Trying to Get to San Diego

Hi everyone. I am doing a fundraiser to help me get to San Deigo. I have been given the opportunity to present a paper at the Comics Arts Conference, which is part of the San Deigo Comic-con. For those of you who remember, I am a PhD student who is studying comics. As time has gone on, I have honed in my focus on sound effects in Japanese manga and American comics. This presentation is, essentially, an opportunity to try out my dissertation at a huge event. I am going to do whatever it takes to get there, and I've set up a fundraiser webpage to ask for money. Any help that I can get will be greatly appreciated, so check out the link below.

Most people know that being a graduate student is costly; I've got a four-year-old to take care of and a whole family to support on a meager salary. I am going to this conference because this is important to my career; here is a chance for me to meet people who can help me get to the next level in my research. This is also my first time going to Comic-con and, I'm not going to lie, I'd really love to go at least once. I had to give up two other conferences this year because of the need to do my candidacy exams, so the paper is incorporating resources from my exams so that my research is doing double-duty to get me ready for this. If you have even a dollar that you can donate, that would be very helpful. Please do what you can.

Also, if you happen to be attending Comic-con, look for me at my panel. It should be on the website eventually (the link is on the fundraising site). If you're curious, GoFundMe is kind of like Kickstarter for individuals. Let's see how successful I can be. I'll keep you posted as things come in.

My Fundraising Page

Just Some Thoughts...

Hi everyone. It's been awhile, and since I am usually a bit verbose or wordy with my posts, I'll try to keep it short. It's really late and I should be asleep, but that has been hard to come by of late. I am currently getting through my reading list for my candidacy exams, and I'm battling self-doubt. When the fall semester begins, I'll be in my sixth year of graduate school (wow!). It's been a wild ride, but I have to keep myself focused in order to finish my PhD.

As for D, she's is such a vibrant, smart, and tall little girl. I'll have to find the time to put up a picture of her, because she's grown so much over the years. She just finished preschool and she will be in kindergarten in the fall. Thinking about her caused me to think of something that may make me stand out as a bit weird. Most people (parents, mostly) tell people who are having their first child to treasure the moments with them because they grow up so fast. Some people lament missing big milestones in the child's life. I didn't, and I still don't. Yes, I missed a milestone or two with D when she was a baby because I was in school, but it didn't bother me all that much because everything, and I mean everything that I've experienced with her has made me excited for what will happen next in her life. I'm very excited to see her grow up, but I'm not as hung up on when she was a baby and all that. I think this may make me a bit different from other moms, but that's just how it is for me. I don't really miss those days of when she was a baby. I'm just looking ahead & looking forward to seeing what she will become. I think it's weird for me simply because I desperately want to hold onto the things from my past (despite my inability to do so), so I'm not sure what that says about me. I think it's just a different way of seeing things; I didn't really get hung up on my wedding because I thought that the rest of the marriage was far more important and interesting, and I don't get sentimental about when my little girl was born.

Now if I can carry that attitude into my studies, I'd probably be in great shape.

I miss writing this blog, and as much as I'd love to resume my former posting pace, that's probably not going to happen. I say I'll try to post more regularly, but we see how that goes. Let's just keep it casual and see how it goes.

Oh, before I forget: My paper proposal was accepted for the Comic Arts Conference at San Diego's Comic-con! I'm going to have a chance to try out my dissertation topic in front of an audience, so I'm really excited about this. I gave up two conferences this year in order to focus on my studies, so I am not passing this up. However, my big hurdle is that I've got to raise funds in order to go. If I do opt for an online fundraising site, I'll link to it here as well.

I'm going to stop writing before I get into updates about relatives I'd rather forget about. If you are familiar with what I've said in the past, you have an idea to whom I am referring.

...and what is the deal with the spam? I just had to clear out ~200 posts that were just nonsense. And they need to stop saying that I should link my posts to Google+. Are they crazy?! I leave names out on purpose so that people won't find me. Wow.

Wow. I need to spruce up the place...

Hi everyone,

I am in the midst of working on my candidacy exams, so my posts will again be few and far between (I'm reeeeeaaaaly sorry!), but I wanted to just drop a line and let people know what's going on these days.

I have most of my committee together at this point (3 of 4 people needed) and I am working on my reading list (which is what I should be doing right this minute). The first semester at my University ends tomorrow, but I finished my teaching duties today. I had a great group of students, and I hope that they all got something out of the class. Teaching is no longer the nightmare it once was, but it takes time away from my work, so the balance is very tough. I also did a paper at a conference that was held in town (and I think it was my best presentation to date), and someone approached me about publishing it, but I think I waited too long and I may have missed my opportunity. I will get in touch with them this week because it's worth a shot. I have to stop being afraid of things and move forward, so wish me luck in this and all my other endeavors.

I also applied to the PCA/ACA conference in Washington DC this coming year, and was floored when the paper was accepted within 30 minutes. Normally, this would be a happy occasion, but with my exams, it's just extra work. So, I'm going to write the paper over winter break [It's time to break out the Kristeva] so that I'm not worrying about it in March when the conference takes place.

My little girl is now in preschool!

The first two images are from her first day of school, and the third was the end of the day after the first day of school. I can't believe she's so big at only four years old. My uncle tells me all the time that she looks like my mom, and that makes me happy. It still hurts that my mom and grandma are gone (and that the world turned to shit after their deaths), but I get up and move forward everyday because that's what I have to do. I have to finish this degree for my daughter. I just have to believe that I can do this.

Well, I have to get back to work. If I can, I'll post more. If I ever find the spare time, I need to update the page because there are some digital cobwebs that needs to be cleared. I may also post some other things from time to time (i.e. reviews, manga discussions, etc.), so just know that I miss you all and hope that everything is well for you. And for those of you on the East Coast, you have been in my thoughts and prayers ever since Superstorm Sandy, so keep you head up and know that I am hoping for the best for all of you.

Take care, everyone.

It's Been a Long, Long Time

     Let's just say I've been VERY busy since my last post back in JANUARY (wow, really?). While some things have stayed the same (e.g. unresolved issues back home still ill left unresolved, with relatives I am still refusing to speak to), some things have changed...and some of it is actually good. I finished my second master's degree in June and I am now officially a PhD student (yay!). My thesis had some issues (like a last-minute cancellation of my defense in February which I have likened to the scene in Goodfellas where Joe Pesci's character is walking into the house to become a made man with the triumphant music playing only to be shot in the back of the head), but I looked at the josei manga Cappuccino as a cite for feminist critique and cyberculture study. The feminist angle was inspired by my committee chair (who has now left to go to another university, which has left me feeling a bit untethered), but it had to be modified to reflect Japanese feminism (which makes sense), and the cyberculture angle comes from the fact that the translation I read was done illegally online. It's really cool that it is available online (I'm not sure if it will ever be printed), but I'm not linking to it because of some possible copyright issues with the images I used. I believe I am protected under Fair Use, but why risk it.

     Anyway, I'm posting because I'm a bit frustrated with the way my world seems to work for me. Hubby lost his job in August (which sounds like a broken record because the same thing happened at the same time last year) and because my university doesn't deign to pay graduate students during the summer, we are broke. However, the biggest thing bothering me is that my daughter's 3rd birthday is coming up on Sunday, but we are having trouble getting anyone in her age range to the party. It's not her fault that her birthday falls on a holiday weekend this year, or that despite telling two of the parents ahead of time about this they still had other plans which were taking them out of town; it's just upsetting to me because my family has had a long history of not being able to have successfully well-attended parties. It wasn't until I was an adult (with friends I've known for more than half my life) that I have been able to have enough people show up for a party to consider it well-attended. Honestly, having a 25% attendance rate for my sweet 16th (1 of 4) was a success to me because someone for me showed up.

My standards are quite a bit low.

     Anyway, I'm upset for her because none of her friends will be there. Fortunately, she's young enough that it won't be a problem, but I'm not too keen on doing any more of these things. It's hard to have a party for a child when it's on a holiday when people want to spend time with their families (not for me, but that's because there are very few family members I still want to speak to who aren't living in my house), and if I had known that people were not going to show up, I would have given her a party on another weekend. We're competing with a holiday and the opening weekend of the Ohio Renaissance Festival (and we do attend this, but we go towards the end of the season so I can buy stuff on discount; that has more value to me than the 50% off entrance fee for the opening weekend, but I understand why people are going when they're going). It also helps that we do a little something for her at church, so she is going to be on cake overload for her birthday.

     Maybe I'd be a little less upset if this week hadn't been so stressful, but as I seem to only function if I have at least a minimum level of chaos, stress, and instability in my life, I'm somewhat used to this. I hope my baby girl has a happy birthday anyway.

     Well, it's late and despite wanting to end on a happier note, I need to be bright eyed for photos tomorrow. I'll try to make sure that I post pictures and/or video soon because my girl is TALL! She's not yet three, but she's 40 inches tall. No, that's not a typo. And she's thin, too. And she looks just like my mom. And whether you see that as a positive thing or not to end on, for me it's a good thing. Goodnight everyone. When I do get online, it's more likely my Twitter page so holler at your girl! :-)

Got to Keep It Brief

I've been very busy trying to finish my Master's thesis, so my posts have all but dried up. I'm teaching a class which is going okay (last quarter was better, but these aren't bad students), but I have to balance that with taking two classes that require 25 page papers at the end of the quarter as well as defending my thesis on February 25. I'm a bit stressed out, so keep me in your thoughts as I try to get through all of this in one piece.

On the home front, hubby lost his job in August, futzed around until he up and found a new job in November that required he work full time for six weeks until his training was over, and now he is working part time (mostly on the days I would normally study all day). Devi has really grown and changed over the last few months. She's already 3 feet tall (at two years old!) and she's an amazing little girl. I just wish she had more opportunities to play with other children, so I'll have to work that out.

I've not been the most fun person to be around of late, so this is an apology for everyone that has to put up with me. I hope to have my Master's done so that I can FINALLY be a PhD student. It's bad enough that I was accepted into the program last year, but that I haven't been able to graduate due to the thesis and the foreign language exam really isn't cool. That, and it is screwing me up with the Feds over my student loans, but more on that later (maybe).

To make amends, I have pictures we took from Devi's second birthday session. If I have some spare time, I'd like to put up her birthday party pictures, but that will have to wait. Good night and I will see you when I see you.

P.S. Before I forget, I will be doing a conference in San Antonio, TX in April, so I have to finish all of this stuff to qualify for funding for my trip. Yay.

News and Whatnot

Hi everyone,

I have been very, very busy lately, and this includes the announcement that I wanted to make that I alluded to on Twitter.

I am teaching 29 students, and last Wednesday was hell! They watched Tim Wise's film "On White Privilege" on Monday, and half of the class was offended by what he had to say, and the other half of the class was offended by the statements from the first half. Let's just say, when I came home that day and said "I want a cigarette," I wasn't kidding. That was stressful.

Sticking to more positive news, I have an announcement: I am officially a PhD student pending the completion of my Master's Thesis. What that means is: If I can get my shit together and finish my thesis, I can actually call myself a PhD student, instead of the generic "grad student" label I tend to use now. Am I excited? I should be, but it's hard to celebrate when your childhood home was almost sold out from under you by your aunt in collusion with my father-in-law (and the sale was only halted because my husband told my f-i-l that as heir to half of my mother's part of the house, I refused to sell).

I'm supposed to do a term paper for my graduate school class, I need to make significant progress on my thesis paper, and I have to get through teaching my course without murdering any of my students (which is harder on some days than others). I'm hella stressed because my husband has no job, didn't qualify for unemployment, and spent 1 1/2 months lying about it. The saga continues, so instead of boring everyone with the continuous exploits of my douchebag f-i-l, raging bitch of an aunt, or the genuine sorrow I feel about everything else, I'm going to just cap this with some much-anticipated pictures.

Enjoy!

From the Depths Of Hell (the school kind)

Hey everyone! I'm in week 3 of a five-week intensive course this summer, and I have a few minutes to type before I need to let Devi go down for her nap.

I had to lead the discussion in class yesterday, and for the first time in grad school, I actually did a full-session (which was only a few minutes of me trying to get the discussion going on the first English version of the story Madame Butterfly (1898)). I didn't get any sleep the night before, because I spent the whole night trying to type up my handwritten notes (because I forgot that he wanted to see them) and coming up with questions that showed that I at least understood part of the texts [there were two articles we had to read as well, one critiquing the narrative and the other discussing hypersexuality in the musical Miss Saigon], but I've got a ways to go if I'm going to come up with questions for students because I just don't know how to pull myself out of a text far enough to be able to ask general questions. I get to those points within the text, but I tend not to see ways to ask questions that are obvious to everyone else. But it was a great teaching exercise (which is why he says he makes grad students do that in his courses) and he said the questions were good (but is that good?) so I'm pleased with the results.

We've entered Devi in the Beautiful Babies contest hosted by WGN, and I'll add the link to the blog in a day or two. I'm sure we're not going to win because I wasn't happy with the picture we ultimately chose, but her best shots were with other people in them, and we couldn't use those. My husband thinks this picture captured her personality best, and I poured over all the photos I'd taken over the last three months and just wasn't happy with what I found. That, and we avoided any shots that involved eating (because he thought that would be too common), so I'll post the link because people have to vote (great) for the best shots.

Anyway, I'm trying to keep the post light because I'm really trying not to worry about all the things that are stressing me out. That, and I do have a question for the parents and adept babysitters out there: How do you get a 10-month-old to stop hitting people? Seriously, she slaps people and scratched my eyelid this morning, so I'm looking for ways to get her to stop. So far, telling her "no hitting" and holding the arm she's hitting with to get her to stop has had some success, but not completely. Any helpful advice is appreciated.

And, Devi now has teeth! But every time I try to photograph them, she tries to eat the camera. Like this...


Well, I've got to read David Henry Hwong's [Correction: Hwang, not Hwong] "M. Butterfly" and a book chapter critiquing the play today for tomorrow's class, so I've got to go. Here are more pictures of Devi to help pass the time, including one where she and her Pepe got very close to a deer (thanks, honey, for taking that great shot!).





Until I can next post, have a good day everyone.

To the Author of The American Otaku Master's Thesis

Hello.

You do not know me, but I found a copy of your thesis, The American Otaku: An Ethnographic Study of Anime Fans in the U.S. online, and I wanted to let you know that there is no name attached to this work. If there was a coverpage, it is no longer there, and there is no name even in the margins. The website that I retrieved it from gave no indication as to the origins of this document, and I wanted to warn you that your copyrighted work is floating around on the internet, nameless, and it would be easy for anyone to steal your hard work. I am also hoping to locate you because I would like to cite this piece, but without a name it is impossible. If you are the proper owner of this thesis, please let me know and I can track down the web address and give it to you. I just wanted you to be aware of your work being available without proper credit.

~ SailorAlphaCentauri

And for the rest of my readers:

This is finals week for me, and I am trying to put together a project, a class paper, and my conference presentation between now and Friday, so I'm of course very busy. I've hit a snag with the airline ticket situation because my credit card's limit was reduced unexpectedly, making it almost impossible to pay for my flight to Florida, but I figured that we could finagle some things and make it work. Since I only got 3 hours of sleep due to staying up all night working on my Japanese Philosophy exam, I'm very tired. But before bed, a Devi moment:



...oh, okay. Two Devi moments (these will have to get you all through until I get back from my conference):



Photo one was when I was failing to get her to go to sleep (she was more intent on grabbing the camera), and photo two was the end of her first day of eating squash.

Later, gators.

Two Weeks to Go

I'm feeling the pressure now.

I have two weeks before the quarter ends, and I still have a paper due on Wednesday, two projects due at the end of the quarter, and a paper due for my conference in Florida. How is my progress going? Not too well. I want to e-mail the professors I have the projects for to let them know what it is I am going to do. I was supposed to do it this past week, but life got in the way (Devi decided to try this new 3a.m. wake-up call) so I have to do it today. To say I'm feeling a bit stressed just doesn't quite cut it. I don't know how I'm going to get it all done, and do a good job of it to boot, but I have to try.

Anyway, since I have so much to do, I'm sticking to the spartan posting schedule, at least until I get back on March 23rd. I'll be back in town by then and on Spring Break. This is going to be the first time I'm going to be apart from Devi for this length of time (the longest to date: 12 hours), so that's going to hurt. But now that I'm pressed for time, hopefully my focus will return because it's been shot lately. At least I don't have choir rehearsal this week, so that's more time for my projects as well.

Well, until next time...











Oh, did you think I forgot something?


Nope.

Hammer's got nothing on her!



Stop! Devi time!

Crap!

Sorry, everyone. I didn't realize a month had gone by since my last post. But since I have a crapload of homework to do, I'll give you the highlights.

- An esteemed member of my church passed away on January 21st. He was a social worker who was highly involved in a number of church councils and interfaith fellowship organizations. His obituary was almost an entire newspaper column long and there were some things left off of it. I was glad to know that he lived long enough to see Obama inaugurated as our first African American president. The man was the closest thing to a grandfather I had, so I was sad to see him go & I was glad to have the chance to sing with my choir for his service [out of respect for his family, I'm not using his name]. A.H. will be missed.

- A woman in my church gave birth to a baby girl that Saturday before A.H.'s death, and while I can't remember the child's name, I know that it means "moon" and it's an African name, but I'm unsure of the country of origin. I'm really bad at these things, but it's because I've been busy...

-...getting accepted to present at my first academic conference! I got the e-mail telling me the good news a couple of weeks ago, so now I have to write the paper that went with my (apparently) good abstract; except for the fact that I'm freaking out because I can't even remember what I wrote in that thing (see the New Year's eve post for details), I'm very happy to have my first chance at interacting with colleagues. Now how I'm going to get to Florida is another story.

- My new friend is a keeper. She's a really nice girl who is studying Japanese as a graduate student and we have a lot in common. We're interested in Japanese culture and just have so many things that we talk about after school that I'm glad that the fortuitous circumstance under which we met happened (we were sitting next to each other in class and she took notice of me when we did our introductions on our particular areas of interest). She's currently at New York Comiccon and I hope she was able to find a lot of good stuff (I'd be more jealous of her if I weren't so slogged in work).

Other than that, I've been very busy trying not to let school get the best of me. Sometimes I feel like I'm never going to get this stuff, but I just have to keep plugging away and hope for the best. This week is going to be murder because not only do I have two papers and an exam due this week (Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday, respectively), but I also have a ton of reading, two projects that I have to get started on as well as the paper for the conference (and what I'm trying to do is find ways to incorporate the conference paper into both projects) and pick out classes for spring quarter. To top this whole fantabulous mountain off, my husband is going to be working from Sunday through Thursday because he's being trained for a position which should enable him to get the promotion he's been seeking but hasn't gotten because his attention to detail needs a lot of work. And while I'm happy for this opportunity for him, it came at a piss-poor time for me because now I have to get my work done in a time crunch since he won't be home to help with her at night and he'll be too tired during the day to take care of her in the morning. Greeeeaaaaaat.

Oh well. I've just got to do it and not lose what's left of my mind in the process.

And we just started feeding Devi rice cereal two days ago and while she spat out a great deal of it, we think she actually swallowed half of what she was given. I'll have to post those pictures once they're available. But until then, this one will have to do. My hope is that I'll get to post again next Sunday. A beintot, everyone.



P.S. I forgot to mention that my church finally has a new pastor after nearly two years of searching. He seems like a great guy who is non-judgmental, open-minded, and willing to work with the University instead of bellowing about how much we suck as a church (true story: one of the pastors that the committee looked at blamed the church's problems on the fact that our last two pastors had been women(!) and felt that we were bringing sin into the church because we wanted to work with the students instead of telling them (especially the gay ones) that they were all going to hell. I only know this because my husband was on the search committee and was the only one who disliked Mr. Usuck until he opened his mouth for the phone interview). He was voted in unanimously(!) and he's having to leave his wife behind in Indiana until their youngest child finishes college (2-3 years) to start his career with us. And he's going to be Pastor Tommy, which I think is rather cute for someone with kids in their 20s. Let's hope he'll work out ;-)

So Far, So Good

Winter quarter started Monday and, so far, I've made a new friend who has studied Japanese and is a really cool girl, I don't feel overwhelmed by the school-workload (yet), and I feel a little better about trying to participate in my classes. The only thing that isn't so great is that I'm back to getting very little sleep because I have to study when Devi's asleep (and she doesn't go to bed until really late), but I'm sure I'll get used to that again in a couple of weeks. I didn't get to upload my new photos yet (they're on the computer, but not on the web), so I'm adding a photo of Devi from Christmas as penance. What I'm glad about is that I won't be complaining for awhile, because I was getting tired of the Debbie Downer routine. I'll post when I can, but since the bulk of my studying has to be done over the weekend and the front-end of the week, I'm not sure when I'll be posting again. Have fun, all you people in Internet Land. Here's Devi!

This is NOT how I wanted to spend New Year's Eve

This was supposed to be a New Year's Eve post, but my computer and the internet conspired to stymie my efforts. Whatever.

Anyway, instead of spending New Year's Eve enjoying my family, working feverishly on an abstract for a conference that was due Dec. 31, and getting cleaning done for a new bed that will arrive on Saturday, I got waylaid in the ER for an allergic reaction to amoxicillin. I was taking it for a sinus infection that I was diagnosed with two days ago, but I didn't take it until 11 a.m. Wednesday morning. I didn't have any ill effects until noon; I had just changed Devi and decided to look something up on the computer when I noticed that my tongue and my lips were starting to swell and the bottoms of my hands and feet were really itchy. I immediately took her into our room and gave her to my husband, saying "Take her. Take her now!" I made him call our insurance company's nurse to find out what I should do [I knew what I should do, but I wanted it on record that we were told to go by the nurse so that the insurance company couldn't say "We won't cover it because it wasn't an emergency"]. We threw on clothes and dressed Devi and my husband was calling all of his friends that he trusted to see if any of them could watch our daughter while I went to the ER. Despite my worsening symptoms, I remembered that one of his friends said that she would be off work that day and I told him to call her. He did eventually reach her and she agreed to watch Devi. We rushed to the ER downtown and I got seen relatively quickly [I was the second person in line, and I was even able to help a woman zip up a coat on a mentally handicapped man despite my jumpiness] and told them my symptoms. They checked my vitals, decided that I needed to be treated with IV injections (but can someone explain why I needed the saline first? I'm no nurse, and I'd really like to know) and I was given benedryl, the steroid predinisone, and pepsid for my stomach pains. Matt came in after the injections were done, and what I didn't expect was the sudden drowsiness that hit me ~ 1 minute later. The nurse asked me if I could walk from the treatment area to the room I would be in and I said, spacily, "NooOooOooOo". He got a wheelchair and we got to the back room where I was glad that my husband could speak for me and sign my paperwork. I could barely hold the pen; there was no way I could sign anything. I was checked periodically for a few hours and got 45 min. worth of sleep. My symptoms did improve and by the time I was released, there was just a rash on my right arm (not itchy, but ugly), my lower lip and my tongue were still slightly swollen, and I'm supposed to be on pepsid and benedryl for the next three days (at least the stuff is OTC).

Now here is where a little of what I learned last quarter comes into play. I had to read Anthony Giddens' The Consequences of Modernity where I learned about what creates a modernist civilization vs. a pre-modernist civilization. One of those things is the kinship factor. Pre-modernist societies had relationships that were built around kinship, because you knew everyone in your small town and they were your "family" as it were (the blood-related ones and not blood-related). However, in modernist societies, you don't have that built-in kinship, so you have to create relationships with friends and lovers to replace the familial relationship. My consequence of modernity was that we had to scramble to find someone to take care of Devi because we don't have family members close by that we could have left her with, and since he didn't want her exposed to an ER (neither did I) he called everyone he knew and could trust. If it weren't for us going over to a friend's place the day before where I found out they would be off on New Year's Eve, I'm not sure what we would have done.

The one good thing about discovering my allergy this way was that it would've been disastrous if I had found this out when going to a dentist appointment. You see, I have to take an anti-biotic when I go to the dentist because I have a prolapsed heart valve (it's to keep from getting an infection in my blood when they do my teeth, since the prolapse doesn't pose any other dangers to me), but I discovered that the amoxicillin I had been taking for the dentist was in 500 mg form, and I had to take four of those at a time! I had some pretty moderate swelling of my lips and tongue with a 250 mg pill, just imagine if I had taken 8x as much for a dentist appointment. It could've been fatal.

And that abstract I was working on? I was trying to submit an abstract for an academic comic conference and it was due December 31st. However, my computer decided it wanted to party, so I ended up mailing it in around 1 a.m. today (1/1/09). What I didn't realize was that I sent it to the wrong address. He has two addresses for the University of Florida, and I didn't send it to his departmental address, so I had to forward it around 5 p.m. when I realized my error. He just sent me a response saying that my abstract will still be considered for acceptance [Again, long-freaking-shot]. Even if it is rejected, I am going to use this abstract as the basis for a project in a class I'm taking this coming quarter, which starts Monday [I thought I had a couple more days...oh well].

Anyway, I'm fine (so far) and I just have to make a follow-up appointment with my doctor to make sure I'm okay and to get my record updated so that it will be known that I am, indeed, allergic to something. Hope everyone else is having a relaxing New Year's. Later ;-)

NOTE: This was officially finished on 1/1/2009 at 8 p.m., even though it appears as a New Year's Eve post.

...Oh yeah, I'm done!

Sorry about the lack of posts! Now that I'm done with classes, Devi takes up a lot of my time...so I need to do a quick update and then try to get her back to sleep.

Anyway, here's how the assignments went down. The first assignment was turned in 5 hours late (as I reported two posts ago) but the professor gave me the grade bonus credit anyway. The second assignment was turned in roughly eight hours late, but there's a good chance it was just turned in really early because the official due date was December 9th at midnight, and I didn't know if that meant it had to be in by the end of Monday or the end of Tuesday, so it was done by 8 a.m. Tuesday morning. My last assignments (the big project, the annotated bibliography and the rest of the weekly summaries) was due by 4 p.m. on the 10th but had the unique problem of everything had to be printed out and put in the professor's mailbox (the other two classes wanted the final projects e-mailed). Since my printer was on the fritz, I had to use my printing credits in the graduate lab (something that I would've used sooner if I had realized that I had 250 printing credits per quarter) to print everything out. I also asked my husband to read over the syllabus assignment to see if it sounded like a class he would be interested in [I had to create a class syllabus for a class I would like to teach in the future, so I designed an undergraduate course that would look at graphic novels...a lot of graphic novels.] and he did. Unfortunately, I had to transfer my work to a flash drive, run to campus like a madwoman to print everything out, and then run up one more floor to drop everything off. And, to top it all off, I was an hour late from the deadline! Everything was deposited at 4:58 p.m. and the professor had already picked up everyone else's envelopes. Fortunately, the head of the department was there when I came in (having to use the passcode to get in...got to love being a graduate student) so that there was proof that I didn't just drop everything off the next day and lie about it.

Anyway, let's get to the good part: my grades. For my first quarter in graduate school, I earned two As and a B+. These would've been grades I would be ecstatic to receive if I hadn't heard from the other graduate students at a get-together that "everyone gets As in Graduate school", making my B+ feel a little inadequate. But you know what? I worked damned hard for my grades, and I had a feeling that the class I got the B+ in was going to turn out that way, but I learned so much that I'm not upset. Hell, I thought I was going to get a B, so this was higher than expected. I do need to find out if the B+ was a result of the final project being poor or a result of my low participation in the class. Either way, this class was taught by a woman who had just finished her post-doc at Columbia after getting her PhD at Harvard (and I'm taking another of her classes next quarter) so I thought she may have something to prove, if nothing else.

Now that I've been though my first quarter, I know what to expect and what is expected of me. And I think I can do this. Now I just need to work on my participation in class, my presentation skills, and try to get invited to at least one conference. I won't say that this will be easy, but at least I'm not going to be 100% completely freaked out next quarter. Maybe it will be down to 80%.

Soon, I will need to post pictures. I've taken a ton and want to post them, but I need to find the time to upload them before I can create the next slideshow. I can't believe she's fifteen weeks old already!

Until then, I'll try to get better at posting. She's simmering down so hopefully she'll crash out for the rest of the night. Later, gators ;-)

One Class Down, Two to Go

I just finished my first assignment for finals, but I finished it 5 hours too late to get the grade bonus I so desperately needed. But, as it is, I barely know my own name and just want to pass out. I've got a 15-pager, a syllabus and annotated bibliography and one last weekly assignment to do before I'm done with it all.

I then made the mistake of seeing the syllabus for one of my classes for next quarter and have concluded I'm too stupid for grad school.

I'm going to go to bed before I completely lose the ability to...complete a thought.

Won't Be Around Much...

The quarter officially ended for me on Wednesday, so now I am spending the rest of my time getting my assignments done for finals. My first paper is due on the 6th at 11pm if I want the letter grade bonus (and I do want it), my second paper is due on the 9th at midnight, and all of the assignments for my third class are due on the 10th at 4pm (and is the only class where I have to print out everything instead of e-mailing it in). I'm hyper stressed about all of my assignments, so I have to try to maintain a level of focus that has been rather difficult of late. I seem to get easily distracted by practically nothing, but this work has to get done.

I should not be posting between now and the 10th, but to make up for it I made the instructions for seeing the photos from our family photo shoot available in the comments of my last post, so you can check those out there.

I hope to remember to post about the "fun" that was had in the last days of my classes because some interesting things did occur. But if I forget, I forget.

See you around!

Long Days, Sleepless Nights

I've got an ass-ton of work to do between now and the end of the quarter (I believe everything has to be turned in by December 8th. Fun.), but I wanted to take a little time out to mention something that happened to a friend this weekend.

A friend of mine was mugged off-campus this weekend. The assailant broke a bottle over his head and stole his wallet and cell phone. He got stitches and spent some time in the emergency room, but he's okay now (at least that's what the woman who called to tell me about it said). The credit cards were all canceled, so all this jerk got was $1, but I worry about my friend because I was his mentor when he was in high school [I essentially made it okay for him to be himself, and he broke out of his shell] so I hope he'll be okay emotionally after this.

I've got an article to read before I go to bed. I finally got Devi to sleep, so I lost about two hours of productive study time. I've got to finish my article for my second class and put in some work on my projects before Thanksgiving. I still haven't spoken to my mom or uncle in awhile and we wanted to bring them down for the weekend for Devi's dedication [Baptists don't baptize their babies; they dedicate them]. I did speak to my dad yesterday and he thinks that I can be the "voice of reason" and talk some sense into the two of them (again, whatever that means). It was kind of nice talking to him, but he did pull a Daddy Douchebag maneuver by being genuinely surprised when I said that I had a ton of homework to do because he must have thought I wasn't going to go through with going back to school after all. He paused, said "You did say you were going to go back to school. Hmph. You're more resilient than I thought."

Trust me, dad, I'm more resilient than you could ever imagine.

Anyway, another brief note: The three of us (Devi, Matt and I) had photos done last weekend and my daughter was so cute in her photos! I won't get what we purchased until December 8th (or when I actually am free to do non-academic things), but if you're curious to see what the photos look like, let me know and I can tell you the code so that you can look at them.

I've got to go. That article isn't going to read itself. Have a safe and happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

I've Got To Admit, It's Getting Better

I didn't expect things to be going so well, but they are.

First, I was not the last person to submit my paper. The last paper was submitted at 6 a.m. on Wednesday, roughly 6 1/2 hours before the presentations were to begin. Secondly, my presentation went well (but more on that later), and lastly, I'm starting to get it in my head that maybe, just maybe I'm not quite as dumb as I thought.

Okay, we all know that I got no sleep between Friday and Saturday because of the paper for my CS 716 class [Comparative Studies 716: Theorizing Culture], but what I didn't know was that I was going to end up not getting any sleep before the big presentation of said paper to the class on Wednesday. That, and I didn't anticipate being pegged to do a focus group on facial cleansers right before the presentation, but $150 was too good to pass up.

This story's interesting, so I'll elaborate.

I got to the focus group at around 8:46. The early-bird drawing is for people who get to the session 15 minutes or sooner, and I had just missed it by one minute (they're strict about this) after rushing around to make sure I didn't forget anything at home since I was going straight to school afterwards. I was already stressed out and bummed that I didn't get the $25 bonus, but then they called in people by table color and I wasn't called to go in! Normally, that would've been okay by me because I would've gotten paid and gone home, but I was upset because I could've just as easily stayed home, polished my presentation, and gotten some damn sleep! Well, the check-in guy noticed that one of the people called in for my table wasn't even there, so the woman in charge apologized, offered me a chance to go in, and I went to participate in the focus group. I won't bore you with the details about the other people at my table, but I was surprised by the last announcement of the day: I had won an additional $75 for the best essay drawing (yes, they made us do homework and were paying us for it) which will come in the mail. Yay!

P.S. If you ever go to the Hyatt on Capital Square and you use their valet parking, be aware that their valet drivers will smoke in your car. Damn douchebag. I don't need that smell in my car.

Anyway, I got to school and I was very, very nervous about doing my presentation. When my turn came, all I had was my rough notes and my six manga images to facilitate people in knowing what the hell I was talking about when I said manga [and if you, dear reader, do not know what manga is, check out my Library Thing list on this page and you'll find many examples]. I was not only able to spit the words out without getting flustered (I'm good at setting myself up for failure by psyching myself out), I got people interested in my topic.

My topic? Looking at the manga series Basara, how does it compare/contrast to the struggles of Japanese women in modern Japanese society? I hypothesize that the post-apocalyptic, 27 volume series shows that women in Japan can free themselves from the good wife, wise mother role, but there will be a cost for deviating from the norm.

Anyway, my professor said that I had a good argument (finally!), so now I just need to polish the paper for the final draft which I am trying to get turned in my December 6, 11 p.m., so wish me luck.

I also went to my second class and spoke three times (which is a big deal for me because there have been several sessions where I never said anything). The person who did a critique on my paper (or would have, if we hadn't ran out of time) thinks my dissertation will be phenomenal when it's done. Yay, again!

As proof that I did well on my presentation, I ran into one of my classmates today and she told me that she found my topic interesting and wanted to know more after I had finished presenting. Getting someone interested in what I'm doing means I did my job well. Cool.

In other academic news, I'm improving in my work for CS 651A (Framing the "Other": China and the West) and managed to get an A on my second assignment even after getting a B+ on my re-write on the first assignment. I have a topic for the final paper for her class [Looking at the manga series Adolphe and analyzing it for signs of cruelty], so I need to buckle down and hammer out my points. I also met with my professor from my third class, and she told me that she can tell that I am getting the theories we're talking about in class and that I need not let other people silence my voice. She's also approved my project concept (To create a syllabus for an undergraduate class on "reading" graphic novels), so I need to break butt to get that done as well.

And, to top it all off, I got a letter in the mail saying I earned a $400 scholarship for an OSU alum who is doing well academically in grad school. And I can do whatever I want with the money. Even more yay! My husband saw the scholarship as a sign that someone really wants me to be in grad school.

So, to sum up: I'm doing better in my classes than I thought, I've gotten a windfall, and I've got a stupidly high amount of work to do, but it's do-able. I even got recommendations of people to talk to who can make my projects even better, and I just have to believe that what I say is just as important than what anyone else says.

Oh, and I have to face the professor who told me not to apply to grad school, because she is doing much of the same work that I'm covering (but in Women's Studies). At first I was dreading it, but now I see it as an opportunity to show this woman that I do belong here.

But I'm tired and have a long day ahead of me tomorrow and the three of us are going to try and get a family photo done on Saturday. Trust me, that will be scanned and uploaded as soon as it arrives in my hot little hands.

I go sleep now before baby wakes up [We learned another lesson this week: Switching formulas by accident = very gassy, unhappy baby. He will never make that mistake again.] I'd relax, but I'm not done yet.

G'nite folks!

No Sleep 'til December!

It's an exaggeration, but not by much. I have to create a 10-minute presentation on my paper, a five minute presentation on someone else's paper, and I have to get started on a 15-page paper and syllabus (with 20 books & articles) for two other classes which are due by the end of the quarter.

The quarter that ends in early December.

Shit.

Anyway, I've still got a ton of reading to do & I'm freaking out over this damn presentation (and other things...the same old, same old) so postings may get even more spartan than they are now.

Hopefully, I'll be able to put up more picture of Devi during quarter break.

In the meantime, I'll keep tabs on everyone else's blogs in the spare time I don't have but make anyway.

Man, am I tired.

...any more stress and my head will explode

This will be quick, because I'm supposed to be working on a very important paper but have gotten slogged down in the research. I have to upload a 9-18 page paper by tomorrow evening for my class to read. It's supposed to be 1.5 spacing (greeeaaat), 12 point font, and sound logical (meaning, not like crap). At the same time, I have to take care of my daughter and try to get through 25 issues of Basara so that I can spend the entire day trying to write a cohesive argument. And since this is supposed to be a work-in-progress, so the final product is going to have to be between 18 and 28 pages.

The sound you hear is my soul weeping.

Since I've lost most of today having to go to a doctor's appointment, having a meeting with another professor about another 18-page project due in less than three weeks, and just not getting focused enough to work faster, I've got to try to get through the research portion tonight.

All this with a little girl staring confusedly at my arm as I type this with her on my lap. Yay.

I've got to get offline so that I can get back on track with this project. Pray, wish me luck, or whatever you do for people who need a morale boost.

Unexpected reaction

I was watching the 100 Greatest Hip Hop Songs of All Time that I had recorded while waiting for my daughter to fall asleep (yay, growth spurts) when the song Tennessee by Arrested Development came on. I had no idea that the song was a prayer written by the lead singer after his grandmother and brother passed in the same week. The chorus is something that I never put much stock into, until now:

Take me to another place
Take me to another land
Make me forget all that hurts me
Let me understand your plan

Hearing that song made me think about my grandmother, and how her death has resulted in so many things going wrong for my family. It's what happens when a linchpin is pulled out of a system: the system fails.

That, and reading Beth's blog about her mother's death made me think. I am glad that she got to be there for her mother's end; my grandmother went so quickly that there wasn't time for anyone to be with her in her last moments. I have been thinking about her more and more over the past month, and it's almost like I'm being haunted by memories. I can remember her laugh, and her favorite purfume (Liz Claiborne), and the two gold rings she used to wear that had to be put on her pinky finger because she was too swollen from the medicine that they gave her in the hospital.

I think about her and I get angry. My mom and uncle have been without electricity and a telephone since August and it's getting cold. My uncle had an infection in his right hand that kept him in the hospital from Monday through to Thursday and I was worried that he wouldn't be able to afford his prescription medicine. The will has some vague wording that could allow Aunt Krayzee to force a sale of the house from right under them leaving them in the street and while my father-in-law wants to help them with the utilities, my uncle's pride is getting in the way and he won't talk to him. I dread getting phone calls from home because it's never good news. My uncle is feeling demoralized because he can't find a job and he still goes out walking everywhere in the hopes of getting something. My mom has unrealistic expectations of how much help we can give her [When she told me that it was going to cost ~$600 to turn everything back on, I mentioned that I sent a check and she asked me if it would be enough to cover the cost of turning their stuff back on, but I don't have $600 to give away.] I never realized that the excess stress was making me sick, but there's not much I can do about it.

I try not to think about my grandmother, but since my uncle's birthday is tomorrow, of course she's going to come to mind.

I think about her and I get very sad.

And to think, today started off so well. I even got a positive response from my professor today because I said something that showed that I'm finally getting this graduate-level stuff. She said "excellent point". It was like winning a prize. I've got to get back to my homework. She's finally asleep, so I'd better take advantage of the down time.

Life's not fair and the world's not fair. I understand that, but it doesn't make the pain less real.