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My guess is that I am now five months along, but yesterday was the first time someone noticed that I'm pregnant. My husband and I went out for ice cream and we ended up at United Dairy Farmers (UDF) where my desire for peanut butter and fudge was finally fulfilled. One of the employees came on shift while another was making my sundae, and she pointed to my lower abdomen with a smile while I was in line to pay for my purchase. I looked down for a second (because I wasn't sure if she was pointing at my Hello Kitty mp3 holder) and I realized by her smile what she meant, so I said "yeah, I am." She asked me how far along I was, and I had to turn to my husband because I really didn't know, so we told her our due date (9/6) and she at first thought we had said November 6th, because she said "hold out for three more days." Apparently, her birthday is November 9th, so she was playfully hoping we'd have our child on her birthday.

I told a third co-worker the good news yesterday as well. It came out by accident [I was telling her about an anime convention because her daughter is into anime and when she asked me when it was, I said "I think it's in August. Oh, wait, I may not be going if it's in August" and she asked "What will you be doing in August" and I said "Having a baby is what I'll be doing."] but I figure people around the office will start to figure it out. I've just not wanted to talk to people about stuff like this because I'm a far more private person that I realized.

I think the reason why I've gone so long without looking like I was pregnant is because I think people thought I was just getting fatter. My stomach has gotten bigger because things moved up to make room, but it did kind of look like I was putting on weight when it was just being repositioned. I've gained very little weight during this pregnancy (I lost 4 lbs in February, and I've gained 1-2 lbs a month since), and I'm trying not to let it get out of control since I weigh so much already. I was never sloppy fat, but I carry a lot more weight than people think because it's rather compact. Hopefully I will get some exercise in today, because I feel like getting outside and talking a walk.

I'm not sure I'm ever going to get around to blogging about this, but I was on the phone with my mother for over six hours on Sunday and I learned so much about her and about family, her friends, and how nasty people at church have really become [To be honest, these people were always nasty, but they no longer endeavor to hide it anymore]. I even learned about my father's mother (I was the only grandchild she had that she never met because I was too busy in the summer to travel down south to see her) and I now know that I inherited my strength from both of my grandmothers. My mother was fired up that night and she had a lot to say. She's the kind of person who scares you when she gets angry because it takes a lot to push her to that point. People know what I'm like when angry because my flashpoint is a lot lower than the average person, but my mom is scary because you don't know what she's capable of and you don't want to know. I always talk about how much I want to be like my grandmother, but my mom's not a bad person to admire either.

I just wish I could feel better. I was having a coughing fit while in the bathroom not too long ago and coughed up a lot of fluid from my lungs. I wasn't prepared for it, so some of it ended up on my shirt, which was embarrassing since it was a work bathroom and every woman on the fourth floor seemed to be in there at the same time, but I was able to get it out. I hope I don't have another one of those fits today.

It's kind of weird to have strangers notice that I'm pregnant. It makes me feel like a walking movie ad. Now showing in a woman near you.

Need...more...sleep...

I don't get enough sleep at all. I've developed a nasty habit of going to bed between 5 and 5:30 in the morning, and I struggle to get out of bed to get to work at 10:00 (with varying levels of failure). I'm not really sure why I'm up so late anymore; it used to be that I would get my schoolwork done after hours because I liked being up so late, but now I'm not really doing much of anything that requires being up that long. Sure, I find things to do that would be better done earlier in the day (i.e. dishes, house cleaning), but it's hard to find the time to fit those in during the few hours I get to spend with my husband before he goes off to his third-shift job.

It doesn't help things (or my family's anxiety) that I like to exercise by going out walking in the middle of the night. I do it for a multitude of reasons, but mainly it's because it's not so hot outside, there aren't that many people out there to see me in my silly pig-tails (which I do to keep the sweat from ruining my hair), and my husband doesn't want to go with me when he has to work that night. Even though I'm in the city, I'm not afraid to be out there at night. I made a habit of it in college when I would walk home to my dorm at 4am (but I looked so angry that people stayed as far away from me as possible -- a very effective mechanism), but apparently I never told my family I did this...or my grandmother would've torn into me for it. As it is, my aunt makes me call her if I happen to mention that I'm going out that night, and my grandmother told me to take a stick with me. I walk with my mp3 player on, but I keep the volume down and I'm aware of my surroundings at all time (plus, I know enough people in my neighborhood that I feel as if I can find someone if my cell-phone doesn't work or something). It's helping me to lose weight, but it's not helping me to get any more sleep.

That, and the World Series of Pop Culture just started a nightly online trivia contest where the winner gets $2,500 (which means I'm trying to play at 10pm & 1am), so that torpedoes the chance of getting more sleep. Oh well...after suffering the written equivalent of blurting out as much at once as possible [Imagine if I had said what I had written...as someone saying it as quickly as possible. That's how I talk when I'm frustrated/nervous sometimes. Sorry about that :-)] I'm going to wrap this up. I have two projects to work on (apparently, I completely misunderstood the one from last week as being more complicated than it was), so I'm going to get to that.

And it's about to start pouring (and I left my umbrella in the car), so I may not go out walking tonight, in case you were worried ;-).

Take care & stay dry, cool, or whatever is your ideal today.

Damnit, I'm tired

Tomorrow is my birthday. It will be officially the first day of the last year that I can declare myself to be in my late 20s. I won't be like other people (t.v. people, mostly) who pretend to be young when they're not; I'll embrace 30 when the time comes. I'll have to; I teased my older brother when he turned 30 last year, so I'll expect the sentiment to be returned in kind. I just wish I weren't so tired all the time.

I've developed some very odd insomnia where I can't get to bed before 4 a.m. most nights of the week. Something always happens where I'm up too late, whether it's because I'm not feeling well, getting caught up in a book or computer game that I had no business starting, or because I'm doing the household chores and finances. I end up waking up at the precise moment I should be on the road to work and spend the rest of the day trying not to pass out. What's more, I'm trying to lose as much weight in a month as possible so that I can get on a new rollercoaster on opening weekend of Cedar Point [The money for the ride is going to the Fireside Red Cross, so I'm just hoping that I don't go all the way up to Sandusky for nothing], and proper sleep is needed for a better shot at losing weight.

It's not just the lack of sleep, it's the stress of doing a talent show in front of my company on Tuesday (which has me freaking out), and needing to look for a job that is full-time and will pay well. And after that two-day scare where I was a complete danger to myself after doing the taxes, I'm doing what I can to stem the outflow of money so that we may be able to save and do the things we want to do this summer.

Since I'm way behind on a project I'm working on here, I'm going to go back to it. At least this post has done one thing; helped me to feel a little less upset about everything.