I was going to post when I got home yesterday, but I ended up zoning out and not feeling too well. I've rounded up some of the more interesting news bits today, and I am declaring right now that the pregnancy articles (yes, I have the nerve to have more than one this time) are going to be reserved for the end.
- Let's start with some good old-fashioned criminal stupidity. A guy drove to a meeting with his parole officer in a stolen car. He actually went to a dealership and "test drove" a car without returning it. I don't know where people get the stones to do stuff like this, but I know of another criminal who did something similar, and I may post that once I have a chance to go back and find it (missing a day just threw everything off).
- A man tried to rob a store armed with a palm frond. To be fair, this is a "Spanish bayonet" which is like running around with a living knife, but it is pretty bizarre (and this article comes with pictures!).
- A thief broke into a donation box to only get away with fake money. This box has been broken into before, so the fake money (that was black and white with no serial numbers) was used to cover up any real cash that may be inside. Unfortunately for this moron, the box had just been emptied of the "real" cash, so he gets nothing! He loses! Good day, sir! [Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory moment]
- Just a warning to any pot-smoking males out there: If you get arrested for any reason, make sure you mention the nine grams of marijuana wrapped around your penis before you get to jail. I've watched "Jail" enough times to know that you can get into serious trouble if you bring drugs into the jail population. It's just a thought.
- Now onto I-don't-know-what-to-think news, charges against an elderly man for stealing an apple pie have been dropped. It's hard for me to decide if this man is truly a bad criminal who has shoplifted from the Publix before, or was this a simple mistake of forgetting the pie in the cart (and the cashier missed it as well). By the way, I went to a Publix when I was in Atlanta last year, and I thought the little grocery store that could was really cute (and small). I have a story that goes with that, but I'll have to save it for another time.
Anyway...
- In unexpected animal news, I've got two for you. The first is that someone needs to get this motherf*cking skunk out of this motherf*cking plane. They don't know how it got there, and it sprayed the plane when they tried to remove it (I have another skunk one that I will have to unearth later). The second is that someone needs to get this motherf*cking snake out of this motherf*cking mailbox. It wasn't poisonous, but I did give me a chance to do a one-two punch with a tired catchphrase. I won't vow to ever use it again, but I will hope to not use it ever again. Man, this was my worst post yet.
- In bathroom-esque news, another two-fer. The first recalls to mind the threats my uncle used to make about having me get married in a paper dress. I didn't even believe that they existed until I got an old Josie comic and read the article about it. Well, somebody won a toilet paper dress contest with an entry I wouldn't have been embarrassed to walk in. Considering that there was someone who made a beautiful dress out of toilet paper at my bridal shower, I'm not that surprised. In grosser stories, a Russian town is celebrating enemas with a large sculpture of an enema bulb held up by three angels. To each his own, I say. Well, what the hell else can I say about it?
- The Oscars will be limiting the number of songs that can be nominated from the same movie to two entries. But after reading this article, it appears to me that multiple entries from the same film didn't help anyone win one, so whatever.
- It's what I said should be required reading. A Tom Tomorrow comic should not be ignored. Besides, Tinkerbell is such a scamp, she's even getting a star on the Walk of Fame.
- Oh yes, the 25 recipients of the 2009 Walk of Fame includes Tinkerbell, the Village People, and Cameron Diaz, but not poor Cheetah. He lost out again! How can they do this to a Tarzan icon? But William H Macy made the list, so all is forgiven.
Now to the pregnancy news.
- I had a hard time choosing an article about Jamie Lynn Spears, so I'm going to go with the one that actually made me mad: A costar of Ms. Spears talked about how she knows Jamie Lynn will be a "great mom." Seriously?!? Dammit, I'm 30 and about to have my first child and I'm very paranoid that I'm going to be a bad parent and I'm supposed to believe that a 17-year-old is going to be a better mother than I? Bullshit. The only thing she has over me is youth, she's in the age range that is prime biologically for having children, but that's about it. I'll be damned if some 17-year-old having children out-of-wedlock is going to be a better parent than me.
- Which brings me to my next post: 17 Massachusetts high school girls are pregnant in a "pregnancy pact". I chose to link to the BestWeekEver.tv story about this article instead of the original post to soften the blow a bit. I don't know why anyone would think that having a baby is something to toy around with, but these girls all thought it would be great to have babies at the same time and raise them together. What gets me about the original article is that the school is being criticized for wanting to give the students birth control, but that it's okay for them to give 150 pregnancy tests in the school. My school never gave pregnancy tests. All I got was a sex-ed class that helped us sixth graders know that it's okay to say "no". It also helped that we were in a school (4-12 grades at the time) that had a number of teenage girls who had babies who were the examples of what we did not want to happen to us. The bwe.tv article does sum up the weirdest part of this story with the picture of the hobo because one of the fathers is a 24-year-old homeless man.
They are concerned that there are bigger issues to this than just a crazy pact. A recent graduate who had given birth her freshman year had a number of students say that she was lucky to have a child to raise, but she had this to say: "They're so excited to finally have someone to love them unconditionally," ... "I try to explain it's hard to feel loved when an infant is screaming to be fed at 3 a.m." They even have daycare in the school and the school is proud(?) that they allow their students to continue their educations, but maybe that (along with the bleak conditions they live in) contributes to more girls wanting to have babies. I knew of at least one school in Cleveland that had a daycare center, but this was also a school that focused on vocation and used the daycare center as one of the vocational fields that a student could train in for a future job (and it might have been originally created for the teachers to have daycare), but the school wasn't proud of it. It wasn't something you touted because it would allow the media to paint the picture of tons of urban black students having children out of wedlock.
I wish we still had shows like Rikki Lake on t.v. because these talk shows did a lot to show young people that having a baby to have someone to love you is not a good idea. My graduating class that had sex-ed in sixth grade only had one person get pregnant in high school, and she didn't get pregnant until a few months before graduation. I bring this up because there were roughly 6-10 girls who had children in the grades before and after us, and we were the only people to get this education that can be interpreted as successful (but I think we were a test-group and there was no money left to implement it again). I see the concern that people may have in giving out birth control to students, but I am troubled by the mayor saying that the school nurse and a local pediatrician "have no right to decide [to offer birth control without parental consent] for our children", because it wasn't as if they were forcing the students to use the birth control. They wanted to make it available without parental consent (and the long trip that students would have to take to get it themselves), which may be overstepping the parental boundaries, but this isn't a decision made "for" the children. The mayor is saying that people advocating birth control had no right to say these children should be using birth control, but that they still have to offer free pregnancy tests. Pregnancy tests are not cheap, so I'm surprised that the school had that kind of money to do 150 of them in a year.
I'm not really sure I know what I'm saying about this issue anymore. The school actually encourages teen parents to use the daycare center, but I don't hear anyone telling these kids that having a child while in high school is a difficult thing to manage. You can't say that giving the kids birth control will encourage them to have more sex, considering that there's enough encouragement by getting in pacts and being envious of your child-having classmates. Well, I guess the argument could be made, but I think there is really a problem here.
This is making my head hurt. I try to avoid truly controversial topics because I don't like trying to argue with people, but this is bothering me because I know that there can be things done to educate young people to find better things to do with their time than have children while in high school.
This went on for entirely too long, so if you made it to the end (or just skimmed it), here's a really funny Pearls Before Swine comic featuring the predator/prey relationship between Zebra and his neighbors the Crocodiles.
Showing posts with label Non sequitur. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Non sequitur. Show all posts
Friday, June 20, 2008
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
What is going on today?
The stuff I found today goes all over the place. Some of it is impressive, some of it is dumb, and the rest...well, let's just get it started.
- When you're busted with over $300 grand, don't say you were just trying to buy banannas unless you are Chikita Banana or something. At $1.65 a pound, you could buy all of the banana trees in Costa Rica (and you can keep them!).
- If you see a young man "acting strange" in the bushes, he may not be a Peeping Tom; he may just be putting on his makeup in the morning sun. Honey, they sell makeup mirrors that come with different lights so that you can put on the appropriate makeup for daytime and nighttime excursions, so you don't have to go outside.
- In what's-your-lazy-assed-problem news, a man kidnaps his ex-girlfriend to make her iron his clothes. He better be glad it wasn't me he did this to; he'd have some burned clothes, broken dishes, and a sore ass from the whippin' he'd get from me.
- Not that I would expect anyone to know this, but apparently it's illegal to keep beehives in your backyard in Denver. A woman is facing possible jail time for keeping three beehives despite passing a course that would, presumably, have warned her that this was illegal if that is the case. I'm a city girl who freaks out every time I see a bee near my door, so I wouldn't be the least bit interested in this hobby, but why send someone to jail if she's not harassing the little buggers?
- If this one sounds familiar, it's not the same guy I swear! A man gets arrested for DUI twice in one hour. The last guy I reported on got nabbed twice in the same day; this numbnut didn't make it an hour before getting caught again. How someone gets behind the wheel immediately after (I assume) his friend took him home is a testament to the sheer determination to get yourself killed. Way to try to take yourself out of the gene pool, guy.
- This was a lucky day for both man and his dog, as they both survived driving off a cliff! The man was thrown clear of the wreckage and suffered two broken legs. The dog, however, managed to get out of the wreck unnoticed and was found huddling under the kitchen table. Aww, it's not like you did it Rover! I'm just glad they survived. What? I'm not that mean. Okay, so I am, but only when it's funny.
- I actually remember this case, so it's nice to see follow-up. A restaurant in New Zealand was fined for serving two women dishwashing liquid instead of mulled wine. Victims can't sue for damages in New Zealand, but they are getting a payment for the emotional distress this caused. I think they're getting somewhere around $700 a piece, so it's not like they were going to rake in millions on this one.
- Apparently, I'm not the only one who suffers customer service problems. Michael Musto had to name drop Time Warner just to get Verizon to stop jerking him around. I'm not touching that, so come up with your own punchline.
And now, on to the celebrities!
- Someone was paying attention to whom they were speaking when they told Paris Hilton that she couldn't buy a puppy simply because it would be cute for a photo. She threw a fit and still didn't walk away with the Yorkie. Good for you, pet store owners!
- At least it's not her fault this time: A court has determined that a paparazzo "had only himself to blame" for his foot getting run over by Britney Spears. None of the evidence supported his initial claim, so I am going to shoot this guy with my rubber band gun if I ever meet him for making me say this: "Leave Britney alone!"
- In what-is-she-thinking news, Miley Cyrus has a picture of herself on a bed with a 22-year-old male on her MySpace page. This article gets a mention not because of the subject matter, but for one of my favorite lines from an article anywhere: "She says she does it all for Jesus, but even Jesus is now like 'enough already, you’re not helping.'" I love it whenever anyone makes a reference to God or Jesus and how they don't want to be referenced, so of course I thought this was great. Then again, I loved the MadTV sketch from it's early years when Jesus shows up to an awards show to scold rap artists for thanking him for saying "bitch" and "ho" in rap songs. It's no "Suck it, Jesus," but I'm not a red-headed non-practicing Catholic with her own show either.
I want to be a red-head, but that's another matter altogether.
- These are celebrity-like people, so in they go: TV Guide has published a list of the top reality TV villains and there's no surprise at who's number one: Omarosa Manigault-Stallwort. A woman who causes nothing but trouble, and was so annoying her own husband had to walk away, so I hope she's proud of herself. Other "winners" were Spencer of The Hills fame (but not his Heidi) and Puck from the Real World, an entry that should make us all feel a little old if we can remember who he was and why he was thrown out. Boy, was he nasty!
- And now here's a blog looking for people to add to the list of most difficult actors to work with in Hollywood. They use the term "All-Strop" but I don't know what the hell that means so I've translated it to what I can understand. I had nothing to contribute to the list, but the comments had some real winners.
- Hey, remember Glamour Shots? Well I'm pretty sure this guy wishes we didn't because he's all the rage on the page. I think people have taken to calling him Hot Carl, and I inadvertently kicked off a "thing" where people want to get together to create a cheesy dance video (see the post's comments to see what I mean) at an amusement park. Man, I can't go anywhere without starting something.
- I'm sorry to say that Stan Winston, a man who was known for his visual effects in movies has died at 62. I don't always report these things (I was horribly remiss on Tim Russert coverage; he seemed like such a nice guy, and that always chokes me up) but this was a man who made special effects and makeup look really good without relying on computer graphics to pull it off, and I respect that.
- I wonder if George Takei is registered anywhere? I ponder this because George has just picked up his marriage license (the first in West Hollywood, btw). I wish I could say I remember when I got my license, but I was being tortured by my grandmother about tales of how much she enjoyed sex as she's driving me downtown to get married (my mother had a great time at my expense as I tried to jump out of a moving vehicle on rt 315) and my husband picked up the license with my uncle. I just hope George doesn't get the hippie witnesses that I had during the first ceremony (have I ever mentioned that I've married the same person twice?) because they made me want to laugh. Good luck and much happiness to George, his partner, and all of those embarking on the road to matrimony.
- I think this is it for today. I've been reading the reviews of The Happening and wanted to share the most spoiler-laden article I could find, because if the movie is this stupid, I have to do my job to keep as many people from seeing this at full price as possible. Surely, The Happening can't be this bad, can it?
And that's what was reported today. Not much on the funny side, but a lot to chew on.
By the way, I have to say I adore Janet Jackson and see her current body type as something that might just be achievable.
Peace out!
- When you're busted with over $300 grand, don't say you were just trying to buy banannas unless you are Chikita Banana or something. At $1.65 a pound, you could buy all of the banana trees in Costa Rica (and you can keep them!).
- If you see a young man "acting strange" in the bushes, he may not be a Peeping Tom; he may just be putting on his makeup in the morning sun. Honey, they sell makeup mirrors that come with different lights so that you can put on the appropriate makeup for daytime and nighttime excursions, so you don't have to go outside.
- In what's-your-lazy-assed-problem news, a man kidnaps his ex-girlfriend to make her iron his clothes. He better be glad it wasn't me he did this to; he'd have some burned clothes, broken dishes, and a sore ass from the whippin' he'd get from me.
- Not that I would expect anyone to know this, but apparently it's illegal to keep beehives in your backyard in Denver. A woman is facing possible jail time for keeping three beehives despite passing a course that would, presumably, have warned her that this was illegal if that is the case. I'm a city girl who freaks out every time I see a bee near my door, so I wouldn't be the least bit interested in this hobby, but why send someone to jail if she's not harassing the little buggers?
- If this one sounds familiar, it's not the same guy I swear! A man gets arrested for DUI twice in one hour. The last guy I reported on got nabbed twice in the same day; this numbnut didn't make it an hour before getting caught again. How someone gets behind the wheel immediately after (I assume) his friend took him home is a testament to the sheer determination to get yourself killed. Way to try to take yourself out of the gene pool, guy.
- This was a lucky day for both man and his dog, as they both survived driving off a cliff! The man was thrown clear of the wreckage and suffered two broken legs. The dog, however, managed to get out of the wreck unnoticed and was found huddling under the kitchen table. Aww, it's not like you did it Rover! I'm just glad they survived. What? I'm not that mean. Okay, so I am, but only when it's funny.
- I actually remember this case, so it's nice to see follow-up. A restaurant in New Zealand was fined for serving two women dishwashing liquid instead of mulled wine. Victims can't sue for damages in New Zealand, but they are getting a payment for the emotional distress this caused. I think they're getting somewhere around $700 a piece, so it's not like they were going to rake in millions on this one.
- Apparently, I'm not the only one who suffers customer service problems. Michael Musto had to name drop Time Warner just to get Verizon to stop jerking him around. I'm not touching that, so come up with your own punchline.
And now, on to the celebrities!
- Someone was paying attention to whom they were speaking when they told Paris Hilton that she couldn't buy a puppy simply because it would be cute for a photo. She threw a fit and still didn't walk away with the Yorkie. Good for you, pet store owners!
- At least it's not her fault this time: A court has determined that a paparazzo "had only himself to blame" for his foot getting run over by Britney Spears. None of the evidence supported his initial claim, so I am going to shoot this guy with my rubber band gun if I ever meet him for making me say this: "Leave Britney alone!"
- In what-is-she-thinking news, Miley Cyrus has a picture of herself on a bed with a 22-year-old male on her MySpace page. This article gets a mention not because of the subject matter, but for one of my favorite lines from an article anywhere: "She says she does it all for Jesus, but even Jesus is now like 'enough already, you’re not helping.'" I love it whenever anyone makes a reference to God or Jesus and how they don't want to be referenced, so of course I thought this was great. Then again, I loved the MadTV sketch from it's early years when Jesus shows up to an awards show to scold rap artists for thanking him for saying "bitch" and "ho" in rap songs. It's no "Suck it, Jesus," but I'm not a red-headed non-practicing Catholic with her own show either.
I want to be a red-head, but that's another matter altogether.
- These are celebrity-like people, so in they go: TV Guide has published a list of the top reality TV villains and there's no surprise at who's number one: Omarosa Manigault-Stallwort. A woman who causes nothing but trouble, and was so annoying her own husband had to walk away, so I hope she's proud of herself. Other "winners" were Spencer of The Hills fame (but not his Heidi) and Puck from the Real World, an entry that should make us all feel a little old if we can remember who he was and why he was thrown out. Boy, was he nasty!
- And now here's a blog looking for people to add to the list of most difficult actors to work with in Hollywood. They use the term "All-Strop" but I don't know what the hell that means so I've translated it to what I can understand. I had nothing to contribute to the list, but the comments had some real winners.
- Hey, remember Glamour Shots? Well I'm pretty sure this guy wishes we didn't because he's all the rage on the page. I think people have taken to calling him Hot Carl, and I inadvertently kicked off a "thing" where people want to get together to create a cheesy dance video (see the post's comments to see what I mean) at an amusement park. Man, I can't go anywhere without starting something.
- I'm sorry to say that Stan Winston, a man who was known for his visual effects in movies has died at 62. I don't always report these things (I was horribly remiss on Tim Russert coverage; he seemed like such a nice guy, and that always chokes me up) but this was a man who made special effects and makeup look really good without relying on computer graphics to pull it off, and I respect that.
- I wonder if George Takei is registered anywhere? I ponder this because George has just picked up his marriage license (the first in West Hollywood, btw). I wish I could say I remember when I got my license, but I was being tortured by my grandmother about tales of how much she enjoyed sex as she's driving me downtown to get married (my mother had a great time at my expense as I tried to jump out of a moving vehicle on rt 315) and my husband picked up the license with my uncle. I just hope George doesn't get the hippie witnesses that I had during the first ceremony (have I ever mentioned that I've married the same person twice?) because they made me want to laugh. Good luck and much happiness to George, his partner, and all of those embarking on the road to matrimony.
- I think this is it for today. I've been reading the reviews of The Happening and wanted to share the most spoiler-laden article I could find, because if the movie is this stupid, I have to do my job to keep as many people from seeing this at full price as possible. Surely, The Happening can't be this bad, can it?
And that's what was reported today. Not much on the funny side, but a lot to chew on.
By the way, I have to say I adore Janet Jackson and see her current body type as something that might just be achievable.
Peace out!
Monday, June 16, 2008
Now on with the funny
There wasn't a lot of good news of stupid criminals and the like, but I do what I can with what's available.
- A crazy Illinois man has changed his name to In God We Trust. Really? Do you think that's cool? I know that he's doing it to show how God has helped him through the rough times, but this is just being weird for the sake of weirdness. And he's an artist, go figure.
- Apparently, it's not enough to ban someone from Wal-Mart, but this guy tried to rob the same Wal-Mart he was banned from and was escaping in his wheelchair with some stolen meat. I don't know why anyone would willingly go to Wal-Mart (my snobbishness is showing!), but to go back to the same store and try to rob it again is a sign of stupidity.
- This is a guy who had it all planned out. He had the disguise, and he had gotten the money, but he failed to have an escape plan from the bank! This is what you get for taking a cab and not having an alternate means of getting away. I hear bicycles are popular...
- Let's say you're thinking of being a drug mule. You're trying to think of a way to smuggle heroin into the country. A good idea of what not to do is to carry the heroin in your diaper. 257 grams is a lot to try to smuggle in a diaper. And don't think they won't check due to being grossed out; I've watched Cops and they are more than willing to go digging all up in your stuff to find your hidden drugs. It's only worth it if you're into getting felt up by strangers (and then put in lock-down).
- In more bank robbery news, it apparently pays to be stubborn when faced with a well-dressed robber. If he's dressed nice and has no weapon, you may get him to go away by telling him you won't give him the cash.
- In Celebrity I-don't-buy-it news, Tony Romo says that rumors about friction with Jessica Simpson's dad is "laughable". It took him too long to respond, and after my previous post where Joe Simpson doesn't exactly deny his part in the rumors, I don't accept this as anything more than trying to squelch rumors. Stick to football, kid.
- I'm not using the bathroom at Home Depot out of fear of getting stuck to the toilet seat in an adhesive prank. I don't care who is in the right on this one; I'm too far along in this pregnancy to risk a Home Depot delivery.
- In not quite funny, but interesting news, Top Chef will be hitting the road and doing interactive shows in various cities, one of which is the city in which I currently reside. Will I be trying to go see them? Probably not, because I don't want to go and find out it's all of the cheftestants that I couldn't stand. It would be kind of cool to be able to report from the even on July 12, so I'm going to have to let that simmer for awhile...
- I didn't know they could do this: A judge has reduced the trust fund for Leona Helmsley's dog from $12 million to $2 million. The rest is going to Helmsley's charitable foundation. So maybe it's not a dog's life anymore.
- I've been saving this article for last, because it's a four-four-one extravaganza of strangeness. It begins with a story about a guy with a California license plate on the front of is truck...and a Florida license plate on the back (because criminals have got to rock stupidity like that). We next encounter a story about people stealing fire hydrants, and the author's puzzlement at how people can manage to sell these things without the scrapyards questioning the legality of possessing such items. The third article is about a guy who gets assaulted with "a plate of chicken", and the last article is about a woman who threatens children not with a stabbing, but with "cutting them deeply" and she's willing to show them the difference. Wow.
I would like to finish this posting with three links that have little to do with each other, except that they are interesting. Best Week Ever.tv did a post on the five most depressed comic strip characters, but it kind of missed the mark since it didn't cover Charlie Brown (but I forgive the guy for his first post). This led me to what has to be an apt description of my life at times when Jon Arbuckle complains about his toster and life in a Garfield without Garfield strip.
And finally: Fun with boob products!
Thank you, and goodnight!
- A crazy Illinois man has changed his name to In God We Trust. Really? Do you think that's cool? I know that he's doing it to show how God has helped him through the rough times, but this is just being weird for the sake of weirdness. And he's an artist, go figure.
- Apparently, it's not enough to ban someone from Wal-Mart, but this guy tried to rob the same Wal-Mart he was banned from and was escaping in his wheelchair with some stolen meat. I don't know why anyone would willingly go to Wal-Mart (my snobbishness is showing!), but to go back to the same store and try to rob it again is a sign of stupidity.
- This is a guy who had it all planned out. He had the disguise, and he had gotten the money, but he failed to have an escape plan from the bank! This is what you get for taking a cab and not having an alternate means of getting away. I hear bicycles are popular...
- Let's say you're thinking of being a drug mule. You're trying to think of a way to smuggle heroin into the country. A good idea of what not to do is to carry the heroin in your diaper. 257 grams is a lot to try to smuggle in a diaper. And don't think they won't check due to being grossed out; I've watched Cops and they are more than willing to go digging all up in your stuff to find your hidden drugs. It's only worth it if you're into getting felt up by strangers (and then put in lock-down).
- In more bank robbery news, it apparently pays to be stubborn when faced with a well-dressed robber. If he's dressed nice and has no weapon, you may get him to go away by telling him you won't give him the cash.
- In Celebrity I-don't-buy-it news, Tony Romo says that rumors about friction with Jessica Simpson's dad is "laughable". It took him too long to respond, and after my previous post where Joe Simpson doesn't exactly deny his part in the rumors, I don't accept this as anything more than trying to squelch rumors. Stick to football, kid.
- I'm not using the bathroom at Home Depot out of fear of getting stuck to the toilet seat in an adhesive prank. I don't care who is in the right on this one; I'm too far along in this pregnancy to risk a Home Depot delivery.
- In not quite funny, but interesting news, Top Chef will be hitting the road and doing interactive shows in various cities, one of which is the city in which I currently reside. Will I be trying to go see them? Probably not, because I don't want to go and find out it's all of the cheftestants that I couldn't stand. It would be kind of cool to be able to report from the even on July 12, so I'm going to have to let that simmer for awhile...
- I didn't know they could do this: A judge has reduced the trust fund for Leona Helmsley's dog from $12 million to $2 million. The rest is going to Helmsley's charitable foundation. So maybe it's not a dog's life anymore.
- I've been saving this article for last, because it's a four-four-one extravaganza of strangeness. It begins with a story about a guy with a California license plate on the front of is truck...and a Florida license plate on the back (because criminals have got to rock stupidity like that). We next encounter a story about people stealing fire hydrants, and the author's puzzlement at how people can manage to sell these things without the scrapyards questioning the legality of possessing such items. The third article is about a guy who gets assaulted with "a plate of chicken", and the last article is about a woman who threatens children not with a stabbing, but with "cutting them deeply" and she's willing to show them the difference. Wow.
I would like to finish this posting with three links that have little to do with each other, except that they are interesting. Best Week Ever.tv did a post on the five most depressed comic strip characters, but it kind of missed the mark since it didn't cover Charlie Brown (but I forgive the guy for his first post). This led me to what has to be an apt description of my life at times when Jon Arbuckle complains about his toster and life in a Garfield without Garfield strip.
And finally: Fun with boob products!
Thank you, and goodnight!
Thursday, June 12, 2008
"And now here's something we hope you'll really like!"
Points (and a mention) for whomever knows where this quote is from.
In the interest of being completely embarassing, I have decied to start publishing my karoke recordings from The Sims On Stage website. Why? I am a glutton for punishment, I guess.
I have a good singing voice, and while the recording probably doesn't capture that, I did have fun doing this song. I did "Army" by Ben Folds Five, and this was done on the first take, so it's not bad for a song with no run-through. I may not be willing to show my face, but you'll at least know what I sound like.
In the interest of being completely embarassing, I have decied to start publishing my karoke recordings from The Sims On Stage website. Why? I am a glutton for punishment, I guess.
I have a good singing voice, and while the recording probably doesn't capture that, I did have fun doing this song. I did "Army" by Ben Folds Five, and this was done on the first take, so it's not bad for a song with no run-through. I may not be willing to show my face, but you'll at least know what I sound like.
Rate this performance at The Sims On Stage
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Not-So-Funny Happening in the News
I haven't made it a secret that I struggle with depression [18 years and counting], but I found some articles that made me think about how messed up things can get for people...some with unintentionally humorous consequences.
- I have a feeling that this is something that would happen to me: a person tries to die by being run over by a train, but they lay on the wrong tracks. Everything was planned; they even got the timing of the train right, but they just were laying right next to the track the train was actually on. It's not all that funny, but when you've "been there" you can chuckle and know where they're coming from.
- This is not something I can relate to, however: A couple of brothers try to die by driving off a cliff, but when that failed they tried to kill themselves with the broken glass surrounding them. They were both also on drugs, but they have a past history of mental illness and were pushed over the edge by the death of their father. This makes me glad that I never got into drugs; they don't do good things for otherwise mentally healthy people, so I'd hate to think what they could've done to me.
- This is an old story, but I only just found out about it. A couple called their son before killing themselves to say goodbye. I'm not sure I could do this to my child, but since I've put so many friends through this I can't say it wouldn't cross my mind to call before ending it all. I know they wanted to say goodbye to him before making this decision, but it's a very difficult call to make. Is it better that they called before they did this, or should they have let someone eventually find their bodies? I don't know what the right answer is (other than not killing yourself; but that's an answer that makes sense cerebrally, but doesn't seem so obvious when you're at that point), but it makes me want to be far more careful about my mental health than I have been of late.
It's not the kind of stuff that people want to talk about, but bringing attention to stories like this is something I do because I want to show that suicide is not trivial, nor is it an easy choice to make. I had to battle my worst moments without my family supporting me because I wouldn't tell them anything (and they still don't know how bad it was), and the specter of it is still part of my reality. It's why I get upset about cyber-bullying because I know I could've been one of those kids you read about on abcnews.com. I've been to websites where people think that those who kill themselves are selfish for doing so, and that life will get better if you live. It doesn't seem all that selfish to the person contemplating it (I have even reasoned out why my death would be better for everyone around me), and it took a very, very long time before I could see any light at the end of my tunnel. My very survival is attributed more to wanting to take care of my family than wanting to actually exist. I live for others because it's a way to distract myself from myself.
My hope is that I can reach one person and get them to understand the issue from the sufferer's point of view. Not all suicidal people are trying to get away from crimes they're ashamed of; some of us are just in a hell that feels very real and, at times, almost inescapable. My depression feels like someone is sitting on my back and my head gets foggy. The really bad days are when it feels like I'm drowning and I just want to not feel that way anymore. The worst is when the decision is made and your mind shuts down; everything you do is a matter of reflex [and I wear that reminder] and...it's hard to describe why some succeed at it and others fail time and time again. Okay, so I can explain why my last attempt failed: I suffer from being incredibly honest and when my boyfriend called to see how I was doing on my Organic Chemistry studies, all I could think to say was "There's blood everywhere". If he hadn't called, I wouldn't be here.
I still don't know why that nut married me, though.
Anyway, public service message over. This may not reach anyone, but I can always hope that it helps someone to understand this side of the insanity.
I can't promise it, but I will be going back to the more fun side of my zaniness (keeping these maudlin posts to a minimum). And I meant it when I talked about Stephen Colbert. I want to meet this guy, and want to find a way to do it that doesn't come off as really bat-poop crazy (or really, really sad).
- I have a feeling that this is something that would happen to me: a person tries to die by being run over by a train, but they lay on the wrong tracks. Everything was planned; they even got the timing of the train right, but they just were laying right next to the track the train was actually on. It's not all that funny, but when you've "been there" you can chuckle and know where they're coming from.
- This is not something I can relate to, however: A couple of brothers try to die by driving off a cliff, but when that failed they tried to kill themselves with the broken glass surrounding them. They were both also on drugs, but they have a past history of mental illness and were pushed over the edge by the death of their father. This makes me glad that I never got into drugs; they don't do good things for otherwise mentally healthy people, so I'd hate to think what they could've done to me.
- This is an old story, but I only just found out about it. A couple called their son before killing themselves to say goodbye. I'm not sure I could do this to my child, but since I've put so many friends through this I can't say it wouldn't cross my mind to call before ending it all. I know they wanted to say goodbye to him before making this decision, but it's a very difficult call to make. Is it better that they called before they did this, or should they have let someone eventually find their bodies? I don't know what the right answer is (other than not killing yourself; but that's an answer that makes sense cerebrally, but doesn't seem so obvious when you're at that point), but it makes me want to be far more careful about my mental health than I have been of late.
It's not the kind of stuff that people want to talk about, but bringing attention to stories like this is something I do because I want to show that suicide is not trivial, nor is it an easy choice to make. I had to battle my worst moments without my family supporting me because I wouldn't tell them anything (and they still don't know how bad it was), and the specter of it is still part of my reality. It's why I get upset about cyber-bullying because I know I could've been one of those kids you read about on abcnews.com. I've been to websites where people think that those who kill themselves are selfish for doing so, and that life will get better if you live. It doesn't seem all that selfish to the person contemplating it (I have even reasoned out why my death would be better for everyone around me), and it took a very, very long time before I could see any light at the end of my tunnel. My very survival is attributed more to wanting to take care of my family than wanting to actually exist. I live for others because it's a way to distract myself from myself.
My hope is that I can reach one person and get them to understand the issue from the sufferer's point of view. Not all suicidal people are trying to get away from crimes they're ashamed of; some of us are just in a hell that feels very real and, at times, almost inescapable. My depression feels like someone is sitting on my back and my head gets foggy. The really bad days are when it feels like I'm drowning and I just want to not feel that way anymore. The worst is when the decision is made and your mind shuts down; everything you do is a matter of reflex [and I wear that reminder] and...it's hard to describe why some succeed at it and others fail time and time again. Okay, so I can explain why my last attempt failed: I suffer from being incredibly honest and when my boyfriend called to see how I was doing on my Organic Chemistry studies, all I could think to say was "There's blood everywhere". If he hadn't called, I wouldn't be here.
I still don't know why that nut married me, though.
Anyway, public service message over. This may not reach anyone, but I can always hope that it helps someone to understand this side of the insanity.
I can't promise it, but I will be going back to the more fun side of my zaniness (keeping these maudlin posts to a minimum). And I meant it when I talked about Stephen Colbert. I want to meet this guy, and want to find a way to do it that doesn't come off as really bat-poop crazy (or really, really sad).
Monday, June 9, 2008
New Mission in Life
I have decided that I must have some new ambition, and here it is: I want to either get an autograph from Stephen Colbert (complete with photo), or do something so noteworthy to get on the show. Since I have no political ambition (and avoid political talks like the plague), I'm shooting for the former over the latter. My feeling on this is that I want to do this because he earned cool points for being intelligent and funny, and because I'm, simply, an idiot.
I even have a couple of ideas of where I'd like his autograph to appear in my autograph book (it began it's life as a journal with floral pages). I'd either like it to be near the autograph of my favorite author, Peter S. Beagle, or I'd like it to be near Beetle Bailey creator Mort Walker. However, I think his character would appreciate being by Mother Goose and Grim creator (and editorial cartoonist) Mike Peters.
Why am I shooting for the autograph instead of the interview? Quite simply, by the time I can do something with my comic-book-induced educational endeavors, his show might be off the air. Besides, he's smart and I'm not (I don't care what anyone says) and that's a little intimidating. I could try to create an internet phenomenon to get national attention, but I'd like to think I have a little more substance than a gimmick to be on the show.
I am not sure why I've developed this sudden fixation, but I'm trying to think of ways to put this plan (half baked as it is) into action. He tapes his show in NYC [yay!], but my broke ass can't afford to go anytime soon. I refuse to Greyhound to NYC (going to Cleveland from here is enough of a pain that I would probably end up killing someone on the bus before I got to New York and that's not the kind of fame I want), and I won't be able to fly towards the end of the summer, so I don't know what else to do.
I could write a song and get it on YouTube. I can also stick bamboo shoots under my nails.
I could try writing to him but I want to be present when the autograph is signed so that I can photograph the moment like I have all the others.
Okay. Here's my new hair-brained scheme: I'll write him a letter telling him about my desire to either get an in-person autograph or get interviewed based on my academic pursuit and see where that goes. This idea is so stupid, I'm laughing at myself for even thinking of it! How am I going to get a letter to him? Besides, I don't want to sound like a stalker (I've had one; they're not fun & mine was pretty harmless compared to most of them).
I'm (rather) serious about this. I haven't been this excited about something so ridiculous since I applied to grad school to study comics (or since I met Peter S. Beagle last summer). This will probably go nowhere, but I'd like to believe that I would at least try to do this before it falls apart.
I even have a couple of ideas of where I'd like his autograph to appear in my autograph book (it began it's life as a journal with floral pages). I'd either like it to be near the autograph of my favorite author, Peter S. Beagle, or I'd like it to be near Beetle Bailey creator Mort Walker. However, I think his character would appreciate being by Mother Goose and Grim creator (and editorial cartoonist) Mike Peters.
Why am I shooting for the autograph instead of the interview? Quite simply, by the time I can do something with my comic-book-induced educational endeavors, his show might be off the air. Besides, he's smart and I'm not (I don't care what anyone says) and that's a little intimidating. I could try to create an internet phenomenon to get national attention, but I'd like to think I have a little more substance than a gimmick to be on the show.
I am not sure why I've developed this sudden fixation, but I'm trying to think of ways to put this plan (half baked as it is) into action. He tapes his show in NYC [yay!], but my broke ass can't afford to go anytime soon. I refuse to Greyhound to NYC (going to Cleveland from here is enough of a pain that I would probably end up killing someone on the bus before I got to New York and that's not the kind of fame I want), and I won't be able to fly towards the end of the summer, so I don't know what else to do.
I could write a song and get it on YouTube. I can also stick bamboo shoots under my nails.
I could try writing to him but I want to be present when the autograph is signed so that I can photograph the moment like I have all the others.
Okay. Here's my new hair-brained scheme: I'll write him a letter telling him about my desire to either get an in-person autograph or get interviewed based on my academic pursuit and see where that goes. This idea is so stupid, I'm laughing at myself for even thinking of it! How am I going to get a letter to him? Besides, I don't want to sound like a stalker (I've had one; they're not fun & mine was pretty harmless compared to most of them).
I'm (rather) serious about this. I haven't been this excited about something so ridiculous since I applied to grad school to study comics (or since I met Peter S. Beagle last summer). This will probably go nowhere, but I'd like to believe that I would at least try to do this before it falls apart.
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