortunately, my high school's donation covered the bulk of the expenses, but I was truly touched by the support we received. People gave money not just for me, but because of how wonderful my mother was. In that way, I think God came through (despite my aunt trying to sabotage things and saying, callously, "You should have just gone ahead and cremated her"). At the service, all of her childhood friends came.
All of them.
Most of these ladies are rather flighty women (two each had daughters my age, but one died when her mother wouldn't donate a kidney) who couldn't come by to see my mother when she was still alive, but at least they came to see her (well, nobody got to see her on Monday (12/28) because my uncle and I elected to close the casket for the service because, as far as I am concerned, if they couldn't come to see her when she was alive, they won't be allowed to see her when she's dead).
My uncle and I stayed with the body through the entire viewing on Sunday (12/27) to make sure the funeral home wouldn't close early like they did with my grandmother two years ago (As today is the 2 year anniversary of her death, I'm really keyed up right now). My aunt screwed up a lot of things. She lied and didn't call the hairdresser, so she did it herself with her poor daughter in tow (and did a bad job). She got Quintessa (say it with the neck roll to get it right) to give us shit about the money, threatening to hold my mother's body hostage if she didn't get it all by 10 a.m. She lost the tie that went to the blouse and got the funeral home to violate their own rules by not allowing me to get the first view of the body. Crayzee brought the clothes late, promised to get flowers that ended up being plastic (and, therefore, couldn't be left at the cemetery) and were probably free, and didn't bring the guest book until after church service was long since over (the church my family belongs to is across the street). If it weren't for her having a child, I'd never speak to her again.
Except for the eulogy which included such gems of "...until you find your sister dead at home" (Thanks, McNugget*), the service went over well. There was a bit of comedy (for me anyway) when people were reading the proclamations. These are these stupid things that people put together to say how great you were in life, and it makes the group look important, blah blah blah. Anyway, the contingent in California sent an e-mail to have read at the service and my aunt read it. She was reading it in this really weird, trying-to-be-dramatic-but-instead-sounding-insane kind of way, and I started laughing. My sister (the one I stopped talking to, but I have no idea why anymore) thought I was crying. Oh no; I thought it was funny! One of her best guy friends sang a beautiful solo, and I was proud of him for making it through it.
(*McNugget is what I've been calling this pastor since he started at the church back in 1990 & he only got to do the service because he was feeling guilty and offered to do it for free, or I would have gotten someone else)
What I saw was a hell of a lot of remorse from people who couldn't' give a damn before this happened. People actually felt bad, and all I kept thinking was "Good! You need to feel bad!". Most of the people in the mortuary industry were very kind and accommodating. Everyone except Quintessa *neck roll*, who was a bully, who didn't tell me I could e-mail the program to the printer (and tried to charge me the rush fee for turning it in late), and screwed things up for the repast. We drove out to the cemetery to do the final goodbyes (my mother was born in a blizzard, and was buried in one) and my uncle had asked people to stay for the food. Unfortunately, a lot of people left because that bitch couldn't do anything right. My poor uncle and my husband were both apologizing to the people who made the food. My uncle said "I asked people to stay, and they all left me". Fortunately, my mother's friends (who were apparently hanging out in the ladies lounge upstairs) came down and we had a good number of people at the meal. It made me feel good that they stayed. My dad and my sister (3 of 7 if you're keeping track) ate with us, and I have to say my sister has really mellowed the fuck out. She's a wrestler now, and that seems to be a good thing for her. She finally found her passion, and until it pays the bills she still nurses full time (she's not licensed, but after taking care of her own mother for years before her passing, she's got a lot of experience and doesn't do things that would get her in an ass-ton of trouble). She's still a little greedy with the posting of gift lists on her MySpace page, but we reconnected in a way I didn't expect.
Of all the things that did go wrong, the worst was that my older brother didn't make it to the funeral. He wanted to be there, and before he started hanging out with his "friends" he would've moved heaven and earth to be there. Instead, they promised him a ride and probably fell through and told him not to bother. Assholes. He's gone bankrupt buying these losers drinks at the bar, and he stopped coming by to visit them because of these people (who had better not run into me in a dark alley because I'm out for blood), and he failed to call the week she died. I think my mother would have listened to him if he had visited her, but he kept saying he couldn't make it and that he was coming. I haven't tried to contact him since because I don't know what to say to him.
I invited my uncle to stay with us for awhile, but I'm not sure he will. I just want to make sure he's taken care of, and that he knows he did everything right by my mother. He shouldn't feel guilty about anything he did. I cant' say the same for others, but he did right by her. And all those people who turned their backs on them are feeling bad and trying to make things right. Like the woman who was bringing them food but being nasty about it. She would buy the food at Sav-A-Lot and wouldn't get them enough to live on, and according to my uncle, all my mother wanted was to have a house filled with food. Well, now he has a house overflowing with food from Dave's grocery store, with enough food to feed a family of four for two months. Why the fuck she couldn't do this while my mother was alive, I'll never know.
I'm supposed to send thank you cards to people who came to the service, and I'm taking the money that people gave me and putting it away for an emergency fund. One of my closest girlfriends gave me $300, and when I tried to give it back to her because things were paid for, she wouldn't let me return it. She said that she would be lost if it were her mother, and she wanted to help us out. I want to put the money away so that I may be able to help someone else in the way we were helped.
I don't really want to do the letters, but I'm going to get them done before depositing the checks (I don't want to be tacky). My uncle's faith never wavered. Not to say he's like Job, but when everyone turned their backs, he never turned away from God. Hell, I cussed God out and chronicled it here (my last venomous lick to God when my mother died was to say "Fuck you, God"), but he never did. I always thought I'd learn the most about faith from my mother, but I think they both taught me a great deal.
With the loss of my grandmother, my faith was shaken. With the loss of my mother (and the beautiful outpouring of support), I think it may have been restored.
I've got to get back into the swing of things. I'm teaching a class of ~29 students due to the university being in a crisis without admitting to it (way to go, Gee). Instead of offering 4 or 5 100-level courses and a number of 300-level courses, we're offering 6 100-level courses and one or two 300-level courses, and all the 100s are pushed beyond the usual cap of 25. We're doing this because it's a way for the department to get $, but it's a load of crap. I've gone from not teaching anyone to teaching a ton of kids with the blank stares back at me. Fun. I just wish I knew this material better than I do; then I'd feel more confident in teaching it to a bunch of underclassmen. It's hard to teach Juniors and Seniors because they're set in their ways and aren't usually receptive to new ideas. I'm also trying to write my thesis, take a class, and scramble to get 3 credit hours to comply with my contract because my thesis seminar has been canceled. Of the six of us working on our thesis, only two of us signed up for the class, and the other person dropped out. Merde! I don't know how I'm doing what I'm doing, but I just can't stop for anything.
There is one other thing; I have resolved that I have to try at least once to be a singer. An actual, bona fide recording artist. My mother had a beautiful voice but never really got to be a soloist (the church choir had its clique), and I think a little bit of her sound is still in me and I want people to hear it. I've got to at least try.
I just wanted to thank everyone for their outpouring of love and support during this difficult time. I also want to thank the people at the Plain Dealer, the printer of the programs, and most of all Loretta from Lake View cemetery for being more than accommodating to our situation and showing the utmost in compassion. I'd also like to thank my aunt for being a bitch to remind me of the kind of fool she is, and my father in law for being an unbelievable bastard who lied and schemed and did some non-lawyerly things because he "showed his ass" in front of his son, making my husband realize that he can't let his father get away with being a dick. I'd also like to thank Quintessa *neck roll* for being an unruly tyrant who, in her own way, managed to make a miracle happen. I'd like to thank those who turned their backs for the guilt they are feeling because they need to learn to act like human beings. I want to thank my uncle for all the hell he's gone through, and for being there for my mom. I want to thank my grandmother for being the strong role model for me. And I'd like to thank my mother, because I never got a chance to do so. I love you mom.
Before I get into the follow-up to my...ordeal, I just wanted to get the pleasantries out of the way. Happy New Year, everyone.
*********************************
The funeral for my mother did something that made me re-think some things, and reconfirmed others. All my mother wanted in life was for God to come through for her, and to know that she was loved. The religious headmaster of my old high school called the funeral home to find out if I could use some help in paying for the funeral. When I said that I could, he told me he'd call back after making some calls. He then called back an hour later to say "I just got $3,000 together, and if you need more, you have my number." I was dumbstruck. My little church got $1,400 together and some of the members were going to make sure that my mother had a nice funeral no matter what (which made my husband cry!). Fortunately, my high school's donation covered the bulk of the expenses, but I was truly touched by the support we received. People gave money not just for me, but because of how wonderful my mother was. In that way, I think God came through (despite my aunt trying to sabotage things and saying, callously, "You should have just gone ahead and cremated her"). At the service, all of her childhood friends came.
All of them.
Most of these ladies are rather flighty women (two each had daughters my age, but one died when her mother wouldn't donate a kidney) who couldn't come by to see my mother when she was still alive, but at least they came to see her (well, nobody got to see her on Monday (12/28) because my uncle and I elected to close the casket for the service because, as far as I am concerned, if they couldn't come to see her when she was alive, they won't be allowed to see her when she's dead).
My uncle and I stayed with the body through the entire viewing on Sunday (12/27) to make sure the funeral home wouldn't close early like they did with my grandmother two years ago (As today is the 2 year anniversary of her death, I'm really keyed up right now). My aunt screwed up a lot of things. She lied and didn't call the hairdresser, so she did it herself with her poor daughter in tow (and did a bad job). She got Quintessa (say it with the neck roll to get it right) to give us shit about the money, threatening to hold my mother's body hostage if she didn't get it all by 10 a.m. She lost the tie that went to the blouse and got the funeral home to violate their own rules by not allowing me to get the first view of the body. Crayzee brought the clothes late, promised to get flowers that ended up being plastic (and, therefore, couldn't be left at the cemetery) and were probably free, and didn't bring the guest book until after church service was long since over (the church my family belongs to is across the street). If it weren't for her having a child, I'd never speak to her again.
Except for the eulogy which included such gems of "...until you find your sister dead at home" (Thanks, McNugget*), the service went over well. There was a bit of comedy (for me anyway) when people were reading the proclamations. These are these stupid things that people put together to say how great you were in life, and it makes the group look important, blah blah blah. Anyway, the contingent in California sent an e-mail to have read at the service and my aunt read it. She was reading it in this really weird, trying-to-be-dramatic-but-instead-sounding-insane kind of way, and I started laughing. My sister (the one I stopped talking to, but I have no idea why anymore) thought I was crying. Oh no; I thought it was funny! One of her best guy friends sang a beautiful solo, and I was proud of him for making it through it.
(*McNugget is what I've been calling this pastor since he started at the church back in 1990 & he only got to do the service because he was feeling guilty and offered to do it for free, or I would have gotten someone else)
What I saw was a hell of a lot of remorse from people who couldn't' give a damn before this happened. People actually felt bad, and all I kept thinking was "Good! You need to feel bad!". Most of the people in the mortuary industry were very kind and accommodating. Everyone except Quintessa *neck roll*, who was a bully, who didn't tell me I could e-mail the program to the printer (and tried to charge me the rush fee for turning it in late), and screwed things up for the repast. We drove out to the cemetery to do the final goodbyes (my mother was born in a blizzard, and was buried in one) and my uncle had asked people to stay for the food. Unfortunately, a lot of people left because that bitch couldn't do anything right. My poor uncle and my husband were both apologizing to the people who made the food. My uncle said "I asked people to stay, and they all left me". Fortunately, my mother's friends (who were apparently hanging out in the ladies lounge upstairs) came down and we had a good number of people at the meal. It made me feel good that they stayed. My dad and my sister (3 of 7 if you're keeping track) ate with us, and I have to say my sister has really mellowed the fuck out. She's a wrestler now, and that seems to be a good thing for her. She finally found her passion, and until it pays the bills she still nurses full time (she's not licensed, but after taking care of her own mother for years before her passing, she's got a lot of experience and doesn't do things that would get her in an ass-ton of trouble). She's still a little greedy with the posting of gift lists on her MySpace page, but we reconnected in a way I didn't expect.
Of all the things that did go wrong, the worst was that my older brother didn't make it to the funeral. He wanted to be there, and before he started hanging out with his "friends" he would've moved heaven and earth to be there. Instead, they promised him a ride and probably fell through and told him not to bother. Assholes. He's gone bankrupt buying these losers drinks at the bar, and he stopped coming by to visit them because of these people (who had better not run into me in a dark alley because I'm out for blood), and he failed to call the week she died. I think my mother would have listened to him if he had visited her, but he kept saying he couldn't make it and that he was coming. I haven't tried to contact him since because I don't know what to say to him.
I invited my uncle to stay with us for awhile, but I'm not sure he will. I just want to make sure he's taken care of, and that he knows he did everything right by my mother. He shouldn't feel guilty about anything he did. I cant' say the same for others, but he did right by her. And all those people who turned their backs on them are feeling bad and trying to make things right. Like the woman who was bringing them food but being nasty about it. She would buy the food at Sav-A-Lot and wouldn't get them enough to live on, and according to my uncle, all my mother wanted was to have a house filled with food. Well, now he has a house overflowing with food from Dave's grocery store, with enough food to feed a family of four for two months. Why the fuck she couldn't do this while my mother was alive, I'll never know.
I'm supposed to send thank you cards to people who came to the service, and I'm taking the money that people gave me and putting it away for an emergency fund. One of my closest girlfriends gave me $300, and when I tried to give it back to her because things were paid for, she wouldn't let me return it. She said that she would be lost if it were her mother, and she wanted to help us out. I want to put the money away so that I may be able to help someone else in the way we were helped.
I don't really want to do the letters, but I'm going to get them done before depositing the checks (I don't want to be tacky). My uncle's faith never wavered. Not to say he's like Job, but when everyone turned their backs, he never turned away from God. Hell, I cussed God out and chronicled it here (my last venomous lick to God when my mother died was to say "Fuck you, God"), but he never did. I always thought I'd learn the most about faith from my mother, but I think they both taught me a great deal.
With the loss of my grandmother, my faith was shaken. With the loss of my mother (and the beautiful outpouring of support), I think it may have been restored.
I've got to get back into the swing of things. I'm teaching a class of ~29 students due to the university being in a crisis without admitting to it (way to go, Gee). Instead of offering 4 or 5 100-level courses and a number of 300-level courses, we're offering 6 100-level courses and one or two 300-level courses, and all the 100s are pushed beyond the usual cap of 25. We're doing this because it's a way for the department to get $, but it's a load of crap. I've gone from not teaching anyone to teaching a ton of kids with the blank stares back at me. Fun. I just wish I knew this material better than I do; then I'd feel more confident in teaching it to a bunch of underclassmen. It's hard to teach Juniors and Seniors because they're set in their ways and aren't usually receptive to new ideas. I'm also trying to write my thesis, take a class, and scramble to get 3 credit hours to comply with my contract because my thesis seminar has been canceled. Of the six of us working on our thesis, only two of us signed up for the class, and the other person dropped out. Merde! I don't know how I'm doing what I'm doing, but I just can't stop for anything.
There is one other thing; I have resolved that I have to try at least once to be a singer. An actual, bona fide recording artist. My mother had a beautiful voice but never really got to be a soloist (the church choir had its clique), and I think a little bit of her sound is still in me and I want people to hear it. I've got to at least try.
I just wanted to thank everyone for their outpouring of love and support during this difficult time. I also want to thank the people at the Plain Dealer, the printer of the programs, and most of all Loretta from Lake View cemetery for being more than accommodating to our situation and showing the utmost in compassion. I'd also like to thank my aunt for being a bitch to remind me of the kind of fool she is, and my father in law for being an unbelievable bastard who lied and schemed and did some non-lawyerly things because he "showed his ass" in front of his son, making my husband realize that he can't let his father get away with being a dick. I'd also like to thank Quintessa *neck roll* for being an unruly tyrant who, in her own way, managed to make a miracle happen. I'd like to thank those who turned their backs for the guilt they are feeling because they need to learn to act like human beings. I want to thank my uncle for all the hell he's gone through, and for being there for my mom. I want to thank my grandmother for being the strong role model for me. And I'd like to thank my mother, because I never got a chance to do so. I love you mom.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Unexpected Lessons
Hi everyone.
It's been awhile, and I wish I had something more happy to post, but my mother passed away on Tuesday, and I've been dealing with the loss. I've also learned a great deal during this time, and I think I'm going to write about that for awhile.
For anyone who remembers the saga with Aunt Crayzee, you'll recall that she turned her back on my mom and uncle and managed to poison the waters so that almost nobody wanted to help them. Well, that contributed greatly to my mother's death. She died while my uncle was away, and he says the last thing she said to him was "Nobody ever stops by". She felt so abandoned and alone and was severely depressed towards the end, and when people would come by, they would be nasty, hurtful, and not willing to offer the least bit of help. She apparently wrote a letter to someone right before Thanksgiving asking for food because they were starving, and in it she wrote that she wanted them to be able to have a little bit of fun. She never asked for much in life, and towards the end she couldn't even get that. I came to see them as often as I could, and I would buy groceries and give them money. It wasn't enough. Now we get all these people coming out of the woodwork who claim to have loved her, but they wouldn't visit with her, or give her a kind word. The church that refused to help them pay a single bill (and refused to give them food!) has offered their space for the service, and I only agreed to it because I was trying to cut down on the funeral costs.
My uncle is hurting, and my aunt can't seem to give a shit. She has been a saboteur from the beginning, wanting them to fail and wanting us to fail in this funeral. The joke's on her; my church raised funds and will be helping to pay for the funeral, and my high school's headmaster called me up to say he's raised $3,000 and that I can call if we're still short. One of my girlfriends that I haven't spoken to since my baby shower even offered $300. My church is not a church of great means, whereas the church that they belong to is a historical African American church that is full of gossipers who are soulless, despicable people who would rather listen to someone who is no longer a member (who I am convinced is filled with venom; she's pure evil) than help those who need it. She is going to find a way to take credit for this when she did nothing. She deliberately waited until after church service was over to bring over the guest book, so that the people who visited were not recorded in the book because she didn't bring it. She also lied and said she would contact people she never called (like the hairdresser; she did the hair herself, which is why we're closing the casket for the wake and service). The "flowers" she promised her church would pay for are fake...and since her best friend's family makes those things for a living, so she probably paid nothing for them. It was just one stinking thing of flowers that she had placed on the casket. I hate her.
I hate everything she has done. She had the audacity to tell my husband (when he was telling her to keep trying to help find funds) that I should have just cremated her! I PAID for the bulk of her own mother's funeral, and it was my support system that is paying for my mother's funeral, and she has gotten away with ruining lives and not paying a dime. When I hear that people feel bad that they didn't visit, I always think "Good! You need to feel guilty." All my mother wanted was for God to come through for her, and for her to be loved. I want her to know that she is loved very much.
This is so hard to write.
I have invited my uncle to stay with us for awhile. I want him to be able to rebuild his life and heal away from a house where two of his loved ones have died. I am not sure when he will come, or if, but I don't want to go through this again. I want to know he's going to be alright because it's true what he said: It's not fair that people treat them like shit, treat them like they're worthless, as if they were the worst people in the world when all they were trying to do was survive. They were trying to live. And now she's dead, and I don't want him to be next.
What do I want for my aunt? For her to suffer. For her to feel humiliated, feel pain, to struggle. To not know where the next meal is going to come from. I want the worst for her, save only one thing: I don't want her to die. I want her to live with the consequences of what she has done. I want her to PAY.
I'm also angry with my father-in-law because he decided, on the day my mother's obituary was running in the Plain Dealer, to call her and my uncle "fucking irresponsible" for not doing what he thinks they were supposed to do with probate. Here are a few fun facts that he's completely forgotten about. 1) My husband and I hired him to help them, so if any money is owed, it would be from us and not them. 2) He told them that he was doing this for them because "we're family", and then treated them like they were idiotic pieces of shit because he was making side deals with my aunt, lapping up everything she served him. 3) He made my mother sign papers that he didn't explain. 4) He came over, while on the phone with my husband, pretending that he was giving them food when instead he dropped off a nasty letter saying that, essentially, my uncle had virtually no claim to the home. 5) He treats people like shit and has the nerve to be upset because they don't turn around and thank him for his service. I'm never asking him to do a damn thing for me again.
Since the title of my blog suggests that I learned something, let's review what I've learned in all of this.
- I want to be cremated. Fuck all of this shit with the funeral home (they demand payment upfront before services can be rendered; however, the newspaper, the printer of the service bulletins, and the people at the cemetery were more than willing to accommodate our situation of not having the money yet but that it was coming, or of lowering prices or not charging extra fees). If my loved ones want a service for me, fine, but I'd rather spare them the expense. My husband is willing to give me a service that observes Japanese rituals, but that's about all I want. He wants to donate his body to science.
- My mother was a wonderful woman who never deserved to die alone. I hope beyond everything that she is happy now.
- I apparently have a hell of a lot more friends than I could have possibly imagined.
- Know who to trust, and who to leave in the...bin (I wanted to say dust, but I do not want to offend my friend for the sake of a rhyme scheme).
- I apparently had more faith than I thought. When my grandmother died, I lost my faith. I think with my mother's death, I found it. I still told God off, but whatever.
- I will do right by the people who did right by me. And the others need to watch out. I'm full of anger and will release it on the first person to say the wrong thing tomorrow.
- There are some nasty people out there in the world, and they get away with a lot. If there's any justice in the world, they won't get away with it forever.
- I have the will to pull through this, and I want my mother to be remembered for who she was. And I want all of those people who said they care but didn't give a damn to know that her death rests on all of their shoulders. Live with that forever.
I signed all the paperwork, but the funeral home violated their own policies by allowing my aunt to take my place for the first viewing. She also dropped off the flowers and the book and never came back. My uncle and I stayed with her until they closed the home at 5. A few visitors came by and my little girl got to see her Gram-Gram one last time.
I've also learned that I have a mean streak that runs deeper than even I imagined, but I think these people have earned it. And if the money my aunt got the home church to donate is not given to the funeral home, my husband is going to call the church in a week to let them know that she had no expenses and that she should have to give the money back.
I never said I was a good girl.
The funeral is tomorrow afternoon, and I hope that her siblings from California come, but something tells me they won't.
There's only one crypt left of the six my grandmother bought. It's going to be for my uncle, because I'm cremating my aunt when she goes, so she'd better not go soon.
I may change my mind on a lot of things in time. But I won't change my opinions on those who hurt my family. I may just ease up on them in time (maybe). I've got to get some sleep to get through tomorrow. If things go poorly...well, let's just say you'll be hearing about me on the news.
I love you, mom. Never doubt that.
Her obituary is here.
EDIT: Okay, so now I'm feeling guilty about the things I said about my aunt (1.5 hours later). A little. I'm still angry, but she's still family. However, she needs to redeem herself to make this right.
It's been awhile, and I wish I had something more happy to post, but my mother passed away on Tuesday, and I've been dealing with the loss. I've also learned a great deal during this time, and I think I'm going to write about that for awhile.
For anyone who remembers the saga with Aunt Crayzee, you'll recall that she turned her back on my mom and uncle and managed to poison the waters so that almost nobody wanted to help them. Well, that contributed greatly to my mother's death. She died while my uncle was away, and he says the last thing she said to him was "Nobody ever stops by". She felt so abandoned and alone and was severely depressed towards the end, and when people would come by, they would be nasty, hurtful, and not willing to offer the least bit of help. She apparently wrote a letter to someone right before Thanksgiving asking for food because they were starving, and in it she wrote that she wanted them to be able to have a little bit of fun. She never asked for much in life, and towards the end she couldn't even get that. I came to see them as often as I could, and I would buy groceries and give them money. It wasn't enough. Now we get all these people coming out of the woodwork who claim to have loved her, but they wouldn't visit with her, or give her a kind word. The church that refused to help them pay a single bill (and refused to give them food!) has offered their space for the service, and I only agreed to it because I was trying to cut down on the funeral costs.
My uncle is hurting, and my aunt can't seem to give a shit. She has been a saboteur from the beginning, wanting them to fail and wanting us to fail in this funeral. The joke's on her; my church raised funds and will be helping to pay for the funeral, and my high school's headmaster called me up to say he's raised $3,000 and that I can call if we're still short. One of my girlfriends that I haven't spoken to since my baby shower even offered $300. My church is not a church of great means, whereas the church that they belong to is a historical African American church that is full of gossipers who are soulless, despicable people who would rather listen to someone who is no longer a member (who I am convinced is filled with venom; she's pure evil) than help those who need it. She is going to find a way to take credit for this when she did nothing. She deliberately waited until after church service was over to bring over the guest book, so that the people who visited were not recorded in the book because she didn't bring it. She also lied and said she would contact people she never called (like the hairdresser; she did the hair herself, which is why we're closing the casket for the wake and service). The "flowers" she promised her church would pay for are fake...and since her best friend's family makes those things for a living, so she probably paid nothing for them. It was just one stinking thing of flowers that she had placed on the casket. I hate her.
I hate everything she has done. She had the audacity to tell my husband (when he was telling her to keep trying to help find funds) that I should have just cremated her! I PAID for the bulk of her own mother's funeral, and it was my support system that is paying for my mother's funeral, and she has gotten away with ruining lives and not paying a dime. When I hear that people feel bad that they didn't visit, I always think "Good! You need to feel guilty." All my mother wanted was for God to come through for her, and for her to be loved. I want her to know that she is loved very much.
This is so hard to write.
I have invited my uncle to stay with us for awhile. I want him to be able to rebuild his life and heal away from a house where two of his loved ones have died. I am not sure when he will come, or if, but I don't want to go through this again. I want to know he's going to be alright because it's true what he said: It's not fair that people treat them like shit, treat them like they're worthless, as if they were the worst people in the world when all they were trying to do was survive. They were trying to live. And now she's dead, and I don't want him to be next.
What do I want for my aunt? For her to suffer. For her to feel humiliated, feel pain, to struggle. To not know where the next meal is going to come from. I want the worst for her, save only one thing: I don't want her to die. I want her to live with the consequences of what she has done. I want her to PAY.
I'm also angry with my father-in-law because he decided, on the day my mother's obituary was running in the Plain Dealer, to call her and my uncle "fucking irresponsible" for not doing what he thinks they were supposed to do with probate. Here are a few fun facts that he's completely forgotten about. 1) My husband and I hired him to help them, so if any money is owed, it would be from us and not them. 2) He told them that he was doing this for them because "we're family", and then treated them like they were idiotic pieces of shit because he was making side deals with my aunt, lapping up everything she served him. 3) He made my mother sign papers that he didn't explain. 4) He came over, while on the phone with my husband, pretending that he was giving them food when instead he dropped off a nasty letter saying that, essentially, my uncle had virtually no claim to the home. 5) He treats people like shit and has the nerve to be upset because they don't turn around and thank him for his service. I'm never asking him to do a damn thing for me again.
Since the title of my blog suggests that I learned something, let's review what I've learned in all of this.
- I want to be cremated. Fuck all of this shit with the funeral home (they demand payment upfront before services can be rendered; however, the newspaper, the printer of the service bulletins, and the people at the cemetery were more than willing to accommodate our situation of not having the money yet but that it was coming, or of lowering prices or not charging extra fees). If my loved ones want a service for me, fine, but I'd rather spare them the expense. My husband is willing to give me a service that observes Japanese rituals, but that's about all I want. He wants to donate his body to science.
- My mother was a wonderful woman who never deserved to die alone. I hope beyond everything that she is happy now.
- I apparently have a hell of a lot more friends than I could have possibly imagined.
- Know who to trust, and who to leave in the...bin (I wanted to say dust, but I do not want to offend my friend for the sake of a rhyme scheme).
- I apparently had more faith than I thought. When my grandmother died, I lost my faith. I think with my mother's death, I found it. I still told God off, but whatever.
- I will do right by the people who did right by me. And the others need to watch out. I'm full of anger and will release it on the first person to say the wrong thing tomorrow.
- There are some nasty people out there in the world, and they get away with a lot. If there's any justice in the world, they won't get away with it forever.
- I have the will to pull through this, and I want my mother to be remembered for who she was. And I want all of those people who said they care but didn't give a damn to know that her death rests on all of their shoulders. Live with that forever.
I signed all the paperwork, but the funeral home violated their own policies by allowing my aunt to take my place for the first viewing. She also dropped off the flowers and the book and never came back. My uncle and I stayed with her until they closed the home at 5. A few visitors came by and my little girl got to see her Gram-Gram one last time.
I've also learned that I have a mean streak that runs deeper than even I imagined, but I think these people have earned it. And if the money my aunt got the home church to donate is not given to the funeral home, my husband is going to call the church in a week to let them know that she had no expenses and that she should have to give the money back.
I never said I was a good girl.
The funeral is tomorrow afternoon, and I hope that her siblings from California come, but something tells me they won't.
There's only one crypt left of the six my grandmother bought. It's going to be for my uncle, because I'm cremating my aunt when she goes, so she'd better not go soon.
I may change my mind on a lot of things in time. But I won't change my opinions on those who hurt my family. I may just ease up on them in time (maybe). I've got to get some sleep to get through tomorrow. If things go poorly...well, let's just say you'll be hearing about me on the news.
I love you, mom. Never doubt that.
Her obituary is here.
EDIT: Okay, so now I'm feeling guilty about the things I said about my aunt (1.5 hours later). A little. I'm still angry, but she's still family. However, she needs to redeem herself to make this right.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Short Update
Hi everyone,
I know it's been a long time since I've posted, but things have been very busy lately. Now that I'm on winter break, I'm taking the time to get caught up on my Master's Thesis work as well as creating a syllabus for my class next quarter (like I know what the hell I'm doing).
Anyway, here's what's been going on (in case you haven't been following me on Twitter):
- I managed to get through teaching my first classes without too much trouble. I had some problems with students not working well together in their groups (and a couple of extra credit assignments that drove me crazy [one person wrote "colored" at least 14 times in his paper about his family's views on race, and the other insulted the poor and people of color while railing for people to eat better so that they don't need organ donors...not exactly the best way to sell people on being organ donors]) but everything worked out in the end. Only one student had to take the final (out of 45 total students) and everyone got an A.
- My husband's job situation went from bad to worse. HR refused to pay him and when they laid off the majority of the design department, he was the only person not to get paid. After smashing the HR person's family photo against a wall (bad idea, I know), we filed the case with OSHA. I'm going to have him call to do a follow-up with the federal branch tomorrow, and that branch is supposed to force the regional branch to get to work, so we'll see how this goes. At least now he qualifies for unemployment, so we'll finally have some $ coming in for the first time in months. My pay is not enough for just one person to live on, let alone three, so this is help we needed.
- I got sick during finals week last week, and I'm still on the mend. Since I won't gross anyone out with details, let's just say this was serious when the people at the Student Health center booked the appointment for 30 minutes from when I made the call, instead of for the next day.
- We've gotten Christmas photos done & I will be scanning and posting them soon. What pissed me off, however, was the fact that the girl who was helping our photographer (who was doing her first day of sales) kept trying to do a hard-sell with us that almost resulted in us not getting any photos. The girl who normally does our photos had a death in the family, so they had two people in as replacements. One who had been a photographer for years but had never worked on sales for the company until that day, and the other was a hard-assed bitch who kept trying to sell us $200 and $300 packages. We barely had enough gas to get to the damn session, and we weren't trying to spend more than $50, so when she kept coming back into the room to change what we were ordering from 5 sheets to 9 so we qualified for some stupid package or another, I was about to lose it. I had to fight for a montage photo I wanted, because it was the only way we were going to get some of the shots, but when the girl came in and said a montage photo was extra (which wasn't the way they did packages in the past), that was when I finally got upset. We got the photos we wanted, but to add insult to injury, a bulk of the images were thrown away. Usually, they make all of the images from the shoot available online, and there were some that I could have gotten my m-i-l to order, but Bitch-Ass probably only kept the ones we ordered photos from. If our regular girl doesn't come back, I'm taking my business elsewhere.
Anyway, I have a syllabus to write, a house to clean, and a headache to get rid of. I wish I felt better about writing a syllabus, but all the help I've gotten so far is to look at what others have done in the past. Unfortunately, people don't say what they taught in their syllabus; just what books they covered. I'll figure out something.
Happy Trails, Happy Holidays, and all that good stuff.
~ Kay
I know it's been a long time since I've posted, but things have been very busy lately. Now that I'm on winter break, I'm taking the time to get caught up on my Master's Thesis work as well as creating a syllabus for my class next quarter (like I know what the hell I'm doing).
Anyway, here's what's been going on (in case you haven't been following me on Twitter):
- I managed to get through teaching my first classes without too much trouble. I had some problems with students not working well together in their groups (and a couple of extra credit assignments that drove me crazy [one person wrote "colored" at least 14 times in his paper about his family's views on race, and the other insulted the poor and people of color while railing for people to eat better so that they don't need organ donors...not exactly the best way to sell people on being organ donors]) but everything worked out in the end. Only one student had to take the final (out of 45 total students) and everyone got an A.
- My husband's job situation went from bad to worse. HR refused to pay him and when they laid off the majority of the design department, he was the only person not to get paid. After smashing the HR person's family photo against a wall (bad idea, I know), we filed the case with OSHA. I'm going to have him call to do a follow-up with the federal branch tomorrow, and that branch is supposed to force the regional branch to get to work, so we'll see how this goes. At least now he qualifies for unemployment, so we'll finally have some $ coming in for the first time in months. My pay is not enough for just one person to live on, let alone three, so this is help we needed.
- I got sick during finals week last week, and I'm still on the mend. Since I won't gross anyone out with details, let's just say this was serious when the people at the Student Health center booked the appointment for 30 minutes from when I made the call, instead of for the next day.
- We've gotten Christmas photos done & I will be scanning and posting them soon. What pissed me off, however, was the fact that the girl who was helping our photographer (who was doing her first day of sales) kept trying to do a hard-sell with us that almost resulted in us not getting any photos. The girl who normally does our photos had a death in the family, so they had two people in as replacements. One who had been a photographer for years but had never worked on sales for the company until that day, and the other was a hard-assed bitch who kept trying to sell us $200 and $300 packages. We barely had enough gas to get to the damn session, and we weren't trying to spend more than $50, so when she kept coming back into the room to change what we were ordering from 5 sheets to 9 so we qualified for some stupid package or another, I was about to lose it. I had to fight for a montage photo I wanted, because it was the only way we were going to get some of the shots, but when the girl came in and said a montage photo was extra (which wasn't the way they did packages in the past), that was when I finally got upset. We got the photos we wanted, but to add insult to injury, a bulk of the images were thrown away. Usually, they make all of the images from the shoot available online, and there were some that I could have gotten my m-i-l to order, but Bitch-Ass probably only kept the ones we ordered photos from. If our regular girl doesn't come back, I'm taking my business elsewhere.
Anyway, I have a syllabus to write, a house to clean, and a headache to get rid of. I wish I felt better about writing a syllabus, but all the help I've gotten so far is to look at what others have done in the past. Unfortunately, people don't say what they taught in their syllabus; just what books they covered. I'll figure out something.
Happy Trails, Happy Holidays, and all that good stuff.
~ Kay
Friday, October 2, 2009
Better Late Than Never
I've been saying I was going to do this for awhile, but I finally got it done.
Devi's first birthday party photos are finally online!
We had a wonderful party on September 4th with a lot of friends and family (including my mom, my uncle, and her godfather), and a lot of the photos are of her adventures in cake-eating. I got to make a cake for the first time in years and was happy to see that I had no leftovers that day.
Anyway, Devi ended up eating the icing off the cake because she was more interested in eating the cake than smashing it. However, my uncle comes in to help her finish it off when she almost sat on the piece!
I can't believe I've been doing this parenting thing for 12+ months, and while my uncle (and others) seems to think I'm doing a good job, I think I'm doing okay.
Enjoy the show!
Devi's first birthday party photos are finally online!
We had a wonderful party on September 4th with a lot of friends and family (including my mom, my uncle, and her godfather), and a lot of the photos are of her adventures in cake-eating. I got to make a cake for the first time in years and was happy to see that I had no leftovers that day.
Anyway, Devi ended up eating the icing off the cake because she was more interested in eating the cake than smashing it. However, my uncle comes in to help her finish it off when she almost sat on the piece!
I can't believe I've been doing this parenting thing for 12+ months, and while my uncle (and others) seems to think I'm doing a good job, I think I'm doing okay.
Enjoy the show!
Thursday, October 1, 2009
That Went Better Than I Thought
Hi everyone!
I had my actual first day of teaching today, and despite the fact that I was late for my 9:30 section due to parking issues (OSU is a little too greedy for money and sells too many parking passes and park-n-pays, but I digress), I think it went well. Or as well as can be expected. I didn't get the problem students, nor did I get the special needs student (who is a very nice person, but people were laughing at his idiosyncrasies on Friday, which had me worried...but I think he's going to be okay), but I also got through my agenda rather quickly. I didn't anticipate being done before the end of the session (classes are 48 minutes long), but they're good kids. I worry that they may have thought I was being a bit strict when I asked them to set the "respect" guidelines for the class, but I feel that it's important to have these guidelines in place because we will be covering controversial topics and I'd rather head these issues off at the pass.
I'm still not sure I'm cut out for this teaching thing, but I hope to be able to do a good job for my students, and that the evaluations won't be too damning.
I'm not posting a picture of Devi (who has a cold right now; poor thing), because I have a special post coming up.
Have a good one, folks!
I had my actual first day of teaching today, and despite the fact that I was late for my 9:30 section due to parking issues (OSU is a little too greedy for money and sells too many parking passes and park-n-pays, but I digress), I think it went well. Or as well as can be expected. I didn't get the problem students, nor did I get the special needs student (who is a very nice person, but people were laughing at his idiosyncrasies on Friday, which had me worried...but I think he's going to be okay), but I also got through my agenda rather quickly. I didn't anticipate being done before the end of the session (classes are 48 minutes long), but they're good kids. I worry that they may have thought I was being a bit strict when I asked them to set the "respect" guidelines for the class, but I feel that it's important to have these guidelines in place because we will be covering controversial topics and I'd rather head these issues off at the pass.
I'm still not sure I'm cut out for this teaching thing, but I hope to be able to do a good job for my students, and that the evaluations won't be too damning.
I'm not posting a picture of Devi (who has a cold right now; poor thing), because I have a special post coming up.
Have a good one, folks!
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Tomorrow, I Teach!
Yeah, I'm not kidding. Nor am I excited.
I am a Graduate Teaching Associate and I am teaching two recitation sections (these classes are made up of students who are taking a lecture course; the recitation TAs go over materials with the smaller groups), and I'm doing it because I'm in a department where they use all of us grad students as labor. I also will be teaching my own class in three months...so, yay?
It's not that I hate teachers; I think teachers are some of the most wonderful people in the world, and I come from a family of teachers, but I don't have the patience to deal with people anymore. The idea of trying to talk to a group of students about controversial topics that I don't even talk about amongst friends is giving me fits. I have my first TA meeting tomorrow, and I'm hoping to come up with some good ideas for what I will do with my two sections.
It also doesn't help that I'm not a morning person, and I am teaching at 9:30 and 10:30 in the morning. Try to seem excited that early in the morning.
I had wanted to post pictures on Devi's birthday, but I didn't get a chance to put new ones on my computer yet, so my next post will include pictures of Devi's first birthday party (yay!). So, here's a reprisal of what she looked like last year. Take care, everyone!
I can't believe she used to be this small! People are right; they do grow up fast.
I am a Graduate Teaching Associate and I am teaching two recitation sections (these classes are made up of students who are taking a lecture course; the recitation TAs go over materials with the smaller groups), and I'm doing it because I'm in a department where they use all of us grad students as labor. I also will be teaching my own class in three months...so, yay?
It's not that I hate teachers; I think teachers are some of the most wonderful people in the world, and I come from a family of teachers, but I don't have the patience to deal with people anymore. The idea of trying to talk to a group of students about controversial topics that I don't even talk about amongst friends is giving me fits. I have my first TA meeting tomorrow, and I'm hoping to come up with some good ideas for what I will do with my two sections.
It also doesn't help that I'm not a morning person, and I am teaching at 9:30 and 10:30 in the morning. Try to seem excited that early in the morning.
I had wanted to post pictures on Devi's birthday, but I didn't get a chance to put new ones on my computer yet, so my next post will include pictures of Devi's first birthday party (yay!). So, here's a reprisal of what she looked like last year. Take care, everyone!
I can't believe she used to be this small! People are right; they do grow up fast.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Guess What Today Is!
It's Devi's first birthday (yay!!!)! She's turning one and I'm still trying to run around and get everything together for the party that will be starting soon. I hope it goes well.
Since I'm in a hurry (and suffering from a bad sinus infection), I will have to add photos to this post later this evening. I'll also have to fill you in on the ordeal of the whole thing.
Love you all!
~ Kay
P.S. I wanted to send a special thank you to Uncle David Dust who hooked me up with a "Peace, Bitch!" button. I only got it yesterday because I haven't been on campus since July, but I am looking forward to wearing it when I teach and waiting for my students to ask what it means. :-)
Since I'm in a hurry (and suffering from a bad sinus infection), I will have to add photos to this post later this evening. I'll also have to fill you in on the ordeal of the whole thing.
Love you all!
~ Kay
P.S. I wanted to send a special thank you to Uncle David Dust who hooked me up with a "Peace, Bitch!" button. I only got it yesterday because I haven't been on campus since July, but I am looking forward to wearing it when I teach and waiting for my students to ask what it means. :-)
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Clearing out the Tumbleweeds
This is getting ridiculous, but it's been a busy summer since my last post. My husband quit his job at Target and got a 1 month unpaid internship at an ironworks company that he is hoping will turn into a real job (he's always wanted to walk into the place and ask for a job, and a few weeks ago he did just that). However, he ended up in a car accident while on a work assignment on the 14th and we may have to go to court to get the damages on our car paid for (the other driver drove over the double yellow lines to try to pass him on the left as he sat there waiting to make a left-hand turn; but the only evidence we may have is the video footage from that day that we'll have to subpoena for small-claims court).
Also, I've been working on my reading list, but since my department takes the whole freakin' summer off, I haven't had any guidance in getting this completed outside of my uncle's suggestions. I'm going to send out some e-mails in the hope of getting projects set up for the fall so that I'm doing 10 hours of independent research instead of 10 hours of coursework when I have to teach. But at least I started correspondence with someone working in the field of Japanese manga studies...now if I would just write back to him, that would be good (I'm such a coward).
Anyway, the big news is my little girl will be turning one on September 4th and we're (read: I) trying to plan a party (or three, however this is going to work) for her. It's multiple because my mother-in-law is too ill to travel (she had had a minor heart attack in the spring) and so we're going to do something with her and my father-in-law this weekend, and a party down here with my family and friends (maybe) on her actual birthday. However, that seems to be falling apart. I tried to contact two of my friends to invite them for the party, but I haven't heard back, and with my mom and uncle they didn't respond to the text I sent them, so I'm going to have to write them an actual letter and arrange for them to be driven down and put up in a hotel (because we no longer have the space to host guests) for a few days. I want Devi's first birthday to be special, and I worry that it will just be a mess. But as I told a woman selling her Christian motivational book (that I bought for my mom), I know I'll get through this but I just worry about everyone else.
I need to go through my pictures so that I can find some good ones of Devi, who currently has 4 teeth, is getting pretty good at eating solids, and actually likes having her teeth brushed. Until I have more time (or finally set up that stupid new computer that I said I was going to do months ago), these photos will have to do.
Later.
P.S. I almost, almost, signed up for a Twitter account, but decided that I didn't need my 48th Internet entity that I would eventually abandon.
P.P.S. Can you believe this child beat my baby in the beautiful babies contest? See, this is what happens when a lazy person never forwards the link after registering for the contest.
Also, I've been working on my reading list, but since my department takes the whole freakin' summer off, I haven't had any guidance in getting this completed outside of my uncle's suggestions. I'm going to send out some e-mails in the hope of getting projects set up for the fall so that I'm doing 10 hours of independent research instead of 10 hours of coursework when I have to teach. But at least I started correspondence with someone working in the field of Japanese manga studies...now if I would just write back to him, that would be good (I'm such a coward).
Anyway, the big news is my little girl will be turning one on September 4th and we're (read: I) trying to plan a party (or three, however this is going to work) for her. It's multiple because my mother-in-law is too ill to travel (she had had a minor heart attack in the spring) and so we're going to do something with her and my father-in-law this weekend, and a party down here with my family and friends (maybe) on her actual birthday. However, that seems to be falling apart. I tried to contact two of my friends to invite them for the party, but I haven't heard back, and with my mom and uncle they didn't respond to the text I sent them, so I'm going to have to write them an actual letter and arrange for them to be driven down and put up in a hotel (because we no longer have the space to host guests) for a few days. I want Devi's first birthday to be special, and I worry that it will just be a mess. But as I told a woman selling her Christian motivational book (that I bought for my mom), I know I'll get through this but I just worry about everyone else.
I need to go through my pictures so that I can find some good ones of Devi, who currently has 4 teeth, is getting pretty good at eating solids, and actually likes having her teeth brushed. Until I have more time (or finally set up that stupid new computer that I said I was going to do months ago), these photos will have to do.
Later.
P.S. I almost, almost, signed up for a Twitter account, but decided that I didn't need my 48th Internet entity that I would eventually abandon.
P.P.S. Can you believe this child beat my baby in the beautiful babies contest? See, this is what happens when a lazy person never forwards the link after registering for the contest.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
From the Depths Of Hell (the school kind)
Hey everyone! I'm in week 3 of a five-week intensive course this summer, and I have a few minutes to type before I need to let Devi go down for her nap.
I had to lead the discussion in class yesterday, and for the first time in grad school, I actually did a full-session (which was only a few minutes of me trying to get the discussion going on the first English version of the story Madame Butterfly (1898)). I didn't get any sleep the night before, because I spent the whole night trying to type up my handwritten notes (because I forgot that he wanted to see them) and coming up with questions that showed that I at least understood part of the texts [there were two articles we had to read as well, one critiquing the narrative and the other discussing hypersexuality in the musical Miss Saigon], but I've got a ways to go if I'm going to come up with questions for students because I just don't know how to pull myself out of a text far enough to be able to ask general questions. I get to those points within the text, but I tend not to see ways to ask questions that are obvious to everyone else. But it was a great teaching exercise (which is why he says he makes grad students do that in his courses) and he said the questions were good (but is that good?) so I'm pleased with the results.
We've entered Devi in the Beautiful Babies contest hosted by WGN, and I'll add the link to the blog in a day or two. I'm sure we're not going to win because I wasn't happy with the picture we ultimately chose, but her best shots were with other people in them, and we couldn't use those. My husband thinks this picture captured her personality best, and I poured over all the photos I'd taken over the last three months and just wasn't happy with what I found. That, and we avoided any shots that involved eating (because he thought that would be too common), so I'll post the link because people have to vote (great) for the best shots.
Anyway, I'm trying to keep the post light because I'm really trying not to worry about all the things that are stressing me out. That, and I do have a question for the parents and adept babysitters out there: How do you get a 10-month-old to stop hitting people? Seriously, she slaps people and scratched my eyelid this morning, so I'm looking for ways to get her to stop. So far, telling her "no hitting" and holding the arm she's hitting with to get her to stop has had some success, but not completely. Any helpful advice is appreciated.
And, Devi now has teeth! But every time I try to photograph them, she tries to eat the camera. Like this...
Well, I've got to read David Henry Hwong's [Correction: Hwang, not Hwong] "M. Butterfly" and a book chapter critiquing the play today for tomorrow's class, so I've got to go. Here are more pictures of Devi to help pass the time, including one where she and her Pepe got very close to a deer (thanks, honey, for taking that great shot!).
Until I can next post, have a good day everyone.
I had to lead the discussion in class yesterday, and for the first time in grad school, I actually did a full-session (which was only a few minutes of me trying to get the discussion going on the first English version of the story Madame Butterfly (1898)). I didn't get any sleep the night before, because I spent the whole night trying to type up my handwritten notes (because I forgot that he wanted to see them) and coming up with questions that showed that I at least understood part of the texts [there were two articles we had to read as well, one critiquing the narrative and the other discussing hypersexuality in the musical Miss Saigon], but I've got a ways to go if I'm going to come up with questions for students because I just don't know how to pull myself out of a text far enough to be able to ask general questions. I get to those points within the text, but I tend not to see ways to ask questions that are obvious to everyone else. But it was a great teaching exercise (which is why he says he makes grad students do that in his courses) and he said the questions were good (but is that good?) so I'm pleased with the results.
We've entered Devi in the Beautiful Babies contest hosted by WGN, and I'll add the link to the blog in a day or two. I'm sure we're not going to win because I wasn't happy with the picture we ultimately chose, but her best shots were with other people in them, and we couldn't use those. My husband thinks this picture captured her personality best, and I poured over all the photos I'd taken over the last three months and just wasn't happy with what I found. That, and we avoided any shots that involved eating (because he thought that would be too common), so I'll post the link because people have to vote (great) for the best shots.
Anyway, I'm trying to keep the post light because I'm really trying not to worry about all the things that are stressing me out. That, and I do have a question for the parents and adept babysitters out there: How do you get a 10-month-old to stop hitting people? Seriously, she slaps people and scratched my eyelid this morning, so I'm looking for ways to get her to stop. So far, telling her "no hitting" and holding the arm she's hitting with to get her to stop has had some success, but not completely. Any helpful advice is appreciated.
And, Devi now has teeth! But every time I try to photograph them, she tries to eat the camera. Like this...
Well, I've got to read David Henry Hwong's [Correction: Hwang, not Hwong] "M. Butterfly" and a book chapter critiquing the play today for tomorrow's class, so I've got to go. Here are more pictures of Devi to help pass the time, including one where she and her Pepe got very close to a deer (thanks, honey, for taking that great shot!).
Until I can next post, have a good day everyone.
Friday, May 29, 2009
I feel so bad...but what can I do?
...hi.
This is getting to be a very bad habit. Unfortunately, the demands of graduate school and motherhood have kept me away (that, and since my photos of Devi are on my PC and not my laptop, I refuse to post entries unless I can post something of her). Here's a brief 411 of what has been going on, so that I can close this entry out and get to bed.
- My husband lost his health insurance with his job because his average hours last year were too low. He needed to average 32 hours and he only averaged 31.5. This means the only person with any kind of health coverage left is...me. I had to carry insurance in school and I'm relying on it for me, and we hope to get her on the government aid soon.
- School is kicking my ass. I'm freaking out that my work isn't good enough, and I'm trying to stave off burn-out as I gear up for the end of the quarter, the beginning of summer classes (eep) and the start of my research for my master's thesis. Oh, and did I mention that I will be teaching undergraduates in the fall? Yep. Anxiety overload.
- I got to perform with The Singing Angels for Mother's Day as part of the alumni chorus, which was fun. However, my father-in-law decided to tell me on that day that he no longer wants to represent my mom and uncle in court (which I can understand) but seemed to think my aunt was some sort of victim in all of this (which pissed me off). After visiting my mom and uncle and bringing them groceries, since my uncle is all skin and bones, my husband is finally in agreement with me on sending them support. I also have some library friends looking into possible tax help to help them keep the house, so fingers crossed on that one.
- We went to Marcon this year and we all had a good time. Devi hung out with the gamers and I got some studying done. I even got to see one of my cohorts who was party crashing the room parties. Unfortunately for Devi, she has been suffering from a cold, and she ended up waking up at 2am in the hotel room where the only comfort that put her back to sleep was...me. It seems that my 40% in our 60/40 workload means that I can still be a comfort to my child.
- Last, and certainly not least, my mother-in-law had a minor heart attack on Tuesday. It was 1 a.m. when Life Alert called my husband and let him know that his mother had been transported to the hospital [It may be corny, but "Thank goodness for Life Alert" indeed]. She seems to be doing well, and a camera used to examine her heart showed that it was clear, but we still don't know what brought it on. We hope she'll be home soon.
I am going to try and put myself on a weekly schedule for posting, because I'm already feeling isolated in the live-world (I refuse to say the "real" world because a) online communities are just as real as interactions in the flesh and b) I've been reading too much Lacan and any mention of the real troubles the water) and I hate not posting and getting visitors.
Since I have to hurry up and finish before Devi wakes up, here are some of the Easter photos, as promised (but long overdue). I only had time to crop three of them, so I may end up posting more as time goes on. I love you all and I have missed you, but I won't promise that I have returned since I never know when my next post will come in. Peace out!
This is getting to be a very bad habit. Unfortunately, the demands of graduate school and motherhood have kept me away (that, and since my photos of Devi are on my PC and not my laptop, I refuse to post entries unless I can post something of her). Here's a brief 411 of what has been going on, so that I can close this entry out and get to bed.
- My husband lost his health insurance with his job because his average hours last year were too low. He needed to average 32 hours and he only averaged 31.5. This means the only person with any kind of health coverage left is...me. I had to carry insurance in school and I'm relying on it for me, and we hope to get her on the government aid soon.
- School is kicking my ass. I'm freaking out that my work isn't good enough, and I'm trying to stave off burn-out as I gear up for the end of the quarter, the beginning of summer classes (eep) and the start of my research for my master's thesis. Oh, and did I mention that I will be teaching undergraduates in the fall? Yep. Anxiety overload.
- I got to perform with The Singing Angels for Mother's Day as part of the alumni chorus, which was fun. However, my father-in-law decided to tell me on that day that he no longer wants to represent my mom and uncle in court (which I can understand) but seemed to think my aunt was some sort of victim in all of this (which pissed me off). After visiting my mom and uncle and bringing them groceries, since my uncle is all skin and bones, my husband is finally in agreement with me on sending them support. I also have some library friends looking into possible tax help to help them keep the house, so fingers crossed on that one.
- We went to Marcon this year and we all had a good time. Devi hung out with the gamers and I got some studying done. I even got to see one of my cohorts who was party crashing the room parties. Unfortunately for Devi, she has been suffering from a cold, and she ended up waking up at 2am in the hotel room where the only comfort that put her back to sleep was...me. It seems that my 40% in our 60/40 workload means that I can still be a comfort to my child.
- Last, and certainly not least, my mother-in-law had a minor heart attack on Tuesday. It was 1 a.m. when Life Alert called my husband and let him know that his mother had been transported to the hospital [It may be corny, but "Thank goodness for Life Alert" indeed]. She seems to be doing well, and a camera used to examine her heart showed that it was clear, but we still don't know what brought it on. We hope she'll be home soon.
I am going to try and put myself on a weekly schedule for posting, because I'm already feeling isolated in the live-world (I refuse to say the "real" world because a) online communities are just as real as interactions in the flesh and b) I've been reading too much Lacan and any mention of the real troubles the water) and I hate not posting and getting visitors.
Since I have to hurry up and finish before Devi wakes up, here are some of the Easter photos, as promised (but long overdue). I only had time to crop three of them, so I may end up posting more as time goes on. I love you all and I have missed you, but I won't promise that I have returned since I never know when my next post will come in. Peace out!
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Happy Easter
Hi everyone!
It's been a month since my last confess... wait, post. I don't even do confession. Anyway...
The conference went well, I had a good spring break of doing nothing but entertain my family, and then I ran into problems with my courses for Spring quarter. The problem? Not enough classes that apply to my studies.
Since I don't have a lot of time to post right now (someone needs to go to bed very soon), I will say a couple of things and hope to post again later in the week.
Thank you, Uncle David, for the pin that you sent me! I want to get a picture of Devi wearing it up on the site, but we're in the middle of changing computers (we bought a new one two weeks ago but I'm so paranoid of losing my pictures and academic files that I've been trying to back everything up while under an ass-ton of schoolwork) so that picture will come eventually. Also, we did Easter photos and, once again, Devi was phenomenal. We did the photos with his parents (which was...interesting since they wouldn't do a photo together) and so, for the next time, we're going to bring down my family. I haven't spoken to any of my Cleveland connections (except my brother) in months, but I put money on my uncle's phone and he thanked me via text message yesterday, so I at least know they're doing alright.
I wish I could write more, but Devi is ready for bed. An update on Devi Darling; she can sit unsupported! She's not crawling yet, and she still has no teeth, but I can sit her on the floor with some toys (her favorite being a small shipping box) and not worry about her for a little while as I study nearby.
I'll end this with Devi photos that I did not take; these were taken at one of my husband's friend's homes was while I was in Florida (their daughter is in the 2nd photo). Later, gators!
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It's been a month since my last confess... wait, post. I don't even do confession. Anyway...
The conference went well, I had a good spring break of doing nothing but entertain my family, and then I ran into problems with my courses for Spring quarter. The problem? Not enough classes that apply to my studies.
Since I don't have a lot of time to post right now (someone needs to go to bed very soon), I will say a couple of things and hope to post again later in the week.
Thank you, Uncle David, for the pin that you sent me! I want to get a picture of Devi wearing it up on the site, but we're in the middle of changing computers (we bought a new one two weeks ago but I'm so paranoid of losing my pictures and academic files that I've been trying to back everything up while under an ass-ton of schoolwork) so that picture will come eventually. Also, we did Easter photos and, once again, Devi was phenomenal. We did the photos with his parents (which was...interesting since they wouldn't do a photo together) and so, for the next time, we're going to bring down my family. I haven't spoken to any of my Cleveland connections (except my brother) in months, but I put money on my uncle's phone and he thanked me via text message yesterday, so I at least know they're doing alright.
I wish I could write more, but Devi is ready for bed. An update on Devi Darling; she can sit unsupported! She's not crawling yet, and she still has no teeth, but I can sit her on the floor with some toys (her favorite being a small shipping box) and not worry about her for a little while as I study nearby.
I'll end this with Devi photos that I did not take; these were taken at one of my husband's friend's homes was while I was in Florida (their daughter is in the 2nd photo). Later, gators!
.jpg)
Saturday, March 14, 2009
To the Author of The American Otaku Master's Thesis
Hello.
You do not know me, but I found a copy of your thesis, The American Otaku: An Ethnographic Study of Anime Fans in the U.S. online, and I wanted to let you know that there is no name attached to this work. If there was a coverpage, it is no longer there, and there is no name even in the margins. The website that I retrieved it from gave no indication as to the origins of this document, and I wanted to warn you that your copyrighted work is floating around on the internet, nameless, and it would be easy for anyone to steal your hard work. I am also hoping to locate you because I would like to cite this piece, but without a name it is impossible. If you are the proper owner of this thesis, please let me know and I can track down the web address and give it to you. I just wanted you to be aware of your work being available without proper credit.
~ SailorAlphaCentauri
And for the rest of my readers:
This is finals week for me, and I am trying to put together a project, a class paper, and my conference presentation between now and Friday, so I'm of course very busy. I've hit a snag with the airline ticket situation because my credit card's limit was reduced unexpectedly, making it almost impossible to pay for my flight to Florida, but I figured that we could finagle some things and make it work. Since I only got 3 hours of sleep due to staying up all night working on my Japanese Philosophy exam, I'm very tired. But before bed, a Devi moment:
...oh, okay. Two Devi moments (these will have to get you all through until I get back from my conference):
Photo one was when I was failing to get her to go to sleep (she was more intent on grabbing the camera), and photo two was the end of her first day of eating squash.
Later, gators.
You do not know me, but I found a copy of your thesis, The American Otaku: An Ethnographic Study of Anime Fans in the U.S. online, and I wanted to let you know that there is no name attached to this work. If there was a coverpage, it is no longer there, and there is no name even in the margins. The website that I retrieved it from gave no indication as to the origins of this document, and I wanted to warn you that your copyrighted work is floating around on the internet, nameless, and it would be easy for anyone to steal your hard work. I am also hoping to locate you because I would like to cite this piece, but without a name it is impossible. If you are the proper owner of this thesis, please let me know and I can track down the web address and give it to you. I just wanted you to be aware of your work being available without proper credit.
~ SailorAlphaCentauri
And for the rest of my readers:
This is finals week for me, and I am trying to put together a project, a class paper, and my conference presentation between now and Friday, so I'm of course very busy. I've hit a snag with the airline ticket situation because my credit card's limit was reduced unexpectedly, making it almost impossible to pay for my flight to Florida, but I figured that we could finagle some things and make it work. Since I only got 3 hours of sleep due to staying up all night working on my Japanese Philosophy exam, I'm very tired. But before bed, a Devi moment:
...oh, okay. Two Devi moments (these will have to get you all through until I get back from my conference):
Photo one was when I was failing to get her to go to sleep (she was more intent on grabbing the camera), and photo two was the end of her first day of eating squash.
Later, gators.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Two Weeks to Go
I'm feeling the pressure now.
I have two weeks before the quarter ends, and I still have a paper due on Wednesday, two projects due at the end of the quarter, and a paper due for my conference in Florida. How is my progress going? Not too well. I want to e-mail the professors I have the projects for to let them know what it is I am going to do. I was supposed to do it this past week, but life got in the way (Devi decided to try this new 3a.m. wake-up call) so I have to do it today. To say I'm feeling a bit stressed just doesn't quite cut it. I don't know how I'm going to get it all done, and do a good job of it to boot, but I have to try.
Anyway, since I have so much to do, I'm sticking to the spartan posting schedule, at least until I get back on March 23rd. I'll be back in town by then and on Spring Break. This is going to be the first time I'm going to be apart from Devi for this length of time (the longest to date: 12 hours), so that's going to hurt. But now that I'm pressed for time, hopefully my focus will return because it's been shot lately. At least I don't have choir rehearsal this week, so that's more time for my projects as well.
Well, until next time...
Oh, did you think I forgot something?
Nope.
Hammer's got nothing on her!
Stop! Devi time!
I have two weeks before the quarter ends, and I still have a paper due on Wednesday, two projects due at the end of the quarter, and a paper due for my conference in Florida. How is my progress going? Not too well. I want to e-mail the professors I have the projects for to let them know what it is I am going to do. I was supposed to do it this past week, but life got in the way (Devi decided to try this new 3a.m. wake-up call) so I have to do it today. To say I'm feeling a bit stressed just doesn't quite cut it. I don't know how I'm going to get it all done, and do a good job of it to boot, but I have to try.
Anyway, since I have so much to do, I'm sticking to the spartan posting schedule, at least until I get back on March 23rd. I'll be back in town by then and on Spring Break. This is going to be the first time I'm going to be apart from Devi for this length of time (the longest to date: 12 hours), so that's going to hurt. But now that I'm pressed for time, hopefully my focus will return because it's been shot lately. At least I don't have choir rehearsal this week, so that's more time for my projects as well.
Well, until next time...
Oh, did you think I forgot something?
Nope.
Hammer's got nothing on her!
Stop! Devi time!
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