School, Life, and More Utter Madness

Happy New Year!

2012-01-01T00:30:00.002-05:00

Happy 2012! I hope that this year brings the best for everyone.

But before I go, I must say this: 2011 saw the loss of a number of great people. Three elders from my church passed away (Isabelle Bucklew, Bill and Mary Riley), and what makes it painful is because Mary passed away the Monday after Thanksgiving, and her husband died a month later (and I missed Isabelle's funeral by not checking my e-mail). I also lost a Singing Angel friend, Erica (Bodrock) Drap, right before Christmas (she died two years and one day after my mother passed). I just hope that with the close of 2011 I see the end of DeathWatch 2011.

I really don't need a DeathWatch 2012, so let's keep death to a minimum this year.

I'm also blown away by the sheer number of famous people who died in '11. However, the tribute done by Turner Classic Movies was beautiful, so I close this entry with their tribute and dedicate it to all we have lost. The song is "Before You Go" by OK Sweetheart. Take care, everyone.

It's Been a Long, Long Time

2011-09-03T02:31:00.000-05:00

     Let's just say I've been VERY busy since my last post back in JANUARY (wow, really?). While some things have stayed the same (e.g. unresolved issues back home still ill left unresolved, with relatives I am still refusing to speak to), some things have changed...and some of it is actually good. I finished my second master's degree in June and I am now officially a PhD student (yay!). My thesis had some issues (like a last-minute cancellation of my defense in February which I have likened to the scene in Goodfellas where Joe Pesci's character is walking into the house to become a made man with the triumphant music playing only to be shot in the back of the head), but I looked at the josei manga Cappuccino as a cite for feminist critique and cyberculture study. The feminist angle was inspired by my committee chair (who has now left to go to another university, which has left me feeling a bit untethered), but it had to be modified to reflect Japanese feminism (which makes sense), and the cyberculture angle comes from the fact that the translation I read was done illegally online. It's really cool that it is available online (I'm not sure if it will ever be printed), but I'm not linking to it because of some possible copyright issues with the images I used. I believe I am protected under Fair Use, but why risk it.

     Anyway, I'm posting because I'm a bit frustrated with the way my world seems to work for me. Hubby lost his job in August (which sounds like a broken record because the same thing happened at the same time last year) and because my university doesn't deign to pay graduate students during the summer, we are broke. However, the biggest thing bothering me is that my daughter's 3rd birthday is coming up on Sunday, but we are having trouble getting anyone in her age range to the party. It's not her fault that her birthday falls on a holiday weekend this year, or that despite telling two of the parents ahead of time about this they still had other plans which were taking them out of town; it's just upsetting to me because my family has had a long history of not being able to have successfully well-attended parties. It wasn't until I was an adult (with friends I've known for more than half my life) that I have been able to have enough people show up for a party to consider it well-attended. Honestly, having a 25% attendance rate for my sweet 16th (1 of 4) was a success to me because someone for me showed up.

My standards are quite a bit low.

     Anyway, I'm upset for her because none of her friends will be there. Fortunately, she's young enough that it won't be a problem, but I'm not too keen on doing any more of these things. It's hard to have a party for a child when it's on a holiday when people want to spend time with their families (not for me, but that's because there are very few family members I still want to speak to who aren't living in my house), and if I had known that people were not going to show up, I would have given her a party on another weekend. We're competing with a holiday and the opening weekend of the Ohio Renaissance Festival (and we do attend this, but we go towards the end of the season so I can buy stuff on discount; that has more value to me than the 50% off entrance fee for the opening weekend, but I understand why people are going when they're going). It also helps that we do a little something for her at church, so she is going to be on cake overload for her birthday.

     Maybe I'd be a little less upset if this week hadn't been so stressful, but as I seem to only function if I have at least a minimum level of chaos, stress, and instability in my life, I'm somewhat used to this. I hope my baby girl has a happy birthday anyway.

     Well, it's late and despite wanting to end on a happier note, I need to be bright eyed for photos tomorrow. I'll try to make sure that I post pictures and/or video soon because my girl is TALL! She's not yet three, but she's 40 inches tall. No, that's not a typo. And she's thin, too. And she looks just like my mom. And whether you see that as a positive thing or not to end on, for me it's a good thing. Goodnight everyone. When I do get online, it's more likely my Twitter page so holler at your girl! :-)

Got to Keep It Brief

2011-01-29T00:47:00.006-05:00

I've been very busy trying to finish my Master's thesis, so my posts have all but dried up. I'm teaching a class which is going okay (last quarter was better, but these aren't bad students), but I have to balance that with taking two classes that require 25 page papers at the end of the quarter as well as defending my thesis on February 25. I'm a bit stressed out, so keep me in your thoughts as I try to get through all of this in one piece.

On the home front, hubby lost his job in August, futzed around until he up and found a new job in November that required he work full time for six weeks until his training was over, and now he is working part time (mostly on the days I would normally study all day). Devi has really grown and changed over the last few months. She's already 3 feet tall (at two years old!) and she's an amazing little girl. I just wish she had more opportunities to play with other children, so I'll have to work that out.

I've not been the most fun person to be around of late, so this is an apology for everyone that has to put up with me. I hope to have my Master's done so that I can FINALLY be a PhD student. It's bad enough that I was accepted into the program last year, but that I haven't been able to graduate due to the thesis and the foreign language exam really isn't cool. That, and it is screwing me up with the Feds over my student loans, but more on that later (maybe).

To make amends, I have pictures we took from Devi's second birthday session. If I have some spare time, I'd like to put up her birthday party pictures, but that will have to wait. Good night and I will see you when I see you.

P.S. Before I forget, I will be doing a conference in San Antonio, TX in April, so I have to finish all of this stuff to qualify for funding for my trip. Yay.

Not Dead, Just Busy

2010-08-14T23:49:00.003-05:00

Although it's been so many months that I doubt anybody is reading this anymore, I just wanted to put up a quick post to show that I'm not dead, I'm just incredibly busy. I will be teaching a new course in the fall (we're still on quarters until 2012, so "fall" doesn't begin until late September), and I have been trying to work on my thesis, which was supposed to be done by next month, but is looking unlikely. The drama with my family has been holding steady for awhile (I'll get into that later, if at all), and Devi's vocabulary has been exploding by leaps and bounds.

I am hoping to get into something a little more semi-regular, but I have to keep in mind that I should not vent about my students out of fear that someone will try to get me fired, again (long story; stupid student said I wrote things online that I have found do not exist, and while it made me look bad to my teaching advisor, nobody else in my department cared). I should also look to use my blog as a way to talk about my work (which will help me in processing what it is that I do) as well as to vent a little about the seemingly never-ending drama about my life.

I won't make promises, but I hope to have less venting in the future. It doesn't make me feel any better to write this out [But I will go on record that I still hold firm on my opinions of certain family members. They can't go to hell fast enough. Okay, done.], and I'm sure that people don't want to read about this anymore.

So, I apologize for complaining, and I apologize for abandoning my blog for my almost equally infrequent use of twitter.* I hope to get back on track, and I hope to revamp my page to look a little different (but don't get your hopes up).

Devi's birthday is coming up soon, so I've got to get the planning underway. I will put up pictures from that party as soon as possible.

It's too late to be posting, so I'm signing off. See ya.

*My twitter account is set to private, so if you don't have an account or cannot log into yours because of the twitter pop-up window, I apologize.

Workin' in a (thesis) Coal Mine...

2010-04-06T00:44:00.004-05:00

It's the second week of Spring Quarter, and I just wanted to touch base here while I had a few minutes (time I really don't have) to talk about things.

I managed to get through last quarter with my head intact. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of reading my online evaluation scores the day before the new quarter began, and I was slaughtered by my students. Since these things are now online, only half of the class bothered to do the evaluations, and I had at least one student give me straight 1s. The rating system is from 1 to 5 with 1 being the worst score you can receive. However, my department also makes students fill out a more comprehensive evaluation form where they actually have to answer questions with words and not filling out the bubbles on a Scantron sheet, and those have been more fruitful. I had one student say my instructions were never clear, and another student said that my instructions were very clear. I am going to go over everything with my teaching advisor soon, but I'm already making changes to my teaching style that I think will improve things.

My uncle went back home for a little while, and I had to go pick him up on what would have been my mother's birthday, so we went to the cemetery to pay everyone over there a visit. I left some flowers (and don't ask me where I got them) and I also went to see a kid who I've been kind of visiting since the 1980s. [He was born in '79 but died in '87, and he used to be in a crypt on the other side of my family's crypt wall until a new crypt was built in 2008. Unfortunately for his family, I found out why he was moved. He apparently had a sister born in '78 who died in '08, and I feel very sorry for them because they've now lost both kids.] And since my daughter was with us, she got to visit with her Gram-Gram and everyone else who departed before she was born. I then decided to go look at some crypts that are in the sides of hills there and fell on my butt running up to look in one (forgetting that I wouldn't be able to see squat, since it's mostly in the ground). I finally got to see what some of the family mausoleums look like, and I think people who buy them today are getting ripped off a little, because the old ones can hold up to eight people (even though the ones I could see into weren't full), and the ones I've seen online only hold six, but are much larger buildings.

What? The goth in me has always been fascinated by cemeteries, so this shouldn't be a surprise to anyone that I went looking for interesting things in a historic cemetery.

Anyway, I've been working on my Master's thesis bibliographies lately and I'm trying to get that done tonight before my meeting with my committee chair. I'm a little afraid for this meeting because, for our previous meetings, I had to turn in my bibliographies a week in advance. This time, she didn't assign that expectation, and I'm still trying to cobble one together. Except that I'm supposed to turn in two of those things this time around. It's been a challenge because a) My thesis has shifted from looking at sound and emotive effects in manga to studying online forums (and I'm not thrilled about this at all) and b) I've not been sleeping well, and this is affecting my performance and ability to work.

It also doesn't help that I gave a mini-presentation on my work Friday and had the attendees tell me that I need to find a way to bring the thesis back to what I really want to do, and since my chair wasn't there to hear this, I'm worried about the fact that what happened there has gotten back to her somehow. Great.

Anyway, I've got to get back to my research. I just wanted to stop in and say hi, and I've also got to remind myself to not get into it with a certain webcomic writer because it's a battle with no point. I made a comment on Twitter about how I was sick of reading said artist's posts about this artist's love for a certain brand of technology and it turned into a mini-war of sorts between the artist and myself. And when I had calmed down enough to try and explain my position, said artist blew me off as if it was stupid of me to think what this person said was in any way arrogant or insulting. Honestly, I've had better debates with inanimate objects than this. All I should have done was stop reading the webcomic, which I only tolerated because of moments of brilliant hilarity, but those brief moments just aren't worth it anymore. That, and because I have to keep visiting said comic's Twitter page to see the responses to me, because I never receive them (since I do not follow this person), I've wasted way too much time when I know I won't get in the last word, and I'm running the risk of getting flamed by this artist's followers. I'd prefer to work on getting to the PhD phase of my studies than engage in this kind of conversation, so thanks but no thanks.

Hopefully, I'll get some sleep tonight before my office hours begin. I'd rather not be up all night doing this bibliography work. Goodnight, everyone.

News and Whatnot

2010-02-17T23:38:00.005-05:00

Hi everyone,

I have been very, very busy lately, and this includes the announcement that I wanted to make that I alluded to on Twitter.

I am teaching 29 students, and last Wednesday was hell! They watched Tim Wise's film "On White Privilege" on Monday, and half of the class was offended by what he had to say, and the other half of the class was offended by the statements from the first half. Let's just say, when I came home that day and said "I want a cigarette," I wasn't kidding. That was stressful.

Sticking to more positive news, I have an announcement: I am officially a PhD student pending the completion of my Master's Thesis. What that means is: If I can get my shit together and finish my thesis, I can actually call myself a PhD student, instead of the generic "grad student" label I tend to use now. Am I excited? I should be, but it's hard to celebrate when your childhood home was almost sold out from under you by your aunt in collusion with my father-in-law (and the sale was only halted because my husband told my f-i-l that as heir to half of my mother's part of the house, I refused to sell).

I'm supposed to do a term paper for my graduate school class, I need to make significant progress on my thesis paper, and I have to get through teaching my course without murdering any of my students (which is harder on some days than others). I'm hella stressed because my husband has no job, didn't qualify for unemployment, and spent 1 1/2 months lying about it. The saga continues, so instead of boring everyone with the continuous exploits of my douchebag f-i-l, raging bitch of an aunt, or the genuine sorrow I feel about everything else, I'm going to just cap this with some much-anticipated pictures.

Enjoy!

Happy New Year (And All That Remains)

2010-01-06T21:49:00.003-05:00

Hi everyone,

Before I get into the follow-up to my...ordeal, I just wanted to get the pleasantries out of the way. Happy New Year, everyone.

*********************************

The funeral for my mother did something that made me re-think some things, and reconfirmed others. All my mother wanted in life was for God to come through for her, and to know that she was loved. The religious headmaster of my old high school called the funeral home to find out if I could use some help in paying for the funeral. When I said that I could, he told me he'd call back after making some calls. He then called back an hour later to say "I just got $3,000 together, and if you need more, you have my number." I was dumbstruck. My little church got $1,400 together and some of the members were going to make sure that my mother had a nice funeral no matter what (which made my husband cry!). Fortunately, my high school's donation covered the bulk of the expenses, but I was truly touched by the support we received. People gave money not just for me, but because of how wonderful my mother was. In that way, I think God came through (despite my aunt trying to sabotage things and saying, callously, "You should have just gone ahead and cremated her"). At the service, all of her childhood friends came.

All of them.

Most of these ladies are rather flighty women (two each had daughters my age, but one died when her mother wouldn't donate a kidney) who couldn't come by to see my mother when she was still alive, but at least they came to see her (well, nobody got to see her on Monday (12/28) because my uncle and I elected to close the casket for the service because, as far as I am concerned, if they couldn't come to see her when she was alive, they won't be allowed to see her when she's dead).

My uncle and I stayed with the body through the entire viewing on Sunday (12/27) to make sure the funeral home wouldn't close early like they did with my grandmother two years ago (As today is the 2 year anniversary of her death, I'm really keyed up right now). My aunt screwed up a lot of things. She lied and didn't call the hairdresser, so she did it herself with her poor daughter in tow (and did a bad job). She got Quintessa (say it with the neck roll to get it right) to give us shit about the money, threatening to hold my mother's body hostage if she didn't get it all by 10 a.m. She lost the tie that went to the blouse and got the funeral home to violate their own rules by not allowing me to get the first view of the body. Crayzee brought the clothes late, promised to get flowers that ended up being plastic (and, therefore, couldn't be left at the cemetery) and were probably free, and didn't bring the guest book until after church service was long since over (the church my family belongs to is across the street). If it weren't for her having a child, I'd never speak to her again.

Except for the eulogy which included such gems of "...until you find your sister dead at home" (Thanks, McNugget*), the service went over well. There was a bit of comedy (for me anyway) when people were reading the proclamations. These are these stupid things that people put together to say how great you were in life, and it makes the group look important, blah blah blah. Anyway, the contingent in California sent an e-mail to have read at the service and my aunt read it. She was reading it in this really weird, trying-to-be-dramatic-but-instead-sounding-insane kind of way, and I started laughing. My sister (the one I stopped talking to, but I have no idea why anymore) thought I was crying. Oh no; I thought it was funny! One of her best guy friends sang a beautiful solo, and I was proud of him for making it through it.
(*McNugget is what I've been calling this pastor since he started at the church back in 1990 & he only got to do the service because he was feeling guilty and offered to do it for free, or I would have gotten someone else)

What I saw was a hell of a lot of remorse from people who couldn't' give a damn before this happened. People actually felt bad, and all I kept thinking was "Good! You need to feel bad!". Most of the people in the mortuary industry were very kind and accommodating. Everyone except Quintessa *neck roll*, who was a bully, who didn't tell me I could e-mail the program to the printer (and tried to charge me the rush fee for turning it in late), and screwed things up for the repast. We drove out to the cemetery to do the final goodbyes (my mother was born in a blizzard, and was buried in one) and my uncle had asked people to stay for the food. Unfortunately, a lot of people left because that bitch couldn't do anything right. My poor uncle and my husband were both apologizing to the people who made the food. My uncle said "I asked people to stay, and they all left me". Fortunately, my mother's friends (who were apparently hanging out in the ladies lounge upstairs) came down and we had a good number of people at the meal. It made me feel good that they stayed. My dad and my sister (3 of 7 if you're keeping track) ate with us, and I have to say my sister has really mellowed the fuck out. She's a wrestler now, and that seems to be a good thing for her. She finally found her passion, and until it pays the bills she still nurses full time (she's not licensed, but after taking care of her own mother for years before her passing, she's got a lot of experience and doesn't do things that would get her in an ass-ton of trouble). She's still a little greedy with the posting of gift lists on her MySpace page, but we reconnected in a way I didn't expect.

Of all the things that did go wrong, the worst was that my older brother didn't make it to the funeral. He wanted to be there, and before he started hanging out with his "friends" he would've moved heaven and earth to be there. Instead, they promised him a ride and probably fell through and told him not to bother. Assholes. He's gone bankrupt buying these losers drinks at the bar, and he stopped coming by to visit them because of these people (who had better not run into me in a dark alley because I'm out for blood), and he failed to call the week she died. I think my mother would have listened to him if he had visited her, but he kept saying he couldn't make it and that he was coming. I haven't tried to contact him since because I don't know what to say to him.

I invited my uncle to stay with us for awhile, but I'm not sure he will. I just want to make sure he's taken care of, and that he knows he did everything right by my mother. He shouldn't feel guilty about anything he did. I cant' say the same for others, but he did right by her. And all those people who turned their backs on them are feeling bad and trying to make things right. Like the woman who was bringing them food but being nasty about it. She would buy the food at Sav-A-Lot and wouldn't get them enough to live on, and according to my uncle, all my mother wanted was to have a house filled with food. Well, now he has a house overflowing with food from Dave's grocery store, with enough food to feed a family of four for two months. Why the fuck she couldn't do this while my mother was alive, I'll never know.

I'm supposed to send thank you cards to people who came to the service, and I'm taking the money that people gave me and putting it away for an emergency fund. One of my closest girlfriends gave me $300, and when I tried to give it back to her because things were paid for, she wouldn't let me return it. She said that she would be lost if it were her mother, and she wanted to help us out. I want to put the money away so that I may be able to help someone else in the way we were helped.

I don't really want to do the letters, but I'm going to get them done before depositing the checks (I don't want to be tacky). My uncle's faith never wavered. Not to say he's like Job, but when everyone turned their backs, he never turned away from God. Hell, I cussed God out and chronicled it here (my last venomous lick to God when my mother died was to say "Fuck you, God"), but he never did. I always thought I'd learn the most about faith from my mother, but I think they both taught me a great deal.

With the loss of my grandmother, my faith was shaken. With the loss of my mother (and the beautiful outpouring of support), I think it may have been restored.

I've got to get back into the swing of things. I'm teaching a class of ~29 students due to the university being in a crisis without admitting to it (way to go, Gee). Instead of offering 4 or 5 100-level courses and a number of 300-level courses, we're offering 6 100-level courses and one or two 300-level courses, and all the 100s are pushed beyond the usual cap of 25. We're doing this because it's a way for the department to get $, but it's a load of crap. I've gone from not teaching anyone to teaching a ton of kids with the blank stares back at me. Fun. I just wish I knew this material better than I do; then I'd feel more confident in teaching it to a bunch of underclassmen. It's hard to teach Juniors and Seniors because they're set in their ways and aren't usually receptive to new ideas. I'm also trying to write my thesis, take a class, and scramble to get 3 credit hours to comply with my contract because my thesis seminar has been canceled. Of the six of us working on our thesis, only two of us signed up for the class, and the other person dropped out. Merde! I don't know how I'm doing what I'm doing, but I just can't stop for anything.

There is one other thing; I have resolved that I have to try at least once to be a singer. An actual, bona fide recording artist. My mother had a beautiful voice but never really got to be a soloist (the church choir had its clique), and I think a little bit of her sound is still in me and I want people to hear it. I've got to at least try.

I just wanted to thank everyone for their outpouring of love and support during this difficult time. I also want to thank the people at the Plain Dealer, the printer of the programs, and most of all Loretta from Lake View cemetery for being more than accommodating to our situation and showing the utmost in compassion. I'd also like to thank my aunt for being a bitch to remind me of the kind of fool she is, and my father in law for being an unbelievable bastard who lied and schemed and did some non-lawyerly things because he "showed his ass" in front of his son, making my husband realize that he can't let his father get away with being a dick. I'd also like to thank Quintessa *neck roll* for being an unruly tyrant who, in her own way, managed to make a miracle happen. I'd like to thank those who turned their backs for the guilt they are feeling because they need to learn to act like human beings. I want to thank my uncle for all the hell he's gone through, and for being there for my mom. I want to thank my grandmother for being the strong role model for me. And I'd like to thank my mother, because I never got a chance to do so. I love you mom.

Unexpected Lessons

2009-12-27T22:44:00.004-05:00

Hi everyone.

It's been awhile, and I wish I had something more happy to post, but my mother passed away on Tuesday, and I've been dealing with the loss. I've also learned a great deal during this time, and I think I'm going to write about that for awhile.

For anyone who remembers the saga with Aunt Crayzee, you'll recall that she turned her back on my mom and uncle and managed to poison the waters so that almost nobody wanted to help them. Well, that contributed greatly to my mother's death. She died while my uncle was away, and he says the last thing she said to him was "Nobody ever stops by". She felt so abandoned and alone and was severely depressed towards the end, and when people would come by, they would be nasty, hurtful, and not willing to offer the least bit of help. She apparently wrote a letter to someone right before Thanksgiving asking for food because they were starving, and in it she wrote that she wanted them to be able to have a little bit of fun. She never asked for much in life, and towards the end she couldn't even get that. I came to see them as often as I could, and I would buy groceries and give them money. It wasn't enough. Now we get all these people coming out of the woodwork who claim to have loved her, but they wouldn't visit with her, or give her a kind word. The church that refused to help them pay a single bill (and refused to give them food!) has offered their space for the service, and I only agreed to it because I was trying to cut down on the funeral costs.

My uncle is hurting, and my aunt can't seem to give a shit. She has been a saboteur from the beginning, wanting them to fail and wanting us to fail in this funeral. The joke's on her; my church raised funds and will be helping to pay for the funeral, and my high school's headmaster called me up to say he's raised $3,000 and that I can call if we're still short. One of my girlfriends that I haven't spoken to since my baby shower even offered $300. My church is not a church of great means, whereas the church that they belong to is a historical African American church that is full of gossipers who are soulless, despicable people who would rather listen to someone who is no longer a member (who I am convinced is filled with venom; she's pure evil) than help those who need it. She is going to find a way to take credit for this when she did nothing. She deliberately waited until after church service was over to bring over the guest book, so that the people who visited were not recorded in the book because she didn't bring it. She also lied and said she would contact people she never called (like the hairdresser; she did the hair herself, which is why we're closing the casket for the wake and service). The "flowers" she promised her church would pay for are fake...and since her best friend's family makes those things for a living, so she probably paid nothing for them. It was just one stinking thing of flowers that she had placed on the casket. I hate her.

I hate everything she has done. She had the audacity to tell my husband (when he was telling her to keep trying to help find funds) that I should have just cremated her! I PAID for the bulk of her own mother's funeral, and it was my support system that is paying for my mother's funeral, and she has gotten away with ruining lives and not paying a dime. When I hear that people feel bad that they didn't visit, I always think "Good! You need to feel guilty." All my mother wanted was for God to come through for her, and for her to be loved. I want her to know that she is loved very much.

This is so hard to write.

I have invited my uncle to stay with us for awhile. I want him to be able to rebuild his life and heal away from a house where two of his loved ones have died. I am not sure when he will come, or if, but I don't want to go through this again. I want to know he's going to be alright because it's true what he said: It's not fair that people treat them like shit, treat them like they're worthless, as if they were the worst people in the world when all they were trying to do was survive. They were trying to live. And now she's dead, and I don't want him to be next.

What do I want for my aunt? For her to suffer. For her to feel humiliated, feel pain, to struggle. To not know where the next meal is going to come from. I want the worst for her, save only one thing: I don't want her to die. I want her to live with the consequences of what she has done. I want her to PAY.

I'm also angry with my father-in-law because he decided, on the day my mother's obituary was running in the Plain Dealer, to call her and my uncle "fucking irresponsible" for not doing what he thinks they were supposed to do with probate. Here are a few fun facts that he's completely forgotten about. 1) My husband and I hired him to help them, so if any money is owed, it would be from us and not them. 2) He told them that he was doing this for them because "we're family", and then treated them like they were idiotic pieces of shit because he was making side deals with my aunt, lapping up everything she served him. 3) He made my mother sign papers that he didn't explain. 4) He came over, while on the phone with my husband, pretending that he was giving them food when instead he dropped off a nasty letter saying that, essentially, my uncle had virtually no claim to the home. 5) He treats people like shit and has the nerve to be upset because they don't turn around and thank him for his service. I'm never asking him to do a damn thing for me again.

Since the title of my blog suggests that I learned something, let's review what I've learned in all of this.

- I want to be cremated. Fuck all of this shit with the funeral home (they demand payment upfront before services can be rendered; however, the newspaper, the printer of the service bulletins, and the people at the cemetery were more than willing to accommodate our situation of not having the money yet but that it was coming, or of lowering prices or not charging extra fees). If my loved ones want a service for me, fine, but I'd rather spare them the expense. My husband is willing to give me a service that observes Japanese rituals, but that's about all I want. He wants to donate his body to science.

- My mother was a wonderful woman who never deserved to die alone. I hope beyond everything that she is happy now.

- I apparently have a hell of a lot more friends than I could have possibly imagined.

- Know who to trust, and who to leave in the...bin (I wanted to say dust, but I do not want to offend my friend for the sake of a rhyme scheme).

- I apparently had more faith than I thought. When my grandmother died, I lost my faith. I think with my mother's death, I found it. I still told God off, but whatever.

- I will do right by the people who did right by me. And the others need to watch out. I'm full of anger and will release it on the first person to say the wrong thing tomorrow.

- There are some nasty people out there in the world, and they get away with a lot. If there's any justice in the world, they won't get away with it forever.

- I have the will to pull through this, and I want my mother to be remembered for who she was. And I want all of those people who said they care but didn't give a damn to know that her death rests on all of their shoulders. Live with that forever.

I signed all the paperwork, but the funeral home violated their own policies by allowing my aunt to take my place for the first viewing. She also dropped off the flowers and the book and never came back. My uncle and I stayed with her until they closed the home at 5. A few visitors came by and my little girl got to see her Gram-Gram one last time.

I've also learned that I have a mean streak that runs deeper than even I imagined, but I think these people have earned it. And if the money my aunt got the home church to donate is not given to the funeral home, my husband is going to call the church in a week to let them know that she had no expenses and that she should have to give the money back.

I never said I was a good girl.

The funeral is tomorrow afternoon, and I hope that her siblings from California come, but something tells me they won't.

There's only one crypt left of the six my grandmother bought. It's going to be for my uncle, because I'm cremating my aunt when she goes, so she'd better not go soon.

I may change my mind on a lot of things in time. But I won't change my opinions on those who hurt my family. I may just ease up on them in time (maybe). I've got to get some sleep to get through tomorrow. If things go poorly...well, let's just say you'll be hearing about me on the news.

I love you, mom. Never doubt that.

Her obituary is here.

EDIT: Okay, so now I'm feeling guilty about the things I said about my aunt (1.5 hours later). A little. I'm still angry, but she's still family. However, she needs to redeem herself to make this right.

Short Update

2009-12-16T20:20:00.002-05:00

Hi everyone,

I know it's been a long time since I've posted, but things have been very busy lately. Now that I'm on winter break, I'm taking the time to get caught up on my Master's Thesis work as well as creating a syllabus for my class next quarter (like I know what the hell I'm doing).

Anyway, here's what's been going on (in case you haven't been following me on Twitter):

- I managed to get through teaching my first classes without too much trouble. I had some problems with students not working well together in their groups (and a couple of extra credit assignments that drove me crazy [one person wrote "colored" at least 14 times in his paper about his family's views on race, and the other insulted the poor and people of color while railing for people to eat better so that they don't need organ donors...not exactly the best way to sell people on being organ donors]) but everything worked out in the end. Only one student had to take the final (out of 45 total students) and everyone got an A.

- My husband's job situation went from bad to worse. HR refused to pay him and when they laid off the majority of the design department, he was the only person not to get paid. After smashing the HR person's family photo against a wall (bad idea, I know), we filed the case with OSHA. I'm going to have him call to do a follow-up with the federal branch tomorrow, and that branch is supposed to force the regional branch to get to work, so we'll see how this goes. At least now he qualifies for unemployment, so we'll finally have some $ coming in for the first time in months. My pay is not enough for just one person to live on, let alone three, so this is help we needed.

- I got sick during finals week last week, and I'm still on the mend. Since I won't gross anyone out with details, let's just say this was serious when the people at the Student Health center booked the appointment for 30 minutes from when I made the call, instead of for the next day.

- We've gotten Christmas photos done & I will be scanning and posting them soon. What pissed me off, however, was the fact that the girl who was helping our photographer (who was doing her first day of sales) kept trying to do a hard-sell with us that almost resulted in us not getting any photos. The girl who normally does our photos had a death in the family, so they had two people in as replacements. One who had been a photographer for years but had never worked on sales for the company until that day, and the other was a hard-assed bitch who kept trying to sell us $200 and $300 packages. We barely had enough gas to get to the damn session, and we weren't trying to spend more than $50, so when she kept coming back into the room to change what we were ordering from 5 sheets to 9 so we qualified for some stupid package or another, I was about to lose it. I had to fight for a montage photo I wanted, because it was the only way we were going to get some of the shots, but when the girl came in and said a montage photo was extra (which wasn't the way they did packages in the past), that was when I finally got upset. We got the photos we wanted, but to add insult to injury, a bulk of the images were thrown away. Usually, they make all of the images from the shoot available online, and there were some that I could have gotten my m-i-l to order, but Bitch-Ass probably only kept the ones we ordered photos from. If our regular girl doesn't come back, I'm taking my business elsewhere.

Anyway, I have a syllabus to write, a house to clean, and a headache to get rid of. I wish I felt better about writing a syllabus, but all the help I've gotten so far is to look at what others have done in the past. Unfortunately, people don't say what they taught in their syllabus; just what books they covered. I'll figure out something.

Happy Trails, Happy Holidays, and all that good stuff.
~ Kay

Better Late Than Never

2009-10-02T00:25:00.002-05:00

I've been saying I was going to do this for awhile, but I finally got it done.

Devi's first birthday party photos are finally online!

We had a wonderful party on September 4th with a lot of friends and family (including my mom, my uncle, and her godfather), and a lot of the photos are of her adventures in cake-eating. I got to make a cake for the first time in years and was happy to see that I had no leftovers that day.

Anyway, Devi ended up eating the icing off the cake because she was more interested in eating the cake than smashing it. However, my uncle comes in to help her finish it off when she almost sat on the piece!

I can't believe I've been doing this parenting thing for 12+ months, and while my uncle (and others) seems to think I'm doing a good job, I think I'm doing okay.

Enjoy the show!

That Went Better Than I Thought

2009-10-01T15:23:00.007-05:00

Hi everyone!

I had my actual first day of teaching today, and despite the fact that I was late for my 9:30 section due to parking issues (OSU is a little too greedy for money and sells too many parking passes and park-n-pays, but I digress), I think it went well. Or as well as can be expected. I didn't get the problem students, nor did I get the special needs student (who is a very nice person, but people were laughing at his idiosyncrasies on Friday, which had me worried...but I think he's going to be okay), but I also got through my agenda rather quickly. I didn't anticipate being done before the end of the session (classes are 48 minutes long), but they're good kids. I worry that they may have thought I was being a bit strict when I asked them to set the "respect" guidelines for the class, but I feel that it's important to have these guidelines in place because we will be covering controversial topics and I'd rather head these issues off at the pass.

I'm still not sure I'm cut out for this teaching thing, but I hope to be able to do a good job for my students, and that the evaluations won't be too damning.

I'm not posting a picture of Devi (who has a cold right now; poor thing), because I have a special post coming up.

Have a good one, folks!

Tomorrow, I Teach!

2009-09-22T21:47:00.003-05:00

Yeah, I'm not kidding. Nor am I excited.

I am a Graduate Teaching Associate and I am teaching two recitation sections (these classes are made up of students who are taking a lecture course; the recitation TAs go over materials with the smaller groups), and I'm doing it because I'm in a department where they use all of us grad students as labor. I also will be teaching my own class in three months...so, yay?

It's not that I hate teachers; I think teachers are some of the most wonderful people in the world, and I come from a family of teachers, but I don't have the patience to deal with people anymore. The idea of trying to talk to a group of students about controversial topics that I don't even talk about amongst friends is giving me fits. I have my first TA meeting tomorrow, and I'm hoping to come up with some good ideas for what I will do with my two sections.

It also doesn't help that I'm not a morning person, and I am teaching at 9:30 and 10:30 in the morning. Try to seem excited that early in the morning.

I had wanted to post pictures on Devi's birthday, but I didn't get a chance to put new ones on my computer yet, so my next post will include pictures of Devi's first birthday party (yay!). So, here's a reprisal of what she looked like last year. Take care, everyone!

I can't believe she used to be this small! People are right; they do grow up fast.

Guess What Today Is!

2009-09-04T15:32:00.003-05:00

It's Devi's first birthday (yay!!!)! She's turning one and I'm still trying to run around and get everything together for the party that will be starting soon. I hope it goes well.

Since I'm in a hurry (and suffering from a bad sinus infection), I will have to add photos to this post later this evening. I'll also have to fill you in on the ordeal of the whole thing.

Love you all!
~ Kay

P.S. I wanted to send a special thank you to Uncle David Dust who hooked me up with a "Peace, Bitch!" button. I only got it yesterday because I haven't been on campus since July, but I am looking forward to wearing it when I teach and waiting for my students to ask what it means. :-)

Clearing out the Tumbleweeds

2009-08-25T01:39:00.004-05:00

This is getting ridiculous, but it's been a busy summer since my last post. My husband quit his job at Target and got a 1 month unpaid internship at an ironworks company that he is hoping will turn into a real job (he's always wanted to walk into the place and ask for a job, and a few weeks ago he did just that). However, he ended up in a car accident while on a work assignment on the 14th and we may have to go to court to get the damages on our car paid for (the other driver drove over the double yellow lines to try to pass him on the left as he sat there waiting to make a left-hand turn; but the only evidence we may have is the video footage from that day that we'll have to subpoena for small-claims court).

Also, I've been working on my reading list, but since my department takes the whole freakin' summer off, I haven't had any guidance in getting this completed outside of my uncle's suggestions. I'm going to send out some e-mails in the hope of getting projects set up for the fall so that I'm doing 10 hours of independent research instead of 10 hours of coursework when I have to teach. But at least I started correspondence with someone working in the field of Japanese manga studies...now if I would just write back to him, that would be good (I'm such a coward).

Anyway, the big news is my little girl will be turning one on September 4th and we're (read: I) trying to plan a party (or three, however this is going to work) for her. It's multiple because my mother-in-law is too ill to travel (she had had a minor heart attack in the spring) and so we're going to do something with her and my father-in-law this weekend, and a party down here with my family and friends (maybe) on her actual birthday. However, that seems to be falling apart. I tried to contact two of my friends to invite them for the party, but I haven't heard back, and with my mom and uncle they didn't respond to the text I sent them, so I'm going to have to write them an actual letter and arrange for them to be driven down and put up in a hotel (because we no longer have the space to host guests) for a few days. I want Devi's first birthday to be special, and I worry that it will just be a mess. But as I told a woman selling her Christian motivational book (that I bought for my mom), I know I'll get through this but I just worry about everyone else.

I need to go through my pictures so that I can find some good ones of Devi, who currently has 4 teeth, is getting pretty good at eating solids, and actually likes having her teeth brushed. Until I have more time (or finally set up that stupid new computer that I said I was going to do months ago), these photos will have to do.

Later.

P.S. I almost, almost, signed up for a Twitter account, but decided that I didn't need my 48th Internet entity that I would eventually abandon.
P.P.S. Can you believe this child beat my baby in the beautiful babies contest? See, this is what happens when a lazy person never forwards the link after registering for the contest.

From the Depths Of Hell (the school kind)

2009-07-07T10:29:00.004-05:00

Hey everyone! I'm in week 3 of a five-week intensive course this summer, and I have a few minutes to type before I need to let Devi go down for her nap.

I had to lead the discussion in class yesterday, and for the first time in grad school, I actually did a full-session (which was only a few minutes of me trying to get the discussion going on the first English version of the story Madame Butterfly (1898)). I didn't get any sleep the night before, because I spent the whole night trying to type up my handwritten notes (because I forgot that he wanted to see them) and coming up with questions that showed that I at least understood part of the texts [there were two articles we had to read as well, one critiquing the narrative and the other discussing hypersexuality in the musical Miss Saigon], but I've got a ways to go if I'm going to come up with questions for students because I just don't know how to pull myself out of a text far enough to be able to ask general questions. I get to those points within the text, but I tend not to see ways to ask questions that are obvious to everyone else. But it was a great teaching exercise (which is why he says he makes grad students do that in his courses) and he said the questions were good (but is that good?) so I'm pleased with the results.

We've entered Devi in the Beautiful Babies contest hosted by WGN, and I'll add the link to the blog in a day or two. I'm sure we're not going to win because I wasn't happy with the picture we ultimately chose, but her best shots were with other people in them, and we couldn't use those. My husband thinks this picture captured her personality best, and I poured over all the photos I'd taken over the last three months and just wasn't happy with what I found. That, and we avoided any shots that involved eating (because he thought that would be too common), so I'll post the link because people have to vote (great) for the best shots.

Anyway, I'm trying to keep the post light because I'm really trying not to worry about all the things that are stressing me out. That, and I do have a question for the parents and adept babysitters out there: How do you get a 10-month-old to stop hitting people? Seriously, she slaps people and scratched my eyelid this morning, so I'm looking for ways to get her to stop. So far, telling her "no hitting" and holding the arm she's hitting with to get her to stop has had some success, but not completely. Any helpful advice is appreciated.

And, Devi now has teeth! But every time I try to photograph them, she tries to eat the camera. Like this...

Well, I've got to read David Henry Hwong's [Correction: Hwang, not Hwong] "M. Butterfly" and a book chapter critiquing the play today for tomorrow's class, so I've got to go. Here are more pictures of Devi to help pass the time, including one where she and her Pepe got very close to a deer (thanks, honey, for taking that great shot!).

Until I can next post, have a good day everyone.

So Many Deaths

2009-06-25T22:32:00.003-05:00

I've been haunted by death lately, but I didn't expect Hollywood to just give up so many ghosts like that.

Let's keep this list going at a brisk pace. Ed McMahon died the other day and had been having some financial troubles, so I felt bad that he was struggling, but at least he was an older man (so it wasn't a big surprise, but still unexpected).

Farrah Fawcett had been fighting cancer for a couple of years and it was just announced Monday that she and Ryan O'Neil would be getting married. He said that it would be just as soon as she could say "yes", but it was never meant to be. I was just surprised and saddened for her, especially since I've been reading a book, Rolling the R's, which invokes Farrah as the 70s icon that she was (it's about a group of 5th graders in Hawaii; it's ultimately about Asian American identity and gay identity), so I felt bad about reading about her (like we were invoking her presence and bringing her back into the spotlight just to die).

And, finally, Michael Jackson. I was watching, of all things 16 and Pregnant (yeah, I don't know why I was watching, either) when the news ran on the bottom of the screen. So now I'm watching the program that MTV threw together about his life and career. They're planning on doing a Michael Jackson marathon on VH1 Classic all weekend. I'm so at a loss for words that I can't even articulate how I'm feeling about this. I am actually upset about this, because it was so sudden. My mom isn't that much older than MJ, so it's just rather...sad. And they just got through playing the The Jacksons: An American Dream just this week. I feel for his family; his children, his siblings (It's got to be hard for Jermaine & co. when you lose a sibling that was younger than most of them), and even his parents.

I ask you all to forgive me as I will not post pictures of Devi tonight. I just can't do it, not after this.

Goodnight.

I feel so bad...but what can I do?

2009-05-29T01:28:00.003-05:00

...hi.

This is getting to be a very bad habit. Unfortunately, the demands of graduate school and motherhood have kept me away (that, and since my photos of Devi are on my PC and not my laptop, I refuse to post entries unless I can post something of her). Here's a brief 411 of what has been going on, so that I can close this entry out and get to bed.

- My husband lost his health insurance with his job because his average hours last year were too low. He needed to average 32 hours and he only averaged 31.5. This means the only person with any kind of health coverage left is...me. I had to carry insurance in school and I'm relying on it for me, and we hope to get her on the government aid soon.

- School is kicking my ass. I'm freaking out that my work isn't good enough, and I'm trying to stave off burn-out as I gear up for the end of the quarter, the beginning of summer classes (eep) and the start of my research for my master's thesis. Oh, and did I mention that I will be teaching undergraduates in the fall? Yep. Anxiety overload.

- I got to perform with The Singing Angels for Mother's Day as part of the alumni chorus, which was fun. However, my father-in-law decided to tell me on that day that he no longer wants to represent my mom and uncle in court (which I can understand) but seemed to think my aunt was some sort of victim in all of this (which pissed me off). After visiting my mom and uncle and bringing them groceries, since my uncle is all skin and bones, my husband is finally in agreement with me on sending them support. I also have some library friends looking into possible tax help to help them keep the house, so fingers crossed on that one.

- We went to Marcon this year and we all had a good time. Devi hung out with the gamers and I got some studying done. I even got to see one of my cohorts who was party crashing the room parties. Unfortunately for Devi, she has been suffering from a cold, and she ended up waking up at 2am in the hotel room where the only comfort that put her back to sleep was...me. It seems that my 40% in our 60/40 workload means that I can still be a comfort to my child.

- Last, and certainly not least, my mother-in-law had a minor heart attack on Tuesday. It was 1 a.m. when Life Alert called my husband and let him know that his mother had been transported to the hospital [It may be corny, but "Thank goodness for Life Alert" indeed]. She seems to be doing well, and a camera used to examine her heart showed that it was clear, but we still don't know what brought it on. We hope she'll be home soon.

I am going to try and put myself on a weekly schedule for posting, because I'm already feeling isolated in the live-world (I refuse to say the "real" world because a) online communities are just as real as interactions in the flesh and b) I've been reading too much Lacan and any mention of the real troubles the water) and I hate not posting and getting visitors.

Since I have to hurry up and finish before Devi wakes up, here are some of the Easter photos, as promised (but long overdue). I only had time to crop three of them, so I may end up posting more as time goes on. I love you all and I have missed you, but I won't promise that I have returned since I never know when my next post will come in. Peace out!

Happy Easter

2009-04-12T21:08:00.006-05:00

Hi everyone!

It's been a month since my last confess... wait, post. I don't even do confession. Anyway...

The conference went well, I had a good spring break of doing nothing but entertain my family, and then I ran into problems with my courses for Spring quarter. The problem? Not enough classes that apply to my studies.

Since I don't have a lot of time to post right now (someone needs to go to bed very soon), I will say a couple of things and hope to post again later in the week.

Thank you, Uncle David, for the pin that you sent me! I want to get a picture of Devi wearing it up on the site, but we're in the middle of changing computers (we bought a new one two weeks ago but I'm so paranoid of losing my pictures and academic files that I've been trying to back everything up while under an ass-ton of schoolwork) so that picture will come eventually. Also, we did Easter photos and, once again, Devi was phenomenal. We did the photos with his parents (which was...interesting since they wouldn't do a photo together) and so, for the next time, we're going to bring down my family. I haven't spoken to any of my Cleveland connections (except my brother) in months, but I put money on my uncle's phone and he thanked me via text message yesterday, so I at least know they're doing alright.

I wish I could write more, but Devi is ready for bed. An update on Devi Darling; she can sit unsupported! She's not crawling yet, and she still has no teeth, but I can sit her on the floor with some toys (her favorite being a small shipping box) and not worry about her for a little while as I study nearby.

I'll end this with Devi photos that I did not take; these were taken at one of my husband's friend's homes was while I was in Florida (their daughter is in the 2nd photo). Later, gators!

To the Author of The American Otaku Master's Thesis

2009-03-14T00:59:00.007-05:00

Hello.

You do not know me, but I found a copy of your thesis, The American Otaku: An Ethnographic Study of Anime Fans in the U.S. online, and I wanted to let you know that there is no name attached to this work. If there was a coverpage, it is no longer there, and there is no name even in the margins. The website that I retrieved it from gave no indication as to the origins of this document, and I wanted to warn you that your copyrighted work is floating around on the internet, nameless, and it would be easy for anyone to steal your hard work. I am also hoping to locate you because I would like to cite this piece, but without a name it is impossible. If you are the proper owner of this thesis, please let me know and I can track down the web address and give it to you. I just wanted you to be aware of your work being available without proper credit.

~ SailorAlphaCentauri

And for the rest of my readers:

This is finals week for me, and I am trying to put together a project, a class paper, and my conference presentation between now and Friday, so I'm of course very busy. I've hit a snag with the airline ticket situation because my credit card's limit was reduced unexpectedly, making it almost impossible to pay for my flight to Florida, but I figured that we could finagle some things and make it work. Since I only got 3 hours of sleep due to staying up all night working on my Japanese Philosophy exam, I'm very tired. But before bed, a Devi moment:

...oh, okay. Two Devi moments (these will have to get you all through until I get back from my conference):

Photo one was when I was failing to get her to go to sleep (she was more intent on grabbing the camera), and photo two was the end of her first day of eating squash.

Later, gators.

Two Weeks to Go

2009-03-01T16:30:00.004-05:00

I'm feeling the pressure now.

I have two weeks before the quarter ends, and I still have a paper due on Wednesday, two projects due at the end of the quarter, and a paper due for my conference in Florida. How is my progress going? Not too well. I want to e-mail the professors I have the projects for to let them know what it is I am going to do. I was supposed to do it this past week, but life got in the way (Devi decided to try this new 3a.m. wake-up call) so I have to do it today. To say I'm feeling a bit stressed just doesn't quite cut it. I don't know how I'm going to get it all done, and do a good job of it to boot, but I have to try.

Anyway, since I have so much to do, I'm sticking to the spartan posting schedule, at least until I get back on March 23rd. I'll be back in town by then and on Spring Break. This is going to be the first time I'm going to be apart from Devi for this length of time (the longest to date: 12 hours), so that's going to hurt. But now that I'm pressed for time, hopefully my focus will return because it's been shot lately. At least I don't have choir rehearsal this week, so that's more time for my projects as well.

Well, until next time...

Oh, did you think I forgot something?

Nope.

Hammer's got nothing on her!

Stop! Devi time!

...Better late than never

2009-02-15T01:49:00.003-05:00

Happy (belated) Valentine's Day, everyone. I hope it was spent well.

Oooh, who's that!?!

She's not this small anymore :-( but it's okay :-)

I'm already a superhero...but this second identity works, too

2009-02-12T01:10:00.005-05:00

I stumbled upon this little gem at Uncle David's blog, got really, really giddy, and gave it a shot. Other than being a Sailor Scout, here is my new, North American, superhero identity:

You know, I think this could work. Yes, I objectified myself, but if I had a body like that, I would dress like that every day. *Giggle* This was exactly what I needed to get me in the mood for my Comic Arts Conference in Florida. Now if only I would write that paper...

Stop! Devi time!

Crap!

2009-02-07T20:02:00.004-05:00

Sorry, everyone. I didn't realize a month had gone by since my last post. But since I have a crapload of homework to do, I'll give you the highlights.

- An esteemed member of my church passed away on January 21st. He was a social worker who was highly involved in a number of church councils and interfaith fellowship organizations. His obituary was almost an entire newspaper column long and there were some things left off of it. I was glad to know that he lived long enough to see Obama inaugurated as our first African American president. The man was the closest thing to a grandfather I had, so I was sad to see him go & I was glad to have the chance to sing with my choir for his service [out of respect for his family, I'm not using his name]. A.H. will be missed.

- A woman in my church gave birth to a baby girl that Saturday before A.H.'s death, and while I can't remember the child's name, I know that it means "moon" and it's an African name, but I'm unsure of the country of origin. I'm really bad at these things, but it's because I've been busy...

-...getting accepted to present at my first academic conference! I got the e-mail telling me the good news a couple of weeks ago, so now I have to write the paper that went with my (apparently) good abstract; except for the fact that I'm freaking out because I can't even remember what I wrote in that thing (see the New Year's eve post for details), I'm very happy to have my first chance at interacting with colleagues. Now how I'm going to get to Florida is another story.

- My new friend is a keeper. She's a really nice girl who is studying Japanese as a graduate student and we have a lot in common. We're interested in Japanese culture and just have so many things that we talk about after school that I'm glad that the fortuitous circumstance under which we met happened (we were sitting next to each other in class and she took notice of me when we did our introductions on our particular areas of interest). She's currently at New York Comiccon and I hope she was able to find a lot of good stuff (I'd be more jealous of her if I weren't so slogged in work).

Other than that, I've been very busy trying not to let school get the best of me. Sometimes I feel like I'm never going to get this stuff, but I just have to keep plugging away and hope for the best. This week is going to be murder because not only do I have two papers and an exam due this week (Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday, respectively), but I also have a ton of reading, two projects that I have to get started on as well as the paper for the conference (and what I'm trying to do is find ways to incorporate the conference paper into both projects) and pick out classes for spring quarter. To top this whole fantabulous mountain off, my husband is going to be working from Sunday through Thursday because he's being trained for a position which should enable him to get the promotion he's been seeking but hasn't gotten because his attention to detail needs a lot of work. And while I'm happy for this opportunity for him, it came at a piss-poor time for me because now I have to get my work done in a time crunch since he won't be home to help with her at night and he'll be too tired during the day to take care of her in the morning. Greeeeaaaaaat.

Oh well. I've just got to do it and not lose what's left of my mind in the process.

And we just started feeding Devi rice cereal two days ago and while she spat out a great deal of it, we think she actually swallowed half of what she was given. I'll have to post those pictures once they're available. But until then, this one will have to do. My hope is that I'll get to post again next Sunday. A beintot, everyone.

P.S. I forgot to mention that my church finally has a new pastor after nearly two years of searching. He seems like a great guy who is non-judgmental, open-minded, and willing to work with the University instead of bellowing about how much we suck as a church (true story: one of the pastors that the committee looked at blamed the church's problems on the fact that our last two pastors had been women(!) and felt that we were bringing sin into the church because we wanted to work with the students instead of telling them (especially the gay ones) that they were all going to hell. I only know this because my husband was on the search committee and was the only one who disliked Mr. Usuck until he opened his mouth for the phone interview). He was voted in unanimously(!) and he's having to leave his wife behind in Indiana until their youngest child finishes college (2-3 years) to start his career with us. And he's going to be Pastor Tommy, which I think is rather cute for someone with kids in their 20s. Let's hope he'll work out ;-)

So Far, So Good

2009-01-07T20:58:00.003-05:00

Winter quarter started Monday and, so far, I've made a new friend who has studied Japanese and is a really cool girl, I don't feel overwhelmed by the school-workload (yet), and I feel a little better about trying to participate in my classes. The only thing that isn't so great is that I'm back to getting very little sleep because I have to study when Devi's asleep (and she doesn't go to bed until really late), but I'm sure I'll get used to that again in a couple of weeks. I didn't get to upload my new photos yet (they're on the computer, but not on the web), so I'm adding a photo of Devi from Christmas as penance. What I'm glad about is that I won't be complaining for awhile, because I was getting tired of the Debbie Downer routine. I'll post when I can, but since the bulk of my studying has to be done over the weekend and the front-end of the week, I'm not sure when I'll be posting again. Have fun, all you people in Internet Land. Here's Devi!

Happy New Year!

2009-01-01T01:36:00.004-05:00

MyNiceSpace.com

It's 2009. Boy am I glad 2008 is over. I hope everyone will have a blessed new year full of love, success, and hapiness.

For me, 2009 marks a turning point for how I'm going to handle the way I deal with loss. I had to make my peace with '08, and I found a way: Every year, I say goodbye to all those who passed away. I see the closing of the year as marking when a person is left in the past; they are no longer here to experience things and see the future, so while I can try to imagine what they would think of things, it helps me to accept that they are only in my heart. For my issue with my grandmother's death, I found a (somewhat macabre) connection that makes me feel just a tiny bit better. My grandmother and my daughter are connected by 2008. Grandma managed to make it six days into the new year, and I didn't even know that my first child was [finally] on the way. They were both here at the same time, but didn't know of each other. The important thing (to me) is that there was a time when they were part of my life, and it's the only connection I have. I can't focus anymore on how much it hurts, or how difficult it is to see the aftermath of my family's collapse, but this has given me something that will help me to start moving forward. I will do my best to help them, but I won't sacrifice my husband and daughter's welfare. And Devi loves her family (she really likes people), so I'm building that bridge up so that they know that I'm always going to be there for them.

2008 brought me some good things as well: My daughter, acceptance into graduate school, a fellowship & a scholarship, self-esteem, and a reconnection with old friends. My baby was dedicated, I survived my first quarter of grad school, and I worked on an abstract for my first academic conference as a possible participant [Long-freaking-shot]. I spent so much time in anguish and sorrow in '08 that I almost missed all the good parts. I met awesome friends on my blog (but I keep on not putting up photos; sorry!) and I got to air out all my grievances and share my joy. I even have a follower. I got to see the first black president get elected...I can't think of much else.

Anyway, I was supposed to be drugged up by now (long story, was supposed to be posted in '08 but my computer hated me, so it'll get posted later but have the time it was started and not when finished), but I want to say, again, Happy New Year.

Okay, I'm done with this happy crap. I've got to get back to being me. Where are some videos of people falling down...

"If you're going to fall down, you've got to get up"

Enjoy '09! I'm out!

This is NOT how I wanted to spend New Year's Eve

2009-01-01T01:10:00.005-05:00

This was supposed to be a New Year's Eve post, but my computer and the internet conspired to stymie my efforts. Whatever.

Anyway, instead of spending New Year's Eve enjoying my family, working feverishly on an abstract for a conference that was due Dec. 31, and getting cleaning done for a new bed that will arrive on Saturday, I got waylaid in the ER for an allergic reaction to amoxicillin. I was taking it for a sinus infection that I was diagnosed with two days ago, but I didn't take it until 11 a.m. Wednesday morning. I didn't have any ill effects until noon; I had just changed Devi and decided to look something up on the computer when I noticed that my tongue and my lips were starting to swell and the bottoms of my hands and feet were really itchy. I immediately took her into our room and gave her to my husband, saying "Take her. Take her now!" I made him call our insurance company's nurse to find out what I should do [I knew what I should do, but I wanted it on record that we were told to go by the nurse so that the insurance company couldn't say "We won't cover it because it wasn't an emergency"]. We threw on clothes and dressed Devi and my husband was calling all of his friends that he trusted to see if any of them could watch our daughter while I went to the ER. Despite my worsening symptoms, I remembered that one of his friends said that she would be off work that day and I told him to call her. He did eventually reach her and she agreed to watch Devi. We rushed to the ER downtown and I got seen relatively quickly [I was the second person in line, and I was even able to help a woman zip up a coat on a mentally handicapped man despite my jumpiness] and told them my symptoms. They checked my vitals, decided that I needed to be treated with IV injections (but can someone explain why I needed the saline first? I'm no nurse, and I'd really like to know) and I was given benedryl, the steroid predinisone, and pepsid for my stomach pains. Matt came in after the injections were done, and what I didn't expect was the sudden drowsiness that hit me ~ 1 minute later. The nurse asked me if I could walk from the treatment area to the room I would be in and I said, spacily, "NooOooOooOo". He got a wheelchair and we got to the back room where I was glad that my husband could speak for me and sign my paperwork. I could barely hold the pen; there was no way I could sign anything. I was checked periodically for a few hours and got 45 min. worth of sleep. My symptoms did improve and by the time I was released, there was just a rash on my right arm (not itchy, but ugly), my lower lip and my tongue were still slightly swollen, and I'm supposed to be on pepsid and benedryl for the next three days (at least the stuff is OTC).

Now here is where a little of what I learned last quarter comes into play. I had to read Anthony Giddens' The Consequences of Modernity where I learned about what creates a modernist civilization vs. a pre-modernist civilization. One of those things is the kinship factor. Pre-modernist societies had relationships that were built around kinship, because you knew everyone in your small town and they were your "family" as it were (the blood-related ones and not blood-related). However, in modernist societies, you don't have that built-in kinship, so you have to create relationships with friends and lovers to replace the familial relationship. My consequence of modernity was that we had to scramble to find someone to take care of Devi because we don't have family members close by that we could have left her with, and since he didn't want her exposed to an ER (neither did I) he called everyone he knew and could trust. If it weren't for us going over to a friend's place the day before where I found out they would be off on New Year's Eve, I'm not sure what we would have done.

The one good thing about discovering my allergy this way was that it would've been disastrous if I had found this out when going to a dentist appointment. You see, I have to take an anti-biotic when I go to the dentist because I have a prolapsed heart valve (it's to keep from getting an infection in my blood when they do my teeth, since the prolapse doesn't pose any other dangers to me), but I discovered that the amoxicillin I had been taking for the dentist was in 500 mg form, and I had to take four of those at a time! I had some pretty moderate swelling of my lips and tongue with a 250 mg pill, just imagine if I had taken 8x as much for a dentist appointment. It could've been fatal.

And that abstract I was working on? I was trying to submit an abstract for an academic comic conference and it was due December 31st. However, my computer decided it wanted to party, so I ended up mailing it in around 1 a.m. today (1/1/09). What I didn't realize was that I sent it to the wrong address. He has two addresses for the University of Florida, and I didn't send it to his departmental address, so I had to forward it around 5 p.m. when I realized my error. He just sent me a response saying that my abstract will still be considered for acceptance [Again, long-freaking-shot]. Even if it is rejected, I am going to use this abstract as the basis for a project in a class I'm taking this coming quarter, which starts Monday [I thought I had a couple more days...oh well].

Anyway, I'm fine (so far) and I just have to make a follow-up appointment with my doctor to make sure I'm okay and to get my record updated so that it will be known that I am, indeed, allergic to something. Hope everyone else is having a relaxing New Year's. Later ;-)

NOTE: This was officially finished on 1/1/2009 at 8 p.m., even though it appears as a New Year's Eve post.

Merry Christmas

2008-12-25T05:13:00.003-05:00

For those who celebrate it, and even for those who don't, Merry Christmas & Happy Hanukkah. For everyone else, happy holidays!

Interesting Article

2008-12-22T23:49:00.003-05:00

Now that Devi's asleep for the night (I hope), here's an article I hope people will find helpful.

It's about the service Freecycle where people are encouraged to give things away instead of throwing them in the dumpster. I've been a member of the local chapter here for several years and I've given away my old entertainment center and a bed frame that were in great condition. It's a way to help others (and get help yourself) when you have something someone needs (or when they have what you need) and I think it's a great concept. And for those who are concerned with strangers coming to your home, you can always arrange to meet the person somewhere public to make the exchange so that nutjobs won't come to your house. If it's available in your area, I recommend joining it.

100 Things (I'll Give it a Shot)

2008-12-22T23:11:00.003-05:00

I got this from Joy's "Babble On" Blog awhile ago, but I'm just getting around to posting it on my blog (yes, I suck at this whole regularly-posting thing). All the things I've done are in bold because it's easier to do when a 3 1/2 month old is sitting in your lap refusing to sleep, but quietly observing things. Here we go.

1. Started my own blog (This is, technically, my third blog)
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower (still not as neat as seeing the Milky Way in Northern Wisconsin)
6. Given more than I can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland/world (and hated it)
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sung a solo (but haven't since my girlfriend's wedding a couple of years ago, unless you count online karaoke)
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris (...someday)
13. Watched lightning at sea
14. Taught myself an art from scratch (knitting, guitar, piano, and I suck at them all)
15. Adopted a child (this one almost happened, and may still happen in the future; closest to this is that my husband and his brother are both adopted)
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown my own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train (Hope to someday)
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitchhiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse (solar and lunar)
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset (both, but the sunsets were coolest when watching the sun sink into the Lake Erie horizon)
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of my ancestors (Since the only location I have found is of my Irish roots [really!], I plan to visit someday)
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught myself a new language (Japanese)
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke (Some of my girlfriends do so competitively, but the closest I've come to is once at Chaamps and online several times)
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant (Someone did this for my husband once, so I hope we can do this someday; the closest I've come to this is having a stranger give me $20 in cab fare to get home from a grocery store in a bad neighborhood)
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance (6th graders + mace + public bus = disaster. Stupid kids).
47. Had my portrait painted (Just had a caricature done because my grandmother gave someone a photo of me to draw from)
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris (I'd be happy if I even got to Paris)
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in
55. Been in a movie (I might have been in the background in a film, but I don't remember)
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
(Tai Chi)
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen (Had to for graduation, but it was one of the most rewarding experiences of my life)
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp (Visited the Holocaust Museum in D.C., but not exactly the same thing)
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy (In my family, that was really hard to do)
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial (It was being restored at the time, but I wrote a song there...I just didn't know I was singing it when I got back on the bus)
71. Eaten caviar
72. Pieced a quilt (badly)
73. Stood in Times Square (Nope, just walked passed it)
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person (Saw it from a plane on the way to California)
80. Published a book (Just a poem, several articles in high school, and an op-ed response in the college paper)
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car (It was practically new at 8,000 miles)
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had my picture in the newspaper (As a Singing Angel, several times)
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House (Well, we didn't go inside, but we visited it twice on the same trip)
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox (At 18!)
89. Saved someone’s life (I did for someone what hadn't been done for me at the time [high school]; talk them out of suicide. My turn came in college)
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous (Performed with Peabo Bryson and several other famous people once as a Singing Angel, performed with Marie Osmond at another Singing Angel concert, met Voltaire (Goth singer) and Peter S. Beagle at Dragon*con 2007)
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one (still not coping with the last one)
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit (It was a fraudulent one against my grandmother, but was dropped based on my witness testimony)
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Ridden an elephant

...Oh yeah, I'm done!

2008-12-19T02:24:00.002-05:00

Sorry about the lack of posts! Now that I'm done with classes, Devi takes up a lot of my time...so I need to do a quick update and then try to get her back to sleep.

Anyway, here's how the assignments went down. The first assignment was turned in 5 hours late (as I reported two posts ago) but the professor gave me the grade bonus credit anyway. The second assignment was turned in roughly eight hours late, but there's a good chance it was just turned in really early because the official due date was December 9th at midnight, and I didn't know if that meant it had to be in by the end of Monday or the end of Tuesday, so it was done by 8 a.m. Tuesday morning. My last assignments (the big project, the annotated bibliography and the rest of the weekly summaries) was due by 4 p.m. on the 10th but had the unique problem of everything had to be printed out and put in the professor's mailbox (the other two classes wanted the final projects e-mailed). Since my printer was on the fritz, I had to use my printing credits in the graduate lab (something that I would've used sooner if I had realized that I had 250 printing credits per quarter) to print everything out. I also asked my husband to read over the syllabus assignment to see if it sounded like a class he would be interested in [I had to create a class syllabus for a class I would like to teach in the future, so I designed an undergraduate course that would look at graphic novels...a lot of graphic novels.] and he did. Unfortunately, I had to transfer my work to a flash drive, run to campus like a madwoman to print everything out, and then run up one more floor to drop everything off. And, to top it all off, I was an hour late from the deadline! Everything was deposited at 4:58 p.m. and the professor had already picked up everyone else's envelopes. Fortunately, the head of the department was there when I came in (having to use the passcode to get in...got to love being a graduate student) so that there was proof that I didn't just drop everything off the next day and lie about it.

Anyway, let's get to the good part: my grades. For my first quarter in graduate school, I earned two As and a B+. These would've been grades I would be ecstatic to receive if I hadn't heard from the other graduate students at a get-together that "everyone gets As in Graduate school", making my B+ feel a little inadequate. But you know what? I worked damned hard for my grades, and I had a feeling that the class I got the B+ in was going to turn out that way, but I learned so much that I'm not upset. Hell, I thought I was going to get a B, so this was higher than expected. I do need to find out if the B+ was a result of the final project being poor or a result of my low participation in the class. Either way, this class was taught by a woman who had just finished her post-doc at Columbia after getting her PhD at Harvard (and I'm taking another of her classes next quarter) so I thought she may have something to prove, if nothing else.

Now that I've been though my first quarter, I know what to expect and what is expected of me. And I think I can do this. Now I just need to work on my participation in class, my presentation skills, and try to get invited to at least one conference. I won't say that this will be easy, but at least I'm not going to be 100% completely freaked out next quarter. Maybe it will be down to 80%.

Soon, I will need to post pictures. I've taken a ton and want to post them, but I need to find the time to upload them before I can create the next slideshow. I can't believe she's fifteen weeks old already!

Until then, I'll try to get better at posting. She's simmering down so hopefully she'll crash out for the rest of the night. Later, gators ;-)

One Class Down, Two to Go

2008-12-07T04:27:00.003-05:00

I just finished my first assignment for finals, but I finished it 5 hours too late to get the grade bonus I so desperately needed. But, as it is, I barely know my own name and just want to pass out. I've got a 15-pager, a syllabus and annotated bibliography and one last weekly assignment to do before I'm done with it all.

I then made the mistake of seeing the syllabus for one of my classes for next quarter and have concluded I'm too stupid for grad school.

I'm going to go to bed before I completely lose the ability to...complete a thought.

Won't Be Around Much...

2008-12-04T17:05:00.002-05:00

The quarter officially ended for me on Wednesday, so now I am spending the rest of my time getting my assignments done for finals. My first paper is due on the 6th at 11pm if I want the letter grade bonus (and I do want it), my second paper is due on the 9th at midnight, and all of the assignments for my third class are due on the 10th at 4pm (and is the only class where I have to print out everything instead of e-mailing it in). I'm hyper stressed about all of my assignments, so I have to try to maintain a level of focus that has been rather difficult of late. I seem to get easily distracted by practically nothing, but this work has to get done.

I should not be posting between now and the 10th, but to make up for it I made the instructions for seeing the photos from our family photo shoot available in the comments of my last post, so you can check those out there.

I hope to remember to post about the "fun" that was had in the last days of my classes because some interesting things did occur. But if I forget, I forget.

See you around!

Long Days, Sleepless Nights

2008-11-26T01:05:00.002-05:00

I've got an ass-ton of work to do between now and the end of the quarter (I believe everything has to be turned in by December 8th. Fun.), but I wanted to take a little time out to mention something that happened to a friend this weekend.

A friend of mine was mugged off-campus this weekend. The assailant broke a bottle over his head and stole his wallet and cell phone. He got stitches and spent some time in the emergency room, but he's okay now (at least that's what the woman who called to tell me about it said). The credit cards were all canceled, so all this jerk got was $1, but I worry about my friend because I was his mentor when he was in high school [I essentially made it okay for him to be himself, and he broke out of his shell] so I hope he'll be okay emotionally after this.

I've got an article to read before I go to bed. I finally got Devi to sleep, so I lost about two hours of productive study time. I've got to finish my article for my second class and put in some work on my projects before Thanksgiving. I still haven't spoken to my mom or uncle in awhile and we wanted to bring them down for the weekend for Devi's dedication [Baptists don't baptize their babies; they dedicate them]. I did speak to my dad yesterday and he thinks that I can be the "voice of reason" and talk some sense into the two of them (again, whatever that means). It was kind of nice talking to him, but he did pull a Daddy Douchebag maneuver by being genuinely surprised when I said that I had a ton of homework to do because he must have thought I wasn't going to go through with going back to school after all. He paused, said "You did say you were going to go back to school. Hmph. You're more resilient than I thought."

Trust me, dad, I'm more resilient than you could ever imagine.

Anyway, another brief note: The three of us (Devi, Matt and I) had photos done last weekend and my daughter was so cute in her photos! I won't get what we purchased until December 8th (or when I actually am free to do non-academic things), but if you're curious to see what the photos look like, let me know and I can tell you the code so that you can look at them.

I've got to go. That article isn't going to read itself. Have a safe and happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

I've Got To Admit, It's Getting Better

2008-11-21T02:44:00.004-05:00

I didn't expect things to be going so well, but they are.

First, I was not the last person to submit my paper. The last paper was submitted at 6 a.m. on Wednesday, roughly 6 1/2 hours before the presentations were to begin. Secondly, my presentation went well (but more on that later), and lastly, I'm starting to get it in my head that maybe, just maybe I'm not quite as dumb as I thought.

Okay, we all know that I got no sleep between Friday and Saturday because of the paper for my CS 716 class [Comparative Studies 716: Theorizing Culture], but what I didn't know was that I was going to end up not getting any sleep before the big presentation of said paper to the class on Wednesday. That, and I didn't anticipate being pegged to do a focus group on facial cleansers right before the presentation, but $150 was too good to pass up.

This story's interesting, so I'll elaborate.

I got to the focus group at around 8:46. The early-bird drawing is for people who get to the session 15 minutes or sooner, and I had just missed it by one minute (they're strict about this) after rushing around to make sure I didn't forget anything at home since I was going straight to school afterwards. I was already stressed out and bummed that I didn't get the $25 bonus, but then they called in people by table color and I wasn't called to go in! Normally, that would've been okay by me because I would've gotten paid and gone home, but I was upset because I could've just as easily stayed home, polished my presentation, and gotten some damn sleep! Well, the check-in guy noticed that one of the people called in for my table wasn't even there, so the woman in charge apologized, offered me a chance to go in, and I went to participate in the focus group. I won't bore you with the details about the other people at my table, but I was surprised by the last announcement of the day: I had won an additional $75 for the best essay drawing (yes, they made us do homework and were paying us for it) which will come in the mail. Yay!

P.S. If you ever go to the Hyatt on Capital Square and you use their valet parking, be aware that their valet drivers will smoke in your car. Damn douchebag. I don't need that smell in my car.

Anyway, I got to school and I was very, very nervous about doing my presentation. When my turn came, all I had was my rough notes and my six manga images to facilitate people in knowing what the hell I was talking about when I said manga [and if you, dear reader, do not know what manga is, check out my Library Thing list on this page and you'll find many examples]. I was not only able to spit the words out without getting flustered (I'm good at setting myself up for failure by psyching myself out), I got people interested in my topic.

My topic? Looking at the manga series Basara, how does it compare/contrast to the struggles of Japanese women in modern Japanese society? I hypothesize that the post-apocalyptic, 27 volume series shows that women in Japan can free themselves from the good wife, wise mother role, but there will be a cost for deviating from the norm.

Anyway, my professor said that I had a good argument (finally!), so now I just need to polish the paper for the final draft which I am trying to get turned in my December 6, 11 p.m., so wish me luck.

I also went to my second class and spoke three times (which is a big deal for me because there have been several sessions where I never said anything). The person who did a critique on my paper (or would have, if we hadn't ran out of time) thinks my dissertation will be phenomenal when it's done. Yay, again!

As proof that I did well on my presentation, I ran into one of my classmates today and she told me that she found my topic interesting and wanted to know more after I had finished presenting. Getting someone interested in what I'm doing means I did my job well. Cool.

In other academic news, I'm improving in my work for CS 651A (Framing the "Other": China and the West) and managed to get an A on my second assignment even after getting a B+ on my re-write on the first assignment. I have a topic for the final paper for her class [Looking at the manga series Adolphe and analyzing it for signs of cruelty], so I need to buckle down and hammer out my points. I also met with my professor from my third class, and she told me that she can tell that I am getting the theories we're talking about in class and that I need not let other people silence my voice. She's also approved my project concept (To create a syllabus for an undergraduate class on "reading" graphic novels), so I need to break butt to get that done as well.

And, to top it all off, I got a letter in the mail saying I earned a $400 scholarship for an OSU alum who is doing well academically in grad school. And I can do whatever I want with the money. Even more yay! My husband saw the scholarship as a sign that someone really wants me to be in grad school.

So, to sum up: I'm doing better in my classes than I thought, I've gotten a windfall, and I've got a stupidly high amount of work to do, but it's do-able. I even got recommendations of people to talk to who can make my projects even better, and I just have to believe that what I say is just as important than what anyone else says.

Oh, and I have to face the professor who told me not to apply to grad school, because she is doing much of the same work that I'm covering (but in Women's Studies). At first I was dreading it, but now I see it as an opportunity to show this woman that I do belong here.

But I'm tired and have a long day ahead of me tomorrow and the three of us are going to try and get a family photo done on Saturday. Trust me, that will be scanned and uploaded as soon as it arrives in my hot little hands.

I go sleep now before baby wakes up [We learned another lesson this week: Switching formulas by accident = very gassy, unhappy baby. He will never make that mistake again.] I'd relax, but I'm not done yet.

G'nite folks!

No Sleep 'til December!

2008-11-17T20:18:00.004-05:00

It's an exaggeration, but not by much. I have to create a 10-minute presentation on my paper, a five minute presentation on someone else's paper, and I have to get started on a 15-page paper and syllabus (with 20 books & articles) for two other classes which are due by the end of the quarter.

The quarter that ends in early December.

Shit.

Anyway, I've still got a ton of reading to do & I'm freaking out over this damn presentation (and other things...the same old, same old) so postings may get even more spartan than they are now.

Hopefully, I'll be able to put up more picture of Devi during quarter break.

In the meantime, I'll keep tabs on everyone else's blogs in the spare time I don't have but make anyway.

Man, am I tired.

...any more stress and my head will explode

2008-11-13T21:44:00.002-05:00

This will be quick, because I'm supposed to be working on a very important paper but have gotten slogged down in the research. I have to upload a 9-18 page paper by tomorrow evening for my class to read. It's supposed to be 1.5 spacing (greeeaaat), 12 point font, and sound logical (meaning, not like crap). At the same time, I have to take care of my daughter and try to get through 25 issues of Basara so that I can spend the entire day trying to write a cohesive argument. And since this is supposed to be a work-in-progress, so the final product is going to have to be between 18 and 28 pages.

The sound you hear is my soul weeping.

Since I've lost most of today having to go to a doctor's appointment, having a meeting with another professor about another 18-page project due in less than three weeks, and just not getting focused enough to work faster, I've got to try to get through the research portion tonight.

All this with a little girl staring confusedly at my arm as I type this with her on my lap. Yay.

I've got to get offline so that I can get back on track with this project. Pray, wish me luck, or whatever you do for people who need a morale boost.

Can't you feel the brand new day?

2008-11-05T22:58:00.002-05:00

Yes, I know it's a late post. Obama won the election and I'm elated. I'm also a student way behind on projects with an incredibly fussy 2-month-old who isn't happy with anyone or (just about) anything at the moment, so I haven't had a chance to post about the election.

Until now.

Here's a video of what popped into my mind when I found out the results. Unlike the rest of the world, I didn't watch the results. I didn't jump up and down (although I was a bit relieved), but it made going to class a lot easier because there was no hostility on campus [I was an undergrad back during the 2000 elections and almost got into it with a butthole in my French class the day after the election....A campus of 60,000 spoke in hushed tones all day that day.].

I wish this had been the actual footage from the scene, but this was as close as I could get.

Unexpected reaction

2008-10-27T21:08:00.002-05:00

I was watching the 100 Greatest Hip Hop Songs of All Time that I had recorded while waiting for my daughter to fall asleep (yay, growth spurts) when the song Tennessee by Arrested Development came on. I had no idea that the song was a prayer written by the lead singer after his grandmother and brother passed in the same week. The chorus is something that I never put much stock into, until now:

Take me to another place
Take me to another land
Make me forget all that hurts me
Let me understand your plan

Hearing that song made me think about my grandmother, and how her death has resulted in so many things going wrong for my family. It's what happens when a linchpin is pulled out of a system: the system fails.

That, and reading Beth's blog about her mother's death made me think. I am glad that she got to be there for her mother's end; my grandmother went so quickly that there wasn't time for anyone to be with her in her last moments. I have been thinking about her more and more over the past month, and it's almost like I'm being haunted by memories. I can remember her laugh, and her favorite purfume (Liz Claiborne), and the two gold rings she used to wear that had to be put on her pinky finger because she was too swollen from the medicine that they gave her in the hospital.

I think about her and I get angry. My mom and uncle have been without electricity and a telephone since August and it's getting cold. My uncle had an infection in his right hand that kept him in the hospital from Monday through to Thursday and I was worried that he wouldn't be able to afford his prescription medicine. The will has some vague wording that could allow Aunt Krayzee to force a sale of the house from right under them leaving them in the street and while my father-in-law wants to help them with the utilities, my uncle's pride is getting in the way and he won't talk to him. I dread getting phone calls from home because it's never good news. My uncle is feeling demoralized because he can't find a job and he still goes out walking everywhere in the hopes of getting something. My mom has unrealistic expectations of how much help we can give her [When she told me that it was going to cost ~$600 to turn everything back on, I mentioned that I sent a check and she asked me if it would be enough to cover the cost of turning their stuff back on, but I don't have $600 to give away.] I never realized that the excess stress was making me sick, but there's not much I can do about it.

I try not to think about my grandmother, but since my uncle's birthday is tomorrow, of course she's going to come to mind.

I think about her and I get very sad.

And to think, today started off so well. I even got a positive response from my professor today because I said something that showed that I'm finally getting this graduate-level stuff. She said "excellent point". It was like winning a prize. I've got to get back to my homework. She's finally asleep, so I'd better take advantage of the down time.

Life's not fair and the world's not fair. I understand that, but it doesn't make the pain less real.

What I've Learned This Week

2008-10-26T15:06:00.002-05:00

Since I have an ass-ton of work to do, I'll try to keep this brief. What have I learned this week?

- Do not mention Journalism to Anthropology grad students. For some reason, it really pisses them off, even if you are not saying that they do the same type of work.
- That I can take 5 credit hours of "independent study" if I feel too overwhelmed.
- That there is an e-mail group on campus for students and faculty into comics, which may be helpful towards my degree.
- Someone finally understands me when it comes to the odd way I learn things [I tend to focus on details that are not important to anyone else, but because I do that, people assume I don't understand the big picture (but I do) and treat me as if I'm stupid as a result.]
- I'm a sucker for cute guys who sell magazines.
- Apparently, I am so stressed out about everything that I've developed vertigo and have had an upset stomach for about two weeks (I just didn't put two-and-two together).

Unfortunately, I don't have time to go into the details right now, but I'm hoping to get some work in on my projects as well as finish all of my reading for two of my classes today. Lofty ambitions, yes, but it has to get done today since my mom has a tendency to call on Mondays before class, which throws off my ability to get my studying done.

On the plus side, I got to buy some new jeans in a smaller size today. I'm pretty sure my husband got more out of my fashion show than I did (he always does). Peace, I'm out!

I'm Not Alone

2008-10-17T17:20:00.002-05:00

I spent some time on campus today meeting with people in my department to get a morale boost (and a gift of a crocheted hat for Devi from another student), and I actually walked away from the experience feeling a lot better about what I'm doing. I don't really understand the theories that we're supposed to learn, but at least now I'm comfortable with knowing that I'm not going to get it right away. Now if I could just get a handle on the homework/readings/writings/projects I'm supposed to accomplish, we'll be in business.

One thing I've not had a chance to mention (I don't think) is that I've actually lost weight and have been losing since the birth. This doesn't sound that extraordinary except that I weigh 18 pounds less than I did before I got pregnant, so I'm really happy about it. What I need to do now is incorporate more exercise than just my treks across campus, because I'd like to lose even more weight. I just have to remember to buy a belt so that I can keep wearing my pants until I can afford to buy new clothes.

Just think - I'll be able and motivated to use my new Mommy and Baby pilates DVD soon, so I'll get to exercise and bond with Devi. Neat!

But first, homework!

Pictures, at last!

2008-10-12T23:21:00.004-05:00

This is the moment you've all been waiting for. I finally have pictures from Devi's first five weeks for your viewing pleasure. The other people in the pictures are as follows: Matt, his father, my mother, his mother, and his brother. I don't think anyone else appears in the pictures, but if they do, I'll amend this entry.

So to Uncle David and the rest of my readers, I hope you enjoy the slideshow!

EDIT: In case anyone is worried, the plastic bag in the background was nowhere near her and is no longer on the floor.

Apparently, Crazy is How Things Are Supposed to Be

2008-10-12T23:10:00.003-05:00

I didn't expect to go this long without posting, but in trying to keep up with everything, some things just didn't get done.

Matt got better at being supportive. He's still struggles with the little things from time to time, but he's really stepped up and takes Devi out of the house every once in a while to give me time to study. He did apologize for the whole beerfest thing, so I didn't have to whip him. Yet.

Grad school is kicking my ass. I don't feel like I'm falling behind; I just feel outclassed since so many people in my classes know a lot more theory behind Comparative Studies than I can ever hope to know. What unfortunately happens is that I fall apart every time I'm left alone to take care of her at night, because all studying ceases because she wants all my attention...and that wouldn't be so bad if I could just get things done ahead of time, but today was one of those days where things just didn't get going like they needed. At least I have time before class tomorrow to finish up what I didn't get done today.

I have to get a ton of reading done each week and each class has a major project that I have to accomplish at the same time. My confidence was just not there for the first couple of weeks, but after deciding to change my attitude and not accept defeat before I even began, I've gotten a little better at being a student. I had to cart my child to campus last week because I had to meet with a professor before our doctor's appointment, and that went better than expected.

Since I have a crying child to tend to, I'm going to have to wrap this up. My feeding issues got a little better (we only have to supplement half of her feedings with formula), and I had to experience the joys of manual pumping in the bathrooms on campus (I now have a travel machine pump that I am going to have to experiment with on campus, but if it means I can feed her with my own supply, I am willing to put up with it).

I am hoping to get up to writing once a week, so we'll see how it goes.

On the plus side, I finally uploaded my pictures, so the next post will be a slideshow. Goodnight, everyone.

New Mama Blues

2008-09-21T21:00:00.002-05:00

Tonight is the first night I am on my own with my little girl. That means that I am responsible for dealing with waking up to feed her on top of hooking up to a machine so that I can feed her without using formula, and I am not handling this well. I haven't had to change many of her diapers, and I'm terrible at swaddling her, so let's just say I'm not confident in my abilities at this point.

However, the biggest issue is how I'm handling things emotionally: badly.

I thought that the two weeks that my husband spent off of work would be spent at home. He did that, for the most part, but he also went out with his friends to the movies yesterday (our last night before life resumed), went to a beerfest last weekend, and got to role-play with his friends on several occasions. It's only an issue because I don't have any friends in town to turn to, and I don't want to call my co-worker unless it becomes absolutely necessary, and he was convinced that bringing my mom down here wouldn't be helpful because she wouldn't do anything. But I feel as if she could've been of some support to me, because I feel very alone trying to do something that feels about as natural as fire-breathing.

On the upside of everything, I've gotten a new laptop, so I can finally get online without having to be in the baby's room. I am hoping that this will allow me to feel a little more connected to the world and less isolated.

The only thing that keeps me from worrying myself to death about my family's ongoing issues is my daughter, which I guess means I have some sort of bond to her, even if it doesn't feel like it's really there.

As I'm writing this, I have her right next to me and she's just looking at me. She seems pretty content with me (and I really don't get why), but I am going to finish this up so I can turn the computer off and interact with her.

I have orientation tomorrow, so I am hoping to get some rest before I have to be up in the morning. We'll see how I get through the first night and go from there.

All's Quiet On The Home Front

2008-09-13T14:08:00.003-05:00

I was given orders by my husband to make time to blog today, so while he is out enjoying Beerfest, I am sitting in front of the computer keeping an eye on my little girl as she sleeps. I found my charger buired on my desk, because there was apparently a place that even my uncle feared to tread, and while I have been taking more pictures, I still haven't had time to upload them yet. I am going to wait for my husband to get back so that he can watch her while I get that ordeal over with [It takes awhile to get the program to do exactly what I want, and I have to decide what service to use for uploading the pictures so that my in-laws can download them]. I also have a cute photo from my f-i-l that I want to scan, but I have to clear the scanner off first before I can even pretend to get that done.

I have no idea how the rest of my family is doing these days. I can't reach my mom or my uncle, I'd rather not speak to my aunt (who proved that she has a listening problem when she called the night of the inducement to say that she didn't know if I had had the child or not), and my brother is trying to do his own thing so I'm not going to bother him for now. I am not as stressed out about them as I was before Devi came along and that's because she is now priority. And while I do feel as if I've let everyone else down [How, I don't know], I don't want to let her down. It's been a struggle to breastfeed her, so I have to spend my days hooked up to a machine every two hours...but because it's for her, I'm willing to make the sacrifice.

And one of my former co-workers came over to see us today. I called her last night and was out-of-sorts because Matt decided that he had to go to one of his games with his friends and left me with a crying baby for several hours, so she offered to come over and gave us some helpful advice and is willing to babysit and take her on an occasional weekend because she loves babies. I am going to ask her to come over next weekend to help us with her first non-sponge bath; I'll feel more at ease and she'll get a kick out of it, so it's a win-win. It was extremely helpful to have a mother figure helping out, and I don't know if I'll be able to thank her enough (you know, besides paying for the babysitting).

I know I should be trying to sleep now because she's currently out like a light, but I wanted to drop a quick line while I had the chance. And now I will be on the lookout for a portable washing machine because we could really use one, and the one that we have that works is too much hassle to use (it's an egg-shaped washer that has to be hooked up to the sink and can only be hooked up to the sink upstairs). The first one I owned was great because it was a simple bucket-style washer with an agitator, but the agitator broke and I couldn't fix it. If I can find another one, I'll be in 7th heaven.

If I can get my hands on a good, used laptop, I'll be able to get online more often without having to come into the baby's room. Hopefully, we'll know what financial aid I'll be getting very soon. So I promise Uncle David Dust and everyone else that pictures will be up soon, but I've just got to start getting my balancing act down first.

We're home!

2008-09-10T00:29:00.002-05:00

Thank you, again, for all of your comments and well-wishes! We were released from the hospital on Saturday and the three of us have been trying to get to know each other better ever since. Other than the nightmares of breastfeeding (it is really, really hard), the drugs I have to take to get better due to a sudden onset of high blood pressure after the birth (and the need to take ibuprofen at regular intervals), and my two-week ban on driving, it's been...interesting. I'm trying not to worry about how bad I am at this, but she's cute (which surprised the daylights out of me) and seems to like us, so I think we're off to a good start.

Here's the thing on pictures: since I can't find my charger for my camera (one of the many "casualties of misplacement" due to the cleaning that transpired earlier), the only pictures that are available are from the hospital's website. If you go looking for babies born on September 4th, you'll find her. There are seven images for your viewing pleasure, so there are at least some pictures available. My f-i-l sent us the pictures he took and I may upload the scans if it comes down to it.

I don't know how often I will blog from now on, but I'll try to keep up with it as best as I can.

Matt and I are sleeping in shifts at night, so I'm typing this while she sleeps nearby, and I will get him up around 4 after yet another feeding.

I really hope I can find my charger because I have some great pictures I'd like to share. But since Devi's trying to wake up, I've got to go. Later, gators.

Live from Dublin Methodist Hospital

2008-09-04T18:40:00.001-05:00

It's a girl! 7 pounds, 9 ounces.

Devi Cassandra arrived at 3:10 this afternoon after being induced @ 9 last night. Pictures will follow once we get home.

I'm really tired and don't have much to say that wouldn't either gross someone out or make me look like a mini-superwoman (I didn't scream [epidural], but I told them to hurry up and get my doctor because I knew I was going to get done early).

Unfortunately, I only have a dozen channels, not one of them being Bravo, but since I was given a sleeping pill, I would've missed it anyway.

Since this is the slowest internet connection I've ever used, I've got to go. Thanks for your well wishes.

Last Pre-Baby Post!

2008-09-03T13:55:00.002-05:00

I saw my doctor this morning and I am still slated to be induced tonight(!) at 8 p.m., and I'm finally getting a little excited about it.

Yes, I'm a terrible human being who is the last to get on the happy train...but with all of my apprehensions on being a parent, just see this as a breakthrough.

I even called my dad and Krayzee last night to let them know what was going on. Dad was going to try and get here tonight [NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!] and Krayzee's voice mail picked up, but I let them know what was going on and that's all that matters.

We decided to have a last-night-as-a-couple dinner at Fado's, an Irish restaurant, and Matt asked them to set up something special for us. They decorated a little area with pink and blue balloons and streamers...and I was surprised when I saw them because I was sure this was for someone else. We had a nice dinner and then went to Target to load up on last-minute items for the baby as well as food for us (thank God for gift cards, 'cause we're broke!).

I almost didn't make it in for my last day of work because my blood pressure was too high. I told my doctor it was because I had gotten angry with my husband for pulling all of the baby clothes out of the room without letting me take pictures of everything so that I would know who gave us what (and we were late to the appointment; it was a whole comedy of errors). She checked it again and said that since it was lower, I will just come in tonight.

I had to write a letter of resignation yesterday and today I met with the VP and my supervisor, who both had very nice things to say and wanted to wish me well. I know that I want to keep up with people from this company in case I'm on the market for work, because I can get some recommendations as well as (possibly) a position with this company again. It is a great place to work, and I'm going to miss being here. Maybe someday I'll be in our databases as an author, and I think that would be really cool. :-)

The last things I need to do are to pack up my belongings to take home, and to photograph the office/desk for things to remember once I'm on my way out the door. I'd say something a little more poetic, but I'm rather tired and can't really think of anything.

Since this will most likely be my last post until I get home, wish me luck. I will get online as soon as I am able to give an update once this is done. Take care, everyone!

Crazy News Day

2008-09-02T15:26:00.003-05:00

I am supposed to do my exit procedure tomorrow (whatever that entails), so I want to put these up quickly so I can actually get something accomplished today.

- A note to those wanting to commit insurance fraud: You don't go on living your life while you're supposed to be dead. Dead men don't visit doctors.

- When celebrating your birthday, drink in moderation so that you don't get busted for nude swimming, spitting on the rescuing officer, and then claiming to be Jesus.

- I've had some bad experiences at Denny's, but nothing to cut my arm off over.

- When visiting Shanghai, try not to jaywalk because they intend to humiliate you on T.V. and in the newspaper. It'll be like when the school paper publishes the names of places that get busted for serving minors alcohol, except that it won't have the bonus of telling you who sells alcohol that you weren't aware of before.

- I have just learned that a bowl of spaghetti is considered a "deadly missile" if thrown at a car. Good to know.

- There is a book called "These Aren't My Pants," about stupid criminals who have bad excuses (it's also in my LibraryThing feed), and apparently this teen tried to take a page out of this book when busted with a stolen debit card in his pants. The semi-plausible excuse would've worked...if it weren't for the fact that the debit card was lost at his place of work on a day he happened to be there.

- Oh, how cute! There's a beagle shoe bandit running around stealing shoes and dropping them off at the fire department. Cat burglars have nothing on this little guy who eludes capture (and strangely will run around with women's underpants on his head). Just adorable!

- Oh, how...creepy. A couple married in a funeral home. It's the husband's place of employment, and they didn't see it as any different from marrying in a church (but I could think of some differences). For some reason, I would've been less creeped out if they had done it in a cemetery, but I can't really argue with anyone's aesthetic these days.

- And just for the hell of it, here are people who should never hyphenate their names.

I'll finish it off with some random Overheard in New York quotes. Why? Because I closed all of my Not Always Right ones and wanted to end on a funny note.

Besides, having to write a letter of resignation to my boss kind of bummed me out and I would like to smile again.

California's Almost Far Enough

Hippie woman: Ma'am, what did you just feed my dog?
Elderly woman: A treat.
Hippie woman: What was it? Was it meat?
Elderly woman: Well, not really, it was a sausage.
Hippie woman: What is wrong with you?! My dog is a vegetarian! What if he had a food allergy?!
Elderly woman: Right. Go away.

--Thompson Square Park Dog Run

Overheard by: Klayton

via Overheard in New York, Sep 2, 2008
Who Says College Doesn't Prepare You for the Real World?
Frat boy: If you press your thumb hard in the middle of your forehead it stops your gag reflex for a minute.
Girl: Uhhh how do you know that?
Frat boy: I learned it at my frat, you can swallow a whole banana!

--Bryant Park

Overheard by: JC
via Overheard in New York, Sep 1, 2008
She Who Dealt It, Felt It
Girl looking at abstract wall installation: Oh god. This is pure art. It really speaks to me.
Boy: What does it say?
Girl: (makes loud farting sound and walks away)

--Art Exhibit, Time Warner Building
via Overheard in New York, Sep 1, 2008
Interestingly, Not All Were Bad Motherfuckers
Guido father to daughter and her gay friend: He was a real cocksucker... (realizes gay friend might be offended) But you know...not in the, uh, bad way.
Gay friend: Oh, believe me, I've met plenty of bad cocksuckers.

--LIRR

Overheard by: bill
via Overheard in New York, Sep 2, 2008

In a World Where Cool Voices Sell Films...

2008-09-02T15:23:00.004-05:00

...we've lost Don LaFontaine, the movie voice-over guy. While his voice-over work is what he's known for, I will always remember his sense of humor when he appeared in a Geico commercial and was able to laugh at himself. This guy was truly cool, and films will never be the same again.

Things are nuts all over

2008-09-02T14:22:00.002-05:00

How do I start this one? Well, for starters, I took my mom and uncle back home on Sunday...but didn't anticipate that sending them back home would be such a big deal to one of them. So now I carry a huge amount of (unjustified) guilt because my mom got the idea in her head that they would be here until after the baby was born when all we wanted was for the two of us to have our final days alone before the baby gets here (and to not end up in the poorhouse trying to feed 4 adults). My inducement is scheduled for 8 p.m. Wednesday (tomorrow), but I still intend to come to work that day just to finish things out. That, and the VP who is also in charge of my department wants to meet with me briefly. I'm always paranoid that it's about slacking off or something, so I don't know what that will be about until after it's over. We got the crib assembled near 3 a.m. today, so I didn't help myself any by forgetting to check when my alarm was supposed to go off. So instead of getting up at 9, I woke up at 11. Whoops.

Anyway, to make this make more sense, I'll flesh things out. The original plan was to have my uncle come down for a week to help us set up the house before the baby gets here, but when their utilities got cut off, we brought both him and my mother down for the week. When I mentioned on Friday that we were thinking of taking them up this weekend, she got upset and said "I at least want to see the baby", to which I responded "Of course you're going to see the baby. You'll be coming down with one of his parents to see it." She then proceeded to cry and cause me a great deal of grief and anxiety because I felt bad that she was upset but, at the same time, they needed to go home. My uncle did a spectacular job of cleaning the house, but sometimes I feel as if I'm playing a losing game of hide-and-seek when things get moved around because I can't find anything, and my family has a tendency to throw things away arbitrarily or re-arrange things on what seems like a whim to me. That, and one of my glass unicorns got broken (and we suspect that another one was thrown away...these things aren't exactly cheap). I have an unusual attachment to objects mostly stemming from being around people who throw away everything, and because my things are the only thing in my control (change and instability unhinge me because it has never been a good thing in the past). My unicorns all have a special meaning because I buy one every year at the Ohio Renaissance Festival, so I noticed right away when my shelf was rearranged and one of the 'corns was down...only to discover that it had a broken leg and was fixed with a big wad of tape. The only thing that kept me from losing it is that I know that the people who made the unicorns can fix them, so I just have to bring it with me. It may not seem like anything to anyone else, but when someone decides that things that you have on display are not important (like a plastic picture frame being tossed like it was trash), but that things that you don't care that much about deserve prominence, it's maddening.

That, and my mother eats everything. I love my family, and I would've been able to handle all of my uncle's changes better if it was just him down here, but when you're spending $40/day trying to feed everyone and one of those people eats everything that is in the house, including my husband's leftovers that he was going to have for lunch, it gets to be much.

She wants to come down and "help" with the baby, but my husband doesn't really want her down here because he feels she won't actually do anything. I keep reminding him that it's a symbolic gesture, and that we can put it off until I go back to school where she will be forced to at least watch the kid. But having her get upset like that unnerved me. I was so spooked by her reaction that I was afraid to bring it up with my uncle. When I did mention it to him the next day, he told me that he always assumed that they would be leaving by Sunday and that he was already packed! I enlisted his help in getting mom ready to go back, but I think this week was good for him. After the blow up with my irritating aunt Krayzee, he took this time to really revitalize himself and get in a place where he may be able to successfully find work (and, hopefully, take the aid offered by my f-i-l to get the utilities back on). He always seems to be rejuvenated after visiting us, so I try to weigh that with my mom's reaction to keep myself from feeling like a terrible daughter.

That, and keeping in mind that I have someone else that I have to worry about.

So, the baby is still very active and I'm looking forward to getting this whole thing over with. The kicking is starting to get nauseating, and I would like to be able to use the bathroom like a normal person again. My only concern right now is (somewhat) minimal; we sent laundry out to get done by a service, and I worry that it won't be ready until Thursday...and we're going to be a little busy that day. We sent over 120 pounds of laundry out (a combination of procrastination, and wanting to get as many sheets and things done as possible) so I hope we can get it back today [They offer same-day service, but I can forgive them not getting it all done today, considering the sheer volume]. The problem is that we sent so much that we're kind of out of clothing. If it weren't for the coupon that we had, this would cost over $100, but it's not going to be cheap. Fortunately, we will only have to do this once and then we can get back on track and do our own laundry for much less.

We still need to buy a few more items for the baby, and then launder the baby's stuff. And while most of the house is clean, the baby's room still needs to be finished, and our room needs some work. So, I'm tired, a little frazzled, and trying to actually get some work done before I leave for good after tomorrow.

Oh what fun.

I'm Carrying What?

2008-08-27T13:11:00.005-05:00

Things have gotten a little interesting in soon-to-be-a-mother-land as I'm currently carrying a 9 pound, 5 ounce baby (weight as of yesterday afternoon). At first this was something that was just interesting, but now it's gotten a little stressful when my doctor told me that the baby is almost too big for a natural birth and I might have to have a cesarean, but because I'm a tall, large woman, I might be able to pull this off. Unfortunately, this was the appointment in which I could've used my husband's support (he opted to stay home), so when I was asked what I wanted to do, I almost lost it. How do I make a decision on whether to go for natural or surgery [and I use "natural" in the sense of pathway of delivery and not in the no-epidural context]? I told my doctor that I wanted to wait a week to try to have the baby, so I'm going to be scheduled to be induced next Wednesday night.

My doctor is hopeful that I will come in for my morning appointment dilated 3 centimeters so that they won't have to induce, but seeing as I'm almost 2 centimeters and not effaced, I'm worried that I will have to go the surgery route. I've never been in the hospital for more than a few hours at a time in the emergency room for asthma attacks, so this baby will be the first time I've had a major procedure, and now I'm starting to get scared. What if I can't have the baby naturally? What if we start that way but it gets stuck at the shoulders (which my doctor says is the fear when the baby is too big)? I know that a cesarean is not a mark of failure (considering how many people in my family have had them), but I still feel bad if I have to do that. And surgery will take longer for me to recover from, making going back to school even more difficult. And for all I know, the ultrasound could be wrong and the baby is smaller than it says (or it could be larger), but I won't know until delivery day.

Now the problem is, if I have the baby early [The original due date was today, but was changed to September 6] I will stop working sooner than I wanted and that will put us in a bad financial fix. If I manage to get all the way to Wednesday, the baby may be too big and I would have to have the surgery. Or I could go into labor over the weekend and end up with someone other than my primary doctor doing the delivery. Anyway out, I don't win.

I'm trying to stay calm about this, but it's hard to not feel bad that this isn't going in a way that makes sense to me. I had no plans for how I wanted this to go, I had just hoped I'd be the first in my family since my great-grandmother to have a natural birth and that may not happen. I'm still trying to figure out how I'm carrying a baby that's approaching 10 pounds. We'll have to see how this goes.

Small Victory Against Protestors

2008-08-26T12:44:00.004-05:00

The Cincinnati courts just upheld a state law which says that protesters at funerals need to stay at least 300 feet away. This means that the nuts from the Westboro Baptist Church can't be as obnoxious as they want to be during funerals.

I'm glad the ruling was upheld, but I'm bothered that there would be anyone out there who thinks that protesting the deaths of soldiers as God's way of punishing the U.S. for being tolerant of gays is a good idea. It's tacky, tasteless, and fails to get their agenda (which I do not support) across. I think God has better things to do than kill people to make a completely unrelated point. Besides, I don't think killing those in an intolerant system such as our military (Don't ask, don't tell, anyone?) for the country being tolerant makes any sense. Then again, I think too much. I should just be glad that protesters are forced to show some respect for the dead by court order.

Guaranteed to Never Be Bored

2008-08-25T14:45:00.004-05:00

Oh, how I wish I were boring right now.

Okay, this is what has happened with my family situation. My mom and uncle are currently at my place and have been since Friday night. They finally figured out the problem with the cell phone (f-i-l has a bad habit of not keeping instruction manuals to anything, so they didn't know about the voicemail thing) and called us on Friday afternoon to find out when we were coming. That call was a good sign because my husband was worried that we wouldn't be able to get my uncle to agree to come to Columbus. Let's just say that it took us less than a minute to load them up and be on the way.

Unfortunately, Krayzee has managed to make things much, much worse by contacting their church and telling the gossip-hounds that mom and uncle needed financial assistance. This was discovered when my mom called their ride to church to let her know that she didn't need to pick them up. All I know is, I'm glad that they were out of town because I would've been horrified if they had found this out once they got to church, and my uncle would probably be in jail for killing his sister. She never checked on them in the two weeks that they were without service, and after all the thousands of dollars she has "borrowed" from them over the years, she loves to tell everyone that she has been supporting them. She also tells people that she raised my brother and I (which is a damned lie) and had no intentions of helping my uncle get a job. When the first thing out of your mouth when your mother just died is "How are are you going to maintain the house?", you have serious problems. She also called to say that she has the crib and wanted us to drive up yesterday to get it. My husband wants to call her bluff just to screw with her, but after my uncle called her up Saturday night (after 8 months of not saying anything to her) to call her everything but her name, I'm just going to leave her alone.

That, and she's probably not going to have a job very soon. One of the requirements for her current employment is that she has to live in town (it's immediate dismissal if she isn't filling that requirement), so she's been using their address to fill that requirement. That's going to end.

My uncle has been a great help already. He's gotten the kitchen tamed and the stairs have all the library books on one side (which, honestly, makes more sense and is safer), and he will be tackling the rest of the house in due time. My husband came through on finding a good family doctor that will take all of us (baby included), but had to be sent home from work yesterday when the arm with the tetanus shot [which he took like a champ, btw] was in too much pain for him to continue. As he put it, he lost a lot of machismo points for crying in front of his coworkers (aww!), but he was told not to work because the arm could get much worse if he kept working [HR's orders]...and he also learned the lesson to get the shot in the arm you don't favor. We got to go out walking last night (which, sadly, fried my hair that I had just gotten done on Friday) and we ran into our neighbors who had a bit of their own drama to deal with involving the wife's sister needing to be rescued from a black-belt, gun-wielding philanderer husband who has an addiction to internet and cellphone-text porn. Apparently, I live in Drama Heights, and I wouldn't be surprised if someone could turn this into great television someday.

Even my mom's presence has been beneficial. She's not exactly the best houseguest a person can have (she uses up all of my shower gel and she ate my husband's sandwich without asking if she could have it), but my husband now understands why I get so anal about things being a certain way. He likes to be a smartass on occasion and refused to see why it would be a problem to not open a door all the way, but he gets why it bothers me now and is a bit more understanding about it.

I am half tempted to do a YouTube video to let the world know what kind of person Krayzee is, but that requires a lot of work, and I doubt the people who need to see it will look, and blah, blah, blah. She's not really worth the effort. My f-i-l wants to help them out by paying to get their utilities turned back on, so I have to try to get the information on the account and how much is owed so that he can do that. Considering that Krayzee doesn't know how much is owed, it's utterly ridiculous that she could get the church to pay for anything. And if anyone out there thinks she did this out of the kindness of her heart, let me ask you this: If she was really looking to help, why didn't she go to her own church? Why did she not ask her friend's family (who live up the street from them) to check on them if she was unwilling to drive up to the house? The devil is in this woman, and I can't waste any more time on her. I'm due in two weeks (eek!) and I don't have time for this.

She's tried to destroy the family and ruin our reputations to make herself look good. She only has herself to blame for the fall that is coming. I'm having as little to do with her as possible because she's not worth the aggravation. She can turn to her friends if she needs help from now on. And if they end up having to sell the house, I'm going over to her place with Matt and a camera so that he can remove her daughter from the area before I beat that woman's sorry ass and blast it all over the internet.

Now that I'm no longer carrying the weight of her idiocy, I can get back on track and be proactive in getting everyone back on their feet. This feels good. And itchy. Apparently, the side effect of no longer being incredibly stressed out is to be (once again) horribly itchy. Yay.

Anyway, I'm hoping to do some news reports this week, but I have to do all of my computer stuff exclusively at work until I can get into the guest room again. I haven't even read any of the recaps yet (which is killing me), but I've got to get more work done. I'm so far behind, it's not even funny.

Loss of a Congresswoman

2008-08-21T12:07:00.002-05:00

I just discovered that Stephanie Tubbs Jones, a Congresswoman from Ohio has passed away from a brain aneurysm. She was a representative who came from Cleveland and was a very outspoken person who earned the respect of both her fellow Democrats as well as Republicans. I'm very surprised because it's just one of those things that you can't anticipate. I got to do a performance once that she attended (which is the closest I ever got to meeting her) and she was very charismatic. She represented her constituents well, and I don't see how she will ever be replaced.

God Speed, Ms. Tubbs Jones.

Big Update

2008-08-18T23:29:00.002-05:00

...a.k.a. how the family fared, why I want to kill Krayzee, and that I have the best co-workers ever!

Let's start with the most pressing item: My mom and uncle. We were going to drive up to Cleveland on Sunday to check up on them when my husband offered to ask his dad to go over and check on them. My f-i-l couldn't get over there until today because he lives on the other side of town (roughly 45 minutes away), but the offer was welcomed because I wasn't sure I could make the trip without stopping at every rest stop along the way. Well, he made it over there after work today and I finally got to talk to my mom! F-i-l has a cell phone and I found out that they are doing alright but haven't been eating well (lack of refrigeration tends to lead to non-perishable items that aren't always the best), and that my uncle went downtown on the bus to take his job application to Aunt Krayzee and when he asked her if she had heard from us all she said was "yes." What she failed to tell him is that we called her Wednesday night when we couldn't contact them and that she only spoke to Matt briefly the next day and wouldn't return our calls (and she ignored his pleas to go check on them even though she lives closer than my f-i-l). I let my mom know that I'm bringing both her and my uncle down this weekend, and I don't think I'm going to get any objections at this point. My f-i-l then called Matt back to tell him that he's going to try and help them out because they are in dire straits and nobody knew how bad off they were. They also haven't finished the probate stuff and, being the lawyer he is, he's worried that the house will be taken if they can't pay the taxes. It will be my job to try to help them sort things out [read: be willing to take help] while they are down here with us. F-i-l is also going to get them a charged up cell phone so that we can reach them and they can reach the outside world. We are relieved that they are alright, but I am so angry with that woman for not even trying to see them once, even though she knew that things were bad for them. All she could do was bellyache about her own problems, as if she's struggling. If it weren't for her daughter, I'd beat her ass in the middle of the street like one of my childhood friends did her mother [btw, that woman did deserve it]. If I see her anytime soon, she's getting punched in the face. And if they end up losing the house either by selling it or by it being taken, may God have mercy on her soul.

With that out of the way, I wanted to touch on my awesome co-workers. They all put in money to buy us a crib and mattress [so Krayzee can suck it!] as well as a few other items. One of my team members even offered to babysit and come over to show us how to give the first bath! What is so awesome is that my department is mostly male, but since just about everyone over 40 has had children, they can all relate and remember new parenthood. When I tried to thank everyone, I was at a loss for words (and nobody could believe it). One of the guys even followed me home to drop the crib off, since he had a truck and claimed he lived close by [he probably didn't, but was trying to be nice and make it not seem like it was out of his way]. I feel so blessed that I would know people who would do this for me...and I feel a little guilty that I haven't been working as hard as I could (but I got more done today than I have in months). I now have three thank you cards to write for work [The woman at the front desk that I chat with just about every day bought us a gift that I picked up on Saturday, and some of the ladies got me the extra items over and above the crib], so I'm hoping to get that done by Wednesday.

I feel better that I know that everyone is alive and fine, but I don't even want to think about Krayzee's dumb ass anymore. How anyone can treat family like that I'll never know. Besides, I've got more pressing things to worry about and since we don't need the crib that she allegedly was going to give to us, I have nothing else to say to her.

Baby Shower Images

2008-08-18T00:48:00.004-05:00

Well, I finally got around to uploading the images from my baby shower. I decided to use Photobucket and a slideshow feature to put the images online because I wasn't feeling up to doing something more interesting/difficult. That, and I don't think I'll exceed my bandwidth because my blog visit counts are usually pretty low. That being said, if I do by some bizarre happenstance exceed my bandwidth, I'll find another way to post these images online.

For some reason, the last line of the mosaic is a repeat of the first line of images, so you can ignore those [Edit: The pictures on the far right are being cropped by the layout of the webpage, but 98% of the image appears when you move you mouse over it, so sorry about that]. My mother is the pretty lady in the sleeveless outfit, and she is seated next to my mother in law. My two girlfriends who came (who I can never thank enough!) are seated next to the young lady in blue who stepped in to make sure that the shower wasn't completely controlled by the older women. One of the girls will be having a baby in January, and the other (who was mistaken for my sister) kept cracking jokes and went on a rant about the teddy bear with no eyes...in front of the woman who made it!

I think the best line came from my mom during the baby food eating contest: "I feel sorry for babies. No wonder they spit this stuff out."

Rough Night

2008-08-14T14:04:00.003-05:00

I am doing my very best not to freak out after what happened last night. Between MIA family members and just getting sick, I'm surprised that I'm as calm as I am right now.

I usually call home three times a week and Wednesday is one of those times. Unfortunately, my mysterious stomach ailment hit me around 6:00 yesterday which caused me to end up in the bathroom instead of on the phone at my appointed time of 8 [I've been getting these intermittent stomach pains off and on for years and nobody knows what they are; I attribute it to eating too much of the wrong things that give me gas that gets trapped (a lifetime of gas problems will give one that impression)]. So when I finally do try to call home, their number is disconnected. Both house numbers. And my uncle's cell phone. They've been without power for a week now but they still had phone service, so I'm starting to get worried and call my husband home from his friends' place (fortunately, that's a 45 second walk). I try to call my brother and accidentally call my dad (and promptly hung up on him) and when I finally get a number for my brother, it's off as well. Even Crayzee isn't answering her phone, and that leaves me feeling like I'm adrift with no family contact. My husband offered me three options: To a) ask Daddy Douchebag if he'll check on them, b) ask his father to check on them, or c) to drive up there and get them. I refuse to give my father anything that he can spread around in the streets about them and I don't want to trouble his father so those two options were out. And I was too sick to make the trip last night (besides, I don't know where they are...they could be with friends or who-knows-where). I ended up drifting in and out of sleep all night until the pains subsided for good around 6 a.m.

Apparently, Crayzee got our message and said she hasn't heard from them either. However, she'll be available to talk around 9, so I'm making Matt talk to her then (I'm still not ready to play nice with her yet). We were going to bring both of them down for next week since the baby is going to be here soon and we are in serious need to getting the house together, but I have to find them first. Honestly, this is the most scared I've been in a long time. I'm incapable of helping them financially (because they won't let me; they know I'd do whatever it took to get their utilities back on), I don't really have any connections in the area that I can use to help them get work; I can just use the same temp agency that helped me out and try to put in a good word once they've applied, and I have to stay calm so that I don't go into labor early.

One of the adages that I used to put alot of faith into was "God doesn't give you more than you can handle." I'm not sure I believe that anymore. I've had my issues with Him since January, but I don't even know what to think or feel, other than frustration and anger. I can't just sit by and watch my family disintegrate, but it seems that is exactly what I'm being forced to do. I hope that they can get to a phone and call me. I just want to know that they're alright.

News, glorious news.

2008-08-13T15:56:00.003-05:00

Not much to report today. I've got some strange criminals, so I won't disappoint, but it's not a wealth of news (but still entertaining).

A quick note before I begin, I had my doctor's appointment today and while I'm not quite ready to drop it like it's hot, things are progressing faster than I thought. I'll spare you the details (1 centimeter dilated and some other technical stuff), but I've really got to get our house together before we're "surprised."

Well, here's the news, for what it's worth.

- A man claimed he was a porn inspector and demanded free porn to inspect that the girls were "of age" in the films. The police were called after the third time this guy tried this, so they're on the lookout for someone who thought being a bikini inspector just wasn't enough.

- Now how does this work? A man was arrested for being too close to his wife. A Batavian man was marrying his ex-wife when the police remembered that the ex had a restraining order filed against him. He's currently up on felony charges, and probably surprised that he's in jail when he just re-married the woman.

- Getting back into my comfort zone of stupid criminals, a man robbed a video store but left his driver's license and other "identifying materials" behind. Ha, ha! What a dumbass.

- Can you believe this happened in Japan? (yes). A man in a Winnie the Pooh costume beat up and robbed two people who dared to stare at him. Winnie and his friends (dressed as a mouse and panther, respectively) were wearing the costumes because they were out of clean laundry, but that still doesn't explain why they robbed the poor people.

- In a minor Olympic scandal, it has come to light that the little girl who sang at the Opening ceremonies was pulling a Milli Vanilli as she was lip-syncing for another little girl who was "too ugly" to put on TV. And there are people defending the decision because the Chinese feel that their worldly image is more important than anything else.

- If you hadn't already heard, there was a dumb-bum in Xenia, Ohio who decided to take a bubble bath in a Burger King sink, film it, and post it to his MySpace page. Well, needless to say, king moron was fired. He feels bad for others getting fired for their involvement (or lack of intervention), but he should feel bad for being dumb enough to tape it.

- And what about the crazy lady who had her dog Booger cloned overseas? There's evidence out there that suggests she's the same bat-poop crazy lady who kidnapped and raped a Mormon missionary back in the day. What's scary is that I actually recognized her for her past crimes, but I couldn't place where I had seen her until today. Stay away from that one, fellas, she's crazy!

That's it for today. It's time for another dash-to-the-finish bathroom break and time to bounce out of here.

I leave with a quote from Not Always Right ("Fighting Fire With Fire") about bad-assed kids (with a dumb father to match), and a quote from Overheard in New York that I liked just for being strange.

How Do You Get a Flyer Guy to Shut Up? Discuss
Flyer guy: Rainbow room! Discount admission! Observatory! Rainbow room!
(goth chick unbuttons her shirt)
Flyer guy: Rainbow room... Uh...
(goth chick reveals a Batman t-shirt)
Flyer guy, recovering: Discount admission! Observatory!
Goth chick (in menacing voice): I'm Batman.
Flyer guy: Rainbow room! Discount admission! Batman! We got batman in Gotham! Observatory! Rainbow room! Batman! Discount admission!

--Rockefeller Plaza

Overheard by: Rose Fox
via Overheard in New York, Aug 12, 2008

...So Where Did I Go?

2008-08-13T15:24:00.003-05:00

I've been busy watching the Olympics, not getting enough sleep, dealing with my inability to do anything for my family, and the sheer panic of impending motherhood. I've also been trying to get some work accomplished so that it won't seem like I wasted the last six months doing nothing (even though that's pretty accurate) when I leave this job. Let's start with this weekend and recap our way from there.

Matt and I attended our childbirth class and while I got a lot out of it, it wasn't worth no damn $95 dollars. They provided snacks but no meals, so I was a little pissed about that, and we did the hospital tour again (fun). The most interesting thing from the class was that a woman almost went into labor during the class. It was a 9-4 class on a Saturday, so we were both grumpy to be up in the morning and hated all of the group activities. I just want to take notes and be left alone, but noooo. I have to talk to people. So we spent the rest of the class writing notes to each other about what was getting on our nerves (i.e. how stupid some of the people were, the teacher's inability to say "personally" because she would just say "personal", and a list of all the phrases that get on my nerves).

My mom and uncle are still without electricity, and that has me very concerned. He won't tell me how much it would cost to get it turned back on (because he knows I would just try to pay it), so I've enlisted the help of my husband to play the heavy and talk my aunt into helping them out (or, at the very least, pay back what she owes). He called her on Monday about the crib and she said that the crib was at one person's house and the changing table (which I don't even want) is at another. We don't buy for a second that she can get these items so he's supposed to call her back today. I also told him to bring up the money issue with her, but to be "nice" if she mentioned the whereabouts of the crib. He leaned on her, but not enough, so we have to fine-tune this process. Crayzee tries to come off as if she's a responsible person because she has a job and her siblings do not, but if she were so damn responsible she wouldn't have borrowed money from these very same unemployed people. And if she were a decent human being, she would've helped them to get jobs and gotten their applications on file back in January. But since I found out that she's supposed to live in the city for her job and she does not, I have amunition for when I get really nasty. When her own friend is making sure that she takes care of a sibling who her father had with another woman, there's something wrong with Crayzee's moral compass.

I recommended the temp agency that I used here, and I'll even put in a call if that will help them to get employed. As it is, I'd be happy if they went back to school so they would at least have financial aid to use (my uncle would be finishing his PhD and my mom would be finishing her bachelor's degree), but that will take months. Matt has decided he wants them both to come down next week to help us set up for the baby and to get out of the darkness (but they're worried about leaving the house for a long period) so I've got to sell them on it today.

Unfortunately, the thing that could bring me down the fastest happened to re-enter my life this weekend. Crayzee's Ex husband ran into my brother on the bus. Ex recognized him and siad "I haven't seen you since you were 18 years old!" (he's 31 now) and then proceeded to ask a ton of questions about me. Why me? Why not his ex-wife or his ex siblings-in-law. No, he had to ask about me and my brother (who feels guilty for not protecting me back then) thought to himself "I'm going to protect my sister, because this is inappropriate" told him repeatedly that I love Columbus and that I'm going to stay down here, just to get him off the subject. Finding out about this made me so upset that I asked my husband to come home early from work on Sunday. That man ruined my life for a number of years, and I felt a little bit like a scared little kid all over again. My husband's reaction? He wants to kill him (he tried to once, but I begged him not to because this man is not worth jail time). Way to damage my self-image again, Ex.

The baby shower pictures were moved from my camera to the computer in record time. Unfortunately, that was last week and I still haven't had time to post them. It'll get done this weekend (I hope) so that the rare photos of a pregnant me will be on the Internet.

I have a headache and I need to put up a news post soon before I clock out for the night. I discovered yet another website that qualifies as eye-crack, and this one is called Not Always Right which has a wealth of quotes from dumb customers who remind me of why I should never work retail. Unfortunately, they won't let me put up quotes like Overheard in New York, but when I find some good ones to post, I recommend checking them out.

One last thing; I want to give a shout out to the US Men's and Women's Gymnastics teams for great performances this week for the team metals. The men weren't expected to do well but they were even in the lead for awhile, and the women were close to gold but should hold their heads up high that they gave it their all (even with the errors). I haven't had this much fun watching gymnastics since "the Magnificent 7" from the '96 Olympics (with my favorite American gymnast of all time, Dominique Dawes who gets a little screen time in the "I Got Soul But I'm Not A Soldier" commercial), so they should be very proud. I've watched a lot of Olympics this year (makes up for only watching 2 minutes of it in '04) and I'm glad we're doing so well. Not really a Michael Phelps fan, but I can't deny him all the accolades he's been getting (I'm not a complete curmudgeon).

This is too long, so I'm stopping now. Have a good day everyone.

"Overheard" Gems

2008-08-07T14:17:00.003-05:00

I found quite a few OiNY quotes today that cracked me up. I wish I had known the second one when everyone was trying to "save" me as a college freshman, but I wasn't ready to be quite that nasty at the time. Remember, the language can get dicey at times...and I even got in some "water sports" quotes, so this is going to be interesting. Have fun.

When I'm Still Too Hungover to Care About the Customers

Foreign guy: And listen, this coffee, it's for my friend. And he doesn't want it black, but he doesn't want too much milk in it. Can you handle that, my friend?
Cashier: We don't put milk in your coffee, sir.
Foreign guy: What? My friend needs milk!
Cashier: You put the milk in yourself, sir. It's right over there.
Foreign guy: He also wants Equal. No sugar. My friend, my friend, do you think you can handle that?
Cashier: The sugar is right over there.
Foreign guy: I need a cup for this milk and sugar because I don't know how much my friend wants.
Cashier: I have to start working the morning shift.

--Starbucks, 40th & Lexington

Overheard by: clp

via Overheard in New York, Aug 7, 2008
None of My Relationships Are Any of Your Business

Man reciting gospel on a train: And you, sir, have you accepted Jesus into your life?
Passenger: A long time ago, baby. Now fuck off.

--1 Train

via Overheard in New York, Aug 7, 2008
I Participated in the Cosmetics Counter Sit-Ins at Greensboro
Old woman: Did you happen to notice if the dancers were wearing nail polish?
Teen girl: No. I'm sorry, I didn't.
Old woman: I imagine an art form such as this stifles the dancers' individual expression. I know some days I feel watermelon pink... and no one can stop me!

--Front Row, NYC Ballet, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Gina Sophia
via Overheard in New York, Aug 7, 2008
Wait!....Can I Have Your Broken Shoe?
Crazy bag lady in Burger King crown: Oh look, you broke your shoe, and you're pregnant.
Hugely pregnant woman: Yes.
Crazy bag lady in Burger King crown: Well bitch, just go to the ATM, get $20, and get a new pair of shoes. White folks got all the money.
Hugely pregnant woman: (silence)
Crazy bag lady in Burger King crown: You know what? God broke your shoe. He broke it cause you hate black people.
Hugely pregnant woman: Umm, this is my stop.

--2 Train

Overheard by: courtney
via Overheard in New York, Aug 7, 2008
I Could Fetch Better Than That Any Day of the Week
Hipster girl (after playing with a stranger's dog and its tennis ball): Bye, dog! Awww.
Hipster dude in fedora: Pfft. Dog thinks it's so fucking smart.

--Atlantic & Smith, Brooklyn
via Overheard in New York, Aug 7, 2008
Wednesday One-Liners Want You to Know About the Size of Their Bank Accounts
Yuppie on cell (trying to be discreet): Hey mom. Are you busy? Could you Google Maps me? I'm on Houston and West Broadway. Yeah, I didn't want to ask anyone for directions and make a fool of myself. Although I'm pretty sure I just did, because half of this coffee shop is looking at me now.

--W Houston

Overheard by: Let's face it, we were all new at one point.

40-something yuppie woman: And then I realized that my biggest problem in life is that most of the time I'm incredibly happy, but I'm not aware of how happy I am.

--81st & Madison

Yuppie dad to seven-year-old daughter: Now when you start buying iPods, that's when you're going to want to have a Visa card.

--Stanton & Christie

Overheard by: Ross

Three-year-old yuppie spawn: Noooooooooooo! I don't want Pad Thai! I want sushi!

--Dice Thai, Prospect Park

Overheard by: I'll take sushi too but you're payin', kid

via Overheard in New York, Aug 6, 2008
Mellow Yellow Wednesday One-Liners
Latina: I don't care what a guy says, I'm not gonna let him piss on me.

--Vesey Street & Broadway

Overheard by: Sam

Giggling four-year-old boy: Yeah, and there was a sign and it said, "Caution: someone peed here!"

--Waverly & W 11th

Bimbo: And he was like, "Sarah, you pissed the bed" and I was like, "Whaaaaat?" and he was like, "Sarah, get up, you pissed the fucking bed!"

--Theater District

Overheard by: Paul

Girl on cell: Alright, fine, but if you pee on me again, we're done!

--C Train

Overheard by: Laura

Guy, in disbelief: You mean you've never been pissed on before?!

--14th & Broadway

Overheard by: Josh

Girl: Would it be considered indecent exposure if I peed in the sink?

--Lyceum Theatre

Girl to friend: Her?! She totally splashes her urine.

--34th & 8th

Overheard by: Ellen

via Overheard in New York, Aug 6, 2008

Slow News Day

2008-08-07T13:52:00.005-05:00

It took awhile just to find something worth posting today. The criminals have been behaving and people hadn't been too stupid...but patience paid off and here's what I've got.

- A man with a dumbassed tattoo of a cinema strip on his face was arrested for kidnapping and perpetrating a hoax by using a Play-Doh bomb in Priscilla's, a lingerie store known for being very brightly lit (which makes it all the more creepy). What? So I know about all the sex shops in town. What's your point? Anyway...

- A guy got busted with a strange bulge in his pants outside of a Wal-Mart, only to discover that the "bulge" was some stolen chicken. The bulge was outside the wrong store!

- This is why it doesn't pay to drink and drive: A woman got lost (and was drunk) and stopped at a home to ask for directions. Unfortunately, she stopped at the home of a sherrif's deputy who realized she was intoxicated and wouldn't let her leave. She added to her drunk driving charge a charge of attacking an officer but, in her defense, she was drunk and didn't know he was an officer, so I can't really blame her for resisting some strange guy who wanted to not let her drive home.

And a couple of "stupid teenagers" stories caught my attention.

- An 11-year-old wanted to wake up his girlfriend in the wee hours of the morning and learned that using a slingshot was a very bad idea. He's paying his mother back the $160 she paid to fix the window by going around and doing chores, but at least he has to tell everyone why he's asking to do odd-jobs.

At least his crime was one of passion.

- The 26 high school cheerleaders who got stuck in an elevator were all just too lazy to take the stairs and/or were too impatient to just wait for another elevator. Considering that a student died in an elevator incident at OSU over a year ago and I happened to miss an over-filled elevator when I was a Singing Angel that plunged six stories and stopped just inches from the basement floor, I am on the side of the University of Texas on this one.

And to round this out, here are two wild animal stories.

- The first is a Mexican woman who fought off a lion attack with a machete until it left her and her niece alone. This is what I call an impressive woman because I'm not sure I could've done this.

- The second should be called "The Trouble with Badgers" (sorry, Star Trek). Apparently, male mating badgers sound like women screaming, and one in particular resulted in a lot of calls to the police. Hopefully, they won't make the neighbors pay for the helicopter usage that resulted in finding the "randy badgers."

To finish this edition out, I'm including a couple of comic strips and an "Overheard..." quote. The Agnes comic shows my need for an optimistic friend to think that "screaming is fun", and the Pearls Before Swine entry is just too pathetic to pass up. One of Pig's most endearing lines was from a comic where Rat asked Pig if he knew why bad things happened to him. Pig's response was "Yes, I'm stupid" and I've loved him ever since.

This "Overheard" quote is in honor of the "homosexual" phraseology I used the other day. Enjoy.

Foot Corns Are So Heteronormative

(at the gay pride festival)
Girl handing out stickers: Do you want a sticker?
Lady with a lot of stickers on: Fo' sho I'll take a sticker... and a cheeseburger, and some ice for the corn on my right foot.
Girl (looking discouraged): Ew.

--Hudson & Jane St

Overheard by: Jessica

via Overheard in New York, Aug 7, 2008

Oh, it's ON now.

2008-08-07T13:10:00.004-05:00

In the ever-evolving saga of my family's drama, Aunt Crayzee crossed a line with me and will now begin paying for being a bitch. The electricity got cut off at the house yesterday and when my uncle went to Crayzee for help with it, she told him to ask the church for money. First of all, she asked them for money to pay her gas and electric last month and they gave it to her instead of going to her church, so she can suck it for all I care. Secondly, she's been dicking around on my uncle's job application since he began looking for work back in January. Why you ask the two people who don't have jobs to help you but you won't do the same in return is beyond me, but I've decided to take action.

I want her to suffer for being a bitch. My husband is being the more practical of the two of us and trying to come up with solutions to their situation, but I just want to be mean and nasty. I want her to either start helping them out or sell her portion of the house to me. When I brought this up, my husband thought that she would take us to court for the whole amount and win, but considering that my f-i-l is a real estate attorney who could write up the contractual sale for free, and that she wouldn't be able to afford to take me to court, I think I have a slight advantage.

Finding out more and more about her bad behavior has prompted me to seek outside help. She has a girlfriend that she is constantly running to with her sob stories, and I am going to call this woman this weekend and tell her everything that has been going on. I have to; I'm tired of hearing Crayzee tell people that my mom and uncle need to be independent while she runs to them for money on a regular basis. She has borrowed a ton of money from them and I am going to make sure she starts paying them back.

She made a bad choice in pissing me off, and I am going to make sure that she pays with interest.

I know it's wrong to take pleasure in causing someone else's pain, but I'm looking forward to doing this. It's moving out of the burden-on-my-heart phase into the clinical-action phase, which will make this all the easier to handle. So I'm probably going to hell for doing this, but I no longer care. I can no longer let her get away with her crocodile tears, so let the games begin.

News, Glorious News!

2008-08-06T14:45:00.003-05:00

I'm doing this entry while on hold with the financial aid office. My hope is that I'll get through before they close their office at 4 (it's 3:47 now) so that I can get some answers to why I was sent two sets of paperwork. I have to get confirmation that I don't need to send in the paperwork from the first set because this university is known for its idiotic red tape...

Update: I got through and only one of the forms was absolutely necessary, but I was able to get my questions answered quickly (3:52) and before the office closed for the day.

Anyway, today's news has some stupid criminals, interesting animal stories, and even Paris Hilton made the page today. Let's get this rolling, shall we?

- A woman in Florida was arrested for assaulting her husband with a frozen lasagna meal. Unfortunately, he apparently had an outstanding warrant and was also hauled off to the clink, but after having dropped a frozen brick of lasagna on my foot, she deserved to go to jail.

- Some jewel thieves were thwarted in their getaway when bystanders noticed their still-running car and turned it off and took the keys out to prevent them from driving away. They even put barriers around the car in case they had a spare set of keys. Needless to say, all three criminals were caught. Way to go, bystanders!

- I've had bad experiences at McDonalds and almost beat the crap out of a counter girl, but even I have shown better restraint than the guy who tore the shirt off of the drive-thru employee in a brawl because he believed his order was wrong and/or the wrong price (he argued both points with the guy). This guy got jailed because he was the aggressor, even though he claimed the employee struck first. Don't mess with fast food workers; they usually don't have anything to lose.

- And speaking of more people with anger-management issues, a 30-year-old landlord plowed a Hummer through a home because the tenants were late on their rent. Not exactly the best way to handle the situation...it's time to take a time-out and calm way the hell down before you blow a gasket.

- Some 25-year-old moron was clocked going 80 mph and blamed his speed and his drifting (he drove on the wrong side of the road) on text messaging (oh, and he was drunk, too). What made this article stand out so much is the featured comment where someone got angry that people said that banning texting while driving was unfair to the deaf community. This commenter's outrage fit the situation to a "t".

- Here's yet another (useless) tip to criminals; when you steal some rare coins from someone, make sure they're not the person you're giving them to at the bank the next day. You know, know the occupation of your victim so that you can avoid getting caught by them. Duh.

- Some 20-something woman thought that robbing a 71-year-old and his wheelchair-bound friend was a good idea and learned very quickly that she was wrong when the man chased her ass down and held her there with the wheelchaired friend until the police arrived. Better yet, just don't rob anyone. Pack it in, toots, because you suck.

- Now for something completely different, a set of goats snuck past the security on an NYC bridge. These "weapons of grass destruction" (not my pun, I swear!) were hired to eat the poison ivy and weeds off of a monument and managed to escape and go ABRIDGE (that's mine; sorry) for awhile.

- And an 111-year-old turtle has mated with a younger turtle for the first time in decades. He had no interest in mating due to a tumor on his genitals, but once that was removed he became the mack daddy to three turtles. Play on, player. Play on.

- And, finally, Paris Hilton made a video response to McCain's commercial slamming Obama as a celebrity with no leadership qualities. She credit's the old guy for saying she's ready to run the country and she even has her own solution for the oil crisis. The only irritating thing about this article is that McCain's spokesperson takes this opportunity to say that Paris has a better oil plan than Obama because she fused both of their plans together...but the spokesperson essentially says that she's following McCain's plan. Whatever.

To lighten the mood, I'm including a religious comic that fuses the church with Ghostbusters with humorous results. Since I want to get some work done today, I'm done for the this edition of the news.

And now that I can get a temporary disability permit to park in the non-blue spots due to being pregnant, finding a spot in the morning is going to be great. Now if I could only stay focused on work for more than five minutes....

Quick! 30cc of News, Stat!

2008-08-05T15:54:00.002-05:00

I'm going to try to do this as quickly as possible because I want to eventually go home, but here is another post of quirky news stories. Before I begin, I wanted to mention my husband's dilemma with the church council meeting. We have been without a pastor for more than a year and while we have a good substitute, we are on the search for someone to be a more permanent replacement. He's on the committee and he thinks they may have found the right pastor for the church (it's a baptist church that is involved with the university and has done so for more than 100 years) but their dilemma is that he may possibly be gay and if they take him, it will get the church disfellowshipped (thrown out of their organization) and put funding in jeopardy). This man has done a lot of outreach with youth and could possibly be the right person to get us more involved with the university community and bring more growth to our church, but the committee is worried because it could be a huge gamble that could cause a rift in the church...but he may be worth it. Since I can't really know anything about the process and I know more than I should, they're going to pray about it and hope that God will tell them if this is the way they should go.

Anyway, here's the news.

- A nude intruder fell for a police trap as he was flushed out of a swimming pool and ended up in a bed of nettles. The cops found him by following the screams (ouch!).

- Proving that there's no honor among thieves, a man who stole a truck was carjacked while sitting outside of a convenience store. When the truck ran out of gas, the carjacker demanded that the thief get out of the truck and push. Needless to say, the thief took off and called the police(!) who caught the carjacker after a chase and a crash.

- From the WTF files, a woman who had just gotten busted in Britain for ripping off the tax system for over 900 grand in child tax credits claimed that a voodoo curse had made her do it and that this very same curse caused one of her children's fingers to fall off and she presented the fingers to the court as proof. Yikes.

- A turtle led to the discovery of a pot field in a forest. This turtle has been followed for a few years and when the researcher went out to look for him, she discovered the pot plants. Man, if you can't trust a turtle, who can you trust?

- In a two-for-one, here are two tales of how not to use 911. The first is the guy who called 911 because Subway forgot to put sauce on his sandwich and the follow up was that a man called to say that a slot machine stole his money. Both of this lugnuts are in Florida (what is going on down there?) and both have been arrested.

And now for the random rest:

- They have now gotten into the business of cloning dogs in South Korea. The first person to benefit from this is some loony American woman who thinks that the clones of her dog will be great service pets, even though "clone" does not mean that they will do the exact same things as her original dog did (who probably did it because of years of loving her and not some DNA programming thing).

- A farmer, annoyed by his neighbors who seem to act as if they didn't just buy homes next a farm, erected a three-car fence in his yard. His neighbors said they loved viewing his fields and animals but hated the flies and mosquitoes, they bitched when he was baling his fields because they didn't like the dust, and when he offered to split the cost of a fence they declined because they liked looking at his farm. He just wanted to remind them that they are living in a farm community. They need to STFU and deal with it.

- Policewomen in Germany will be getting bullet-proof bras which isn't as crazy as it sounds when you consider the damage that could be inflicted by underwire.

- And, last but not least, I really hope Morgan Freeman will be alright after his car accident.

After this past weekend, I have found a Pearls Before Swine comic that I can really relate to, as I would sometimes like a refund for calls I didn't enjoy.

Well, let's hope that my husband's committee get the answers they need. I'm out.

What a Weekend

2008-08-05T15:14:00.004-05:00

I'm finally back in the land of the living, but I'm surprised I managed to survive. Between my aunt's shenanigans and the paranoia of becoming a new parent, I'm impressed that I still have a mind with which to think. I'll do the news in the next post, because I just want to vent/update a little.

My husband and I went to a Baby Care Basics class on Saturday morning [I looked up the location of this hospital and knew exactly how to get there so that we were not late] and the woman who taught it was the best teacher they could've found for it. Anyone who is willing to come to the house of a new set of parents just to trim their baby's fingernails is totally awesome in my book. She was even willing to spend an extra hour talking to the two of us about our concerns because I'm horribly paranoid that I will have no maternal instinct. I like people who are honest about everything and when I told her that I would be going back to school two weeks after the baby's born, her biggest concern was that I wouldn't want to go back to school (whereas my biggest concern is that I will be all too willing to go back and get out of the house). I felt better after this class that I won't be a complete screw-up with this, and we left to go see the Jeff Smith exhibit at the Wexner Center on campus (this is the guy who did the comic/graphic novel Bone, which I recommend to anyone because it's a great adventure story. See my LibraryThing collection for more information), went out to an early dinner with my mother-in-law, and had a very pleasant day.

That night was a slightly different story.

My aunt, who needs a name for the sake of writing, has issues. She is a person who likes to manipulate everything so that her friends think my family is the enemy when it is in fact she who is the cause of all of her own problems. As I regaled in my last entry, she wanted to leave for Columbus at 10:30 to get to a 12:30 shower. It's a 2 and a half hour-long drive and there was a good chance that she and everyone she was driving would've missed the shower entirely, so my brother decided that he and my mom should find another way to get to the shower. They ended up taking the Greyhound Saturday night and got here near 2 a.m. (and I was too stupid to figure out they were taking the 11 pm bus...but that's another story for later) and we had to pick them up at the station (less than a 5-minute drive for us). My mom called my aunt when she got to the house to say that my husband had to drive up to Cleveland to do something for his mother and decided to bring them down on the way (complete lie, because his mom drove down to stay at a hotel, but my uncle figured it was the easiest way to not piss my aunt off and Matt is willing to play the fall guy). My aunt sounded like she didn't still want to just come to the shower on her own, but she was encouraged to still come down.

This detail is important only because Aunt Crayzee (as she will now be called) called my phone at 10:15 the next morning. I had no money left on my phone (pay-as-you-go and all), so Matt called the number back and spoke to Crayzee who said (in tears in front of her friends) that she couldn't come to the shower because she couldn't afford the gas and that they (my mom and brother) were supposed to split the gas and blah, blah, blah. Here's what I have to say about that: If you were splitting the gas, why were you charging them $30 a piece? And what kind of a car were you borrowing that you wanted them to fill up? Was it a van? I can tell you that on one tank of gas in a fairly gas efficient car (roughly $45 worth of gas) you can drive from Cleveland to Columbus and back on one tank. What did she need all that money for? Answer: She is always trying to get money out of my mom and uncle. These two people are trying to find jobs and while she is gainfully employed, that hasn't stopped her from borrowing money from them all the damn time. She was telling my mother what to buy me for my shower (as if my mom has never been a mom) which was to just get me a gift card so that Crayzee could get more of the money for herself. Crayzee was even trying to get my uncle to go to the shower so that she could get another $30 for herself. I didn't get to see my cousin, who would've really enjoyed herself at the shower, but Crayzee has only herself to blame for not going to the shower. I do feel as if she was going to arrive late on purpose so that she could embarrass my mother for being late to her own daughter's shower because, unfortunately, Crayzee is bitchy like that, but they thwarted her at her own plan by taking the bus (they would've rather given their money to the bus than to her). She needs to knock this shit off before I finally call her out on her behavior.

What is most upsetting is that I'm angry that I feel bad that Crayzee missed the shower. I didn't do anything wrong, but I feel guilty. How screwed up is that?

Anyway, the shower was wonderful. I took pictures and I will hopefully post them with a better description of the shower sometime this week. Two of my girlfriends came down to see me and it was nice to know that people cared so much about us to do this for us. And while both of our names were on the shower, Matt ran for the hills with my brother to see the Dark Knight again. I don't blame him; I would never be the type of woman who would make a man go to the showers (bridal and baby), but I won't say that other women who do so are bad. I just know that he would hate it and I'd rather have a good time than deal with him bitching about everything.

After the shower was over, my mother-in-law (who was upset to find out that my family had to take the bus when she could've picked them up) had offered to drive them back that very day, but because they had no way of getting back in the house (my uncle had the keys and was tutoring his friend's kids that day), they stayed with us another night. My brother, who has been living in his car for the past six months, said that this was the best sleep he had gotten in a long time (he was on the air mattress) and my mom crashed on our couch. They're not the best houseguests a person can have (my uncle, being the example of the world's best houseguest, sets a high standard for others to follow), but I'd put up with them all over again because it was worth it to have them here.

My Monday was supposed to consist of going back to work, but I had to drive the two of them back to Cleveland. If I had just driven them up there and left immmediately, I would've gotten to work by 2 p.m. but instead, I stayed with them and my uncle (who must have gotten home late because he fell asleep on the stairs for a little bit) and they picked at the fidgety baby for awhile. This kid's gotten a lot of attention and one of my girlfriends tried to encourage the baby to arrive on her birthday (8/25) but we'll see how that works out. :-) I ended up driving my brother to work (which was a detour on I-480 that causes me to lose no time on my trip since it empties out on I-71 South putting me further on my way than if I had to go right back to where I got off) and getting home by 4:30. This weekend left me feeling burnt out but blessed. I was thankful for what I received (because I didn't think I was going to get anything) but I felt so bad that I ended up spending the rest of the day curled up on the couch. Matt came home from his church meeting and asked me if I wanted him to stay home to take care of me and I actually relented. We needed time to reconnect anyway, and we spent an hour talking about the merits of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (not kidding) and I didn't feel like I wasted my time. I managed to get a lot of sleep and while I didn't get to work today until noon, I did get to work, so things have worked out.

Well, this turned into the long post from hell. I'll try to quickly throw together the news post so as not to lose any potential new readers to my maudlin rants.

Illness, Drama, and News

2008-07-31T14:20:00.004-05:00

I've been away for a few days [I still haven't mastered the EMBED function; I'll keep working on it] and while I won't be posting all of the news I wanted to put up here, I will eventually put up something. I've been battling a sinus infection, a lazy husband, and a crazy aunt who is ten seconds away from being told that she needs Jesus (a good-bad-ugly trifecta coming up).

Anyway, I went to the doctor for my appointment yesterday and the baby is over 5 pounds already. The baby is in the 75th percentile for weight at this point in the pregnancy, but since it's not in the 95th percentile there's nothing to worry about. And my doctor was worried that the baby wasn't gaining weight. That was the good news.

My husband drove me to the brink of insanity when he decided to wait until 7 to look up the address for the hospital we were to tour on Tuesday. He drives slowly (it takes me 20 minutes to do this drive since I work out this way) and we had to be there at 7:30, and I went ballistic in the car. I wanted to harm him and in a rare moment of restraint, he kept his mouth shut until we joined up with the rest of the tour [He out-talks me, so not talking was quite a feat for him]. Come to find out the tour guide thought the tour was supposed to start at 7:15, so while we were 4 minutes late, she started early...but she took the tour group through part of the hospital again for the late people (we were just the last ones there). I ended up calming way the hell down after touching these stones that were decorating a waiting room, and I told my husband after it was all over that he would've been decked if he had spoken on our way to meet the tour group. I know I have anger problems, but he's got lack-of-motivation problems that need to stop. That was the bad.

The ugly is courtesy of my crazy-assed aunt who has shown her ass by deciding that she will drive my mom and brother (and maybe my uncle, if I'm lucky) to the shower on Sunday, but she doesn't want to leave until 10:30 in the morning. It's a 2.5 hour drive if you're lucky (and I can do it in less but I drive fast) and the shower starts at 12:30, so you do the math. She didn't want to come down the night before, and she's going to make them miss everything by leaving very late to get there (trust me, this won't be a long shower). She's also saying I won't be able to breastfeed because she couldn't [I can't help it if God saw fit to endow me with an ample bosom], and it is sadly indicative of her not wanting anyone else to have something she didn't have. She's got to get whatever hate she has in her heart out of her before her daughter finally puts her in her place.

Well, dumbass drama aside, here's the news for today.

- A 36-year-old man took the drug war into his own hands when he went to a nearby town, impersonated an officer, and started doing random drug busts in people's homes behind the guise of Homeland Security and the Patriot Act. And the local police let him! What gives this story a special spice is that someone is trying to use this guy's story for a comedy. Really? Damn, Hollywood, it's time to close up shop.

- There's so much going on in this one: A 400-pound gambler is angry that he was ejected from the casino for being stinky. He had been gambling for 17 straight hours (that's healthy) and was told that his smell was bothering the other gamblers. When he tried to reclaim his seat after a bathroom break, he was ejected. When he demanded a free room to clean himself up in (seriously!), they (of course) said no. He wants an apology for being told that he stank in front of the other gamblers. No, honey, you should apologize to the other patrons and then invest in a shower, a diet, and counseling for your gambling addiction.

- Gotta love their moxy: Two men crashed a truck twice on the same street. It was like dodge'em cars, only with stupid drunk guys.

- Well, at least she taught her son well: A 10-year-old boy turned in his mother for making counterfeit money. He gave the police the money and told them that she also made fake ids which led to the investigation into her illicit activities. Somehow she managed to post $50,000 bail, but I hope they checked to see if it was real first.

- What a jackass: A man was using a stranded-by-the-roadside ploy to get free gas from good Samaritans. He would (kindly) park near gas stations so people didn't have to go too far out of their way and they would buy him a gallon of gas and the gas can. He got 4 of them before the police noticed him and nabbed him for being a jerk.

- Hey criminals! Here's a tip for you: If you're going to rob a shop, remember to take your cash with you. If you leave with less than you came in with, you lose, stupid!

- To all the drunks in Devon, if they catch you pissing in the streets, they will make you mop it up.

- For some reason, this guy wanted to get arrested and called 911 enough times to get his wish. Whatever floats your boat, dude.

- Why you would do this I don't know, but two guys got busted spray painting a Hollywood water tower. The only time spray painting is funny is in the best episode of Home Movies ever, "Director's Cut" (someone really needs to take the Franz Kafka musical idea and flesh it out, for real!). Tune into the 6:10 mark and you'll see what I mean:

The music in this episode is worth looking at all three parts of it, but my point is graffiti is only funny when overweight, jealous soccer coaches do it in cartoons.

- If you've got a home for an overweight kitty in New Jersey, the 44 pound tabby is available.

- Apparently, the world's oldest jokes center around bathroom humor. Who knew?

- And just for the hell of it, here's a really stupid television show idea that is, unfortunately very real. It might be time to cancel t.v. everyone.

And I'm going to close this edition out with an Overheard in New York set of one-liners. After the other day's "fur is murder" quote (which has surpassed the Taste The Rainbow one as my favorite of all time...not to be mistaken for these taste the rainbow moments), I'm going with one-liners from the conductors. Only in New York can you get this kind of insanity (God I LOVE this city!).

Not Harriet Tubman's Kind of Wednesday One-Liners
Conductor: Put your purse inside the train. I said: "purse inside the train." Inside the train, that's no real Chanel!

--E Train

Overheard by: cran

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are going to be delayed for a couple of minutes, the wheels keep slipping. We aren't working with the best equipment here.

--LIRR

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are sorry for the inconvenience and the delays. While expressing your dislike for the inconvenience, please do not curse, spit, or throw things at the conductor and train crew.

--V-train

Conductor: Keep on moving, don't block the aisles... Keep on moving, don't block the aisles... There's plenty of empty seats in the back cars. Don't just stare at the people next to you.

--Metro North Train

Conductor: Uptown! Uptown! Uptown express! You know where I'm going! Don't pretend like you don't know where I'm going!

--4 Train

Overheard by: Jamie

Conductor: Please walk forward for more seats. The front of the train is empty. It's like the freaking promised land up here!

--NJ Transit

Conductor, over loudspeaker: This is the A train making local stops on the F line. Next stop, who knows!?

--A Train

Overheard by: Schechter

via Overheard in New York, Jul 30, 2008.

Peace! I'm out!

Random Acts of Funny

2008-07-29T14:56:00.017-05:00

I'm going to mix it up a little. Not only am I going to do some "Overheard" quotes, I'm throwing in some comic relief because I'm crazy like that.

God, I Love Playing Grand Theft Auto

Frat boy #1: I feel like I just had sex.
Frat boy #2: Yeah, I know the feeling.

--Grand Central

Overheard by: Commuter

via Overheard in New York, Jul 29, 2008

Isn't That the Highest Compliment Among Your People?

Queer #1: Sometimes you remind me of Donny Osmand.
Queer #2: Sometimes you remind me of an asshole.

--NYU

via Overheard in New York, Jul 29, 2008

My Webcam Tested Negative

Girl: Did you use a condom?
Boy: Nope.
Girl: Your going to get an STD!
Boy: No, I'm not. It's okay.
Girl: That's what you said last time!

--Union Square

via Overheard in New York, Jul 29, 2008

Gene Simmons: What?! I Fucking Quit!

High school hipster #1: Dude, you know that guy Ray Simmons?
High school hipster #2: Who?
High school hipster #1: Ray Simmons, Ray Simmons. I dunno dude, the fucking guy from KISS.
High school hipster #3: Richard Simmons.
High school hipster #1: Yeah, that's it, Richard Simmons.

--Path Train to NYC

Overheard by: sweatin' to the oldies

via Overheard in New York, Jul 29, 2008

Though I'd Probably Have Been Smited by Now
Suit #1: I have to leave at five today.
Suit #2: Why?
Suit #1: I have to go to church.
Suit #2: Jesus Christ! I wish I was religious.

--New York Post
via Overheard in New York, Jul 29, 2008

Plus, I Got You That Golden Ticket, Veruca
Three-year-old: I have a lot of M&Ms at mommy's house.
Dad: Yes, but you get more snacks at daddy's house.

--Path Train

Overheard by: Jatmos
via Overheard in New York, Jul 29, 2008

I Wept Profusely Throughout
Emo kid: Dude, have you seen Alvin and the Chipmunks yet?
Big black guy: No, not yet.
Emo kid: It was off the hook!
Big black guy: Really?!

--Starbucks, Port Authority
via Overheard in New York, Jul 29, 2008

For Me, Getting Married Would Be Like Playing Madhouse
Drunk girl #1: Oh my god! Getting married is like playing house! It sucks!
Drunk girl #2: Yeah! I never want to get married or have kids. I have too many mental illnesses to pass along.

--L Train
via Overheard in New York, Jul 28, 2008

Good Point-- Fuck Those Furry Little Bastards
Little guy to big guy wearing fur hat: You know, wearing fur is murder.
Big guy wearing fur hat: So is me pushing you off the train.

--A Train
via Overheard in New York, Jul 28, 2008

Thanks for the Recipe, Pampered Chef!
Thug #1: Yo, what it mean when you call a woman "apple bottom"?
Thug #2 (half asleep): Cake.
Thug #1 to thugette: See woman, I told you it mean you got cake.

--1 Train

Overheard by: bianca's boyfriend
via Overheard in New York, Jul 28, 2008

The... Dude Police?
(drunk group of 20-somethings stumble out of a bar onto the street)
Unstable random lady: Alcoholic! You need to go to Alcoholics Anonymous!
Drunk guy: Dude, just mind your own business.
Unstable random lady: Don't call me dude! I'll call the cops on you!

--W 3rd & Thompson
via Overheard in New York, Jul 28, 2008

Sorry, I Prefer My Men Filtered
Redneck guy: Hey, got an extra cigarette?
Hipster guy with hipster girl next to him: No, sorry man.
Redneck guy: Well, can I fuck her then?

--43rd & 7th

Overheard by: no, she's mine
via Overheard in New York, Jul 28, 2008

Here is a Pearls Before Swine comic which answers the question for the ages.

Agnes wants to come up with the saddies to be depressing comic strips to make the reader's world seem so much brighter.

I have been negligent in my "Tom Tomorrow" comics because the Village Voice stopped feeding my RSS feeder with them, so here's the catch-up.
- Sparkman (last seen sometime last month) is able to overcome the bad press from his Anti-troops statement to come out the victor.
- An explanation for all the different Obama haters out there.
- An explanation for the "appeal" of McCain to his supporters.
- And, finally, the private eye film on the free market hand's need for a "fix".

Still with me? Okay.

Candorville did a comic which pointed out the lunacy surrounding Michelle Obama's pride in her country comment (trust me, it's worth reading).

Finally, a couple of comics I can actually embed (if I can get it right) that are random, funny, and here for the hell of it (courtesy of xkcd.com.

[code][url=http://xkcd.com/451/][img]http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/impostor.png[/img][/url]

EDIT: I have no idea how to embed anything, so these comics will either not show up at all or will only show part of the image depending on your browser. I'll try to fix this later, since I need to be getting home.

News Delayed is not News Denied

2008-07-28T15:12:00.004-05:00

Yes, I should be ashamed of myself for that title.

Anyway, part of the reason why the Overheard stuff got posted first was because I needed to clear some of my Firefox tabs so that I could actually copy the stupid links for my news article. As I contemplate switching from Best Week Ever to The Soup as my daily celebutainment blog of choice, here are the items that were interesting today.

- Are there just not enough summer activities for teens these days? Two teenagers jumped a younger teen and stole his sandwich costume. Really? Was it just too hot to knock over a convenient store?

- I think a line from the police chief sums this one up best: "We want people to like our officers, but not to lick them."

- Apparently, you can grow too much medical marijuana. Even though this guy has a card approving of growing "medicinal use" Mary Jane, he had 35 mature plants and 8 immature plants, which is more than the 6 mature/18 immature plants he's allowed to have. Oh, and he got in trouble for having a 15-year-old help him tend the plants. Can't fail to point out the really bad part of this.

- I'm almost with the drunk on this one: A man shot his lawnmower because it wouldn't start. His defense? "I can do that, it's my lawn mower and my yard so I can shoot it if I want." After seeing his mug shot, who wouldn't want a piece of this? (nobody wants that!)

- That's just not nice. A 73-year-old gardener was unwittingly breaking the law when police discovered he was tending marijuana plants along with his begonias. The Dutch police are letting him get rid of the pot plants (probably planted by some neighborhood young people) while preserving his begonias, because they're cool like that. Just remember, it's legal to buy pot in coffee shops over there, it's just not legal to grow your own stuff.

- Here's a tip to the Nicaraguan thieves out there: If you're going to steal something from an exhibit on a poet, take his priceless manuscripts and not his ceremonial sword. Take the items that are worth something, okay?

- Most people may not find the sentiment in this, but I thought it was sweet: A UPS delivery man was taken on one last delivery when his friend and co-worker delivered the decedent to his funeral service in a UPS truck. It's not the craziest thing I've heard of, and I thought it was nice of UPS to allow that delivery to go through.

- Aww, poor kitty! A cat was brought into a fire department with its head stuck in a jar. The firefighters were able to lube the kitty out (I'm gross, I know), but nobody knows how long he's been in the Mason jar.

- Anyone familiar with Extreme Makeover: Home Edition should not be surprised about this story. A Lake City, Georgia family was facing foreclosure on their Extreme Makeover home. Considering that the show demolishes your home and builds you something so much bigger that it raises your property taxes, the mayor should not have been surprised that this happened. As it is, I'm surprised that this hasn't happened more frequently. It's a nice gesture, but paying someone's mortgage and giving them $100,000 isn't enough to offset the new costs.

- The tabloids aren't all bad. A UK politician had his stolen bike returned to him with the help of a tabloid magazine and neighbors in the area in which the bike was found.

- And because they haven't fixed the link on the site I found this on, this will have to do: A man has been busted for driving his vehicle with his wife on the roof. I know he was drunk, but what was she doing up there? The world may never know.

To close out today's post, here's the final word on Agnes' "normalization". When "the voices" say that this will last three weeks, you know the normalizing has been a success.

Highlights of "Overheard"

2008-07-28T14:52:00.001-05:00

Since I just realized I'm much farther behind on my work that I thought, I'm going to try to cut back on the amount of time I spend doing non-work things at work. These were the Overheard in New York postings that I found hilarious and will post for your amusement.

Today It's a Lolly. Tomorrow It's a BMW

(waiting in line)
Four-year-old kid: Mommy, I really want a lollipop!
Mom: Uhuh, move up here honey.
Kid: Mom! Just give in, I want a lollipop, okay?
(mother ignores him)
Kid: Just give in, it's okay, I want one. It's okay to give in, mom.
(pause)
Kid: Mom, this isn't going to work for me! I want a lollipop!
Random guy in line: Resist!

--Associated Supermarkets, Bleecker & LaGuardia

Overheard by: CaitlinisNewHere

via Overheard in New York, Jul 28, 2008
See How Easy It Is Finding Someone to Tell You What to Do?

Ditzy blonde: I know you'll think this is stupid, but I was thinking of going to a life coach. A life coach or a really good psychic.
Brunette friend: You know what? I do think it's stupid. Here, I'll be your life coach: Fuck psychics, and go get a job. Oh, and don't get fired this time. You're fixed now.

--Metro North-Harlem

via Overheard in New York, Jul 28, 2008
Every Artist Has His Own Medium
Drunk black guy #1: That's when I started cooking with weed. The Jamaicans told me you can cook with it.
Drunk black guy #2: Yeah?
Drunk black guy #1: I made chicken soup with that shit. I had soupy chicken weed. I was high as fuck.
Drunk black guy #2: Yeah?
Drunk black woman: You ever had weed fishcakes? Weed fishcakes. I make that shit.
Drunk black guy #2: Fishcakes?
Drunk black woman: And pork fried weed.
Drunk black guy #1: I want to come to your parties. You creative.

--4 Train

Overheard by: Unrelenting Monkey
via Overheard in New York, Jul 28, 2008
Bear in Mind, I've Seen That Video Of You and the Other Girl
Mom: We should call up doctor Katz* so he can check you up, figure out your measurements and percentiles.
Kid: I like it when I pee in the cup!
Mom: Oh, do you?
Kid (as they exit the train): Yeah. Do you like the cup mommy? Do you? Do you?

--1 Train

Overheard by: RG
via Overheard in New York, Jul 27, 2008
I've Moonwalked on Water
Driver: So if I had to choose an age to die, I'd choose 24.
Van mate: Oh, you'd one-up Jesus.
Driver: Man, I've been one-upping Jesus my whole life. That's all I do.

--West Side Highway
via Overheard in New York, Jul 28, 2008
You Let Me Smoke Your Weed and I Let You Stare at My Boobs?
Girl: When I found out he was all about sex, the crush was all over.
Dude: Oh, come on. I'm sure he's more mature now.
Girl: Why are you trying to pawn me off on all these guys? I mean, come on, sex is not cool.
Dude: Why are we friends?

--Cafe Esperanto
via Overheard in New York, Jul 28, 2008
Now You Have to Schlep Out to Queens for That Sort of Entertainment
Chick: So what are the most dangerous places in New York these days?
Dude #1: I don't know. Hell's Kitchen used to be the worst.
Dude #2: What about Harlem?
Dude #1: I guess Harlem's still bad, but it's not like it used to be where everybody would be waiting around to stab lost white people.

--1 Train

Overheard by: Alex Remnick
via Overheard in New York, Jul 27, 2008
And Then We'd Have a Reason to Drink
Hipster dude: Hey, wanna know the best way to not get carded at restaurants?
Hipster chick: Offer blowjobs?
Hipster dude: Naw, we could kidnap a kid, train it to call us mommy and daddy, and bring it with us everywhere when we wanna drink.

--7th & Bleecker
via Overheard in New York, Jul 27, 2008
I'm Just Gonna Pop Out for a Cigarette

Long Island lady #1: Okay. I get what he's doing now. I'm moving on to the landscapes. Join me when you're done.
Long Island lady #2 (still entranced): Um. Yes. Yes, I'm done too.

--Nude Room, Gustave Courbet Exhibit, Metropolitan Museum of Art

Overheard by: Colleen

via Overheard in New York, Jul 28, 2008
And I've Completely Committed to the Role

ER doctor to bloody man with legs strapped to gurney: So, what's going on here?
Patient: I'm a drunk.

--Bellevue Emergency Treatment Room

Overheard by: judith currin

via Overheard in New York, Jul 28, 2008

News, Intermittently

2008-07-24T13:16:00.002-05:00

I was able to get my sister on her Greyhound bus back home without too much trouble. Apparently, she needs to learn how to read a map (and she might also need to get a compass) because she kept getting lost on campus. Now I know the campus is huge, but when you're supposed to be going to a building in the middle of campus and you walk the perimiter three times, it's time to stop and ask for directions. I'm just glad her mother called her while she was aimlessly walking about. When her mother asked her "Didn't they give you a map?" she replied with a gasp (not kidding) "Oh, so that's what that is." I love her, but that's just funny (and sad, and funny).

I haven't been feeling well lately, so my posts have begun to become less regular. I'm not sure when (or if) that will change anytime soon, so that's just the notice for everyone just in case people wonder why I'm not posting as often.

And before I begin my news posts, I have to 'fess up to something really embarrassing. I was sitting here starting this post when I saw this really big beetle/fly thing on my purse. I'm usually only squeamish around spiders (but that's because poisonous ones can get you), but because I didn't know what the hell it was, I kicked the chair the bag is on away from me and asked my cubicle-neighbor (and fellow intern) to help me with it. What I said was, "This may be the most bizarre request that you'll ever get, but I've got a bug on my bag and I'm freaking out about it." He collected it in a cup and went outside to free it in the grass. My guess is that this pregnancy has me on edge, but that bug got lucky; if I hadn't been afraid of it, I would've just killed it.

Anyway, on with the news. I'm including stories I read yesterday, so this will be longer than the usual fare.

- Here's one for all you drinkers out there who want to thwart the breathalyser test: White-out doesn't work. I'm pretty sure that crap can't taste all that good, either (but it can give you a wicked high if a crazy girl borrows it, colors a picture with the product over a 90 minute period and you're sitting downwind).

- Speaking of drunkards, how did this guy not die? A man blew a .491 on the breathalyser test. To give you perspective, a .5 is fatal, so how he managed to not keel over is beyond me.

- Torturing people with their allergies is not cool, but apparently this lady didn't get the memo. A woman tried to cram a peanut in her neighbor's mouth and taunted the woman with more threats of the peanutty kind. And she also vandalized her car, so this woman was not only being creative, she was mixing it in with run-of-the-mill stupidity.

- I want this guy's neighbors: A robber was trussed and presented to police after a man came home to a home invasion in progress. The other suspects got away, but the one man was hog-tied by neighbors armed with duct tape. Forget State Farm, these are the good neighbors I want.

- I wonder how this conversation went? "Hey lady, you forgot your daughter!" A woman was robbing a store and when she took off, she left her six-year-old behind. The husband was "genuinely surprised" to find out that his wife had left their daughter behind. I'd be more concerned if he wasn't surprised by this.

- This one goes in the "D'oh!" files: A man was caught after writing the bank robbery notes on the back of his personal checks. What kills me is this dink did this more than once!

- How do you know crime doesn't pay? When you're held on $500 bond for stealing 42 cents from a fountain.

- When does fraud not pay? When you try to get both a Home Depot and a restaurant to pay for your torn designer jeans and get busted for grand theft. Dude, if I had $1,500, I can assure you I wouldn't have spent it on a pair of jeans.

- I can't blame the police for this one: Police in England have taken to posting bogus emergency calls on YouTube in the hopes that people will stop calling with non-emergencies. I am sure they want to stop having conversations that end with such gems as "No, sir, it's not an emergency if your wife didn't leave you a meal. May we suggest you make yourself a sandwich before we come to arrest you for tying up emergency services?"

- Score one for the civilians: A police officer has to pay a fine for illegaly parking outside of a sushi restaurant. He claimed that he had the right to park there for emergency purposes, but stopping for sushi is not an emergency. And while Portland, Oregon officials will be asking for rule changes to allow officers to park illegally when going in for food or bathroom breaks, the lawyer who busted this guy feels he won one for the non-badge wearers out there.

- Leave bug killing to the pros, okay? A guy in New Jersey blew up his apartment while using bug spray. It ignited and destroyed 80% of his apartment. Bugs 1, New Jersey Man 0.

- How does one wrap their mind around a story like this? A maintenance man who was making $100,000 a year (how?) was living in an old paint shed rent free for three years. He was on the grounds of the psychiatric center that he worked for, and even had mail delivered there. He's being charged $2,500 for the time he lived there (nobody knew about it until the inspector showed up), but here's the kicker: He's now living with his wife(!) in a home three miles away. So apparently they like to have people working at psychiatric centers who should also be patients. That, and how do I get a $100,000 job doing maintenance?

- The mayor of Belmar, New Jersey, apparently doesn't want tourists to come to town anymore after making fun of Staten Island girls and talking about "guidos" who come to visit. When you thrive on tourist dollars, slamming your bread and butter in a newsletter is a banner idea.

- Hey lesbians! A court has ruled that you can call yourselves lesbians after all as the "did not define the identity of the residents of the island" and could be safely used by all of the Sapphic sisters of the world.

- For the crazy sister of mine that I'm not talking to, be careful during your Wiccan ceremony that you don't stab yourself in the foot with a ceremonial sword.

- Watch out in France, nudists, because the nudist colonies have the right to black list people.

- I was on the side of the doctor until I re-read this today: A woman is suing her orthopedic surgeon for placing a temporary tattoo on her abdomen while she was unconscious. He says he does this to make the patients feel better, and I was going to agree with that and tell her to lighten up until I realized that he's an orthopedic surgeon and shouldn't be anywhere near her abdomen.

- A rabbit resuced a family from a fire, proving that rabbits can be heroes too.

- And, finally, a judge has decided that there are some names that are too bizarre to be legal. A New Zealand judge ordered an eight-year-old girl a ward of the court so that her name can be legally changed to something other than Talula Does The Hula (really). Some of the other banned names have been Fish and Chips, Yeah Detroit, Keenan Got Lucy and Sex Fruit. And while others, like Number 16 Bus Shelter and Violence have been given the green light, I'm glad that there is somebody finally telling parents to "please think of the children" (Mrs. Lovejoy of the Simpsons) when coming up with these dumbass names. Now if only they could send this guy out to Hollywood...

I cap this off with an Agnes comic strip where she is still trying to "normalize herself". I've given up on that and have chosen instead to embrace my insanity and put it to good use. Eventually.

So Long, Estelle

2008-07-22T14:02:00.003-05:00

I'm sad to report that Estelle Getty, the woman who played Sophia on The Golden Girls has passed away at 84. When she was cast for the role, she was actually too young to play Bea Arthur's mother, but when she came in with makeup that aged her 20 years, she won the part.

She announced that she had Parkinson's Disease in 2000, and lated developed dementia (which is a frightening disease I've seen with my great-grandmother and hope to never have to experience again). She was surrounded by family, which is always good to hear.

I haven't seen this clip, but in honor of her best-known character, here's montage of Sophia moments from the Golden Girls. Rest in peace, honey.

Delayed, but Still News-worthy-ish

2008-07-22T13:30:00.004-05:00

Sorry I've been gone for so long. After my anniversary, I got a call from one of my sisters asking for a place to stay for a couple of days for orientation. I immediately said "yes" so that I could force my husband's hand and make him actually help me clean the house (it looks better, but we can still do more). I have six other siblings (I am the 2nd eldest, and the oldest girl) and we haven't had that many of us graduate high school. My older brother (the one my dad thinks is retarded) graduated on time and had to fight to get out of LD classes (that my second step-mother had him enrolled in) to take his Proficiency test (which he passed!). I was the second one to graduate with a pretty good (3.5) average from a competitive private school. Three of my siblings ended up dropping out of school, and the two boys got GEDs while the girl spent 10 years going to "internet school" and only managed to graduate by having everyone else help her with her online finals. 6of7 (because a Borg name seems to be the mood I'm in today) is the first sibling to graduate high school since me (and that was 12 years ago), and she is going to be attending Ohio State with me (of all people). We ended up talking all night when she came to our place and just as I was getting ready to go to bed, the power went out in a thunderstorm (and I stayed relatively calm because I wasn't by myself in the house).

Other than finding out that this sister and I have a lot more in common than we knew (and we both agree that my father, now to be called Daddy Douchebag [thanks, sis!] has been going around trying to start trouble), I've been trying to not freak out that I'm going to have the baby early.

Now that I've (sort of) updated on why I haven't really posted anything, let's get on with the news.

- The police in Washington were able to find a couple of knuckleheaded robbers as they were found asleep on the stolen loot. There was even a "breadcrumb trail" of stolen bags and pillows leading to their sleep spot. I think it goes without saying that alcohol was involved (but they say it anyway). At least there are pictures!

- To steal a line from Animal House: "Being 13, in love, and stupid is no way to go through life, girl." This child ran away from home with her boyfriend and, after being arrested stole the police van as the driver had to stop for directions. This is one 13-year-old who won't be remanded to her parents.

- An example of how a small thing can become huge: A man stripped to his underwear and took off running from the police after a routine traffic stop. He was spotted later in the day with clothing on, but he finally gave himself up when he tried to swim away and got tired. You're license was suspended (and you had misdemeanor drug charges), and now you may have felony alluding charges. Moron.

- These guys deserve jail: Two men have been sentenced after setting a passed-out friend's crotch on fire as a prank. I'm pretty sure second degree burns on testicles is absolutely hilarious. This is why there should be an IQ test to be allowed to drink.

- A Connecticut woman, recently fired, tried to get her boss' electricity cut off by using a friend's computer to set it up. The plan failed when the boss was called to confirm that he wanted his electricity off. Maybe there was a reason you got fired...

- This just sounds like something from a Cheech and Chong movie, doesn't it? A man was arrested for smoking pot in an ice cream truck. He claimed he was off-duty and waiting to pick his kids up from daycare. Along with the pot, he had also been drinking (no!) and was promptly arrested.

- An Indiana pastor broke his wrist when his motorcycle got away from him during service. I don't know what he was trying to convey with the motorcycle, but I'll bet he won't be doing that again.

- And just for fun, here's a link to a McDonald's contest finalist who spent 12 years in jail for robbing a McDonald's and is now trying to win their new Big Mac jingle. Also, a "mystic normalator" might be just what I need (with the same results as Agnes).

That's it for today. Since I'm going to be at work for awhile longer, I'll actually get something done (for once). Peace! I'm out!

Mixed-Bag News Stories

2008-07-17T14:57:00.004-05:00

Today's stories are all over the place. Apparently, crazy things are going on all over the world, and not just with the criminals (but they have kept busy). As I try to figure out the order I'm going to proceed with, I'll just throw it together and see if it holds. Let's get started.

- A woman was shocked when she discovered that the man robbing her pizza store was her father. Her father, mother, and husband(!) were planning a robbery (that the husband says the victim was unaware of), but the husband thought they were going to hit a convenience store and not the store where his wife worked.

- A brain-addled Brit has been banned from posting his videos on YouTube because he was sharing all of his criminal exploits on the website. The article calls him the country's most brazen criminal, but I don't know what I'd call him. Other than stupid.

- A drunk woman tried to bribe the police with money and sex to get out of a drunk driving arrest. Let's just say this plan didn't work.

- A man pulls a triathlon as he biked, swam, and ran away from the police who still caught him anyway. He gets points for creativity, but loses ultimately for getting caught (and being a dumb criminal in the first place).

- Three Romanian boxers who had been banned from boxing for life for shoplifting in Chicago had their sentences reduced to a year. This really wasn't that interesting now that I think about it, so I don't know why I'm posting it.

- I am probably the only person who wouldn't have been bothered by this at my graduation: A man has been told he has to apologize for dressing up like a penis to the entire town for being offensive. I get that what he did was wrong, but I'm not as hung up about it as anyone else would be. My high school graduation was so dry that anything disruptive would've been appreciated.

- This is rather cute: An 11-year-old now tracks people's speeds with a toy radar gun that actually records people's speeds. Going 55 in a 25 mph area is too fast, but I don't like the fact that the city will only put in speed humps if the residents will pay for half of it.

- An air hostess dug a Kit Kat wrapper out of the trash (that she had thrown away 2 hours prior) and won a trip to the Earth's upper atmosphere. Sometimes a person can have that Willy Wonka experience and get something cool. Good for her!

- This would've been so cool on video: A couple in a Latvian apartment survived a lightning strike that destroyed their glass dining room table. Their table top had turned into dust, and I would've loved to have seen that even if thunderstorms freak me out.

- But who would want them? Seattle is selling its 5 self-cleaning toilets due to the illicit activities that would take place inside. So far, no bids have been placed on any of the systems (and at $89,000 to start, I am not surprised).

- To end this edition, I looked around for the best link on this guy who represents the ultimate in irony. A man, who was going to meet a 14-year-old for sex, was busted wearing a World's Greatest Dad shirt. This article, courtesy of The Smoking Gun (which, btw, has the best show on Tru TV featuring stupid criminals in clips, and famous celebrities/former stupid criminals giving their two cents which airs every Thursday at 9 pm) also features other "bright bulbs" in tragically hilarious shirts.

I was wrong about my bad luck: The hat I bought for my husband actually arrived yesterday, but I haven't opened it to see if it's going to work. I really hope he likes what I got him this year.

I can't believe it: Eight years ago I was a 22-year-old student running home from a Statistics class to be forced to try on five dresses just to wear the first one I put on and was driven downtown to get married in front of my grandmother, mom, uncle, and two ladies whose job it seemed was to sit there and watch people get married all day. After celebrating with a cake in my apartment, my family went home, my new husband fell asleep and I talked on the phone with one of my girlfriends for six hours. I went to school the next day with a professor asking me why I was in school after getting married. My response? "I'm paying for it, so I'm going to show up." We didn't have a honeymoon (didn't really want one and couldn't afford it anyway) and while we did have a wedding the next year (complete with a trip to Cedar Point the next day before going back to work that Monday), this is the anniversary that means the most because it's the real one.

And while I know he probably will never read this, I just want to say that I love you and thank you for putting up with me all these years. We've managed so far with just the two of us, so I think we can handle being parents together (but the poor kid is going to have some weird parents). I look forward to the many years ahead (even if I don't always act like it). I love you, Matt.

News All Over The Place

2008-07-16T13:25:00.002-05:00

Before I begin with a complaint about today's news (it feels like I've been complaining about it lately), I just had my doctor's visit today and everything seems to be doing well. The baby's heart-rate is at a strong 130, and while I haven't gained any weight in two weeks, my measurements seem okay, but I'm having a third ultrasound to check for the baby's size. Apparently, growth size is a problem for children of asthmatic mothers (and the bad air is the reason why I spent the weekend feeling like crap). It's hard to be excited about this experience when I just feel overwhelmed and sad all the time. And the baby shower e-vite has netted a better response than expected (so far I have two no's for people who are or will be out of state, and two maybes) because I expected to either not hear from anybody or get all no's. There's no good way to write a plural of no without it being wrong, so I'm stuck using the apostrophe.

Today's stories go all over the place. There are some dumb criminals, interesting celebrity stories, and some head-scratcher stories.

And may I suggest a song to get you into a better mood? It's "Last Time" by Gnarls Barkley from their St. Elsewhere album. It is one of those songs that I have to get up and dance to every time I hear it. Which is a problem when you work in the land of cubicles where the walls don't go all the way up to hide what you're doing, but the baby likes it and it makes me feel a lot better while it's on, so I say give it a shot.

Anyway, on with the news.

- Some criminals just can't catch a break! A Los Angeles burglar ran into a mess of trouble while trying to get away from the cops. He was jumping fences and was prevented by a dog to go any further, another dog chased him, and then he smacked his face into the edge of a roof. Man, it sucks to be you (ha ha!). This article has video, so enjoy the bonus.

- Another hapless criminal got what was coming to him when he robbed a pizza place and got knocked the hell out by a 17-year-old employee. Sometimes its not smart to smack angry people, or they will free the beast all over you.

- What a way to start your first day on the job: A police officer, fresh out of the academy and on his first day on the job, had his squad car wrecked within the first 29 minutes on the job. A drug head hit his car, and the poor guy was heartbroken. It would be funny if it weren't so sad.

- This one will get away, but that's alright: A bear broke into an electronics store, but was scared away when he set off an alarm in a nearby restaurant. This sounds like it should be the start of a joke, but I'm tapped out at the moment.

- I sometimes wonder if anyone checks before they send bills: A dog got a $142 phone bill from Verizon Wireless because he had the same name as a customer on the other side of the country. Just because the dog has a credit card (seriously) doesn't mean he also has a cell phone. Now about that American Express....

- From the gross files comes this tale of rats the size of softballs (eww) invading homes in Florida from the yard of an abandoned house. I don't even want to imagine seeing something like that. At all.

- A man who refuses sewage service may be facing jail time. He doesn't want to receive any public utilities and is willing to go to court over being forced to tap into the sewage system. Whatever floats your boat, gramps.

- In the spirit of the traveling gnome, a woman's ceramic dog has been returned with photos from his trip. She thought the dog "was lost and gone forever" (sorry Clementine), but someone decided that it needed a trip because the weather in Oregon was too rainy. I wish someone would take me on a trip.

- My celebrities will get combined because I feel like it (I guess). Have you seen Helen Mirren lately? I mean look at that body! I try not to think about how she's never had children, but I was never going to have a body like that even if I never became a mother. Besides, missing out on motherhood is her loss. Now if I can get myself to buy that, we'd be set. But in sad news, Natalie Cole has been diagnosed with Hepatitis C. I really wish her the best as this disease most likely was the result of her earlier years of drug abuse.

That's it for today. Tomorrow's my eighth wedding anniversary, but I'll probably post something during my usual time (@ work, of course). Since I seem to be an unwitting member of the church of Murphy, the gift I ordered online won't get here until Friday and I won't be able to find that damn book he said he wanted when I go to the mall today. Oh well, have a good one everybody.

Keep It To Yourself: A Life Philosophy

2008-07-15T13:27:00.006-05:00

I was reading an article today about a British single parent who died from having gastric bypass surgery, and her motivations for getting the procedure done was to keep her son from being teased for having a fat mother. The little boy couldn't understand why she got the surgery because he didn't see her as fat, he saw her as "mummy" and loved her as she was. And while she wasn't really fat enough to qualify for gastric bypass (that used to be true; you had to be well into obese to qualify for it in the past, but clearly that's not the case anymore when you see what she looked like), a lifetime of being teased left its scar on her and she ultimately succumbed to an allergic reaction to the surgery (an inflammation that resulted in multiple organ failure). That brought back a philosophy that I came up with last year called KITY, or Keep It To Yourself.

I came up with this while on the phone with my uncle who has self-image problems stemming from people constantly saying that he was fat when he was younger but completely forgetting the fact that my aunt actually was fat back then. Many of these comments would come from well-meaning people who say things that are far more damaging than anything a person who dislikes you can do to you. To this day, he's obsessed with his weight and despite the fact that he has tremendous strength from weight-lifting, he still feels the need to lose a few more pounds. I used to spend some of my time reassuring him that he wasn't fat (I guess he wasn't rail-thin as was the fashion in the '80s, but he wasn't fat), but I think he's getting more comfortable with himself now that he has friends to hang out with (yay!). I just wish people wouldn't go out of their way to toss out their two-cents because it can affect people forever.

This applies to not just concerns about fatness, it is also other things that people like to point out that needs to stop. My uncle is very smart [When you graduate high school at 15, I think you can say that without bragging], but he doesn't go around acting as if he's a know-it-all. Still, it hasn't stopped people from from making hurtful comments like "Well, you know everything" or "You think you know so much" when he doesn't even pretend to know everything. If anything, he was my first introduction to the concept of reference librarianship because he would look up the answer to anything you asked him (much to my consternation as a child). He doesn't act like a know-it-all, but the people who accuse him of doing so are the ones who are quick to point out what they know, so I chalk it up to people projecting their ugly habits on someone else.

He's not the only person to get this kind of attack. I still think I'm unattractive because I was never one of the pretty girls in school. If I could go back in time, I would go to Junior High and box the ears of all the guys who would say that I wasn't pretty, but I wasn't ugly either when they would talk about the girls while I was around. I didn't need to be talked about; I wasn't trying to be anything but myself and that was already complicated by the abuse I was taking from that...person my aunt married. I don't think of myself as smart because I wasn't as smart as the top people in school (not that it means anything now), and I had "helpful" people at my family's church who said I was "growing up and out in stature" when I gained weight in college [Was that really necessary?]. It's like the people who used to end up on the talk shows after losing weight because of all the taunting they experienced growing up; the people who did the taunting (and time was usually not kind to those people at all) would always say stupid shit like "You should be thanking me for doing that to you because you lost the weight, didn't you?" because they never got that they were just being mean.

KITY is supposed to be a philosophy where everyone checks themselves before they say something that can be really damaging to someone else. It's supposed to make you stop and think about the consequences of what you have to say before you say it.

Do you really need to tell someone that they're fat and that it's their fault that you don't find them attractive anymore? No. Do you think it's a great idea to talk about how fat you thought someone was as a child as a way to backhand-compliment them on their weight-loss? No. Is it necessary to constantly bring up how person a isn't nearly as bright as person b because person b happened to be one math class ahead of person a? No. I wish I could think of more examples, but I'm sure my readers can think of things that would fall into this category of things-that-never-need-be-said-but-are-said-anyway.

Comments that fall into the KITY category usually come from the people who are supposed to be your friends, or are people who are supposed to be kind or good to you (i.e. family, teachers, church-goers), but non-friends can say these things as well. It just hurts more when it's supposed to be someone on your side. I'm not the only person out there who carries scars from callous teachers and well-intentioned friends, but the scars do fade with time sometimes. Unfortunately, the effects are usually lasting and that's why I want these comments to stop.

If it doesn't help anyone, don't say it. It's a simple concept but it can be so hard for people to get their heads around it.

It's a shame that the woman in this article wasn't able to recover from the slings and arrows of her childhood. She had to leave her son behind, which is not what she wanted at all. She really believed that the surgery would help them both have a happier life. All he really wants is to have his mother back.

So, the next time you hear someone say something exceedingly harmful, tell them about this philosophy. Maybe one of these thick-headed people will get it someday.

I can always hope.

Today's News and Quotes

2008-07-15T13:04:00.003-05:00

Today's news encompasses dumb criminals, lucky people and animals, and some random quotes from my favorite quote site. The things that people are willing to do these days....

- An idiot criminal broke into an apartment in Brooklyn came back to the scene of the crime because he left his wallet behind and it just so happened that the apartment's occupant returned as the guy was trying to break back in for his property. The police picked him up as he was shoving the stolen money under the door in exchange for his wallet. Dumbass.

- Apparently, some people haven't gotten the memo that joking in the airport about having a weapon in your suitcase can get you in a ton of trouble. The German man and his wife were refused entry on the plane even after it was discovered that the mysterious cylinders were from umbrellas.

- How did he pull this off? Some guy in Brisbane robbed a service station (successfully, I might add) with a florecent light bulb. Did he come up with this with a cartoon thought bubble over his head, taking the bulb out and committing the robbery with it? Unbelievable that he actually got away with it.

- This one I'm actually on the fence about. A man in New Jersey was arrested for having a display of porn, a naked Barbie doll, and a thong on a platter in his car in a rest area. The reason I'm not 100% against the criminal is because I don't freak out that children will see this stuff. He claims that he was in the process of moving, but because it looked like he had this stuff on display, he was kind of asking to get in trouble. It's one thing to have it in your car and you forgot to cover up a video, but it's another thing to have a virtual shrine to porn in there. Why are they looking in his car anyway? Mind your own business.

- A woman who planted a dead rat in some restaurant and tried to extort the place for $500,000 is facing one felony count of extortion. It was discovered that the rat was 1) a lab animal and 2) had been microwaved (the restaurant in question didn't use microwaves in their cooking process).

- A woman smacked her boyfriend with a toilet seat because he wouldn't stop using drugs. They're both in trouble, but I hazard a guess that she is not in near as much trouble as her cocaine smoking beau.

- A 77-year-old grandmother pinned down a fox that attacked her and held it down until help arrived. She's recovering from her injuries, but I just thought it was really cool that she stood her ground with the rabid animal. My grandmother would've been 77 in February, and I could've seen her doing this.

- Talk about lucky: A koala was hit by a car and carried for seven miles in the grille and managed to survive. That's one tough koala.

To finish this out, I'm including some Overheard in New York quotes that either had great titles, or were ones I could really relate to (it'll make sense in the end, I promise).

New York Is Like a Performance Art Installation That Never Closes
Crazy guy eating in deli: You know, 200 years ago, people wouldn't be able to get anything they wanted from this place... They'd have to go hunt for food.
Clerk, pretending to be amused: Oh, really?
Crazy guy eating in deli (really excited): And you know what?! There used to be cats screaming all night long until the Chinese food places came around (laughs to himself) but not anymore!

--27th & 6th

Overheard by: Karl
via Overheard in New York, Jul 15, 2008
Wasn't She the Deaf and Blind Girl with the Miracle Worker?
Little boy to mother: Mom, have you ever heard of Anne Frank?
(silence)
Little boy: You know, she was this holocaust victim who lived in an attic and wrote this diary?
(pause)
Mother: I mean, I've read about the holocaust, but I don't know any specific authors.

--Smith & Sackett, Carroll Gardens

Overheard by: David
via Overheard in New York, Jul 15, 2008
Army Recruiter: We've Got Your Dream Job

Male student #1: It's not easy.
Male student #2: Nothing is easy. (pause) Some things are simple.
Male student #1: Oh, sure.
Male student #2: But nothing is easy. (pause) I have no idea where I'm going.

--NYU Campus

Overheard by: zelda

via Overheard in New York, Jul 15, 2008
It's a Vicious Cycle
Hipster guy: I am always so embittered.
Hipster girl: I know, and I hate it.

--13th & 2nd

Overheard by: Slammy
via Overheard in New York, Jul 14, 2008
I Tried Them Once, But I Kept Getting Stuck to the Fridge
Not-so-chubby girl: Dude, I'm so fat.
Ordinary girl: No you're not. You just got a little belly.
Not-so-chubby girl: Yeah...I wish I had fat magnets so I could put them in my bra. It would suck up all my fat and make me go up a cup size.
Ordinary girl: Wow. And I always thought plastic surgery was the only option.

--NYU
via Overheard in New York, Jul 14, 2008

I can relate best to the third and fourth ones because I seem to hate everything lately (and I can't stand it anymore), and I have had those spacey conversations where you have no idea what you're trying to say and really need someone to help you stop.

I've got a special post coming up later about a philosophy I came up with last year that really needs to be spread. Later, gators.

Slow News Day

2008-07-14T14:23:00.004-05:00

Apparently, even the criminals were taking time off to bask in the glow of Brangelina's twins with the semi-jacked up names (I think I called them Knox Berry Farm and Vivian Leigh somewhere) because I didn't find that much to report. So, I'm going to end this with a bunch of comic strips that I found funny. I'm not well, so don't expect my A-game material. Let's get this started.

- A drunk young man ransacked the house of a woman he didn't know and growled at her after ripping the sheets off of her and her baby. I know that some people become surly drunks, but this is going way too far.

- Apparently, taking a cab from the scene of a crime can buy you some time after all. Especially after they've caught you and you manage to slip away. I'll have to keep that one in mind.

- A botched drug bust led to a bunch of McDonald's patrons being terrorized by the masked policemen as they try to capture a drug dealer who escaped to the bathroom. The plan was supposed to be to get the guy as he was leaving, but he forgot his milkshake and went back for it, realized what was going on and high-tailed it to the toilet. Too bad he wasn't smart enough to flush the drugs.

- How many times are people going to steal police cars before they all figure out that it's a very bad idea? I keep running into this story so often it's becoming tiresome.

- Easiest way to get busted after a robbery? Be drunk and chatty. Oh, and rob someone who you know. That helps, too.

- I have a younger sister who collects Barbie dolls, so I wonder if she'll be getting Barbie's tribute to The Birds Hitchcock film. If she does, she won't be getting it from me.

To close out today's post, I have here the best from Non Sequitur, Curtis, and Sinfest. The Non Sequitur comic asks how long can one ignore reality and get through life, Curtis' trusting friend lives in a world with rose-colored glasses and Sinfest shows how I feel sometimes when I miss church.

MIA All Weekend

2008-07-14T12:40:00.003-05:00

I had intended on posting again on Friday night. Really. Unfortunately, I decided that this was the weekend to get sick. I didn't get anything done, and I missed church (and the announcement that someone else is also having a baby soon!) due to having lungs that have decided to do their impersonation of a filling swimming pool. A few updates in life did occur, however:

- My brother called me on Friday to discuss his worries about my mother's health, my aunt's assiness, and my father's inability to think outside of his pants (he's a perv, so he assumes his son is as well). I got him calmed down and I think he's going to be alright.

- My mother is going to finally tell the people at church to butt out of my family's lives. She doesn't lack a spine, she's just got an exceedingly long fuse that has finally burned itself out.

- And in really cool news, my husband got to talk to his birth mother for the first time this week. He had always known he was adopted and wanted to wait until he felt like an adult to try to contact them, so he called her up this week (I was on the other line) and she seems like a very nice woman. We're going to meet her after the baby is born, so I'm looking forward to it.

I feel terrible because I've missed so much stuff over the weekend on other people's blogs, but bad health can't be helped.

And now I have to try to devise a way to tell my girlfriends about my baby shower, but I feel guilty in asking people to drive 2 1/2 hours out of their way to buy me something when we haven't seen each other in a really long time. I don't have any friends in town (something that I hope will change once I go back to school), so my baby shower invites have been my mom, my aunt, my little cousin, and my mother-in-law. Man, do I suck.

I am compiling news posts while trying to get some work done...and I haven't eaten anything yet (which is a problem because I'm not hungry and I'm pretty sure that's a bad thing), so I don't know when I'll get the next post up.

News Delayed...I'm Having A Bladder...Banner Day

2008-07-10T14:47:00.002-05:00

I have some interesting news items to post, but I may not get them up until later because I want to go home (I got to work close to on-time today!) and my child has decided to spend the whole day making me race to the bathroom. How fun.

And Now, To Change Gears...

2008-07-09T15:55:00.002-05:00

After getting some much-neeeded advice after yesterday's breakdown (and I can't thank you enough, David and Dan), I'm resuming the "news" portion of the blog. Since I want to go home soon, I'm going to go through these as fast as possible.

- Another idiot got arrested for trying to buy crack when he was robbed trying to buy the drugs.

- A man managed to escape from the police after a high-speed chase, but by leaving his cell phone behind, he'll be caught soon.

- This man is up on felony charges after trying to bribe the cops, then stealing (and crashing) a police cruiser, and then trying to get a family to help him after he invaded their home. Considering that he was up on misdemeanor charges before all this began, he's in the running for dumbest criminal of the year.

- While this guy is only being held on concealed weapons charges, the police found human teeth, rope, and sonogram images among his belongings in a search.

- The Concorde can get no love: A truck rammed the nose of the Concorde and it fell off! They can fix it, but it's still another patch of bad luck for the retired plane.

- A goat was arrested for jumping on a Mercedes. The dog, however, just went along for a ride.

- A guy tried to rob a bar with a cheese grater.

- A dumbass is currently in jail for delivering pot and LSD-laced cookies to over a dozen police stations care of Mothers Against Drunk Driving. Yes, MADD is mad about this.

- Apparently, if you have a friend who talks too much in Germany (and 30 hours straight is too much), you can successfully call the police and have the person taken away. The key is to not call 911 like the gentleman from Monday's post.

- In serious news, the Black Panther who was sentenced to over 30 years of solitary confinement for killing a guard (based on the testimony of a convicted rapist) has had his conviction overturned.

- In sad news, there will be no charges brought against the hospital where a woman died in the LA hospital emergency room last year from burst intestines. The report says she would've died anyway. Nice.

- A Japanese Toyota autoworker died from overworking. He put in 80 hours of overtime a month, among other things, and his family will be able to get compensation from the company over this ruling.

- And in simply-to-piss-me-off news, OK Magazine interviewed Jamie Lynn Spears about raising a baby and she talks about how great it is, how she wants to be a soccer mom, and how her mother told her to follow her instincts when it comes to parenting. Damnit, this is still a child. Quit glorifying teenage parenthood with talk about how the delivery was perfect and that the child doesn't cry and all that other shit. I just want to beat her ass for not keeping her mouth shut.

To lighten the mood (and because it was sweet), I am posting today's SinFest comic about friendship.

How Much More Can I Take? I Don't Know.

2008-07-08T15:33:00.007-05:00

I wasn't sure I was going to post today. I'm feeling very depressed over the possible detonation of my family back in Cleveland, my brother got attacked on the bus the other night and beat the crap out of some 47-year-old drug user, and my husband seemed content to ignore that I was upset about my family's situation and continues his campaign to be the laziest person on the planet.

My mom and uncle can't get work and neither of them drive. They're both educated [My uncle is close to finishing his own PhD if he goes back to wrap up the dissertation], but it's hard to find work and my aunt refuses to help them get work with the Justice Department. My aunt, who chooses to live far away from everyone (and from work) won't help them by offering to take them grocery shopping [but will "borrow" money from my mother], and my husband and I suspect that she wants them to sell my grandmother's house so that she can get a windfall [The house was the only thing she had left to give the family]. This woman, who married that horrible man that ruined my life for 10 years, doesn't consider others and feels the need to "control" her daughter (whose only crime is that she has a huge capacity to love people). She doesn't seem to realize that her daughter is going to be the one who puts her in her place if she keeps this up.

My dad (who I've talked about in the past) screwed my brother out of a place to live, and treats him as if he is retarded. I'm actually surprised that he noticed that he didn't receive a call on Father's Day from either of us, but you don't hurt my brother and expect me to be nice about it. My brother no longer has a working car but still manages to bring groceries over to the house on the bus, and wants to spend time with his six-year-old son but the child's mother is a greedy bitch who takes the child support and spends it on herself and her new boyfriend. Now that he feels that he has nothing to lose, he was more than willing to unleash hell on a man who targeted him because he's really skinny. My brother wants to do right by his son (and is a much better father than my dad has turned out to be) and is setting up an account for him to be accessed once he turns 18.

I'm upset about all of this because I'm still in Columbus, which is 2 1/2 hours away, and I feel as if I'm letting the family down because I'm not there to help them. I haven't been up there in months, and I want to get there before I have the baby (which is coming up sooner than even I realized) but I don't know if we'll have the money for the gas to travel there and back. I want to help them keep the house and keep the family together, but the way my aunt is acting is pushing me to that point where I will tell her ass off to get her to stop being so fucking selfish.

I rarely do things for myself, and school was the one thing I was doing for me. Now that there's the possibility that my mom and uncle will lose the house, I feel like I'm at fault for not moving back home to put things in order.

Instead, I'm starting graduate school.

I committed to the fellowship for school before I knew the extent to which things had gotten for them up there, and I am no longer in a position to just walk away from it and try again next year. This is my last shot at doing this PhD. There's possibilities with that kind of degree [Ideally, I would like to find a way to either stick with comics in a teaching context or just chuck it all and go the Sex Ed route, which is a huge cause that I'll go into when I'm more rational], and it would be possible for me to get a professorship at one of the numerous colleges in Cleveland (and they have a lot!), but how do I balance my education with my family? Not to mention the fact that I'm going to be a mother soon and I have serious doubts that I will be a good parent.

All I want to do is cry. And all I want my husband to do is stop being lazy long enough to make me feel like I'm not doing this alone.

Edit: While all of this is going on, the so-called Christians of my family's church seem more interested in gossiping and telling my mother that she needs to learn to drive than in offering to give her a ride to church. The only consolation I have on that front is that this church full of gossip-y hypocrites (who will throw out, or drive out people, for being gay or not showing up to all of the meetings, but will allow people they like who have affairs with way too young people to stay) is going to self-destruct in 10 years. This is just all too much.

An Explanation for The Rationale Behind The Anti-Gay Marriage People

2008-07-07T15:14:00.003-05:00

Due to the recent reports of the McDonald's Boycott from the American Family Association and the need to boycott Bolthouse Farms products (Thanks, David), I was reminded of a series of Candorville comic strips that seems to provide the only explanation for being anti-gay marriage.

(Since I don't have permisson to post the comics themselves, I will provide links that explain everything.)

Apparently, gay marriage will cause men to divorce their wives and marry their mailmen.

Seriously, people will go out of their way to prove that gay marriage will destroy other marriages by doing it themselves.

Sure, you can say that these people are gay because they seemed obsessed with gay marriage, but you'd be wrong.

They'll even try to convince you that they didn't enter into a gay marriage but the "happily married" part may not convince you.

But maybe it's time they threw in the towel on the whole issue. They won't, but it's an idea.

(Once I figure out how to trackback to Darrin Bell, I'll add that [I hope]).

Now that this series of strips clears everything up, here's a MadLib, I mean, MadCon to make it all better.

Stupidity: It's Not Just For Criminals Anymore

2008-07-07T14:07:00.004-05:00

I've found several articles today with stupid criminals, stupid judgements, and stupid world leaders. Let's get started, shall we?

- I can't believe this happened again, but do not, I repeat do not send your pot via FedEx. It will be your luck that they will send your 200 pounds of pot to the wrong person, then go and arrest you when it's found. And you don't even get to smoke it.

- It makes me glad that people are stupid, because I'd be bored without them. A moron who uploaded a video of himself and his dad tasing each other with a stolen taser is going to prison after the girl he showed it to called the police. Kudos to the girl for turning the 22-year-old in for being an idiot.

- Here's yet another story about a guy calling 911 for non-emergencies who ended up getting arrested. If your friends are being annoying, don't call 911; either throw them out or call the local police number (I have my local number memorized, but 645-4545 is so easy to remember who couldn't recall it?).

- Won't somebody tell this idiot to shut up? Our beloved president shouted out "Yo Harper!" to the Canadian Prime Minister while attending the G8 Summit. There are some people you can't take anywhere, and he's one of them. [P.S. I feel icky for calling that "man" beloved.]

- Apparently, they're still mad at him: A guy ripped off the head of a wax Hitler at the wax museum. The museum promised to not glorify Hitler (still a sore subject in Germany, naturally) and showed him the way they think he looked before his suicide in 1945, but it still wasn't enough for the second visitor in the museum.

- I know I'm impatient, but damn! A first class passenger who was angry to see the economy boarders leave before him decided to leave through the emergency hatch. He was released on bail, but will face charges because it doesn't pay to be in a hurry.

- Stay out of Oniontown, indeed. Two teenagers were attacked by a group of young people for visiting Oniontown, a place that has been ridiculed in YouTube videos as being backwards and poor. The people there are telling visitors to stay away, and you don't have to tell me twice.

- Here's a story of a judge that got it right. A woman who felt that she was discriminated against by a retailer won a Five Thousand Pound judgment. She said that the retailer was nice to her over the phone but got really cold when she finally met her, and doubted her abilities despite 14 years in the fashion industry. The final verdict was that they felt that the woman hadn't proven 100% that she was discriminated against, but the former employer didn't offer a satisfactory explanation. Considering that when my uncle was sent to private school in the 1980s, he was in honors courses until the headmaster saw he was black and pulled him out of all of those classes [but he graduated high school at age 15, so go figure], I know how hurtful this can be to someone.

- Here's a story of a judge who got it wrong OR What the hell is the other 58%? A judge ruled that Pringles are not a potato snack and exempt from a huge tax as a result. They say that Pringles are only 42% potato, which frightens me as to what the rest of it is, but it's a windfall for Proctor & Gamble.

- Stand by your cat (with a tip of the hat to Tammy Wynette). A woman who went to trial in 2006 to keep from having to euthanize her cat has had the charges dropped against the feline. The owner kept the cat under house arrest for two years and it seems that the neighborhood is willing to let the cat live now that it doesn't terrorize the area.

- The best and the worst right here! Here's an article of honest-to-goodness traffic ticket excuses. I might have to use the "late for church" one to see if it will work, but I've never gotten a break on the two speeding tickets I've gotten [Yes, only two in my entire driving career], but it's worth a shot to try to sound crazy. That, or use the excuse from this Funky Winkerbean comic.

- These are being combined because I only just found them before finishing this entry. Starbucks is doing poorly, and people are relishing in the bad news and two idiots got arrested for growing cannabis in a cemetery.

- Saving the best for last, I think I found what I want for my anniversary. A couple in Portugal is continuing their area's tradition of fashioning ceramic penises. Dude, I so want a pitcher from these people.

Grab 'em, and grow everyone!

Jem is truly outrageous!

2008-07-03T16:18:00.002-05:00

I see the need to post about this because it came up on David Dust's Shear Genius recaps but this show was part of my childhood. Jem was this really jacked up story about a girl named Jerrica who, along with her sister, were orphaned and left a mansion with a computer named Synergy, and an orphanage (I think). I know that Jerrica runs the orphanage, but forms a band (Jem and the Holograms) to raise money to keep the orphanage open. She disguises herself as Jem due to the machinations of Synergy (it's all in the earrings), which leads to some interesting situations.

Okay, so my memory is fuzzy on this show. I remember a hell of a lot of pink and geometric crap (thank you, '80s), and that Jerrica had a boyfriend named Rio who dated both her and Jem...and I remember him being a bit of a jerk who was too stupid to know they were the same person. Dummy.

This show resonated with me because I wanted to be a singer (still do), and so I dutifully memorized both theme songs for this show. Yes, someone thought that the first theme song (which was far more about the sophistication [ha!] of these characters and themes) was too mature and came up with some POS song with lines like "Me and my friends are Jem girls!" I hated that one, but I know it so what does that say about me?

I scrounged around YouTube to unearth some pastel-y goodness.

The first theme song:

The song that best defines the Jerrica-Rio-Jem relationship:

This is a compilation of some of the Jem and the Holograms songs:

And not one, but two of the Misfits (the main rival band led by a spoiled rich girl...kind of like Courtney Love but more likeable):

And, just for the hell of it, two of my favorite songs (Who is he kissing is #1):

Beat this, from when the black drummer left the band...but she came back and I think was put on a synthesizer (because this show was all about the multiculturalism).

Shangri-la (my favorite episode), because I apparently like the musical equivalent of drugs.

Keep in mind that, as a child of the 80s, many of my memories are wrapped up in shows like this. I loved this show, Rainbow Bright (I would do anything to get the music that came with that doll again), GI Joe, The Thundercats, The Smurfs, and Alvin and the Chipmunks to name a few. I may do a post on the Chipettes in the future.

I hope this exploration down the coke-filled hole of my childhood doesn't give you fits. I have to say I'm still a fan because the music still resonates in me.

Yes, I'm weird, but I like me that way.

This is just sad

2008-07-03T15:36:00.002-05:00

There has been a lot in the news about a missing 12-year-old girl, and it has just come out that her body was found and that her uncle may be charged with her murder. Yes, this is the uncle who is the registered sex offender who took her to a store right before her disappearance. He claimed that she was going to visit a friend in the hospital, but initial investigative reports turned up that she was meeting someone from MySpace and had run off. Here's the thing though; it turns out the uncle set up the MySpace messages to make it appear as if she were meeting someone online, and he is accused of planting her clothing and a bag of semen (what?!?) to make it look like an abduction.

How fucking demented can you be that you would go to that much trouble to throw off the police from finding your niece that you happened to have killed because she wouldn't get involved in your child sex ring? This should sicken anyone, but it bothers the hell out of me because of how much effort went into this. It wasn't enough to try to victimize her, but you kill her and make some internet person the bad guy.

Part of this is my rage that this happened to anyone, and part of it is rage from the years I had to endure my aunt's [now] ex-husband's "doings", but I want the worst thing that could happen to him to occur in as many horrific ways as possible right now. Death would be too good for this guy. I want him to suffer.

I hope they put him under the jail if they can find enough evidence to convict him. Sick bastard.

The Best of OiNY

2008-07-03T15:24:00.004-05:00

As should be well known by now, I am in love with Overheard in New York, so I try to post some of the best stuff I run across from time to time. A number of these were from Wednesday, which is when they do their one-liners, so I've tried to pick the funniest. A fair warning: Some of these get explicit, so if you are offended by the overuse of "dick" or by too much swearing, tread carefully.

Mommy and Our Piano Tuner, to Use a Hypothetical Example

Father to little daughter: You are the most beautiful girl in this photo... and I'm not biased.
(daughter smiles)
Father: Do you know what "biased" means?
Daughter (rolling her eyes): Yes, it means that you like both boys and girls.

--F Train

via Overheard in New York, Jul 3, 2008
You Look Slightly Less Chubby in This Bridesmaid's Dress. How's That for Supportive?

College girl #1: Ugh, I can't believe I have to go to my uncle's wedding. It's his fucking third one!
College girl #2: His third one?
College girl #1: Yes! Why can't he just go to some deserted island and get married by himself?!
College girl #3: Well, you can't really get married by yourself.
(pause)
College girl #1: Will you please just be supportive? You know what I mean.

--MetroNorth, Harlem Line

Overheard by: rpk

via Overheard in New York, Jul 3, 2008
The Threshold of Outrage Is a Lot Higher This Century

Girl: You'll never guess what I saw in the Delancey Street station today. I was about to sit down on the bench when I noticed that someone had drawn swastikas all over it with a marker.
Guy: That's distasteful.
Girl: Tell me about it. I'm sure people come across that and have their day completely ruined. Luckily, I was only slightly annoyed.

--G Train

Overheard by: greg*

via Overheard in New York, Jul 3, 2008
Why Pillbox Hats Are Making a Comeback
Preppy girl: I wonder why celebrities do so many drugs.
Queen: Honey, you can only buy so much couture.

--F Train
via Overheard in New York, Jul 3, 2008
Then Why Does It Have Blond Hair and a Tooth?
Girl #1: Look, yo! You got a tumor on your arm, a tumor!
Girl #2: That's not a tumor, it's a mosquito bite... like my tits!

--E Train

Overheard by: Jatmos
via Overheard in New York, Jul 3, 2008
Here's One of Us Frolicking on a Mountain of Coke
Guy: So you slept with her?!
Girl: Yeah.
Guy: You were supposed to be taking pictures of the drugs, not seducing her.

--Red Hook Boardwalk
via Overheard in New York, Jul 3, 2008
I Wanna Fuck You Like an Wednesday One-Liner
Ghetto chick to friend: Remember when you took that chinchilla from me, back in the day?

--Q Train

Overheard by: Chloe

Grungy dude on cell: So I jumped on my horse and got the fuck outta there.

--14th & 6th

Overheard by: bildita

Guy: ...and those Egyptians had crocodiles. Those crocodiles that shoot lasers out of their eyes.

--Metropolitian Musuem of Art

Overheard by: Bonkers in Yonkers

Hipster chick: Deer antlers. Everywhere I go, all I see are deer antlers. I'm getting sick of it.

--14th St & 1st Av

Overheard by: Larry

Thug: I'm like super pimp. I pimp men and women... And cats and dogs. Shit, I got the whole animal kingdom.

--10th & Broadway

Composed chick on cell: He's a giraffe, and I'm a leopard, and I'm never gonna be a giraffe. I've tried and tried, but my destiny is as a leopard, you see? I can fake being a giraffe for awhile, but eventually I'm gonna have to rip his throat out and feed on his entrails. It's in my nature. The only alternative is divorce.

--Billiard Hall, Elizabeth & Bowery

via Overheard in New York, Jul 2, 2008
Wednesday One-Liners Take the Sex and the City Tour
Tourist to doorman, in thick German accent: Excuse me, can you point me to the nearest Hooters?

--53rd St

Overheard by: jillcorp

Tourist taking a picture of her uncooperative teenage daughter: Shut up and pose, or I'm going to pee right on this yard.

--Central Park

Tourist about to take picture with lens cap on: Oh, shoot! Hold on, I have to take the lens cap off or else the picture is going to be really dark!

--Grand Central Terminal

Tourist girl: I don't get it, there's so many suits here, I thought Union Square would be full of hippies.

--City Hall Park

Tourist on cell: So far, I've experienced coldness and evil.

--57th & 8th

Overheard by: Lag

via Overheard in New York, Jul 2, 2008
See Wednesday One-Liners Run. Run, Wednesday One-Liners, Run
Drunk man to friend carrying him: And she keeps making fun of my tiny dick, but then she keeps grabbing my ass. Can you explain that to me?

--5th Ave

Overheard by: John-Boy

Man to friend: Ya know I've touched both your dick and your brother's dick... and his is much bigger.

--44th St & 9th Ave

Overheard by: bigstoopit

20-something guy: I've just decided I need to quit dicking around and buy some q-tips.

--1 Train

Overheard by: drew

Guy, yelling: I did not put Peter's dick in my mouth. I didn't see it, I don't even know what it looks like! None of us even came and it's not important!

--Greenwich Ave

Obviously straight guy: For a million dollars. I'd suck the Jolly Green Giant's dick, I don't care if it did break my jaw.

--MacDougal St

via Overheard in New York, Jul 2, 2008
Wednesday One-Liners Don't Grow on Trees
Crazy guy: Look at you people. All y'all paying eighteen, nineteen hundred dollars rent. I pay two dollars rent! And I get a free transfer!

--Uptown A Train

Overheard by: Heather

Smoking girl: I'm just not going to put all of this money and time into this degree and then take a job that pays less than $100,000 after I graduate. I mean, I'm just *not*.

--Outside Fayerweather Hall, Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Bored street fundraiser for the homeless: Just one penny, people. Just one penny. Blah, blah, blah.

--Union Square Park

Overheard by: Farley

Crazy guy: You motherfucking actors with all your fucking money and shit... I hate you... But boy did I want to be an actor when I was young.

--Outside NBC Studios, 49th & 6th

Overheard by: Ross

Frustrated booth operator, yelling at an argumentative tourist: Lady, this subway hasn't used tokens in over seven years! And that ain't even a token... It's a one collar coin!

--Subway, Spring & Lafayette

Overheard by: NYC Tourists Never Cease to Amaze Me

50-something ticket collector to high school girl: Don't worry, I didn't forget your change. (pause) I will never forget you. (walks away)

--Metro-North Train

Mother to young daughter running down the street: Get over here before I make change outta that five dollar ass!

--168 & Broadway

via Overheard in New York, Jul 2, 2008

My favorite has to be the last one, because I can actually see myself saying that to a child one day. Others that I really liked were the giraffe/leopard analogy and "two dollar rent". Tip of the hat for the first one for giving me a new way to describe myself. I may be a latent biased-sexual! I still say I'm victory challenged, so whatever. Enjoy your day.

News! Morons! Hilarity Ensues!

2008-07-03T14:55:00.007-05:00

Okay, so I can't guarantee the last part (because that implies that I remember what all of these articles said and I usually don't), but after a day off to recuperate (more or less), I'm back to post again. I want to keep these brief for readability and because I really need to get more work done than I've accomplished lately. My boss would happen to be in the office today, and I can hear him talking to other people...so I'm paranoid that he's going to catch me not working and that I'll be too stupid to not be honest about it. Here goes.

- It's time for another lesson for stupid criminals [why do I bother?]: If you are going to rob someone, don't sell their belongings in a yard sale down the street from them.

- Another reason why being a robber isn't what it's cracked up to be: I would be embarrassed if I managed to steal an ATM, but couldn't get the money out and had to abandon it. What would make you think that these things would be easy to crack? Oh, that's right; stupid criminals don't think. My bad.

- The quickest way to not get your dog back is to steal the new owner's cat and hold it ransom for your dog. Sorry, you lose on this one.

- I didn't know this many people thought so highly of themselves: To keep up with the spirit of selling yourself legally (the illegal is coming up next), a New Zealand man is selling his soul on an auction site. Why do people think things that happen on The Simpsons are emulateable?

- Speaking of "illegal" selling of self, a Kentucky woman has been arrested for trading sex for gasoline. The killer in this story is that she's also being charged with "doing business without an occupational license," as if she could actually get a license to prostitute to avoid this charge. I know that times are tough, but damn.

- At least he was wearing something: A man was chasing some burglars out of his home (with a shotgun) when he realized that he was just in his boxer shorts. I wish there had pictures. :-)

- I get the kid's point of view, but what's the deal with the mother? A boy has been busted for stealing a police cruiser twice because he has an interest in law enforcement (good luck with that, kid). But what gets me is that his mother knew about both incidents and didn't see a problem with a 13-year-old stealing a police car. The po-po didn't even know about the first theft. Fortunately, the mother is also up on charges for contributing to the delinquency of a minor, also known as the being-a-dumbass charge.

To close this out, I'm including this week's Tom Tomorrow cartoon "William Kristol is the Shameless Supervillain: The Propagandist"

Edit: I just stumbled upon this little gem while looking up some district in Cyprus (my job is so much fun), so "please to enjoy" [with a nod to Joel McHale of The Soup], a news story from The Onion:

Bush Tours America To Survey Damage Caused By His Disastrous Presidency