I'm already a superhero...but this second identity works, too

I stumbled upon this little gem at Uncle David's blog, got really, really giddy, and gave it a shot. Other than being a Sailor Scout, here is my new, North American, superhero identity:


You know, I think this could work. Yes, I objectified myself, but if I had a body like that, I would dress like that every day. *Giggle* This was exactly what I needed to get me in the mood for my Comic Arts Conference in Florida. Now if only I would write that paper...

Stop! Devi time!

Late-night News

I really should be asleep, but I wanted to post these stories that I read today before I forgot about them. I had a meeting that ran over and I had to proofread an article that will be published in a scientific journal in September, so work had to come first (I feel like I got something done, so yay!).

- For anyone in a wheelchair, take this as a warning that you can get a ticket for drinking and wheelchairing.

- With all apologies to Mr. Rogers: "Don't you be mine, please don't be mine, don't you be my neighbor. Don't you be, with crossbow aimed at me, please don't you be my neighbor." Seriously, don't shoot your neighbor over what kind of dog breed your neighbor has. It's not worth the jail time (and it forces me to make musical messes to describe it).

- Yesterday, they were closing the gates of Hell. Today, God is selling cocaine near a church. When God has to turn to drug dealing, we are all screwed!

- And Dino, I'm sorry but I've got to steal another line from "Pennies from Heaven."
You'll find your arestees falling
all over jail
Be sure that your dumb inmates
receive no bail

- Forget Cops, I want to be on this 70-year-old-woman's crew as she followed a criminal who tried to rob her and made sure he got arrested. You go, girl!

- I wonder if the criminals in Britain are all this stupid? This brain-damaged specimen is caught, on camera stealing (what I believe is) a GPS system from a bait car, six weeks after getting out of jail for the same exact thing. I don't know who was worse, this guy or the one who stole a necklace and tried it on in front of the camera.

Now moving on to celebrity news and other non-criminal behavior pieces.

- Someone needs to tell Christie Brinkley that continually dredging up your husband's affair wins you no fans. I know he cheated on you, but to make the other woman come to court and to constantly flout it to the press doesn't make people want to support your side. It just makes you seem bitter.

- I'm happy that the Velvet Teddy Bear is getting married. I hope for all the best for him and his new bride.

- Paris wants everyone to believe that she didn't try to get a dog just for a photo shoot. Yeah, right. Whatever.

- Poor Heather Locklear has checked into a psycological treatment center. And unlike Kirsten Dunst, who allegedly checked into rehab for depression, this is actually plausible. I hope she gets better soon.

- To counter the dangerous underwear story, we have a tale of a woman's sports bra saving her from being stranded in the German Alps.

- Rounding out this late-night snack of a post is news about Anne Hathaway's ex getting his bail set at $21 million for bilking numerous investors out of money. Apparently, she Got Smart enough to leave before the damn on this blundering fool broke.

Back to Overheard in New York

This is a website I used to love visiting all of the time, but because I do not have a feed set up for it, I tend to not read it anymore. I decided to visit today and found this lovely gem:

If You Don't Share with Him
(mom yelling at six-year-old son playing with several magazines)
Mom: Eric, let's go now!
Eric: But Mom, I want one!
Mom: For Christ's sake! Just take one and let's go.
(Eric takes Gay Life)
Mom: Your father is going to kill you.

--80th & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Schatz
via Overheard in New York, Jun 22, 2008

I may post a few more in a separate post (I want to chose some instead of just listing them all) but this one made me lol in my cubicle. I had to play it off like I was coughing...and now I can't stop. Oh well, it was worth it.

It's because of Overheard in New York that I want to move to NYC even more.

Funny Happening in the News

I didn't get to do an installment yesterday because the e-mail that contained my links disappeared in the internets(!), so here are some fresh ones for today.

- If you're going to rob a home, make sure there isn't some big-ass dog on the premesis.

- This 90-year-old man proves that it's never too late to earn a high school diploma.

- Who would think a chicken bomb is a good idea? Apparently, someone did...before they abandoned it on the side of the road [insert Chicken-crossing-the-road joke here].

- Maybe R Kelly might want to try this: buying his jury sudoku to distract them in court. It could result in a mistrial...(just sayin')

- Remember how I mentioned that the Isle of Lesbos was suing a GLBT organization to get their name back? There's a new development in the case with the organization accusing the three plaintiffs of racism.

- If anyone remembers the movie Private School, you'll recall that the graduating class of girls moon the school at the end of their ceremony. Well, that might get the whole class arrested, because this student got hauled off to jail for his one-fingered salute. They called it disruptive and said that they wanted to have a dignified service. The parents believe they [the school] were always out to get their son. I think they could've found a better way to deal with it than jail.

- I actually found this insulting: There is a web service called youvebeenleftbehind.com which is supposed to let Christians send e-mails to their unsaved friends and family after the Rapture to save their souls. It costs $40/year to maintain an account and (get this) you can even preserve all of your financial information on the server for your family and friends to use after you've been swept up. Who says this service will be operational after the Rapture comes? Did they not see the Futurama episode where they say all videotapes were erased in 2424 at the second coming of Christ (meaning: this crap probably won't work, assuming you believe in the rapture concept)? I think it's a way to take money from the few Christians willing to buy into this...mess.

- And now, Brody Jenner is getting a new reality show which come off more like a dating show than anything else. Ryan Seacrest is executive producing this intestinal scrape of an idea, so draw your own conclusions there.

- Finally, a picture reminder of why you should always get the truck insurance on the rental truck.

If you've ever wondered why I try to include so much text in each hyperlink, it's because I learned from several classes and workshops that web "readers" for the blind can be set up to look at just links and I'm trying to avoid the one-word links, like saying "here" for every link.

Stay fly, everybody.

What's Interesting Today?

In the interest of keeping up with posting without much substance, here are the articles I found interesting today.

- What is the deal with stealing statues lately? Yesterday, it was a Jesus statue and today it's Charlie the Tuna. Sorry, Charlie, indeed.

- I just want to know which pawn shop has these recently recovered gold bracelets so that I can make sure not to buy them. I know where they've been.

- Apparently, cute can only get you so far before you get caught...impersonating a doctor!

- This woman gets points for having a designated driver, but loses major points for the driver being a one-year-old.

- In celebrity news, Jessica Simpson's relationship woes continue because of her father's meddling. Joe Simpson asked Tony Romo to drop his agent so that he [Joe] can manage his $67.5 million contract. Are you serious? What idiot would drop their manager for their girlfriend's dad-ager, especially since his area of "expertise" is in sub-managing pop careers. The last straw was offering to sell their engagement and wedding like he did for Ashlee. Romo wasn't having any of that, and that's why their relationship is in the crapper. They're back together, but there's not much hope of it getting back to where it was before Joe started making waves. The best part of this article? The fact that Joe doesn't exactly deny that he's doing all of these things. He thinks it's good management, and isn't family better at managing than a professional? Um, no.

- On a serious note, a Time article asks us all why are we able to look away from those who are struggling here in the U.S.. I'm not sure I agree with the author's assessment that these changes will happen with a Democratic president (because I'm a cynic and nothing is guaranteed), but I think it's a good read that probably won't be available for too long on the Internet.

- Also, the fashion world came out to say goodbye to Yves Saint Laurent today. I was going to link to an article about it, but I closed it hours ago. It's easy enough to find, so I'm not really necessary.

I've got a headache to get back to; I've been letting my money woes take its toll on my health, and since my baby has to be my biggest priority, I need to take better care of myself. My stupid Tylenol only lasted two hours, and I can't go home until I've worked my hours (because somebody has to take this shit seriously) so I'm stuck. But it beats getting dressed down by an IRS employee. I called the IRS to find out about their policy of taking money without proper notification, and the first man I got talked to me like I was a little girl who didn't know that the Economic Stimulus Package was a one-time thing. When I demanded to speak to his supervisor, he hung up on me! I wanted the supervisor because I was on the verge of losing it and ready to cuss his sorry behind out, so I wanted to talk to someone before I got to that point. I didn't even start the hostilities (because if I had, I would've deserved some of the blame for his behavior). The second man I spoke with gave me reasonable answers that I could accept without treating me like shit. That was my Tuesday. Fun.

I'm going to get back to work, finally.

Priceless

Here is an article about a metal shop owner who gets revenge on some thieves by shooting out their tires and radiator when they decided to come back in broad daylight to rob him again. Considering that this guy lost $3,000 worth of stuff in the first robbery, they ought to be glad he didn't shoot the robbers. I applaud the guy for his restraint, and I'm glad they did get caught.

No, I'm not advocating violence...

...and now to the funny.

I couldn't help but to post this one. It seems that there were some "Mensa" members (read: morons) who decided to rob a convienent store while wearing thongs on their heads! Okay, I've busted on a man in town who robbed a bank and didn't put on his disguise until after he demanded the money, but at least his disguise was a traditional bandanna that would've been more effective if put on before commencing the crime. These nuts were very identifiable even with their green and blue "disguises". What would posses someone to see their girlfriend's underwear and think "Hey, that would be a great disguise for a robbery"?

I just hope they were new, because, otherwise, that would just be nasty.

And, in other news, cops nab a drug dealer because his name came up as weed man on another assailant's caller i.d. This one is great; here they are, arresting a guy for driving with a suspended license when his phone rings and his drug dealer calls. They ask him if there was supposed to be a drug deal tonight and, of course, the guy says "no". Well, they call the dealer back anyway and confirm the location of the buy and arrest the drug dealer on the spot. See, kiddies, don't list your drug dealer as your drug dealer on your cell phone. It can come back to haunt you.

This one's not as funny, but it gets points for honesty. A person pays off a 21-year-old parking ticket, which amounted to a fine of $6. Funny enough, the original ticket was for $3, but it doubled when it wasn't paid on time. Hey, at least it got paid.

Hometown Hero...NOT!

I just read this article about an idiot bank robber who held up a bank not too far from where I live. This genius waited until after he demanded the money to put on his disguise. The security cameras got a great look at him (considering how bad surveillance cameras used to be with the grainy image in black and white, this is a really good camera system) and he will hopefully be caught soon. Especially since all you have to do is look for the black man driving a vehicle that has been recolored with a dye pack.

Dummy.

Newsy Tidbits

I'm posting a bunch of funny articles because a) I need to get back to work, b) I want to see something humorous so that I stop feeling so depressed about being broke and c) I took the weekend off to go to Marcon and I haven't had a chance to go over the good and bad about it.

It's not a news article, but someone needs to tell Sharon Stone that there is a time and place for every comment and that her "karma" comment about China was not appropriate.

Be careful the next time you need a haircut in Houma, LA, make sure you aren't getting it done on a Sunday (or any other restricted day) or you just might earn your barber a ticket.

Only funny in a sad sort of way: I feel sorry for this guy whose balloon left without him and may have derailed a shot at breaking some skydiving records. I feel bad for him (but I still find it a wee bit funny, because I'm mean).

This cat is toooooo cute and is bringing in business for a Japanese rail line.

What would posses a student to spike his teacher's muffin? And that managed to miss my double-entendre radar how?

And, finally, somebody had to trump the Ohio man who had sex with the picnic table by doing it with car windshields. Just imagine the horror for the guy who was still in the taxi while this nutjob did this. Better yet, don't imagine it because it might scar you, and I only want to scar people with things that are worth it.

Dangerous Situation

This is going to be brief. I say that a lot, but I am trying to get some work done since I feel like a failure of a person who needs to really get back on track and do something worthwhile.

Taxes are due today and we owe quite a bit this year. The form will be dropped off after work, assuming I have enough gas to make it to the main post office.

We are broke. My bank decided that the best way to deal with low balance situations is to pay for everything, let you think you have a tiny amount of money left (which leaves you in the positive) and then decide that a charge that wasn't listed on Saturday morning was indeed paid on Friday and slapped on an obscene amount of overdraft fees retroactively, resulting in every charge after that being negative. We had transfered money from the mutual fund when we thought we were still positive (I checked with the bank webpage beforehand) but now they want to pretend the money isn't there so that they can charge us for 10 charges that are (now) overdraft. Our mutual fund is almost completely depleted because of the funeral expenses we paid that haven't been paid back (and I don't know when we'll see that money). We probably won't be able to pay the rent for May, the maternity costume I wanted to order is completely a thing of the past, and I just want to sleep through my birthday Saturday so that my husband doesn't spend any money on me.

And if I weren't pregnant, I probably would be very tempted to rip my veins open with my teeth. The fact that the thought is there in the back of my mind is somewhat disturbing, but I've unfortunately gotten used to that feeling. And I'd like to take out the time to thank God for taking away my grandmother in such a fashion that there was no warning, resulting in us paying for the funeral and now being so broke that I am unsure if I can scrape together enough money to put some gas in the car to make it home.

Funny, even Sinfest is capturing my week. It's humorous, but I do kind of feel like that today.

Edit: On a strangely odd note, I have a childhood friend who was born today, so I hope she's having a happy birthday. What's significant about this is that she and I were born four days apart, and her mother and my mother were born a few days apart as well. What are the odds of two women being born a few days apart (as Aries, no less) having their daughters with a similar span being born at the end of the same astrological cycle? If anyone can do that kind of statistics, let me know. These mood swings are very random, so I apologize if it makes me seem flighty, or like I'm faking the dark phases I go through.

Taste the rainbow!

I just couldn't resist posting this one!

On the Way to a PFLAG Meeting

Ghetto mama: Gimme some of yo' Skittles, boy.
Little boy: No, they be my Skittles.
Ghetto papa: Boy, you best to give yo' mama some Skittles or yo' ass is nevah gonna taste that rainbow again.

--1 train

via Overheard in New York, Aug 23, 2007

For all the male librarians out there...

I ran across this web comic from Penny Arcade which was a discussion between the two characters on what male librarians are called. I thought it was great because it shows that a) there are some people who think about librarians and b) that gamers can come up with really cool librarian names.

Go check it out (because I'm not posting it here; that would be theft and, therefore, bad!)! Here's the link to The Couch Dialogues.

Have a good day, everyone!

Humor, thy name is Overheard...

Here's another quote from Overheard in New York (now to be known as OiNY). I thought the last one was the funniest, but I feel it would be disingenuine if I strip out the other quotes from this entry.

Bluetooth Wednesday One-Liners

Chick yelling out window of hybrid SUV: I'm a better driver than you, and I'm texting at the same time!

--Westside Hwy

Overheard by: Glad I'm walking

Black guy to no one in particular: Do you have Michael Jackson's phone number? [Taps on cab window] Do you have Michael Jackson's phone number? [To a little girl in stroller] Do you have Michael Jackson's phone number?

--58th & 9th

Overheard by: Jofo

Secretary-General of the model UN: Before we go, this phone was found in the bathroom -- it's a pink RAZR... It says 'Stud muffin' on it.

--United Nations

Crazy guy handing out Sprint flyers: Free camera phone! Soon you'll be eating the robots!

--Outside Sprint, Broadway & Washington Pl

Overheard by: Deby

Hipster girl, addressing iPhone campers: You're waiting for a phone?! I can understand if it was for cupcakes...

--Prince & Greene

Overheard by: non-mac nerd

via Overheard in New York, Aug 1, 2007