Okay, so I can't guarantee the last part (because that implies that I remember what all of these articles said and I usually don't), but after a day off to recuperate (more or less), I'm back to post again. I want to keep these brief for readability and because I really need to get more work done than I've accomplished lately. My boss would happen to be in the office today, and I can hear him talking to other people...so I'm paranoid that he's going to catch me not working and that I'll be too stupid to not be honest about it. Here goes.
- It's time for another lesson for stupid criminals [why do I bother?]: If you are going to rob someone, don't sell their belongings in a yard sale down the street from them.
- Another reason why being a robber isn't what it's cracked up to be: I would be embarrassed if I managed to steal an ATM, but couldn't get the money out and had to abandon it. What would make you think that these things would be easy to crack? Oh, that's right; stupid criminals don't think. My bad.
- The quickest way to not get your dog back is to steal the new owner's cat and hold it ransom for your dog. Sorry, you lose on this one.
- I didn't know this many people thought so highly of themselves: To keep up with the spirit of selling yourself legally (the illegal is coming up next), a New Zealand man is selling his soul on an auction site. Why do people think things that happen on The Simpsons are emulateable?
- Speaking of "illegal" selling of self, a Kentucky woman has been arrested for trading sex for gasoline. The killer in this story is that she's also being charged with "doing business without an occupational license," as if she could actually get a license to prostitute to avoid this charge. I know that times are tough, but damn.
- At least he was wearing something: A man was chasing some burglars out of his home (with a shotgun) when he realized that he was just in his boxer shorts. I wish there had pictures. :-)
- I get the kid's point of view, but what's the deal with the mother? A boy has been busted for stealing a police cruiser twice because he has an interest in law enforcement (good luck with that, kid). But what gets me is that his mother knew about both incidents and didn't see a problem with a 13-year-old stealing a police car. The po-po didn't even know about the first theft. Fortunately, the mother is also up on charges for contributing to the delinquency of a minor, also known as the being-a-dumbass charge.
To close this out, I'm including this week's Tom Tomorrow cartoon "William Kristol is the Shameless Supervillain: The Propagandist"
Edit: I just stumbled upon this little gem while looking up some district in Cyprus (my job is so much fun), so "please to enjoy" [with a nod to Joel McHale of The Soup], a news story from The Onion:
Bush Tours America To Survey Damage Caused By His Disastrous Presidency
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
I want to not feel sick
I haven't been well for awhile, and I'm ready to just crawl into bed and not get out for the rest of the day (but I think I have to cook, so that's out). I had a headache all night yesterday and nearly got sick in my sleep (again). I didn't get out of bed until after 12 today, and to add insult to injury, my little 13 inch television burned out. My husband wants to switch to his old t.v., but that thing is so damn big that we'd have to take everything else off the desk to make it fit. Besides, it's the electric company's fault for the power surge that fried it anyway. Very upsetting.
The only thing I have going in my favor is that I'm too sick to feel depressed. I'd rather be depressed; that's easier to deal with and doesn't result in me freaking out over possibly throwing up. Of all the things that scare me (which is a short, but rather humorous list), vomiting is #1.
My mom was never really good at being the "caregiver" type when it came to illness, so I've always taken care of myself and wouldn't turn to her (or anyone) when I didn't feel well. I just want to go home, get in bed, and forget about everything for awhile.
I feel the need to redeem my mother after that last paragraph. My mom wasn't good at a lot of the "mom" stuff that the stereotypical mother is supposed to be good at, but that has changed a bit since I've gotten older and (due to being a mother-to-be) she's told me a lot of stuff that helps me to understand why she wasn't quite like other mothers (youth, inexperience, and more capable people taking over tends to do that). That's why David Dust's mother's advice tends to resonate with me (Thanks, David & Mama Bunny!) because my mom is good at telling me things that I need to hear. That, and she did get volunteer of the year at my school for being a playground monitor when I was in the first grade, so she was doing some things right.
I want to go home, so I'm done for the day.
The only thing I have going in my favor is that I'm too sick to feel depressed. I'd rather be depressed; that's easier to deal with and doesn't result in me freaking out over possibly throwing up. Of all the things that scare me (which is a short, but rather humorous list), vomiting is #1.
My mom was never really good at being the "caregiver" type when it came to illness, so I've always taken care of myself and wouldn't turn to her (or anyone) when I didn't feel well. I just want to go home, get in bed, and forget about everything for awhile.
I feel the need to redeem my mother after that last paragraph. My mom wasn't good at a lot of the "mom" stuff that the stereotypical mother is supposed to be good at, but that has changed a bit since I've gotten older and (due to being a mother-to-be) she's told me a lot of stuff that helps me to understand why she wasn't quite like other mothers (youth, inexperience, and more capable people taking over tends to do that). That's why David Dust's mother's advice tends to resonate with me (Thanks, David & Mama Bunny!) because my mom is good at telling me things that I need to hear. That, and she did get volunteer of the year at my school for being a playground monitor when I was in the first grade, so she was doing some things right.
I want to go home, so I'm done for the day.
The Strange and the Baffling
Here are today's news stories. I feel like crap, so I don't know how creative I'll be with these things.
- A man was doing a bad drag impression by walking down the interstate wearing a thong, fake boobs, and a wig.
- A couple was caught skinny dipping in the reservoir, and since this water is not filtered before it gets in people's homes (eww), they almost had to throw all of it out. Almost. So, eww squared.
- A woman is seeking $30,000 in damages when her home was mistakenly demolished. She thinks it's fair compensation because all of her belongings were inside. This happened to someone here, but it wasn't a mistake; the demolition people waited until he left for court to get the injunction (that he received), but I don't know if they ever paid him for destroying everything illegally. Why colleges (or cities for that matter) think they can get away with this is beyond me.
- The Swedes have been good to me for the second day straight: A drunk man tried to row home from Denmark and fell asleep in the stolen boat along the way. At least the boat owner won't be pressing charges.
- Seriously, can't people just not talk to each other? This guy was so annoyed with a conversation in a ferris wheel that he climbed out of the car while it was moving and had to be talked back down.
- This was cute: A giraffe helped a bunch of animals escape from the circus. It's always the kids who want to go, and the animals who want to leave.
- I've got two "stupid teenager" stories. The first is a teen girl who bit her mother over a cell phone. If your phone is like crack to you, maybe you shouldn't have broken curfiew. The second tale involves a 14-year-old who pushed an old man off of a dock because "he thought it would be funny." Well, ha-ha dumbass, because now you get to sit in jail (which you deserve; especially since you used your one phone call to brag to a friend about being a jackass). Stupid teenagers.
- And now for more serious news: the missing 12-year-old's stepfather has been arrested on molestation charges. He had been molesting a female relative that wasn't the missing girl for the past five years, and this is the second arrested relative in this case. Her uncle (a registered sex offender) was picked up the day before. I think one of the posters on abcnews.com may have been onto something when they said that she might be better off away from these people (but still alive, of course).
- This is disturbing, because it's happened before: A woman dies on the waiting room floor and is ignored by everyone in the NYC hospital waiting room for a full hour. Several staff members have been fired, and the union ones are going through procedures to end in the same terminated fashion as those not in the union for leaving this psych patient alone and falsifying reports that she was "fine" when she was, perhaps, already dead. Earlier this year, a woman died while in an emergency waiting room in California because she was accused of being a drama queen for coming in several days in a row. When her family asked the police to intercede on her behalf, they arrested her and didn't notice that she had died until the officer ordered her to get in the car and she didn't move. I wasn't scared of the hospital before these stories, but they do make me incredibly nervous.
I don't like ending these in a somber mood, so I've got a quote from today's Overheard in New York that I'll end with.
You're Kidding Yourself If You Think Those Things Don't Matter
via Overheard in New York, Jul 1, 2008
- A man was doing a bad drag impression by walking down the interstate wearing a thong, fake boobs, and a wig.
- A couple was caught skinny dipping in the reservoir, and since this water is not filtered before it gets in people's homes (eww), they almost had to throw all of it out. Almost. So, eww squared.
- A woman is seeking $30,000 in damages when her home was mistakenly demolished. She thinks it's fair compensation because all of her belongings were inside. This happened to someone here, but it wasn't a mistake; the demolition people waited until he left for court to get the injunction (that he received), but I don't know if they ever paid him for destroying everything illegally. Why colleges (or cities for that matter) think they can get away with this is beyond me.
- The Swedes have been good to me for the second day straight: A drunk man tried to row home from Denmark and fell asleep in the stolen boat along the way. At least the boat owner won't be pressing charges.
- Seriously, can't people just not talk to each other? This guy was so annoyed with a conversation in a ferris wheel that he climbed out of the car while it was moving and had to be talked back down.
- This was cute: A giraffe helped a bunch of animals escape from the circus. It's always the kids who want to go, and the animals who want to leave.
- I've got two "stupid teenager" stories. The first is a teen girl who bit her mother over a cell phone. If your phone is like crack to you, maybe you shouldn't have broken curfiew. The second tale involves a 14-year-old who pushed an old man off of a dock because "he thought it would be funny." Well, ha-ha dumbass, because now you get to sit in jail (which you deserve; especially since you used your one phone call to brag to a friend about being a jackass). Stupid teenagers.
- And now for more serious news: the missing 12-year-old's stepfather has been arrested on molestation charges. He had been molesting a female relative that wasn't the missing girl for the past five years, and this is the second arrested relative in this case. Her uncle (a registered sex offender) was picked up the day before. I think one of the posters on abcnews.com may have been onto something when they said that she might be better off away from these people (but still alive, of course).
- This is disturbing, because it's happened before: A woman dies on the waiting room floor and is ignored by everyone in the NYC hospital waiting room for a full hour. Several staff members have been fired, and the union ones are going through procedures to end in the same terminated fashion as those not in the union for leaving this psych patient alone and falsifying reports that she was "fine" when she was, perhaps, already dead. Earlier this year, a woman died while in an emergency waiting room in California because she was accused of being a drama queen for coming in several days in a row. When her family asked the police to intercede on her behalf, they arrested her and didn't notice that she had died until the officer ordered her to get in the car and she didn't move. I wasn't scared of the hospital before these stories, but they do make me incredibly nervous.
I don't like ending these in a somber mood, so I've got a quote from today's Overheard in New York that I'll end with.
You're Kidding Yourself If You Think Those Things Don't Matter
Account executive: So, who'd you vote for?
Creative director: Obama, he's got cool logos.
--New York Ad Agency, Midtown
via Overheard in New York, Jul 1, 2008
Monday, June 30, 2008
News You Can't Use
Before I go home today, I wanted to snag my favorite news posts of what caught my eye today.
- Apparently, it's not a good idea to go streaking on a bicycle, but I'm sure most people would've known that before now.
- Another lesson to stupid criminals: If you're going to steal fuel, don't leave your personalized drill behind. These lessons are like warning labels for the criminally stupid; someone has to screw this up first before the warning is put out there.
- How does one hold up a store with a banana? Apparently, you don't do it well when your opponent is armed with a knife. A bad pun lurks on the site, so don't slip when you find it (sorry!).
- Here's a three-for-one. A man named "Bubba" lives up to his name (liquoring up teens and beating up people in their own homes), famous last words of someone looking to "keep [their] butt out of trouble", and more food items used in assaults (to go along with their last report of a "plate of chicken" being used).
- Just in time for wrapping up Gay Pride weekend: A couple in Richmond, Va may be facing misdemeanor charges for getting married because the "bride" was not a woman. I wouldn't bother with the charges, but this does demonstrate a serious problem with how transgendered people are handled in this country (read: inconsistently). Even the courts are divided on this one.
- The Church of Sweden will be performing drive-by weddings. Get hitched in 7 minutes or less. Take that, Vegas!
- To quote Billy Idol, "It's a nice day for a moose wedding." I should be ashamed of myself.
- Maybe they should stick to local sign hangers: A crew from North Carolina came to South Carolina to hang signs and managed to send people away from the attractions they were supposed to be directing people towards. Next time, stop and ask for directions.
- The man who decided to auction his life away was disappointed that he didn't get more money for his life. What an arrogant tool. What made you think you were going to get a lot anyway? Suck it up, cupcake.
- In movie sequel news, "THIS IS STUPID!" (sorry for the shouting, but if you've seen 300, you'll get it.)
- I'm more insulted that these people think they have what it takes to run a school, but Will and Jada Pinkett are opening a school based on Scientology principles. Leaving out my objections to the "principles", I'm offended that so many celebrities seem to think that they are now the foremost authority on education and can open schools. Just shut up and do your jobs, already! I'm still pissed with Jada for essentially throwing her career away for the clown prince of rap himself.
- And this is just wrong: A Swedish school confiscated a boy's birthday party invitations because they wanted to "ensure against discrimination". Apparently, your children no longer have the right to not invite people to their parties. And when you consider the reasoning behind why they aren't invited, I wouldn't force him to invite them either. Maybe he could've mailed them to the kids' homes to avoid this mess, but it's still making something out of nothing. Life isn't fair, and everyone needs to learn that sooner or later [What you hear is the ice water flowing through my veins].
I was supposed to leave 10 minutes ago, so I'm bouncing out of here. Peace out!
- Apparently, it's not a good idea to go streaking on a bicycle, but I'm sure most people would've known that before now.
- Another lesson to stupid criminals: If you're going to steal fuel, don't leave your personalized drill behind. These lessons are like warning labels for the criminally stupid; someone has to screw this up first before the warning is put out there.
- How does one hold up a store with a banana? Apparently, you don't do it well when your opponent is armed with a knife. A bad pun lurks on the site, so don't slip when you find it (sorry!).
- Here's a three-for-one. A man named "Bubba" lives up to his name (liquoring up teens and beating up people in their own homes), famous last words of someone looking to "keep [their] butt out of trouble", and more food items used in assaults (to go along with their last report of a "plate of chicken" being used).
- Just in time for wrapping up Gay Pride weekend: A couple in Richmond, Va may be facing misdemeanor charges for getting married because the "bride" was not a woman. I wouldn't bother with the charges, but this does demonstrate a serious problem with how transgendered people are handled in this country (read: inconsistently). Even the courts are divided on this one.
- The Church of Sweden will be performing drive-by weddings. Get hitched in 7 minutes or less. Take that, Vegas!
- To quote Billy Idol, "It's a nice day for a moose wedding." I should be ashamed of myself.
- Maybe they should stick to local sign hangers: A crew from North Carolina came to South Carolina to hang signs and managed to send people away from the attractions they were supposed to be directing people towards. Next time, stop and ask for directions.
- The man who decided to auction his life away was disappointed that he didn't get more money for his life. What an arrogant tool. What made you think you were going to get a lot anyway? Suck it up, cupcake.
- In movie sequel news, "THIS IS STUPID!" (sorry for the shouting, but if you've seen 300, you'll get it.)
- I'm more insulted that these people think they have what it takes to run a school, but Will and Jada Pinkett are opening a school based on Scientology principles. Leaving out my objections to the "principles", I'm offended that so many celebrities seem to think that they are now the foremost authority on education and can open schools. Just shut up and do your jobs, already! I'm still pissed with Jada for essentially throwing her career away for the clown prince of rap himself.
- And this is just wrong: A Swedish school confiscated a boy's birthday party invitations because they wanted to "ensure against discrimination". Apparently, your children no longer have the right to not invite people to their parties. And when you consider the reasoning behind why they aren't invited, I wouldn't force him to invite them either. Maybe he could've mailed them to the kids' homes to avoid this mess, but it's still making something out of nothing. Life isn't fair, and everyone needs to learn that sooner or later [What you hear is the ice water flowing through my veins].
I was supposed to leave 10 minutes ago, so I'm bouncing out of here. Peace out!
My First Pride-Fest
This won't be that long of a post (I hope), but I did manage to make it to the local Pride-Fest this year. One of my husband's co-workers was singing in a choir at the event, so he managed to talk me into going. It's not that I didn't want to go before this year; it's just that we also have an event called ComFest at the same time and I've been so dumb that I never knew they occurred on the same weekend [My uncle, however, found this out years ago when he got approached by some hustlers while out for a walk that Saturday night].
I had a great time. I took lots of pictures that I hope to get uploaded soon (if I can get them up within a week, I'll be impressed) and I even took a picture of a guy who came over to touch my parasol. I'm not supposed to be out in the sun for too long, so I used my parasol and got many a compliment about it (another reason to love gay men so much). This one guy came over and touched the fabric and said that it was very nice. I laughed (because I laugh in all situations) and he told me that his boyfriend told him not to come over and touch it...but he just wanted to feel it because it looked so nice! He and his boyfriend were really cute, but the fact that I got them on camera was the exception to my otherwise bad-luck on photo-taking Saturday. Every time I would turn off my camera, male hotness would walk by. It was very frustrating (and it makes me feel like I failed a little as a photographer), but I hope that I got some decent shots.
I ran into another of my husband's co-workers who brought his partner. This guy is really into bears and I am waiting to hear how the "Wet Fur" contest turned out that night (my husband will dutifully report this story to me when they meet up again Tuesday). The singing co-worker was the stage manager for a Drag King show at Wall Street (a lesbian bar downtown) and reports are that it was a "fun" show. The reportee said that he had seen better "kings" but that this show was entertaining.
We had a long way to walk to and from the event, so it took a little toll on me for the rest of the day, but we had a great time. I just wish we had had time to take pictures of the restored cars that were on display. There was some great craftsmanship on display, and I'm pretty sure the cars looked great, too.
Funny enough, though, when we went to ComFest the next day, I actually had someone laugh at me for carrying a parasol. ComFest is supposed to be the hippie-commune festival but there were some judgmental people who carted their sorry behinds all the way out from suburbia to park-up the neighborhood and laugh at anything that wasn't what they considered normal (so why come?). We only went for the Catfish Boat sandwiches, but other than that I would've stayed home and not gotten rained on (we missed the rain at Pride-Fest on Saturday, but got soaked trying to get into the car from lunch). Maybe next year we'll spend more time at Pride-Fest and a little less time with the not-so-communal ComFest. I'll probably have more fun that way.
I had a great time. I took lots of pictures that I hope to get uploaded soon (if I can get them up within a week, I'll be impressed) and I even took a picture of a guy who came over to touch my parasol. I'm not supposed to be out in the sun for too long, so I used my parasol and got many a compliment about it (another reason to love gay men so much). This one guy came over and touched the fabric and said that it was very nice. I laughed (because I laugh in all situations) and he told me that his boyfriend told him not to come over and touch it...but he just wanted to feel it because it looked so nice! He and his boyfriend were really cute, but the fact that I got them on camera was the exception to my otherwise bad-luck on photo-taking Saturday. Every time I would turn off my camera, male hotness would walk by. It was very frustrating (and it makes me feel like I failed a little as a photographer), but I hope that I got some decent shots.
I ran into another of my husband's co-workers who brought his partner. This guy is really into bears and I am waiting to hear how the "Wet Fur" contest turned out that night (my husband will dutifully report this story to me when they meet up again Tuesday). The singing co-worker was the stage manager for a Drag King show at Wall Street (a lesbian bar downtown) and reports are that it was a "fun" show. The reportee said that he had seen better "kings" but that this show was entertaining.
We had a long way to walk to and from the event, so it took a little toll on me for the rest of the day, but we had a great time. I just wish we had had time to take pictures of the restored cars that were on display. There was some great craftsmanship on display, and I'm pretty sure the cars looked great, too.
Funny enough, though, when we went to ComFest the next day, I actually had someone laugh at me for carrying a parasol. ComFest is supposed to be the hippie-commune festival but there were some judgmental people who carted their sorry behinds all the way out from suburbia to park-up the neighborhood and laugh at anything that wasn't what they considered normal (so why come?). We only went for the Catfish Boat sandwiches, but other than that I would've stayed home and not gotten rained on (we missed the rain at Pride-Fest on Saturday, but got soaked trying to get into the car from lunch). Maybe next year we'll spend more time at Pride-Fest and a little less time with the not-so-communal ComFest. I'll probably have more fun that way.
On the Outs with Best Week Ever
I've been a loyal reader of the Best Week Ever.tv blog for a long time, but it may be time for us to part company. I'm getting way too tired of the constant gushing over a certain CG-Animated film (and let my cynicism slip out on the site), posts over people's reactions to losing get comments where they are just made fun of, and even the "funny" posts just aren't cutting it.
I've not been a fan of computer-animated films because I prefer actual animation. I also prefer my movies to use real voice-actors instead of celebrities because I want to see a good story and not hear the same voice that I could've heard in a live-action movie that I'd rather not see. These movies may be good. This most recent movie may actually be good (I won't know until it comes on cable), but don't insult my intelligence by saying that sometimes a movie that is given gushing praise isn't part of a hype machine but is just great. You're grown; watch movies meant for your age-group already.
I can't help it. I'm a cartoon snob who prefers to see movies with good plots and not to "ooh" and "ahh" over the graphics. If I want to look at something worth staring at, I can go back home to the Cleveland Museum of Art and look at all of the pieces I want...and do it for free.
I'm not in the mood to argue, so I refuse to see what hellatious responses I got for my comment, but I think it's time I find another sandbox to play in.
Au revoir, Best Week Ever.tv. I will take you off of my list once I know the separation will be permanent.
I've not been a fan of computer-animated films because I prefer actual animation. I also prefer my movies to use real voice-actors instead of celebrities because I want to see a good story and not hear the same voice that I could've heard in a live-action movie that I'd rather not see. These movies may be good. This most recent movie may actually be good (I won't know until it comes on cable), but don't insult my intelligence by saying that sometimes a movie that is given gushing praise isn't part of a hype machine but is just great. You're grown; watch movies meant for your age-group already.
I can't help it. I'm a cartoon snob who prefers to see movies with good plots and not to "ooh" and "ahh" over the graphics. If I want to look at something worth staring at, I can go back home to the Cleveland Museum of Art and look at all of the pieces I want...and do it for free.
I'm not in the mood to argue, so I refuse to see what hellatious responses I got for my comment, but I think it's time I find another sandbox to play in.
Au revoir, Best Week Ever.tv. I will take you off of my list once I know the separation will be permanent.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
"I'm Victory-Challenged!"
That lovely line was from today's SinFest webcomic. I have a lot of days when I feel like a loser, but now I have a new term for it and I'm excited.
I'm going to soldier on with the rest of my interesting/random articles and try not to be too uninteresting (:-P), so let's get started.
- A burglar was thwarted by a worker with a cell phone that he pretended was a gun. The robber was trying to steal a dirt bike and the worker sat on him until help arrived. When asked what kind of weapon it was he said "Oh, it's just a cell phone", and the worker laughed, and the firemen laughed, and the burglar died a little inside (line courtesy of Family Guy).
- Do bank robbers not drive anymore? This guy was caught after hailing a cab after a bank heist. He had gotten a bag of cash with a dye pack which, of course, exploded and got on his clothes. Someone noticed that he got a cab after dropping the dough, and they tracked him to his house. Wow.
- This is proof that criminals do not watch Cops after all: A man borrowed someone's car to buy crack, and then stole the car. He promised to come back and split the crack with the car owner, so naturally she called the cops when the car wasn't returned. This was covered on an episode of Cops; everyone goes to jail in these scenarios. This is why drugs are bad: They make you stupid.
- Whoops! NYC cops tackle the wrong guy in a chase. The super was chasing a criminal who called out to the cops that someone was trying to kill him. The super got tackled (in pjs, no less) and the criminal almost got away.
- When you're leaving jail and you are offered clothes, take them. Don't assume that they are stolen (really?) and opt to go naked instead. You'll just end up right back where you began; in jail. Dumbass.
- I'll admit that I've had heated arguments in the car before, but nothing that would drive me to jump out of a moving car just to get away from the fight.
- You deserve jail time if you are caught speeding 22 times in 45 days. There's no reason to think that the cameras won't catch your stupid behind constantly speeding (topping out at 92 mph), so why the rush?
- Drew Carey was feemin' for some pizza from home, but I think having 45 pizzas shipped from Parma to L.A. is a bit much. Antionio's is good, but not that good.
- Some kid golfers got a little sex ed with their lunch when a group of strippers showed up to the clubhouse. The timing was bad, and some of the kids had uncomfortable questions for their parents, but nobody went completely naked in front of the tots.
- On a more serious topic, the NBC show "To Catch A Predator" settled with a woman who claimed that the show caused her brother to kill himself. The decedent was the Dallas prosecutor who had police show up to his house because he failed to show up to the sting. Considering that most of the cases that the show covered have been in limbo or thrown out, I know they were happy to settle this one and move on.
- I'm going to close this one out with a comic from the strip Curtis, acknowledging the groundbreaking work that both Obama and Hilliary did this election year. I have actually met the artist, so I might get around to telling that story (but I want to send him another e-mail to let him know what I've been up to lately).
My head is getting a little foggy, so I'm glad to be done for today. Stay hydrated in the heat, everyone.
I'm going to soldier on with the rest of my interesting/random articles and try not to be too uninteresting (:-P), so let's get started.
- A burglar was thwarted by a worker with a cell phone that he pretended was a gun. The robber was trying to steal a dirt bike and the worker sat on him until help arrived. When asked what kind of weapon it was he said "Oh, it's just a cell phone", and the worker laughed, and the firemen laughed, and the burglar died a little inside (line courtesy of Family Guy).
- Do bank robbers not drive anymore? This guy was caught after hailing a cab after a bank heist. He had gotten a bag of cash with a dye pack which, of course, exploded and got on his clothes. Someone noticed that he got a cab after dropping the dough, and they tracked him to his house. Wow.
- This is proof that criminals do not watch Cops after all: A man borrowed someone's car to buy crack, and then stole the car. He promised to come back and split the crack with the car owner, so naturally she called the cops when the car wasn't returned. This was covered on an episode of Cops; everyone goes to jail in these scenarios. This is why drugs are bad: They make you stupid.
- Whoops! NYC cops tackle the wrong guy in a chase. The super was chasing a criminal who called out to the cops that someone was trying to kill him. The super got tackled (in pjs, no less) and the criminal almost got away.
- When you're leaving jail and you are offered clothes, take them. Don't assume that they are stolen (really?) and opt to go naked instead. You'll just end up right back where you began; in jail. Dumbass.
- I'll admit that I've had heated arguments in the car before, but nothing that would drive me to jump out of a moving car just to get away from the fight.
- You deserve jail time if you are caught speeding 22 times in 45 days. There's no reason to think that the cameras won't catch your stupid behind constantly speeding (topping out at 92 mph), so why the rush?
- Drew Carey was feemin' for some pizza from home, but I think having 45 pizzas shipped from Parma to L.A. is a bit much. Antionio's is good, but not that good.
- Some kid golfers got a little sex ed with their lunch when a group of strippers showed up to the clubhouse. The timing was bad, and some of the kids had uncomfortable questions for their parents, but nobody went completely naked in front of the tots.
- On a more serious topic, the NBC show "To Catch A Predator" settled with a woman who claimed that the show caused her brother to kill himself. The decedent was the Dallas prosecutor who had police show up to his house because he failed to show up to the sting. Considering that most of the cases that the show covered have been in limbo or thrown out, I know they were happy to settle this one and move on.
- I'm going to close this one out with a comic from the strip Curtis, acknowledging the groundbreaking work that both Obama and Hilliary did this election year. I have actually met the artist, so I might get around to telling that story (but I want to send him another e-mail to let him know what I've been up to lately).
My head is getting a little foggy, so I'm glad to be done for today. Stay hydrated in the heat, everyone.
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